by Shanna
The character of Wesley Wyndam-Pryce has undergone so many changes over the years that the man we see in "Tomorrow" at the end of season 3 is hardly recognizable as the boy who showed up in "Bad Girls." Yet there are so many consistent character threads that remain from Sunnydale through to Los Angeles that this change feels like organic growth rather than writer fiat.
From his first couple of episodes through to the present, what we see in him are a strong sense of duty, the ability to make hard choices without factoring in his personal feelings, courage, a sense of responsibility, intense loyalty and a desperate need to be loved and accepted. What changes is the way he expresses these traits and how much of himself he reveals in his multiple layers of facades.
Although Wesley's early appearances in "Angel" gave us an impression of overall incompetence and klutziness, he wasn't really painted as klutzy or incompetent during his stint as a Watcher in Sunnydale in season 3 of Buffy. His main problem on "Buffy" was inexperience. He was way out of his league and in a no-win situation. Buffy wouldn't have been ready to accept any Watcher who came in to replace Giles. That inexperience was compounded by what looked like arrogance, but which (based on what we've learned about him on "Angel") was more likely an attempt to overcompensate for insecurity and feelings of inadequacy. It was almost as though he was trying to bluff his way through the situation so no one would see how woefully ill-prepared he was. Unfortunately for him, it had exactly the opposite effect. In a way, Wesley's story arc was a precursor to the "Angel" series theme as metaphor for the "real world." Wesley was a perfect picture of the kid who comes out of school full of book knowledge, only to find out that the things they teach you in school really don't prepare you for the real world, and being a star pupil doesn't mean you'll be successful in the real world.
So, let's look at some of the good qualities he's demonstrated all along. He showed signs even back on "Buffy" of intelligence, a fair amount of expertise in his field, strong research skills and good instincts. In his very first scene, he demonstrated that he was a whiz with the books and general demon knowledge, immediately identifying their opponents just from Buffy's vague description. Okay, so he missed the part about the demon cult not actually being extinct, but the references were wrong, too. He was the one who realized that the death of the mayor's aide should be investigated, and if he hadn't insisted (against Giles' recommendation) that Buffy and Faith investigate, they might not have learned about the mayor being a bad guy as soon as they did. He's also able to speak the truth that no one wants to hear -- not so much in a Cordelia way, but in being willing to bring up the difficult choices that no one else wants to deal with or see. See "Choices" when he was arguing for finding another way to save Willow without giving over the box. Or "Graduation Day" when he pointed out to Buffy -- quite correctly -- that Faith had poisoned Angel to distract her and keep her out of the way. In neither case was he arguing for giving up completely, but he was encouraging them to take a good, hard look at the facts before making an emotional decision. He still provides this function to Angel, being willing to point out when Angel is acting rashly.
Another thing you have to give Wesley credit for -- throughout his timeline on either series -- is his ability to own up to his mistakes. Heck, he's almost eager to admit when he's in the wrong, even if it wasn't his fault. He came back and faced the whole group after letting Faith get away in "Consequences," which had to take guts. We still see this trait, in him apologizing to Cordelia for not being able to protect her from Faith. And, when he makes a mistake, he immediately looks for ways to make up for it or to correct it.
One surprising thing that we see in Wesley from "Consequences" on is courage. Courage? That sniveling wimp? He didn't cope well with a bad situation in "Bad Girls," but that can be largely chalked up to inexperience. It's not fair to compare his reaction to Giles' in that situation. By that time, Giles had been a Watcher a number of years. He'd been tortured, beaten, nearly sucked into the Hellmouth, etc., etc. Their predicament was old news to him. From Wesley's boasting that they're now actually including field work in Watcher training, one would assume that Giles' fighting skills owe more to his days as a "youthful offender" (as Cordelia so quaintly put it) than to his training as a Watcher. And you could even argue that Wesley's cowardice actually bought them time enough for Angel and Buffy to show up. If both Giles and Wesley had flat-out refused to cooperate, they might have been killed on the spot. As it was, Wesley trying to give in but not knowing where to send the demons kept them alive until Angel and Buffy got there. Not that he necessarily planned it that way. It's also possible to consider his meltdown in light of what we later learned was probably childhood abuse. He may have thought he'd escaped situations where he'd face the threat of physical punishment, and the threat of torture or death brought back too many bad memories, all at once. He's certainly shown himself since then to be capable of handling both torture and great pain.
