"Akron In Reverse" v1.1 Perpetrated by Jerry D. Withers (Furrball T. Cat)(jerrywithers@hotmail.com) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AUTHOR'S NOTE: One day I was surfing the Net, as I'm prone to do (and let me tell you folks, it's hard to do that when you're prone. No, if you really expect to get anywhere, you have to be sitting in a chair of some kind... but I digress...), and I came across a TTA site in, of all places, Russia! (Specifically, NetDolphin's TTA Page.) And that got me to thinking... but I'll let you read on and see for yourself. (By the way, although "Norka" is an actual Russian word [spelled HOPKA], it's also "Akron" spelled backwards [thus, the title]. Go fig.) TEAM WET BUNNIES RULE!!!* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ -0- On a balmy spring afternoon in 1999, in his basement laboratory, Viktor Norka was bending over his tabletop magnifying glass, carefully scrutinizing his latest invention. Every transistor had to be perfect, every piece needed to be soldered _just_ right if this was ever going to work. The next great computer game could wait. _This_ project was more important. Finally satisfied that all was as it should be, he carefully - _very_ carefully - closed the molded plastic casing and - again, _very_ carefully - fastened it together with one tiny screw. He gently placed his project on the table, next to a matching one, sat back in his chair and breathed a long sigh of relief. The light from the opening doorway told him he was about to have a visitor. "Enter..." he said, in a soft Russian accent which, nevertheless, carried the full weight of authority. A teenage girl approached him with a mixture of curiosity and caution, peering at his latest project through her glasses. "Father?" she asked, using the term she had always called him by. "Do you think they're ready yet?" She spoke without a trace of an accent, but with a small catch in her young voice. Viktor smiled. "I think so." He smiled warmly, looking and sounding like an anthropomorphic toonimal version of Omar Sharif in 'Doctor Zhivago'. "Ah, I can't tell you how long I've been waiting for this day." "I know. You and me both... and Mother..." "Yes," he acknowledged, for it was for her that these were created. "She's been in prison too long," he sighed, glancing again towards the tiny objects on the table, "and these are going to set her free... I _hope_..." He then put them in a small plastic bag, which he placed in his shirt pocket. "You're a hopeless romantic, aren't you?" his daughter giggled. "Nothing wrong with that, is there? But enough about that. How is your schoolwork coming along?" "Pretty good," she said modestly. "Today I aced the 'Hound Teasing' exams! A+!" Viktor looked confused. "'Aced'? 'Hound Teasing'?" The girl laughed. "And _you_ have a job making computer games? 'Aced' means 'passing with flying colors,' Father." "Ohhh... I'll never get used to the language in this country... And as for 'Hound Teasing', I don't know as I approve of that. It sounds like it could be dangerous..." "Relax, will you, Father? It's all comedy. That's what we study. Besides, you never know when sticking a watermelon on your adversary's head and kicking him over the goalpost for a touchdown will come in handy," she smiled. Viktor sighed, a little unsure of the path his daughter's education was leading her down. "_We_ never had schools like that in Russia." "Father, that was a long time ago. This is America, where any toon can grow up to be Godzilla!" And finding a safe spot, away from his work, she proceeded to demonstrate by executing a perfect spin change into a huge atomic lizard, much to her father's alarm... only to bump her head on the ceiling, slightly dislodging her glasses. "Ow!" she said. "That hurts! I gotta remember not to work in such small rooms," she joked, rubbing the back of her neck. "Darling, would you _please_ not do that in here?" Viktor asked. "My work..." "Oh, sorry, Father," the girl/lizard apologized, adjusting her glasses. "I'll go outside," and she trudged carefully up the stairs and out to the front yard, causing passers-by to scream and flee in terror until she spun back and they saw it was only _her_. A mass "Whew!" could be heard for blocks around, echoed by her father, who joined his daughter out front. "Darling, aren't you afraid that someday you're going to do that and not be able to get out of it?" She adjusted her glasses again. "No, actually, I'm afraid someday I'll do that and wind up stark naked!" she answered matter-of-factly, looking at her watch. "Ooops! Band practice!" The elder Norka eyed her disapprovingly. "Your _homework_..." "Oh, I did all that on the bus trip home, Father." "Oh, of course," Viktor laughed. "I keep forgetting what a genius you are." "So do I, sometimes," the girl replied, kissing Viktor on the forehead. "I'll see you later..." she said, as she raced into the house and dashed back out a few seconds later with three pair of drumsticks, a skateboard and all the accessories. As she zoomed down the sidewalk, Viktor shook his head. "I worry about you, my little princess," he chuckled, and went back inside, unaware that he was being watched from a car parked on the other side of the street. "What was that he said about breaking someone out of jail?" asked the driver to his companion. "Lemme check," his cohort replied, quickly playing back a tape recording