"If it isn't the great producer!"
"Had to see this to believe it."
"Oh. You three."
"The school talent show. How ever did you finagle such a primo
assignment?"
"Our new Fuehrer Mr. Snyder."
"I think they call 'em
'principals' now."
"Mm. He thought it would
behoove me to have more contact with the
students. I did try to explain that my vocational choice of librarian
was a deliberate attempt to minimize said contact, but,
uh, he would have none of it."
"Giles, unto every
generation is born one who must run the annual
talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny."
"If you had any shred of
decency, you would have participated, or
at least, um, helped."
"Nah! I think I'll take on your
traditional role, and watch!"
"And mock!"
"And laugh!"
"O-kay. I think maybe we
better leave our Mr. Giles to this
business he calls show."
Buffy, Xander, and Willow get up, and encounter Principal Snyder.
"Principal Snyder!"
"So. We think school
events are stupid, and we think authority
figures are to be made fun of."
"No! No, we don't. W-
unless you do."
"And we think our
afternoon classes are optional. All three of
you left campus yesterday."
"Yeah, but we were fighting a demon..."
"Fighting?"
"Not fighting."
"No, we, uh, left to avoid
fighting."
"Real anti-social types. You need to integrate into this school,
people. I think I just found three eager new
participants for the talent show."
"What?"
"No!"
"Please?"
"I've been watching you
three. Always getting into one scrape or
another.
"Well, we're really, really
sorry, but about the talent show, please, you can't make us!"
"My
predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone in for
all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. You're in my world now. And Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time."
"Can I just mention, that
detention is a time-honored form of
punishment?"
"I know the three of you
will come up with a wonderful act for
the school to watch. And mock. And laugh. At."
- "The Puppet Show"
"Kids today need discipline.
That's an unpopular word these days, 'discipline'. I know Principal Flutie
would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.'
That's the kind of woolly-headed, liberal thinking that leads to being eaten."
"I, I think perhaps it was a
little more complex than, um -"
"This place has quite a
reputation. Suicide, missing persons, spontaneous cheerleader
combustion... You can't put up with that. You've gotta keep an eye
on the bad element. Like those three. Kids. I don't like them.
From now on you're gonna see a very different Sunnydale High. Tight ship,
clean, orderly, and quiet."
- "The Puppet Show"
"Principal Snyder!"
"What are you doing?"
"Uh, looking for something."
"School hours are over.
You, therefore, should be gone."
"And I'm going any minute now."
"There are things I will not
tolerate. Students loitering on campus after school. Horrible
murders with hearts being removed. And also smoking."
"Well, I don't do any of those
things. Not ever."
"There's something going on with
you. I'll figure it out sooner or later."
- "The Puppet Show"
"I don't get it. What is it?
Avant-garde?"
- "The Puppet Show"
"Dead? Of course not.
What are you, ghouls? There are no dead students here. This week."
- "Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight"
"Sue? What did you say?
Mitch was gonna sue the school?"
"Sue? Who?"
"Well, his dad is the most
powerful lawyer in Sunnydale."
"Hold on. What have you
two heard?"
"His dad, the lawyer. You
haven't heard of him?"
"Other lawyers call him 'The
Beast'."
- "Our Of Mind, Out Of Sight"
Snyder bends down to examite Harmony's ankle.
"Ow!"
"Don't sue!"
- "Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight"
"The first day back. It always gets me."
"Yes."
"I mean, it's incredible. One day the campus is completely bare.
Empty. The next, there are children everywhere. Like locusts.
Crawling around, mindlessly bent on feeding and mating. Destroying
everything in sight in their relentless, pointless desire to exist."
"I do enjoy these pep talks. Have you ever considered, given your
abhorrence of children, school's principal was not, perhaps, your true
vocation?"
"Somebody's got to keep an eye on them. They're just a bunch of hormonal
time bombs. Every time a pretty girl walks by every boy turns into a
gibbering fool."
Miss Calendar comes up to them.
"Ms. Calendar!"
"Mr. Giles!"
"Well, I, uh, um... hello!"
"You see the way these kids gaze at each other, all moony."
"It's good to see you."
"Yes."
"You think they're thinking about learning?"
"Uh, were you headed to the, uh, faculty room?"
"Sounds like fun!"
Giles and Miss Calendar leave together.
"I try and tell 'em about the important things in life. Discipline,
responsibility, punctuality. Might as well be talking to myself."
- "When She Was Bad"
"There're some things I can just
smell. It's like a sixth sense."
"No, actually that would be one
of the five."
"That Summers girl. I
smell trouble. I smell expulsion, and just the faintest aroma of jail."
"Well, before you throw away the
key, you might consider giving her the benefit of the doubt. She may
surprise you."
"You really have faith in those
kids, don't you?"
"Yes, I do."
Snyder walks away, shaking his head.
"Weird."
- "When She Was Bad"
"A lot of educators tell students,
'Think of your principal as your pal.' I say, 'Think of me as your judge,
jury, and executioner.'"
- "School Hard"
"The two of you seem to be tied in
the class-cutting and fight-starting events. You really are neck and neck
here. It's quite exciting."
"What does the winner get?"
"Expelled."
- "School Hard"
"I feel an expulsion coming on!"
- "School Hard"
"I need to say something to the
media people."
"So?"
"So? You want the usual
story? Gang-related? P.C.P.?"
"What'd you have in mind?
The truth?"
"Right. Gang-related.
PCP."
- "School Hard"
"Snyder must be in charge of the
volunteer safety programme for Halloween this year."
"Note his interesting take on
the volunteer concept."
- "Halloween"
"This is your group, Summers.
No need to speak to them. The last thing they need is your influence.
Just bring them back in one piece and I won't expel you."
- "Halloween"
To be continued...