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Note: The following story contains scenes that some may find offensive and hereby receives an 'R' rating. In addition, the story is written in stream of conscious; there is no attempt to be grammatically correct.
I could see the building, and it was larger than our house, with lots of colors; red, green, yellow, blue, some flashing. Our house didn't have colors, and it smelled bad most of the time, like moldy bread. We had walked a long way from our house, me, Mother, and Nathan, and my feet hurt. The shoes I was wearing didn't feel good.
"Look at her, she must be so cold," Mother said. She put her hand on my shoulder, messing with the strap of the dress. "Do you think she's cold, Nathan?"
"She needs her coat," Nathan said, and started to put the coat back on.
"No, we're too close," Mother said. "We'd just have to take it right back off. She'll be warm once we get inside."
"They aren't going to let us in," Nathan said. I could hear him breathing, could see the air coming from his mouth. "You know they aren't going to let us in. They never let anyone else in."
We stopped. I tripped over my shoes, and Mother grabbed my arm. "They'll take good care of her," she said.
"They won't," Nathan said. "You know what they're going to do."
"Maybe someone else will get picked," Mother said. Then, clutching at me, "Shush, Claire. Please stop."
Please just don't cry, Mother said. I don't like to see you cry, it makes your face so red. You won't cry will you? Mommy doesn't want you to. There, that's a good girl. She spread her fingers across my cheek.
"Look at her," Nathan said. "It won't matter if someone else gets chosen. You've heard the stories; just yesterday, you even talked to one that didn't get picked. Don't you remember what she said?"
"I know," Mother said. "But there's nothing else we can do. We're at the edge, Nathan. You know what this last year's been like."
"I know what the last year's been like," Nathan said. "But look at her. You know what they are going to do."
"What else can I do?" Mother said. "I try so hard, and I can't find a moment when I'm not worrying about her." She hugged me, pressing her pale cheek against mine. It was cold, but I didn't feel it. The shoes hurt my feet.
"Don't do that now," Nathan said. "You don't want her crying in the middle of the street."
"She won't cry," Mother said. She was looking at the building. "She won't cry. Hold her hand, Nathan. You know that's what she wants."
Nathan grabbed my hand. His was soft and warm like when he talked at home and was asleep with me. Come on, Claire he said and we walked past some colors, red, green, yellow, blue and Mother said that if only you could understand we need the money because we have to take care of you.
The ground got harder when we got nearer to the building. I could see two people standing outside a door, one had something in his mouth and was blowing smoke into the air. Mother stopped again and said something.
Nathan said, "Now you want go back. What do you want to do, Mother?"
Mother said, "I don't know, I'm only trying to do what's best for all of us. It's a lot of money."
"Money," Nathan said. "I can get money." His hand grew tighter around mine. He said, "But no money we're going to get can be worth this."
Mother put her hand over her eye, a flowing shadow over her face. "We can't go back," she said. She grabbed my other arm and started walking again. Nathan let go of my hand. He didn't follow, but stayed behind, watching us, and I could see his breath floating and fading away into the air.
We got to the door and I saw the two men looking at me. The one with thing in his mouth blew smoke, it smelled and made me cough. He said, "That's a nice one you've got." He laughed. "I like the heels. Name?"
"Claire," Mother said. Her hand gripped my arm.
"Nice name," he said. He blew more smoke. "Nice dress, too. He has a thing for red." The other man laughed.
"I'm sure," Mother said. "Shush, Claire."
"Oh, don't tell her to shush," he said. He grinned, and looked at the other man. "He likes 'em noisy. Ain't that right, Shack?"
Shack grinned, too. "Yeah," he said.
He turned back. "You're in luck, girl. The other two don't look that great. Looks like you'll get the moola," he said, and snapped his fingers. "Looks like you'll get something else, too."
Hey lady, he said. You'll wanna step back and let us take her to see him. They moved and grabbed me, each one holding my arms.
"Claire," I heard Mother say. "Please try not to cry. You--"
They pulled me into the door, one blowing smoke, and I couldn't hear Mother any more.