But once we get past that one situation, we see Wesley several times going into dangerous situations in spite of his fears, which is a mark of courage (after all, it's not particularly brave to do something you're not afraid to do). His rescue of Cordelia from the Vamp Willow in "Doppelgangland" is a great example of this. He was visibly shaking and obviously scared to death, but he did it anyway (then Cordy throwing herself at him in gratitude was almost as scary as the vampire). He may not be good at the hero thing, and he may be scared the whole while, but when someone else is on the line, he'll suck it up and face it. We see this trait continue in "Angel," most notably in "The Ring," where he faces down the bookie to get information on Angel's whereabouts. He's handling himself (and his crossbow!) a lot better by that point, but you still get the idea that this is not easy for him, and he does it anyway.
What we've seen in Wesley isn't so much a transformation as it is an eating away of layers to show the real person inside all his defense mechanisms. Wesley's real problem has been insecurity. In fact, he's so insecure that he's created personas to hide who he really is. In his "Buffy" days, he was trying to act the part of assured authority figure. In early "Angel" he was trying to cast himself as action hero. But since he is neither of those things, it failed miserably and he just came across looking like an idiot. It's when he becomes self-assured enough to be himself -- a very smart, somewhat shy guy whose greatest contribution to The Cause is all the knowledge about demon stuff he has stashed in his brain, along with the research skills to find what he doesn't already know - that he really comes into his own strength. The thing he's best at is sitting down with a musty old scroll and a stack of reference books and figuring it all out, or else analyzing a demon for strengths and weaknesses and coming up with a plan of action. He's probably never going to be anywhere near the match of Angel in physical combat, but he's a good marksman, whether with a gun, a crossbow, a dart or a hypodermic needle. We really saw the "true" Wesley emerge beginning in "5 by 5" and by "Blind Date" and "Shanshu," he'd totally given up on any of the facades he was trying for.
Ironically, in relaxing and being himself, he managed to actually become those things he'd been trying to be. His expertise, analytical skills and ability to be the voice of reason gave him a kind of quiet authority that people listen to. He may never be Action Guy, but when he relies on his strengths, he can contribute even to a physical fight, as in "Sanctuary," where he drew fire to let Angel get to the roof, then took out one of the Council goons with a hypodermic and a well-placed punch.
So how did this transformation come about? Wesley is a deadly result of low self-esteem, perfectionism and self-fulfilling prophecy. Due to his upbringing, he's been convinced that he's not good enough, no matter what he does. He doesn't seem to allow a lot of gray areas for himself. He's either a total success or a total failure. And if he believes he is a failure, or if someone else believes he's a failure, then he is a failure. When people were treating him like he was an idiot, he was an idiot. What it took for him to start turning things around was someone who believed in him.
And it wasn't Angel. Not at first. The very first sparks of the redemption of Wesley started with Cordelia. Her outright hero worship of him in S3 "Buffy" really seemed to touch him. That was when he started gradually improving, contributing where he was able and listening more to the others. It was just the initial spark of the sense that he might be worthy.
Over on "Angel," we see him start to improve each time Angel accepts or acknowledges his help and each time Angel trusts him. The big turning point came in "She" -- not when Angel hired him, but when he didn't fire him at the end, even though he hadn't been perfect. After that moment, we don't see a lot of idiocy. For a change, instead of the people around him expecting him to fail, the people around him expected him to succeed and contribute, and he had something to live up to, so he did. He still had his moments, but most of them came when he lapsed into trying to be something he wasn't. The final factor in the transformation was Faith, in "5 by 5" and "Sanctuary." Not only did Faith's presence give him a chance to at least attempt to atone for his past mistakes and face his demons, but surviving what she put him through made him realize he was stronger than he thought. We immediately see the results of that in "Sanctuary," when he stands up to Angel and argues about how Faith is being treated. The "old" Wesley who was afraid of Angel's disapproval would never have been able to stand up to Angel like that. It marked a turning point in their friendship because you can't have a true two-way, balanced friendship if one of the friends can't speak his mind without fear that he'll lose the friend. In that episode, he also was given the opportunity to actually choose to work with Angel. Up to that point, one could argue that he was there out of desperation, because he didn't have anywhere else to go. But when he rejects the opportunity (however real it was or wasn't) to rejoin the Council in favor of standing by Angel, then working with Angel becomes his choice. It puts him back in control of his life. That episode also allowed him to help both of his former Slayers by buying them time to try to get away, and when that didn't work, he got Buffy to the police station in time to plead Angel's case. That allowed him to close that loop in his life. After that point, we started seeing more of him actually acting as a Watcher for Angel rather than trying to be just a sidekick. He found his role and his place in the world -- a Watcher for a vampire.