of Viktor and his daughter's conversation. After the passage in question finished, he stopped the tape. "Hmmm... don't like the sound of that," he mused. "Me, neither," agreed the driver, whose name was Krumhorn. "When was the last time you cleaned the heads on that thing?" As his partner, named Blagdorff, winced in response, the driver turned his attention to a large manila envelope in the front seat, and frowned. "Darn shame... after all this time, that could screw up _everything_..." -0- As the girl continued to zoom down the sidewalks of Acme Acres, she let out a small yawn. "Well, enough of this street action," she said. "Let's see what this baby can do _now_..." She pressed a green button on her right wrist pad, and suddenly, two clamps appeared on the skateboard from out of nowhere and formed around her feet into two metallic boots, while two tiny afterburners materialized on the rear and snapped into place. She then reached into her fanny pack and pulled out a pair of aviator's goggles, which she strapped on effortlessly over her glasses, and a silk scarf, which she casually wrapped around her neck. "Okay, hill approaching," she muttered to herself, crouching down for the ascent. As she reached the apex, she said, "3... 2... 1..." and hit a blue button on her wrist pad. "BLAST OFF!!!" she yelled, and suddenly the engines on her board kicked into life, sending her off of the ground and soaring through the skies above Acme Acres. "YAHOOO!" she shouted joyously. "Now _this_ is the _only_ way to fly!" On the ground, the same men that had been keeping an eye on her father were now following her progress, Krumhorn tailing her as best he could, while Blagdorff reported the girl's activity on a cell phone to their superiors. All the while, the girl seemed oblivious to their presence, seeming more intent on making it to practice on time... -0- As the car continued to follow the girl, for whatever purpose the occupants had in mind, they were so intent on her that they didn't see a purple Plymouth Prowler approaching them! And in the Prowler... "Ack!" Rhubella Rat screeched, panic-stricken. "Babs! Why don't you watch where you're going?!?" And in the driver's seat, Babs Bunny replied, "I _am_, Ruby. Can I help it if they didn't put the road where I drive?" In the back seat, RuBarb's fur was about to match her emerald green eyes. "I think I'm gonna be sick..." Ruby looked back at her queasy passenger. "Not on my suede, you're not!" Turning to her left, she snapped, "This is the last time I let you drive my car, Barbara Anne Bunny!" Next to RuBarb, an equally queasy Buster noted, with quite a bit of discomfort, "She keeps going like this, it may be!" "What was that?" "KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD!" Ruby screamed, as the street rod barely nicked the mysterious car, throwing it into a nearby alley. "AUUGGGGHHH! MY BABY!" Ruby screeched, as Babs stopped the car. Ruby scampered out of the seat and quickly checked the 1/4" light scratch on the driver's side fender. She looked at Babs with hate in her eyes. "Uh-oh," Babs muttered as Ruby reached for her throat. Before she got the chance to connect, the occupants of the other car showed up, and the foursome noted that they had their guns drawn. "FREEZE! F.B.I.!" Ruby and Babs eyed each other only briefly. "I'll settle with you later, Babs. But _now_..." "Right!" They dove right back into the front seats. "WE SAID, 'FREEZE'!" "FLOOR IT, BABS!" Ruby yelled. "You got it!" "Oh, come on, we said 'freeze', already..." the Feds whined. Babs wasn't listening, as she was driving like thunder, leaving the two FBI agents eating dust... -0- As the girl continued flying on her skateboard, she finally spotted her destination. "All right, don't panic," she said to herself. "You can do this... there's a hill approaching... get ready... NOW!" She hit the blue button again, and the engines shut off. She effortlessly maneuvered her board, timing her landing on the hill perfectly. "YES!" she said, swinging her arm for punctuation. She rolled downhill the rest of the way and came to a perfect stop in front of a Tudor-style house, where she found the rest of her bandmates waiting for her. "Hi, guys," she said, removing her goggles and deactivating her boots. "Sorry I'm late..." A tan rabbit looked at his watch. "Late? You're ten minutes early, Miranda!" Lionel Carrotte declared. "Whoa! I must've been going faster on that thing than I thought," she said, amazed at her own accomplishment, and without as much as a 'by your leave', entered the house, followed by the Carrottes. Nigel picked up her skateboard and looked at it curiously. "But... but it's just a skateboard," he said in disbelief. "Hey, brother," Lizzie reminded him, "_nothing_ with her is just _anything_!" "Oh yes, of course." They passed Sir Rupert, who was relaxing in his favorite chair, and reading his copy of the LonToon Times. "Oh, hello, Sir Rupert," Miranda greeted him cheerfully. "Hello, Miss Mink. Are you and my progeny preparing to carry out 'The Murder Of Western Civilisation As We Know It'?" "Huh? No, we're just going to practice..." "Same thing," Rupert mused dryly, and went back to his paper. "Now, dear," Lillian admonished him from the dining room. "It's only music." "Bloody racket, if you ask me," he grumbled good-naturedly. "Now, The Beatles and The Kinks, _that's_ music!" His humorous tirade was interrupted