"It's a textbook op," I said. "We go down the ropes, hit the roof, and go in through the sky trap. We split up, each neutralizing our designated areas. You know the blueprints of the house. Once we've taken care of any collateral, we rendevous in the master bedroom."
I heard a laugh, and a shape in the darkness moved. "I like it," the shape said. "Bet we'll catch him with his pants down, too."
"You would like that, wouldn't you Reno?" another shape said.
Reno shifted. A single strand of red hair escaped the confinement of his kelvar helmet. "Three weeks with the Turks, Elena," the college of sarcasm graduate said. "Three weeks, and your jokes still suck."
I didn't try and stop the banter. I knew better. Banter helped exorcize the pre-op jitters, so it got an endorsement in my book. The wind at my back grew stronger; stand up, and it could sweep you away.
I shifted again, and peered down the open access panel next to me, not worried about falling prematurely; the steel-woven rope--it was woven with steel so as to weigh it down and prevent the wind from blowing it all over the place--attached to the belt on my suit would prevent that. I could see the lights of the Section Eight slums far below; red, green, yellow, blue, all kinds of colors. The interlocked web of steel girders just slightly above; I'd soon be navigating through those. A yellow searchlight bathed a part of the area with unnatural light, not over the target area, so it wasn't a threat. It was surreal, the orange light in the distance and cold wind against me.
Reno was saying I didn't say you couldn't handle it. I just said it was only your second mission.
"I can do my goddamn job," Elena said.
The sight was no longer surreal. The banter was growing out of hand. "All right," I said over the noise. "That's enough. Reno, you're concern is understandable, but there's no way for a rookie to stop being a rookie unless you get 'em experience. This may not be the ideal second mission for Elena, but it's routine. We've practiced it before."
"I can do my goddamn job," Elena muttered again.
"Good," I said. "You're going to get to demonstrate your words through action in just a moment. Right now, though, I want to you two to check and see if you're secured to the cable."
"Sure, boss," Reno said, tugging at his line. He hardly ever called me by my name; his way, I suppose. "Shame that Rude can't be here."
"It's a three man op," I told him while checking my own line. Nice and secure. "And he's on vacation."
A grunt. "Yeah, and probably getting wasted. That, or checking out Miss Silicone in that shitty little dive he calls a bar if she's still around."
"Who the hell is Miss Silicone?" Elena asked.
"She's the one who apparently sampled our friend Corneo's charms," Reno said. "And she's the reason why we're going to bag that whoring bastard."
"You mean she's the one who--"
"Yeah," Reno said, and laughed. "She's the Avalanche member. Corneo told her a bit too much during all the pillow talk, I guess."
"Why?"
"Who cares?" Reno was pretty good with rhetorical questions. "I'm going to enjoy this op. I love catching squealers. Especially those that rat out on my op and get me fucking hurt." He turned, adjusting the shoulder strap of his weapon, a HV-5 with a suppressor about as long as his arm--we all had those--and said, "All ready, boss."
A second later Elena said, "Likewise, sir."
The wind had died down to a barely audible whisper; I couldn't feel it, hardly; could not, in fact, hear anything else. There were no words to exchange between us at this point; we were a part of the silent night now. I stood up, Reno and Elena following suit, and adjusted my own weapon so that it wouldn't hit me in the face during my descent, thinking Feels strange without the wind. Then I let the rope fall through the access hatch, feeling its heavy weight in my hands, breathing deeply before I lowered myself down a few seconds later.
Down I went, slowly, my gun pointed outward into the night, the rope sliding between my gloved hands and tugging at my waist. It was like repelling, except that you are only going down and not shoving off from a wall. The rope gave a slight jerk as Reno and Elena got on above me. I momentarily stopped my descent as I waited for them to get situated.
I hadn't yet looked down. Then we continued our descent, and I had to. I always knew that I would eventually have to. But I had waited to see the Slums.