But Wesley's newfound confidence and security didn't last all that long. Just when he was starting to feel secure in his new "family," things changed. Gunn's presence among the group appeared to threaten him and make him feel that he might not be wanted any longer. At the same time, Angel was being distracted by W&H's machinations with Darla. Ironically, though, it was in part because of these things that Wes found his inner leader. While Angel was distracted and behaving strangely, someone had to step up and keep things on an even keel. It fell to Wesley to try to keep the business going by presenting a professional front to prospective clients and to try to keep Angel more or less sane as the only one willing to truly challenge his behavior with something more than a snarky remark or to try to get Angel to talk to him. Somewhere along the way, Wesley became the core of AI, and nobody even noticed it, including Wesley himself.
The next big turning point in Wesley's life came in "Guise Will Be Guise," when Wes had to impersonate Angel to save Cordelia. It was by becoming someone else that Wesley really found himself. He learned he was just as much a hero as Angel was, that he was capable of saving the day. Virginia seeing him as a hero gave him a positive self-fulfilling prophecy to live up to. He truly became a hero. Even when Angel was back in the picture, Wes held onto that power he'd gained in finding himself. He never really let that power go.
The other members of AI should be grateful for that, because it was Wesley's strength and heroism that kept the group together when Angel truly went off the deep end and fired the whole gang. He was the one who decided they had no choice but to continue the mission on their own. It doesn't seem like there was ever even a question about who should lead the new group. He stepped into the role automatically, and the others accepted him. Gunn, the person whose presence had threatened him so much not all that long ago, became his friend and supporter. When Angel came to his senses and rejoined the group, there doesn't seem to have been any doubt about who the leader of the group should be.
This is where Wes really seems to have come into his own. He did have some doubts at times, but the experience of being chosen as general of the Pylean rebel army and leading a successful revolution secured him in his position. Wesley may not have a forceful personality. He's soft-spoken and quiet. But he's a born leader in the ways that make a leader truly effective. He can make plans taking into consideration the strengths and weaknesses of his team members. He can juggle the various personalities he's dealing with and adjust his leadership style for the individuals under his command. For example, he gives Angel a lot of leeway and lets Angel make some of his own plans, as long as those plans don't get in the way of Wesley's overall plan for the team. That demonstrates not only Wesley's security in his own position, but his awareness that with a maverick like Angel, micromanagement will only lead to rebellion. Wesley almost always puts his own needs behind those of his team. He buried his own hurt feelings to focus on restoring the rest of the team after Angel rejoined them, and while he's sensitive to the problems and needs of others in the group, he tries not to burden them with his own problems. Wesley offers one of the best kinds of leadership, the kind that is virtually invisible. He provides just enough guidance to keep the group moving forward in the same direction, without needing to throw his weight around or assert himself. But when a team member is putting the rest of the team at risk, he's not above a concise, to-the-point reprimand, as he gave to Gunn in "That Old Gang of Mine."
Unfortunately, that leadership position wasn't to last all that long. It's lonely at the top, and some of the qualities that made Wesley a good leader also led to problems. He took all the burdens on himself at a time when he perhaps should have shared them with the rest of the team, or at least a few other members of the team. At the same time, his way of keeping himself out of the interpersonal issues among the group made him isolated. That led to perhaps not the best decision-making he's ever had. He was still able to make the tough decision and do the difficult thing, but it was such a risky action that it was bound to end in disaster. The result was a failure that exiled him from his friends and left AI rudderless.
It also left Wes bitter. He'd given so much to the group, had put himself on the line for every single one of them, yet they abandoned him at his first error. At this point he has to be feeling rather betrayed. He was always the first to forgive and move forward when one of them messed up. He was always the first to put his own feelings behind those of others or the good of the team, yet he didn't get the same treatment in return.