by the screeching of tires. He quickly put his paper down and looked up. "What in the bloody blue blazes was _that_?" "That, Father dear, was racket!" Lizzie answered, looking out the front door, as Ruby and The Bunnies made a hasty entrance. "Hi, guys. Where's RuBarb?" Lizzie's question was answered by a loud retching sound. Ruby turned back in panic. "My _suede_...!" she whined. -0- "There you go, dear," Lillian told RuBarb, who was not feeling or looking terribly alluring at the moment, as she administered a special homemade remedy for her queasy stomach, while Nigel did the same for Ruby's oh-so-precious suede seat covers. "Feel better?" "A little, thanks," Rue replied. There came a loud knocking on the door. "Could they not do that?" "I'll get that," Lillian said, opening the door to discover the two FBI agents, a little worse for wear, their guns drawn. "EEEK!" she said, slamming the door in their faces. Blagdorff turned to Krumhorn. "I dunno... do you think it could be our sparkling personalities?" "Naw, it's your breath," Krumhorn replied, pounding on the door again. "FBI! Open up!" The door opened slowly, RuBarb peered out, puked on their shoes, and closed the door again, slowly. "I can't take much more of this job," Agent Krumhorn sighed wearily, knocking on the door again. This time, Rupert opened it. "F.B. ..." "...I. Yes, so I gathered," Rupert replied. "Would you please do me a favour and put those terrible things away? It's most unnerving..." "Sorry, sir. We're wondering if you might have seen this girl?" Agent Blagdorff asked, reaching into his coat and pulling out a picture, which he handed to the rabbit. Rupert studied the photo carefully, and then called out to Lionel. "Lionel? Come here, son." Lionel came forward and looked at the photo. "But that... that's Miranda!" "So it would appear," Rupert sighed heavily. "Tell me, she isn't in some sort of trouble, is she?" he asked, concerned. Over the last three years, he and Lillian had come to regard both Miranda and RuBarb as members of the family already, if only because they spent so much time around their house (not to mention their sons). "I don't get it," Miranda protested. "What did _I_ do?" "It's not you, young lady," Krumhorn assured her. "Are your parents Viktor and Amanda Norka?" Miranda nodded hesitantly. "It's your parents we want to talk to..." By this time, the rest of the group had crowded around the front door, and Nigel was dutifully cleaning the FBI agents' shoes, singing to himself and making up uncomplimentary, albeit funny, lyrics about his girlfriend's queasiness. "EEEP!" Ruby and Babs shrieked, and immediately hid behind Buster, much to the blue bunny's chagrin. "Well, look here," said Krumhorn. "It's Thelma and Louise!" "Or a pair of unreasonable facsimiles," replied Blagdorff. "Norka? Sounds like 'Akron' spelled backwards!" Buster noted. "Buster, _please_..." Miranda pleaded. "Miranda? Do you know what this is about?" Lizzie asked, puzzled. "W-ell..." she hemmed and hawed, "I'm afraid I do." "What exactly did your folks _do_?" Nigel wondered aloud. "Well... they ran away from home..." -0- "You guys didn't have to come along," Miranda told the gang as they rode along in the back of Sir Rupert's Bentley. "Sure we did, luv," Nigel smiled. "Besides, none of us 'ave ever _met_ your father yet." "I still don't get it," Buster scratched his head. "Whaddaya mean, your parents ran away from home? And what's with this 'Norka'? I thought your last name was 'Mink'!" "It _is_," Miranda replied. "'Norka' is my parents' last name, but they don't use it for, *ahem*, 'obvious' reasons." "If you say so. I always thought your folks were from L.A. or somewhere 'round there," Ruby added. "Surely the Feds don't hold _that_ against them..." She turned to the agent sitting on her left. "Do you?" "No, Miss. Government retribution against native SoCals are another department," Blagdorff replied with a straight face. "I _knew_ it," Ruby muttered. "Um, Miss?" Agent Krumhorn smiled. "He was kidding." "Darn!" Ruby snapped her fingers, disappointed. "There went my last argument against registering as a Republican. Anyway, you were saying?" "Miranda's parents are illegal immigrants from Russia." "What?!? You never told me _that_, luv," Lionel said. "When did all this 'appen?" "Sometime in the 80's," Miranda admitted. "Father was a scientist, no surprise there. Mom was a girl he knew from the University. They just didn't like being in Russia." "What was it, a political thing?" Buster asked. "No, they were just bored. So one night, they booked passage on the first available turnip boat and sailed away, not having any idea where they were going." "Just like that?" Babs asked, fascinated. "Well, it wasn't that easy, no; at least, that's what they told me. They decided to disembark at the first port they landed in, which turned out to be in New York." "_Hold_ it!" Ruby said sharply. "Wouldn't they have docked at the _west_ coast?" Miranda looked at Rhubella crossly. "The captain didn't know where he was going, all right?" "And later on, he piloted the Exxon Valdez, and the rest is 'oily American history'," Nigel chortled. Miranda shot him a dirty look. "For that joke, you should only get out and walk. Where was I?" "Your folks wound up in New York," one of the agents reminded her. "Oh, yeah. Thanks. Anyway, my parents stayed in Brooklyn for a while, but neither one of 'em could