The FREAKSHOW!!!

This is the new home of the Online FREAKSHOW.

There are rules to this, when it's performed live. If you'd like to read an enjoyable rendition, written with a dab of history and a schmeer of smarm, check out Noah's defunct Freakshow page. REMEMBER to only email entries through THIS PAGE, and not to Noah.

If you already know the score, join in the madness.

The first suggestion is spatula

Send in your entry

I disavow responsibility for any of the following. Even the first entry, which is mine:

One thousand and one spatulas rush into a bar after having committed a crime. The spatulas are in the middle of ordering their drinks when a thousand and one cops storm into the bar and shout "Spread 'em!"

Allow me...SELL IT!!

This entry comes from YesandEd@aol.com:

A thousand and one spatulas walk into a bar after getting dumped by their girlfriends. The bartender says, "The drinks are on me. It looks like you're taking it pretty hard" The spatulas reply, "Yeah, we would have preferred if it was over easy.

SELL IT!! I can't even summon the energy to comment on how awful that was. Not even creatively awful, just mediocre.

From our good friend Jason Chin:

One thousand and one spatulas are trying to set up their friends, the spaghetti holders with their spatula sisters. "I don't know... I've had bad luck with set ups," say the spaghetti holders, "they never like me."

"Trust me," respond the thousand and one spatulas. "She'll flip for you!"

Go to school and get a degree in Marketing. You'll need that in order to SELL IT!! Come on. A Flip joke?!?!

Sadly, Jason wasn't alone. The following bit of banality is from Rich Sohn:

One thousand and one spatulas poke their heads into an English Pub and ask the barkeep to pull them a pint. Instead, the barman has them manhandled out of the place. From the door, the spatulas demand to know why he won't serve them. He tells them to toss off and adds, "We don't want your flippin' kind in 'ere."

SELL IT!! Slightly better than Jason's attempt, but it still falls prey to the classic blunder of mistaking a pancake turner for a spatula. The items are entirely different. I tried to emphasize that very difference with my admittedly horrible first entry.

This will be the end of this first, and disappointing chapter in the online freakshow. The second chapter begins now, and the suggestion is automobile

I'm hopeful that this will increase the number and variety of the entries.

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