I saw the flashing colors again. I closed my eyes to shut them out, but I could still see the red and blue auras even in the blackness. Hopeless task; I had to open my eyes. So I saw them again, this time splashing against the metallic girders farther above. The lights played against the metal, a nauseating dream of shiny colors. When I reached the girders, I could feel the light on my body. Breath came with an added intake of soot and recycled air. Blackness no longer protected. I didn't feel human.
I could see the target area, an abrasion against a sea of irrelevancies. I told myself that we were doing just fine.
The girders were above us, now. The wind picked up, chiseling away at my face. I could feel the rope shuddering. A helicopter wailed faintly in the distance, its one light flashing. The lights were everywhere. I could reach out and almost touch one had I not wanted blackness. But it was too bright. I was swallowed by it.
We were almost on top of the roof. I felt my vision straighten; our descent slowed. No one wanted to the hit the roof hard enough to get a broken leg as a result. The seconds flickered away, the remnants of sanity fading into the recycled air of the Slums, until all at once my feet hit concrete. I scrambled away from the rope and raised my gun. I couldn't see anyone else on the roof, so I found the trapdoor leading into the building and trained my gun on it. If anyone decided to come up for a stroll on the roof--absurd idea--they'd end up wondering where the other half of their face had splattered off to.
Reno's hand on my shoulder came as jolt; I hadn't heard him hit the roof. Elena was at his side a moment later, her weapon trained on the trapdoor. A red light slashed across her cheek.
I nodded at them, thinking Don't fuck up.
Amazingly enough, no sound came from the skylight's hinges as Reno slowly opened it, first an inch, then more as nothing was seen in the hallway. A jagged rent of yellow tore across my vision as the bright light became more evident. I blinked. The trapdoor lay open. Nothing in the hallway stirred.
Reno went first. I saw him raise his hand slightly, palm up. All clear. I moved through the skylight. Bright yellow light momentarily hurt my eyes until they adjusted. The hallway was carpeted. I thought Good, no wooden floors.
Elena came down in a few seconds. I was already moving up the hallway. I didn't need to look back to see if Reno and Elena had moved. They knew their assigned areas. We all had the blueprints memorized, and I knew where I needed to be.
I moved down the hallway, gun held ready, and I could see it. Double doors of red wood imported from the forest near Wutai, expensive shit I thought. As I got closer I could hear something besides my own blood rushing through my arteries, a high toned voice through the wall and random words sounding like a buzz, and then the doors opened and I heard he didn't pick Paula, he wanted the
I pressed against the wall just as the first man came out, my finger squeezing the trigger when his head became level with the gun sight. The suppressor reduced to the noise to a harmless sound, but the blood was real. It splashed on another man just behind the first and he stupidly ran out into the hallway looking dazed until my second shot of the night caused him to join the other man on the floor.
I didn't immediately move around the corner, but when I didn't hear anyone else move or shout I started running. I went through the double doors and I could suddenly hear my feet on the ground there wasn't any carpet. No one else was in the room, but I didn't stop running to look at anything until I got close to another door in the back. I stopped because I could hear.
are you going to start
I shouldn't have stopped
you're quiet aren't you
But I stopped because I was supposed to wait
come here let me get that off
Wait for Reno and Elena
what the fuck
Wait for them
come back here i'll show you
A whimper, followed by a slap
you better not do that again i don't like it when girls get second thoughts you're going to get fucking paid so you better
I moved into the door. I was in a parlor of sorts. The room was dark. A television chattered softly to the left, the screen bright, the sounds getting louder
says that there is no plan to rebuild the Sector 7 plate
One more door in the back of the room. I could hear it
like this you stupid bitch
president denies alleged rumors
stop that moaning it will only hurt for just a little
Animal sounds
hold still
Where the hell were Reno and Elena
god you're how old and not even been fucked
Light from the television in my eyes
in other news Shinra Special Forces cracked down on a long-running heroin ring in Sector Two
stop crying for god's sake it doesn't hurt that bad shut up or you won't get paid
Reno and Elena weren't coming
get back here right now
Do something
what the hell is wrong with you
Do something
I tried the doorknob but it was locked so I kicked it in and was surprised when it caved in the first time. Light assaulted my eyes. A sickly sweet smell almost choked me when I stepped into the room and saw it on the bed, a puddle of blood soaking into the sheets. Corneo and a woman were on the bed, both naked, the former huddled back on some pillows, the latter sitting up and crying. I looked back at the blood and for a moment I couldn't figure out what it was. Then I knew, and I almost lost it right there in the middle of the op.