speak a word of English." "Gee, wasn't that a problem?" RuBarb asked, sensing a set-up. Miranda giggled rapidly. "No. Turns out nobody _else_ there could, either!" She touched a purple button on her right wrist pad, and the sound of a snare drum and cymbal filled the Bentley. "Great," Lizzie muttered. "She brings along her own rimshots..." Miranda continued the story. "...and then, when Mom discovered she was going to have me, well, they decided they weren't going to go back." "I see..." RuBarb noted. "Well, why in the world didn't they just seek asylum or whatever, then?" Ruby asked, turning to the agents flanking her. "Surely there wouldn't have been a problem with that, would there?" "No, none that we know of," replied Krumhorn. "Actually, they _did_ seek asylum when they first came here, but they sort of got lost in the shuffle. Also, you have to remember that at the time of their defection, Viktor Norka was very heavily involved in the Russian nuclear program..." "Why do you think he wanted to leave?" Miranda said coldly. "I get it," Nigel noted dourly. "He wanted to get a job in the American nuke works, right?" "No, that's not it at all," Miranda countered. "We're talking about a guy who got in trouble for playing the 'No Nukes' album at work! What is it with you guys, anyway? I thought you were my _friends_..." "We are, short stuff," Rhubella said. "But you gotta admit this is kind of unsettling, to find out your friend's folks are possibly spies, or something..." "They're _not_ spies!" Miranda wailed. "They're Russian! It's not the same thing!" Lionel scrunched his face up and turned to face one of the agents. "What are you plannin' to do with 'em, if I may be so bold as to ask?" "We just want to talk with them, is all," Blagdorff replied for what must have been the umpteenth time that day. "Then what was all that stuff with the guns for?" Ruby asked, irritably. "Sorry, miss. Force of habit. That _is_ your Prowler, by the way, isn't it?" "Well, Babs was driving it!" The pink bunny glared daggers at Ruby in response. "I understand your father is in the computer industry now, Miss Norka?" Krumhorn asked politely. "My name is 'Mink'," she insisted, "and, yes. He designs computer games. Says it's a lot more fun than what he used to do, and the pay's better." "I can imagine... And he doesn't take his work home with him?" "What? What are you getting at?" "Well, we have word he's been working on a top secret project, could be dangerous..." "HUH?!? Father? I don't believe it!" "I believe the phrase he used was, 'She's been in prison too long, and these are going to set her free,' am I right?" Blagdorff added. "Hey, wait a minute! Did you guys bug my dad's workshop?" "We're sorry, Miss Nork... er, Mink, it was a precaution..." "Says _you_! When did you do that, anyway?" "When we sold your folks the aluminum siding," Krumhorn admitted. "No! That was _you_?" Miranda shook her head. "You guys are good!" "All part of the job, miss. Say, how's that siding holding up?" "Oh, perfect... WHAT AM I BLATHERING ABOUT?!?" Leo put a calming paw on her shoulder. "Easy, luv. We 'aven't had the Bentley spin-change proofed yet!" "Excuse me," Krumhorn said. "Spin-change? Was that what you were doing earlier?" "Yeah. It's a toon thing," Miranda smiled. "Miranda, what's going on? _Who's_ your dad gonna break out of prison?" RuBarb asked, more than slightly confused. "No, no, you don't understand," the mink explained. "He was referring to Mom... ooh, my neck..." "That thing still 'asn't healed properly, 'as it, luv?" Leo asked, concerned. Ever since the Perfecto Cotillion incident three years ago, when the Marshall speaker crashed down on top of her, Miranda would still have occasional neck pains, and Leo was always worried that she'd wind up right back in her wheelchair again because of it. So far, it hadn't happened... "Who, Amanda?" Ruby asked incredulously. "There must be a mistake of some sort. She's not in prison... at least, not that I... _oh_... I get it now!" Agent Blagdorff looked at her, a little bewildered. "Well, I wish you'd fill _us_ in on it, ma'am." "Let me," Miranda said. "It's supposed to be a surprise, but I guess I can spill the beans now. You guys all know my mom's been deaf for years, right?" The gang all nodded knowingly. "Well, a few years ago she was putting away some groceries, and she fell and hit her head. And believe it or not, she actually got her hearing back, but only briefly. Ever since then, Father's pet project has been coming up with some hearing aids for her, and today, he thinks he's finally got all the bugs worked out." She glared at the two Feds. "I just hope he gets the chance to try them out before you deport us..." "No, ma'am, that's not our 'deportment'," Agent Krumhorn hastened to reassure her, to a chorus of groans. "Sorry. Anyway, we can't deport _you_, you were born here. We're just supposed to find your parents..." "I thought you already _had_," Buster noted. "Well, we wanted to make _sure_," Blagdorff explained. "Well, you won't have too far to go," Miranda noted, as the Bentley pulled up in front of the Norkas' house. "We're here..." -0- As the group made their way out of the Bentley, Viktor met them at the front door. "Miranda? What is going on here? And who are all these people?" "Oh, Father, these are some of my classmates from Acme Loo... except for these two guys..." she added nervously, pointing