At the same time, he seems to be having some doubts as to the virtues of doing the right thing. Doing the right thing has landed him in the hospital countless times, has left him fired from jobs and rejected by people he cared about or trusted. He's got to be wondering what the point of all of it is. That old self-fulfilling prophecy is kicking in, as well. Now that the group sees him as a failure and a villain of sorts, he seems to be trying to live down to that image. It's too early to tell if he will continue with his ability to own up to his mistakes. He hasn't been given the opportunity to talk about what happened. Based on what we've seen of his character, he would freely admit that what he'd tried didn't work and he's sorry for that, but he probably still feels like he didn't have much of a choice.
While those developments are dark and not necessarily positive, there's a good side to what's been happening with Wesley. So much of what he's done all along has been through trying to gain the approval of some authority figure in his life, starting with his father. He's also tried to gain the approval of the Council, Buffy and the Scoobies and Angel. Very likely, it still all goes back to his father -- if he could get the approval of all those other people, it might make him feel like he could get the approval of his father. But now he seems to have finally reached a point where he doesn't care what anyone else thinks about him, where he doesn't care if anyone notices what he does. What he does from this point on will be for himself alone, not because he hopes someone will approve of him.
One way of looking at fictional characters is through classic storytelling archetypes. Wes was introduced as a Professor type. It was hard to tell whether he was an "absent-minded" Professor type or the "Organized" type. In his "Buffy" days he was always perfectly put together, with never a hair out of place, and he was quite rigid in keeping to rules, scheduling and discipline. We've even seen his file folder collection on "Angel." But he also has a lot of absent-minded tendencies -- he's sometimes a klutz, he can easily get into "forget to eat" mode when he's caught up in something and his appearance easily slides downhill when he's forgetting to maintain that carefully put-together facade. He was most likely an absent-minded type desperately trying to look like an organized type. Underneath that Professor surface, though, lurks a Lost Soul. He's not really evolving from one type to another, we're just seeing what lies under that carefully controlled exterior as we get to know him better. The Lost Soul was there all along, but his rigid control in Sunnydale kept it from showing too much (except in his desperate need for belonging and approval). He's definitely shown himself to be devoted, vulnerable and discerning. He doesn't brood quite like Angel does, but showing himself to be brooding would be revealing too much about himself to others. He can be unforgiving of himself and others. While Angel is the Wandering type of Lost Soul who can't find commitment and who has trouble attaching, Wes is more of the Outcast who isolated himself from the outside world and who doesn't let anyone close to him. Wes and Cordy may criticize Angel for not talking about his feelings or connecting with others, but Wes is even worse. At least they can tell Angel is having feelings. Wesley's generally placid exterior keeps others from knowing that anything's going on inside.
As the story progresses, it seems like the Professor aspect is moving pretty far into the background. It has more to do with his skills and function than with his character or personality, and in the most recent episodes it hasn't really been a factor, other than Lilah recruiting him for his big brain. Now the Lost Soul seems to really be the predominant type. Relevant comments about the Lost Soul type as it applies to Wes: "The Lost Soul cannot seem to forget the slights he has suffered. He can rarely forgive himself when he fails. Frustration and guilt fill his life." "Catastrophe is around every corner and he resigns himself to the whims of fate." "He guards his heart carefully because he intuitively knows it can be his greatest weakness. He feels deeply, whether he admits it or not." "When he makes a commitment, he gives his all." Finally, this seems to describe what we've seen of him most recently in a nutshell: "He seems unable to find his way back to a land of promise and hope, so instead, he lurks in his cave, reliving the slights against him. He wants things set right, but is unwilling to risk being vulnerable in order to make it happen." That could explain why he's yet to make any effort to apologize to the group. Doing so would leave him open for rejection, and he couldn't face that rejection now. If he hasn't apologized, the rejection is only imagined, not actual.
Along the way, Wes has shown signs of Chief traits. If he ever crawls out of his hole and heals his lost soul, he could evolve into a Chief. He is someone people look to for answers, he can appear unemotional, but is fiercely protective of his people, even while he doesn't really bond with them. He showed his first signs of this in "Redefinition" when he pulled the group together to take on the demon from Cordy's vision. These traits came to the forefront in Pylea when he took on the role of general. This may have had something to do with why he made the solo decision about what to do about Connor. This appears to be the natural next step in his evolution, if he does evolve further.
It's pretty safe to say that Wesley isn't entirely emotionally healthy. He has some personality traits that are strong enough and damaging enough to classify as personality disorders. Wesley seems to fit the Passive-Aggressive and Obsessive-Compulsive types.
