here's another craft item for the craft minded to get their
teeth into...

few people are lucky enough to be born with either the grace, bone structure, beautiful hair nor overall presence to be either

The Divine David
or
Jay Cloth

but now

are offering you something which may help take the strain out of that wait for facial surgery de la plastique

oh yes

you will need

a printer
some paper
some scissors or a craft knife
some stiff card (a cereal packet is ideal)
some string
some sellotape
an face
 
 

1.

print the above image onto a sheet of stout but malleable paper, as this paper must go against an face be sure to check that it is NOT sand paper
(very important)

2.

take your scissors or craft knife (pointed end away from you when carrying to avoid falling upon them und damaging your internal organs) und cut around the image, carefully cutting out both intricate eye holes using smaller scissors

3.

attach string to the back of your mask using small strips of sellotape

4.

place mask over face und pull string about head, this must be tied exceptionally tightly at the back (in order for your mask to remain stable it may be necessary to cut off some circulation, anybody deeming circulation more important than resembling an avant-garde superstar sidekick clearly need never visit these pages again... fuck off)

5.

wear your mask, perhaps to a hunting lodge ball, post-wedding soiree or works 'do', where everybody will gather about you und agree that you are very pretty indeed, oh yes
 

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