to the Feds. "I thought they looked a little old to be high school students," Viktor observed with a grin. "May I help you?" "Viktor Norka?" Krumhorn asked. "Yes?" "We're from the F.B.I...." "Oh, dear," he sighed. "I knew it would come someday..." At that moment, Amanda appeared in the doorway and approached the group. Turning to Viktor, she made some rapid hand signals, and Viktor responded in kind. She turned to face the Feds. "I remember you! You sold us the aluminum siding!" Amanda said pleasantly, looking and sounding for all the world like a toonimal version of Julie Christie in 'Doctor Zhivago' (only without the accent). "I suppose you've come to arrest us?" "Um, no, ma'am, that's not why we're here... Mr. Norka, maybe you'd better give your wife _your_ surprise first," said Agent Blagdorff. "What surprise?" Amanda asked. Hesitantly, Viktor reached in his shirt pocket and handed the plastic bag to his wife. Amanda looked at the two hearing aids skeptically. "Again? But Bullwinkle, these things _never_ work!" "This time for sure," Viktor replied. Amanda continued to study them. "But... where's the 'on' switch?" "There isn't one. Just try them..." Amanda shrugged and sighed, "Okay." Carefully she inserted the aids in her ears and waited. After a few seconds in which nobody said a thing, she sighed in frustration. "Well, it was worth a try," she finally noted. "Oh, Mom, not again," Miranda said from behind her, disappointed. "You needn't yell, Miranda, I can hear you just... fine... oh my goodness!" Amanda slowly said, as the fact suddenly hit her. "Miranda? Was that you?" she asked, tears streaming down her face. "It was, and still is," Miranda replied, likewise crying. The two femminks rushed to hug Viktor, who also was shedding a few tears. "For you, my love," he whispered, kissing Amanda tenderly. "I think I may cry," Babs said. "I think I'm gonna puke," RuBarb noted, nauseated at this whole sickening scene, and turning an interesting shade of chartreuse. "Not in my _Bentley_, you're not!" Rupert warned her. "But... but _how_?" Amanda asked, quickly returning the focus of the scene to where it belonged. "Ah, trade secret," Viktor smiled. "You don't work in technology without picking up a few hidden tricks here and there." Turning serious, he addressed the two agents. "Gentlemen, I'm ready to surrender..." "Father... no..." Miranda said weakly. "Mr. Norka, for the last time, that's not why we're here!" Agent Krumhorn protested, handing Viktor the large manila envelope. "Well, then... I don't understand..." "Open it up," he smiled. "Well... okay... but there'd better not be one of those spring-loaded snakes in here." Viktor cautiously opened the envelope and pulled a sheaf of papers out. He read them over carefully, trying to comprehend them. "You gentlemen will have to excuse me. I've never been too good at deciphering governmental gobbledygook, no matter what the language," he admitted. "That's because you've got them upside down, sir," Agent Blagdorff noted, turning them right-side up. "Oh, of course," Viktor replied, slightly embarrassed. "Just what am I holding here?" "That's _our_ surprise. They're your green cards, Viktor. After reviewing your case histories, the government decided to cut through the red tape and grant you and your family full U.S. citizenship. Actually, they've been wanting to do that for years, but they couldn't locate you. Do you know how hard Acme Acres is to _find_ on a map?" Blagdorff said. "Well, yes, that was a consideration when we moved here," Viktor admitted sheepishly. "I didn't realize that would turn out to be such a problem!" "You told me it was closer to the malls!" Miranda pouted, tongue-in- cheek. "Well, I guess we have to brush up for our citizenship test, then," Amanda noted haltingly, trying to get used to hearing her own voice. "Gee, I sound _weird_!" "Most toons do," Buster smiled. "You'll get used to it." "Viktor... you think you could...?" Viktor smiled. "Sorry, my dear. Some things are beyond even _my capabilities. Besides, I love your voice just the way it is." "You know something?" Amanda said, reflecting. "So do I..." -0- Judge Whopper's chambers were packed for the occasion. Even though it was only Miranda's parents taking the oath, somehow, word leaked out to all of her classmates. She didn't have to look very far to find the culprit, either. "You just couldn't keep your big yap shut about this, could you, Rhubella?" she asked, rubbing the back of her neck again. "Tell you what, shortcake. Once you become a citizen, you can sue the pants offa me, okay?" "I'm _already_ a citizen, and don't tempt me!" "Now _that_, I'd love to see," Roddy snickered. Ruby shoved his nose in his mouth. "In your _dreams_, Roderick!" "MPFFFF MPFFFFF!" "Gee, you know, I almost understood him that time!" Nigel said to RuBarb. "Yes, but ask yourself, was it worth it?" she smirked. "No, I s'pose not..." The rest of the ceremony went off without as much as a hitch. Afterwards, the Minks were approached by Bugs Bunny. "So, Miranda," Bugs said casually, "you _do_ realize you t'rew da whole Loonivoisity system into chaos, ya know dat, don'tcha?" "Boy," Amanda giggled. "Who learned _him_ English?" "Who, _me_?" the startled mink asked. "_Sure_, you!" "*How?