Ease your mind - Page 6

Barbara Walters was doing a documentary on the customs of Native Americans. After a tour of a reservation, she asked why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdress.

Ms. Walters asked a brave who had only 1 feather in his headdress. His reply was, "Me have only one squaw, me have only one feather."

She asked another brave, sensing the first fellow was only joking. This brave have four feathers in his headdress. He replied, "Ugh, me have four feathers, because me sleep with four squaws."

Still not convinced the number of feathers indicated that the number of squaws involved, she decided to interview the Chief.

The Chief had a headdress full of feathers which amused Ms. Walters. She asked the Chief, "Why do you have so many feathers in your headdress?'

The Chief proudly pounded his chest and stated, "Me Chief, me fuck-em
all, big, small, fat, tall, me fuck-em all."

Ms. Walters cried, "You don't have to be so damned hostile!"

The Chief said, "horse-style, dog-style, wolf-style, any-style. Me fuck-em all style.!"

With tears in her eyes, Ms. Walters said, "Oh, dear."

The Chief said, "No deer, me no fuck-em deer. Asshole too high, and fuckers run too fast! No fuck-em deer."

Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The girl came up to him and asked "What do you have under the newspaper, mister?". "A bird," the guy replied. The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep.

When he woke, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this girl asked about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."

Police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her " What did you do to the naked fellow?" after a little pause, the girl replied, "To him? Nothing. I was playing with the bird and it spit on me, so I broke its neck, cracked its egg, and set its nest on fire."

How To Kill An Eel?

Little Danny was 7 yrs old,and like other boys his age, was rather curious.

He had been hearing quite a bit about "courting" from other boys and wondered what it was and how it was done. One day, he took his questions to his mum and she became frustrated. Instead of explaining things to him, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his elder sister and her boyfriend.

This he did, and the following morning, Danny described EVERYTHING to his mum.

He says :

"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started to hug and kiss her. I figured Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. he must have thought so too as he put his hand in her blouse to feel her heart just like a doctor would. Except he's not as good as a doctor because he seemed to have problem finding her heart.

"He was getting sick too because soon both of them began panting and getting all out of breath. his other hand must have been getting cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time, Sis got to the end of the couch. That is when the fever started. I know it was fever because Sis told him she was really HOT.

"Finally, I found out what was making them so sick.... a BIG EEL had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there 8 or 9 inches long. HONEST!! Anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it, she got really scared. Her eyes got big and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out loud. I should tell her about the ones I saw at the lake!

"Anyway, Sis got brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of sudden she let the eel go. I guess it bit her back. Then she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slid it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again. Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor locked on it. And he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squeeling and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squishing it between them.

"After awhile, they quit moving and gave a great sigh. Her boyfriend sat up and sure enough, they had killed the eel. I knew it was dead cuse it hung ther limp and some of its inside were hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle , but they went on courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. And by golly, the eel wasn't dead after all. It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats... thay have 9 lives or something.

"This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill the eel by sitting on it. After about 35 minutes of struggle, they finally killed the eel. I know it was dead this time because I saw Sis' boyfriend peel off the skin and flush it down the toilet."

After mum held him, she fainted.

"Hmmmm....... I guess she hasn't seen too many eels."