"What the fu--"
I had forgotten to train my gun on Corneo; I rectified my error. "Shut up," I told him.
"Hey, man--"
I shifted my aim to a sensitive spot. "Feel like pissing through a catheter?"
He shut up. The girl kept crying.
A sudden commotion in the other room. I swung around, ready to fire, when I heard a voice. "All clear!" Elena.
She came through the door with her gun in one hand. I saw a cut in her glove, could see the red against the black. I heard her breath catch when she saw what was in the room, could see her eyes taking in the overload of vivid detail. She seemed to teeter on an edge. Then the smell hit her and she promptly leaned over and vomited.
I turned away, trying not to listen to her retching. I looked at the girl for a moment, watching her cry. Her skin was very pale, but her hair was dark brown. I have no idea why I noted that, it was strange, she was so pale and her hair dark brown strange contrast
Then I heard another voice through the doorway and a sound of something being dragged. Reno stepped into the room, looking smug and elated. "What's up, boss?" he greeted in a conversational tone. "Looky at what I got!" He jerked someone by the arm into the room.
I looked and saw a half-naked black woman with cow-like eyes and udders judging from what I could see. Her mouth was partially open, a string of drool dangling precariously from her thick lips.
Reno was saying She was having the time of her life before I stepped in and ended it all. Weren't you having the time of your life, Paula? Weren't you having a nice little orgy?
The black girl--Paula, I suppose--looked at Reno and nodded. "I having good time," she affirmed in a slow drawl. "Real good time." Her eyes were glazed over, but when Reno looked at her they changed.
"That's right," Reno said, and snickered. "And with three other guys! Jesus, Paula, didn't you get tired?"
Paula didn't seem to know what to say. Her eyes moved to Reno, and I saw what was in them. Fear.
Elena had stopped retching, but the girl was still crying
Reno smiled and gave me a knowing glance. He said, "Oh, yeah, she's definitely on something. I'd guess barbiturates. Maybe someone gave 'em to her to make her more agreeable."
"Very nice, Reno," I told him. I felt irritated; the crying was getting on my nerves. "I just hope you took care of everything."
He turned back to Paula. He looked amused when she flinched. "Now, Paula, would you like to tell my boss what I did just a few minutes back? You know, to reassure him that I took care of everything. You can do that, can't you?"
She didn't seem to know what to do. Half of it was the drugs, I saw, but the other half she's terrified of him.
"Come on, Paula," Reno said, annoyed. "Tell Tseng what I did. You saw what I did, didn't you?"
His annoyance galvanized her into action. She nodded jerkily and said, "Yeah, yeah, I seen it, I seen it good. They was doing me and you came in and told 'em to get on the floor all in a row and then you killed their ass, bang!" she mimed someone shooting with her hand. "All three, lined 'em up and killed their ass." She was shaking now.
I heard Elena get up and try to shush the girl
Reno patted her on the head. "That's right, Paula. All three of them. Didn't I do a good job? Didn't I?"
I turned away, feeling something churn within my stomach. I looked at Elena. She wasn't having any luck with the girl. She couldn't stop the crying.
I heard Reno say Well, what do we have here? Told you that we'd catch him with his pants down!
And Corneo said, "Hey, I don't know what's the problem, but I'm sure I could--"
"Shut up," I said. "And put on some goddamn pants."
Reno watched him scramble for a pair. He said, "Don, you are one fat, ugly son a bitch. How much do you pay girls to sleep with you?"