*" "By givin' us dat bogus biography of yours when ya registered, _dat's_ how! You realize it's gonna take poor Sylvia at least _five_ whole minutes to retype an' update it?" he chuckled. "Five minutes," snickered Ruby. "Ha! *I* could do it in three!" "Be my guest," Bugs chortled. "I'll meet ya over at da Loo in a half- hour!" "But... *HEY!*" Rhubella snapped. "I was _joking_, you know!" "Funny," Bugs smiled. "*I* wasn't. See ya in t'irty, Ruby." As Ruby watched him wander off, she fumed, "You know, I'll just bet he's been _waiting_ for an opportunity to pull something like this!" Out of the corner of one eye, Miranda saw Viktor engaged in a lively discussion with the two Feds. Suddenly, he looked straight at her in what can loosely be termed a disapproving manner, and she wished at that moment that one could spin-change into invisibility. She just _knew_ what they were talking about. She surreptitiously turned her head and saw Leo having an equally lively discussion with Sir Rupert and Lillian. She would *definitely* have been surprised if she'd known just what _they_ were talking about... -0- "But, Lionel, son, this is so... 'spur of the moment'," Rupert cautioned him. "It's not _like_ you..." "I know that, Father," he replied calmly. "But you're so _young_... for that matter, so is _she_," Lillian giggled apprehensively. "We're not _that_ young, Mum," Leo reassured her. "It's not like I intend to follow through on it this very afternoon, for pity's sake! It's only a question. There's every chance she could think I'm an idiot and say no, after all!" "There's every chance she thinks that about you anyway, Leo..." "Keep out of this, Nige!" Leo smirked. "I thoroughly intend to wait until after we graduate from Acme Loo..." "Oh, sure, rub it in, why don't you?" Lizzie said in a totally self- deprecating manner, alluding to the fact that she'd married Adam Fox _and_ had a son at the tender age of 16 while still attending Acme Loo, much to the senior Carrottes' initial dismay. "_After_ you graduate? Well, there's five more years down the tubes," Nigel chortled. Leo ignored him. "What are you going to do for a..." Liz started to ask, before her twin dug into his jacket and showed the rest of the Carrottes just what Lizzy was referring to. "Oh, my! Leo, that must have set you back at least five gigs worth!" she said admiringly. "Six, actually," he corrected her. "Benefits of playin' such a low maintenance instrument..." "That's 'cos you're such a low-maintenance kinda guy," Nigel snickered. "And _then_ there's the matter of *her* parents," Lillian cautioned Leo. "Her father, in particular, strikes me as the sort who would almost be _sure_ to object, don't you think?" "Well, yes, you do make a valid case in point there," Lionel humbly acknowledged. The senior Carrottes were just about satisfied that that was that, before Leo added, "Let me be right back. Excuse me..." and strolled determinedly across the room to Viktor and Amanda. "Oh, hello, Lionel," Amanda smiled. "Dear, you know Lionel Carrotte, don't you?" Viktor studied him with a cocked eyebrow. "Oh, yes, _him_. What is it you want?" Leo cleared his throat and told him. Viktor brought his paw to his chin and pondered this strange new development for a few minutes. "I see... Have you informed Miranda of this?" "Um, no, sir," Leo replied. "I kind of wanted it to be a surprise. This is why I thought I'd ask you first..." "Well, Lionel," Amanda said, after making one of the quickest recoveries from shock in history, "she'll _definitely_ be surprised, all right." She looked at her husband, who was busy rubbing his chin and mustache. "Viktor, what have you to say?" Viktor looked at Lionel with a mixture of mild skepticism and sympathy. "Young man," he sighed, "in this country, I believe there is a maxim that applies to this very situation. It goes something like this: 'Are you nuts?'" "I know how you feel, sir," Lionel said. "I didn't mean we'd go through with it this afternoon..." "You are right _there_, young man!" Viktor replied. "My answer is no!" Leo's ears drooped down in front of his eyes, and he wandered away from the Norkas and out of the judge's chambers, a picture of abject misery. It was a wonder he didn't bump into anybody... -0- "Has anybody seen Leo anywhere?" Miranda asked Rue. "He was going to take me to Weenie Burgers after this was over." "Any reason in particular?" the kitten asked. "He wouldn't tell me," the mink shrugged. "All he said was he had a surprise..." "I saw him heading out the door just a few minutes ago, poor guy," noted Babs. "'Poor guy'? What makes you say that?" "I'm not sure. One minute he was talking to your father, and the next minute, he went out the door looking like this year's carrot crop had been cancelled..." "*There's* the next great analogy," Ruby sighed lazily. Miranda was heading out the door within seconds. She looked up one end of the hall and down the other. No Leo. She ran out the front of the Acme Courthouse and gazed frantically. No Leo. She ran a paw through her long brown hair, exhaled in frustration, and went back into Judge Whopper's chambers. "I can't find him," she said sadly, her voice breaking. "Well, think for a moment," RuBarb said offhandedly. "If you were Leo, where would _you_ go?" "Of all the... heyyyyy... of course! Thanks, Rue, you just gave me an idea!" And with that, she dashed out of the courthouse. "Think we should go after her?" Rue asked. "Naw," Ruby noted. "She knows where she's going..." -0- Miranda was right. She found Leo in 'their spot', an obscure part of the Acme Meadows that, incredibly, nobody knew about but them. They'd first discovered it back when she was still confined to her wheelchair. It was here that they often went to get away from the world as they knew it, to just talk, gaze at the clouds, run their paws through the grass, or whatever it was that young toons do in well-hidden meadows, as long as it was rated G, of course (after all, Leo _was_ raised to be good, honest and decent, etc.). He was laying face down on the grass, thinking long and hard about doing cruel things to a daffodil. "Hi," she said, as she plopped herself down in front of him. "Whatcha doin'?" "Oh, not much," he replied, dispirited. "Just thinkin', is all." "Uh huh. 