The passive-aggressive type is the giver. He gives and gives and gives to meet what he perceives as the needs of others, in hopes of having others meet his needs in return. But he never outright asks for what he needs, and then he gets bitter and frustrated when he doesn't get what he needs or wants from others. This type avoids open conflict.
The obsessive-compulsive (not to be confused with the Obsessive-Compulsive disorder, with all that hand washing and counting and stuff) lives by a strict set of rules, trying to impose order on the world. These people have very high standards for themselves and consider themselves failures if they don't live up to those standards, and they often try to impose those standards on others around them. They tend to be indecisive, and usually are more focused on processes than on results (but we need a plan!).
Both of these types tend to carry around a lot of repressed anger because they aren't getting the recognition they feel they deserve either for all the giving and self-sacrifice they do or for being so good at following the rules. But they keep trying to pretend the bad parts of themselves don't exist or try to bury their negative impulses under even more rules when they do feel this anger.
The combination of these traits helped lead to Wesley's downfall. We know, based on his nightmare at the beginning of "Loyalty," that he was feeling unappreciated. See how many times the others in his dream told him how loyal he was and what a good job he was doing, what a good friend he was, how he was sacrificing himself for his work. When a passive/aggressive is feeling unappreciated, he often escalates the giving in hopes that what he gives will be so overwhelming the others will be forced to notice and finally give him the attention he needs in return. He'd lost out to Gunn with Fred and was essentially left on his own with Angel focusing on Connor, so he cranks up the giving by throwing himself relentlessly into figuring out the prophecy and solving the mystery of Connor, then putting himself at great risk to verify the prophecy and deal with any surrounding threats, and finally exiling himself to keep Connor safe. If this had been an old war movie, he would have been the guy telling his buddy to marry the girl they both loved, then going on the suicide mission to make the world safe for democracy. If he hadn't found the prophecy, it would have been something else. He was actively looking for a grenade to throw himself on for his friends' sake, and maybe then they'd notice everything he was doing for them.
Then the obsessive/compulsive side of him was behind all the dithering about what to do about the prophecy, cross-referencing and checking and hesitating and seeking other opinions from Holtz, of all people, instead of just taking the action he felt he needed to take. It was largely his hesitation that put him at risk. If he'd got the baby to safety in the first place, and then worked to figure it all out, he'd have been better off.
And now he's bitter because all his giving in the past didn't result in him getting to cash that check in when he needed something in return, and his obsessive attempts to follow the rules and do the right thing were disregarded, as his friends assumed the worst about him. On top of that, he has to face failure and imperfection in himself, and one failure condemns him in his own eyes.
Oddly enough, even though he's been called paranoid, he doesn't really fit the description of the paranoid personality. The paranoid can't handle ambiguity and will even create conspiracy theories to explain ambiguities, while Wes seems perfectly comfortable with shades of gray (except as applied to himself). Wesley's insistence on planning for every contingency is more of an obsessive/compulsive trait. Wes does have a lot of deep-seated insecurities so that he believes deep down inside that people really don't like him, but he doesn't seem to believe that everything people do or say is aimed against him, like a true paranoid would. And while Wes does have trust issues, a paranoid is more likely to put people to loyalty tests, which I don't think we see in Wes.
Wesley's trust issues seem to have more to do with the fact that the people who should have been protecting him as a child were harming him or allowing him to be harmed, so he learned the difficult lesson at an early age that the only person he could trust to look out for him was himself, that he couldn't count on anyone else coming to his rescue. In normal circumstances, he seems to have moved beyond that so he can work as part of a team, but in this situation, when he was tired and stressed, scared and caught in a difficult situation, that primal tape of "the only person you can trust to get you out of this is yourself" started playing in his head, and he couldn't rely on anyone else.
Now that he's come to this low point, it remains to be seen if this will force him to face the more dangerous or unpleasant aspects of himself and grow beyond them, or if he will retreat into his defense mechanisms and become even more unhealthy.
We don't have all that much to go on when it comes to Wesley and relationships. He's only had a few take place on camera, and they were either short in duration or took place primarily offscreen.
The first semi-romantic involvement we saw was with Cordelia in Sunnydale. It's difficult to tell how to classify this relationship because it didn't really go anywhere. It was more of a mad mutual crush. Cordy was rebounding from Xander, and Wesley came along at just the right time. He was the anti-Xander -- older, classy and appearing to have money. Meanwhile, she was a beautiful woman who not only noticed his existence, but she seemed to really like him. Her attention turned his head, even as he also felt uncomfortable with his feelings for a teenage girl. But underneath all the flirting, awkwardness and silly games, they appeared to have developed a real friendship. When they were dancing at the prom, they were talking like friends, and she was who he called (so he must have had her number) when he was upset about Buffy quitting the Council and he found he would have to go back to England. When they finally tried to kiss, it was spectacularly (and hilariously) unsuccessful. It's hard to tell why and how it went so wrong. We've seen him kiss rather well since then, we'd seen her kiss rather well before and since, and they managed one quite successful kiss together (so successful it made her dizzy) since then. It's possible that there were too many expectations built into that kiss, so it was doomed to fail. There was all that longing that built up to it, it was forbidden, there was the whole "we could die tomorrow" issue going on, and there was the fact that he was leaving soon. They went for the grand movie style kiss when they might have done better starting with a hug. Either he learned a lot that summer while Rogue Demon Hunting, or the fact that his next kiss with her caught him totally by surprise and she didn't know who she was kissing made all the difference in the world. There's been very little reference to their past relationship, beyond that initial kiss in "Parting Gifts." She teased him once about how he once thought she was the most beautiful girl around. But she was pursuing him as much as he was interested in her, and she doesn't seem to be owning up to that. The fact remains that he was essentially her senior prom date. We don't know if Angel was aware of this. He showed up late and only had eyes for Buffy, so he may not have noticed them together.
The next relationship we see him in is with Virginia Bryce. Although their relationship started in a very weird way, with him pretending to be Angel, hired to protect her so she could be sacrificed in a ritual designed to give her father power, it settled into something surprisingly normal. We only had a few glimpses of their relationship after that first meeting, but they acted like any other boyfriend/girlfriend. They had a lot in common, from bad fathers to a love for books. They went on dates. She tried to help him get his new business off the ground. They had a cozy familiarity with their interactions, and it was clear that they were friends as well as lovers. But Wesley's life is anything but normal, and in spite of her upbringing, Virginia couldn't handle the risks that he took. That spelled the end of their relationship, and Wes demonstrated a lot of maturity in recognizing that and ending things quickly and gently. We don't know if they're still in touch with each other, but it didn't seem like they ended their relationship with bad feelings or anger. It's likely that they feel they could contact each other if either of them ever needed help of some kind.
Then Fred came along. What they had never really developed into a relationship because he never attempted to approach the subject with her. He admired her strength and courage, and he recognized a kindred spirit in someone else who found the explanations behind things as interesting as the final results. But did he actually love her, or was it more of a crush or infatuation? He seemed to put her on a pedestal, out of his reach. He didn't bother to spend time with her or engineer reasons to work with her. They did do some of the research and translation work together, but he made no attempt to extend that relationship into leisure hours -- not even inviting her to share a safe cup of coffee after a long evening researching. It's possible that an unrequited crush on Fred was an emotional safety net. It was an excuse not to look at or consider a relationship with anyone else, and thus avoid the pain that might come from getting involved (he did mention to Angel how terrible love could be). Losing her to Gunn did cause him real pain, but was the pain from losing her or from his friend's betrayal in making a move on the woman Gunn knew Wesley liked? Or the pain could even have been the feeling of being the odd man out in the group, the only one who had no one. It's all a potentially complicated issue. Wes certainly did like and admire Fred, but either his feelings weren't strong enough to overcome his fears or his feelings were meant to keep him safe from any more dangerous feelings.
After the disappointment with Fred, Lilah came along. It's too early to tell if this will evolve into anything that could be considered a "relationship," but there are definite sparks there. She's an intellectual challenge to him, and she won't let him be passive with her, in any way, shape or form.
In between all of these, there have doubtless been a few liaisons -- whether or not any would count as relationships is unknown. Angel referred to sex with a bleached blonde, and chances are that's not the only one. It's hard to tell, as Wesley is a man who likes to keep his private life private.
There are two common threads we see in Wesley's relationships: he seldom makes the first move, and he's drawn to kindred spirits.