'Bout what?" "You know, stuff." "I see," she replied brightly. "Does it involve doing cruel things to a daffodil?" "Kind of, yes..." "Okay... Um, Lionel, were you going to come back to the courthouse with me, or were you just going to stay out here and practice 'Botany Death Match' all afternoon?" Leo sighed, "It's a toss-up at this point, luv." Miranda looked at her favorite rabbit curiously. "This day really belongs to your folks, and I get the feelin' my presence would spoil it for them..." "WHAT?!?" Miranda shrieked. "Since when did you and Nigel trade places, might I ask?" Leo chortled lightly. "Believe it or not, I *do* know wot you mean. It's just that, well, I made a bit of a fool of myself back there in front of your folks..." He quickly turned serious, and exhaled heavily. "I'm afraid your parents don't care much for me right now..." "Leo, that isn't true," the mink said, taking his paws in hers. "Then 'ow come yer mum likes to wallop me with her purse?" "She only did that once, and you know it. And as for Father, well, he hasn't had time to get to know you like I do." "That's as may be, Miranda, but I pretty much get the feelin' his mind's made up about me already. Now, mind you, 'e seems like a pleasant enough bloke; but he's so... wot's the word I'm lookin' for..?" "Rigid? Inflexible? Unyielding?" "Yeah, that sounds about..." "Strict? Implacable? Intractable?" "Okay, I think I get the..." "Stubborn? Recalcitrant? Obdurate?" "Whoa, there! I didn't know I was datin' a bloody thesaurus!" "Price you pay for falling in love with a genius, fella. Learn to live with it," Miranda shrugged cheerfully. "Remind me to turn to you if I'm ever stuck for a lyric," Leo retorted. "Canticle, poem, chant, verse..." "All right, already!" the blonde bunny laughed, pulling Miranda close to him and planting a serious liplock on her like he had never done before. When they finally seperated, she couldn't say a word! "Anythin' else you wanted to say?" Miranda stared at him with the dopiest look on her face. Finally, she said "Duh..." "I thought not..." Miranda shook off the brainfog and regathered her thoughts. "Oh, my... Leo, on second thought, maybe you're right about not returning with me...." "No," Lionel smiled. "I've got somethin' I want to say, and it's just as well if they hear it with everyone else. Come on..." She had to race to keep up with him. -0- "There you are," RuBarb declared as Leo and Miranda rushed back into the judge's chambers. "I see you found him..." "That she did," Lionel grinned, grabbing a nearby goblet and tapping it with a salad fork to get everyone's notice. "Excuse me, folks, could I 'ave your attention for a minute? Thank you." "You're welcome," Roddy snickered. "Was that it?" A quick growl from Ruby told him that was the wrong thing to say and the wrong time to say it. "Never mind... go on..." "*Yes*... well, anyway, from one immigrant to another, I propose a toast to Mr. and Mrs. Norka... May they find every happiness. Heaven knows, they've earned it..." "Hear hear!" everyone chorused. But Leo wasn't done yet. "And speakin' of 'appiness and all that," he continued, "I won't waste your time with a lengthy speech..." "Glad to hear that," Nigel muttered. "... *AHEM!* Well, anyway, if I may, may they continue to be as happy with each other as I hope to be with their daughter..." Miranda stared wide- eyed at Leo, especially when he pulled a small box from his jacket. She wasn't the only one. "...Someday. Of course, that's still a long ways away, but I don't see the harm in makin' a small deposit on the future, so to speak." He handed the box to Miranda. "Taking a cue from your father, if I may... for you, my luv." Miranda could barely get the thing opened, her hands were shaking so badly. She finally managed it, and her blue eyes misted over when she saw the ring. "Lionel... what...?" Leo took the ring from the box, got down on one knee, and placed the ring on her ring finger. "I know I'm bein' a little early, but I can't wait until graduation. I have to know now. Miranda Mink, you're already my partner in music; would you do me the honour of becoming my partner in life as well?" "Leo..." she gasped, "are you proposing what I *think* you're proposing?" Leo smiled up at her. "I propose so," he shrugged. "Will you marry me, Miranda?" Then, feeling the need to clarify his position, he added, "Not right now, of course, but after we graduate..." "Well, if you're gonna be _specific_..." she kidded him; but she was just as nervous as he was. "I... I..." She looked around the room to where her parents were, almost afraid to meet their gazes. "Can I talk it over with my folks first, Leo?" Miranda finally blurted