Wesley's self-esteem issues appear to affect his relationships by making him reluctant to make the first move. His reluctance to do anything about his feelings for Cordy probably had a lot to do with the impropriety of their relationship at that time, but even when they were ready to throw propriety out the window before the graduation battle, and even when he already knew very well that she liked him, he really had to work up the courage to do anything. Though he was clearly interested in Virginia, she just about had to attack him. He never did get around to doing anything about Fred, no matter how much he liked her. We don't know how things got started with Lilah, but considering his track record, chances are she was the one who initiated events. While his lack of confidence keeps him from making the first move for fear of rejection, he seems to be pretty easy once someone else makes a move. That could also come back to self-esteem, where he's so surprised that someone wants him that he can't resist. It's a good bet that's how things got going with any of his other liaisons. He's more likely to get picked up in a bar than to be doing the picking up.
If you by any chance happen to find yourself in the Angelverse and want to make a play for Wesley (and who wouldn't?), you can't afford to play coy or hard-to-get, or you could die of old age waiting for him to catch the hint or do anything about it. Take a cue from Cordelia. Stalking is the way to go. Put yourself in his path as often as possible. Engineer reasons that you have to get together. And then grab him by his necktie and drag him back to your lair to have your way with him. He'll go along willingly, if not cheerfully, and will rationalize himself into anything that happens. After all, he wouldn't want to make you feel bad by rejecting you, and he's quite eager to please.
Wesley also seems drawn to kindred spirits, people who are similar to him, not necessarily in interests, but in the life situation he finds himself in. He and Cordy didn't really have all that much in common, but they were both outcasts from the Scooby Gang. He and Virginia shared a love for books, but even more so, they shared a childhood spent locked away from their fathers, lost in their books (according to the shooting script for "Guise Will Be Guise"). Fred was the ultimate kindred spirit. She not only shared his love for research and learning, but she was even more out of the mainstream of current popular culture than he was. Even Lilah has quite a bit in common with him, in that they're both essentially friendless and lonely.
This tendency toward kindred spirits isn't necessarily significant or a sign of anything wrong with him. It's just the way he is. Some people are attracted to opposites (see Gunn and Fred), while others are more drawn to people they can see something of themselves in. If he does become more involved with Lilah, to the point he has actual feelings for her, that tendency to see something of himself in the person he loves could be a bad sign if it means he sees himself as dark or evil.
We don't know a lot about Wesley, but here are the facts we have at this
point.
Age: The only clue we have to Wesley's age is a shooting script description of
the character as being perhaps in his late 20s, but this was an early draft when
it doesn't seem that the character was cast yet. Mid to late 20s at that time
seems about right, as he hadn't been out of his training or education long
enough to have any real-world experience. That would make him late 20s/early 30s
now.
Birthplace/home: Somewhere in England. Alexis Denisof has said he uses an accent from the south of England, but otherwise we have no real hints.
Parents/upbringing: Both his mother and father are still alive and apparently still living together. There are strong hints that his father was emotionally, if not physically, abusive and that their relationship remains difficult, even though Wes still seems to be trying (unsuccessfully) to make his father happy and proud of him. Wesley's relationship with his mother seems to be much warmer and more cordial. In spite of what he's gone through, Wes doesn't seem to harbor that much resentment or anger toward his parents. He acknowledges that they weren't great parents, but he seems to be trying to maintain a relationship with them and still desperately wants his father's approval. It remains to be seen whether this is a healthy sign or a sign that he's in deep denial about his past.
Based on his general manners and bearing, the odds are that he comes from an upper middle-class or upper-class background, or else he worked hard to transform himself after leaving home. His near total cluelessness about any kind of modern popular culture indicates that his upbringing was either very sheltered or very isolated. He may not have been allowed to watch television and he may not have had friends from whom he could have picked up any pop culture awareness. He seems to be someone who's old before his time, who was never allowed to be a child and who was made to act like an adult from a very early age. One way we see this is in his dancing ability. He seemed quite comfortable with a more formal ballroom dancing style at the prom in Sunnydale, but was rather spastic and clearly clueless when he was trying to dance in a more modern style to modern popular music at Cordelia's party. This is a 20/30-something man in the 21st century who would be far more comfortable at a formal ball than at a nightclub.
Siblings?: We have no indications of any brothers or sisters (but also no clear evidence that he's an only child). His awkwardness with women is probably a good sign that he doesn't have a sister, or if he does, that the age difference is so great that he never really interacted with her as a peer. Applying birth order theory to observed characteristics, it seems most likely that Wesley is an oldest/only child. The firstborn child is the one who tends to be "perfect" or tries to be, to live up to family standards and expectations. Parents tend to relax their expectations with subsequent children. Oldest children tend to be more responsible and more serious about doing a good job. Meanwhile, only children tend to grow up quickly and become miniature adults at an early age because most of their interaction is with adults. A person generally behaves like an "only" if there's more than a five-year age gap between any siblings, so if Wes has any brothers or sisters, there's a good chance there's a large age gap. He's still probably the oldest of the family. (Note: this doesn't mean the writers are considering birth order characteristics when writing him, so it's entirely possible that an older brother may pop out of the woodwork at some point.)
Education: He mentioned to Giles that he attended an all-boys preparatory school. That's yet another possible reason that he's so awkward when it comes to women. Girls may have been like an alien species to him, and he never had the chance to learn how to ask a girl out on a date. It's extremely likely, given the level of knowledge he's demonstrated, that he has a university education, possibly even an advanced degree. Linguistics would seem an appropriate area of specialty. Not only does he read, speak and understand multiple languages, but he seems to have an underlying understanding of the way languages work that allows him to translate -- with the appropriate reference materials -- even languages that aren't in his repertoire. Because demon knowledge isn't generally part of the curriculum at a conventional university, it's very likely that Watcher training involved its own course of study, either concurrent with his other education or as a sort of post-graduate training.
Hobbies, interests and skills: In addition to languages, Wesley's areas of expertise include a nearly encyclopedic knowledge of demons and demon lore. He's an expert marksman and seems to know his way around multiple kinds of guns and bows. He knows a lot about swords, knives and related weapons, too, and has some skill with a sword. Weapons in general appear to be an interest. He collects rare or antique weapons to the point that others know special weapons are an appropriate gift for him, and he's always on the lookout for a unique, rare or interesting weapon to add to his collection. He decorates his home with weapons, with knives or axes on the wall in his living room and fencing foils in the umbrella stand by his door. He also keeps a shotgun in his closet and apparently owns a handgun.
For leisure activities, he and Gunn appear to have enjoyed watching testosterone-laden action films ("Dad"). Wesley has made a few references to fictional detectives, he sometimes tries to use the hardboiled detective lingo (not very successfully) and he did his Sherlock Holmes impression in "Happy Anniversary," so it's a good guess that he's a mystery buff. He seems to enjoy books of all kinds, for he's seldom seen without one. He appears to have a solid grasp of the classics, having read Inferno and being able to quote or refer to works like the Bible off the top of his head. We don't know if this is due to personal interest or due to his education.
We don't yet seem to have any clues what kind of music he listens to. He was thinking about singing a Cat Stevens song in the karaoke bar, but we don't know if this is simply something he thought he could sing or if it's the kind of music he enjoys. He has at least a passing knowledge of classic rock, enough to get a joke about "Stairway to Heaven."
He prefers brewed tea to tea made from teabags, and when he drinks coffee, he appears to prefer plain old coffee that he doesn't have to wade through a mound of toppings to get to ("War Zone").
His hangout of choice appears to be an English (or Irish, given the music playing in "Tomorrow") pub, where he can drink and play darts. That's where he seems to go when he's upset and needs to think ("Sanctuary" and "Tomorrow"). He also seems to earn a little extra money playing darts ("Judgment").
Personal beliefs: The series (like most American television) avoids dealing directly with religious issues. Wesley does seem to have a great deal of familiarity with most traditional religions, including Christianity. He's made a number of Biblical references and allusions, but that could be as much from his overall knowledge of folklore as it is from any specific religious training. Wesley does have a very strong moral compass and a firm sense of right and wrong. We don't know how he developed his moral compass. He may have picked some of it up from his father or from Watcher training, but he also seems to have challenged some of their teachings along the way. It doesn't seem likely that the Council of Watchers would have taught the degree of tolerance he has for the shades of grey among the different kinds of demons. He doesn't let others sway what he knows to be right, no matter how popular or unpopular his opinion might be. Holtz used this against him, not challenging, but instead encouraging his sense of what was right.
Wesley's future is, at the end of season 3, in as much doubt as any other character. His allegiances and beliefs have all been called into question. He's been rejected by the supposed good-guys, the people of Angel Investigations. He's being recruited by the bad guys, in the form of Wolfram and Hart. He's hurt and bitter, hiding either in his home or in a beer glass. He's utterly isolated, except for the somewhat dubious company of Lilah Morgan. Will he hold onto his moral compass? Will he continue to show the traits he's displayed consistently since he first stepped on the scene?