out. "You needn't bother, Miranda," Viktor spoke, causing Leo to cringe where he knelt. "I have to be honest, I was not enamored of the idea at first; yet the more I think about it, I must admit that I find your young man's ideals rather refreshing. And if he's willing to wait that long for you, well, who are we to stand in your way?" He turned to Amanda, and then to Leo. "I only hope it isn't too late to retract my earlier opinion..." "Not at all, sir..." "Very well. But of course, the final decision rests with her..." "Of course," Leo smiled, then turned to his intended, who was still nervously trying to make up her mind. "Miranda?" "Um... I... ohhhhhh..." She took a deep breath, exhaled, and then declared, "Lionel Carrotte, you must be an idiot!" Nigel's jaw dropped to the floor. "But, I must be just as idiotic, because my answer is YES!!!" she shouted, tears streaming down her face as she rushed to hug Leo. Agent Blagdorff wiped his eyes with a napkin. "I always cry at long engagements..." "That's it," Krumhorn sighed. "When we get back to HQ, I'm gonna put in a request for a new partner..." "Well, Leo, you said you were gonna surprise me," Miranda smiled. "Did I lie?" "No," the mink giggled in her trademark fashion. "Only, why the long engagement?" "Ah, yes, that. Well, y'see, this'll give all of our parents time to finalise the wedding plans; you know, all the bells, whistles, fireworks, flowers, etc. etc. etc...." "To say nothing of the catering," the mink added. "Um, yeah, well, I would think in my family's case, that would pretty much be a given, wouldn't it?" Lionel grinned. "Not to mention, of course, the fact that we'll both be the proper age for it by then..." "Of course," Miranda smirked knowingly. "Besides," Leo added with a whisper, "there's somethin' else to consider as well..." "What?" "Not here," Leo continued to whisper, looking ever-so-secretively around the room. "Not in the same room as the principles... Meet me back in the meadow in five minutes. I'll tell you there..." -0- Exactly five minutes later, Miranda and Leo returned to 'their spot'. "Okay, Leo, I'm here. Now what's the next big secret?" "Well, you notice I'd said 'all of our parents', right?" "Come to think of it, yeah," Miranda recalled. "Shouldn't that have been '*both* of our parents'?" "Ordinarily, yes; but... well, y'know how Lizzy and Adam kinda robbed Mum and Da out of a big wedding?" Miranda nodded. "Well, Nige and I thought it would be nice if we made up for it by havin' a double-ring ceremony... Actually, that was Lizzy's idea as well..." The mink was flabbergasted. "You mean he's gone and proposed to RuBarb?!? Why didn't she *tell* me about it?" "'Cos he hasn't. Not just yet, anyway. See, he wanted to wait until he found the *perfect* engagement ring..." "Leo, _any_ engagement ring would be the perfect ring..." Miranda smiled, wrapping her arms around her bunny. "Oh, I know what you mean, luv," Leo smiled warmly. "But in this case, Nige was looking for a very special kinda ring. You know 'ow 'e keeps gettin' lost in Rue's eyes?" "Must be a family trait," Miranda snickered. "Yes, sort of," Lionel agreed. "Anyway, he wanted to find an emerald..." "Well, *that* shouldn't be so hard..." "I'd agree, but in this case, he wanted to find one that just matched the colour of Rue's eyes, and *that's* not so easy!" "Ah, I see what you mean... they *are* an unusual shade of green at that, aren't they?" Miranda noted. "But he did find it, eventually?" "Eventually. I had a look at it, and it's gorgeous! When Rue sees it, she's gonna flip! That's the _other_ reason for the delay... and also why I said 'all of our parents'. 'Cos Rue and Nige would _still_ 'ave to break the news to you-know-whom..." he whispered, referring to Harry Purrenstein. "Ohhhhhhh... gotcha!" "Precisely. It's gonna take the poor fella that long just to work up the courage to *tell* Mr. P.!" "Hold up, Leo! Didn't her dad *marry* a rat?" Miranda smiled, recalling the wedding of Harry and Millie three years earlier. "Oh yeah, so I heard. Well, anyway, I'm not so sure that Nigel thinks Harry's come to accept 'im as prospective son-in-law material, you know?" "Gotcha. I guess all fathers think that about their daughters' boyfriends, right?" "You're speaking from experience?" "No, from my vocal cords," Miranda cheerfully replied as Leo winced. (To be continued...) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Copyright (C) 2000 Jerry D. Withers. This revised version (C) July 31, 2001 by same. All rights reserved. This is a work of fan fiction, and is not meant to be taken without asking first. All TINY TOON ADVENTURES characters, names and related indicia (C) 2000 by Warner Bros. Animation, Inc./Amblin Entertainment. Miranda, Viktor and Amanda (Norka) Mink created by Jerry D. Withers (C) 1998- 2000. RuBarb created by Jerry D. Withers (C) 1996-2000. Agents Krumhorn and Blagdorff created by Jerry D, Withers (C) 2000. Nigel, Lionel, Lizbeth, Sir Rupert and Lillian Carrotte and all related indicia are created and copyright (C) 1998-2000 Jennifer Cleckley, used by permission. All rights reserved. Special thanks to Jennifer Cleckley for thematic inspiration here and there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ * - "Team Wet Bunnies Rule!" is the slogan of NetDolphin's Tiny Toon Adventures Page, part of Net Dolphin's Toony Page, located at (http://www.toon.eu.org/ dolphin/).