"Look, asshole, what the fuck do you want from me!"
"Your ass," Reno said. "Wrapped in a big, pink bow. Can I have your ass, Corneo?" Paula was still watching him.
Corneo wasn't amused, and the oath he fired back was probably a crude one. I didn't listen. The crying was too loud.
"Can't you shut her up?" I said to Elena.
"I'm trying," she said, flustered.
I went over to the girl. I tried hard to keep my eyes on her face, because I had no desire to look anywhere else. I didn't want to risk losing it again. "Listen," I said. "We are not going to hurt you. We are not going to let that man hurt you, either."
No use. You like 'em with tits, don't you Don? You like the big ones Reno was saying.
"Tell me your name," I said to the girl. "What's your name?"
Lockheart Reno said. Yeah, her. You told her, Don. You told her about the plan
"Christ. Why won't you tell me your name?"
"Tseng," Elena said. Her face was pale.
"What?"
But you didn't count on us learning about it. You didn't count on the Turks, did you. You stupid sack of shit, did you think we wouldn't know? Reno had his pistol out
"I don't think she knows what you're asking," Elena said. Her breath sounded sick. "I don't think she knows."
"What--" I started.
Elena shook her head. "I don't think she could even tell you her name."
I had to lay in a goddamn hospital bed, Don Reno was saying. And all because of you. You blabbed, Don
The girl kept on crying, her face scrunched up like a baby's and I saw it. "Jesus," I said. I put a hand to my mouth. "How the hell did she get here, then?"
A shrug. "I don't know. Maybe someone brought her here."
"Who?" I felt like throwing up, felt like asking the world who could do such a thing.
Reno was reaching into Corneo's pants. Well, shit! Where's the dick, Don? Where's the dick? Hell, is this what you've been sticking into girls? This limp two incher? Look here. He withdrew his hand and replaced it with the pistol.
Corneo started screaming.
It was too goddamn bright in the room.
Feel that? Ain't that barrel cold? Fuck, I love this job! Reno was laughing. Whoops! My finger's twitching. Goddamn twitches, you never know when they come. There it goes again! I've got 'em pretty bad this time, Don. I've got 'em pretty bad
I turned on Reno. "Reno, put the gun down," I said.
"What?" he said, not really listening.
I told him again to put the gun down. He heard me this time. The crying continued, and Elena tried to shush her.
"Put the gun down," I told him again.
He didn't move.
I met his stare it's for your own good don't you see
The crying continued, but I couldn't hear it.
"You see what he did?" Reno said. He used his free hand to point at the puddle of blood soaking into the bed. "You see it?"
I looked unflinchingly at it, feeling a prick at my resolve. It was only momentary. "I see it," I said.
"And you think it's not worth it?"
I nodded.
He didn't say anything for a long time, his stare not wavering. Then he withdrew the gun from Corneo's pants and replaced it in its holster. I could hear the crying again.
"You did the right thing," I said to him.
"Fuck you, Tseng," was all he said.
I had gotten off easy. I turned to Elena. "We've overstayed our welcome. We need to find this girl's parents." I gestured in the girl's direction.
"The plan called for us to leave through the sewers," Elena said quietly.
"Plan's been changed," I said. The sweet smell was beginning to wear off, but the light still hurt my eyes. "We leave out the front door."
"We do that, we risk getting shot at, sir," Elena pointed out.
I shook my head. "No one's going to shoot at us. We'll find someone who knows the girl and get him to take her back."
There wasn't any further argument. Time was of importance, so we moved fast. Elena and Reno handled and clothed the girl while I talked to Corneo. He seemed glad that he was going to live, so I slammed him across the face with the stock of my gun. Then I opened up the trapdoor that led to the sewers and dumped him in there. He hadn't been knocked unconscious, so I got the satisfaction of watching him plead with me while I closed him in darkness and Reno watched me as I smiled, but he didn't smile.
Reaching the outside was a painstaking process. I scouted ahead while Elena and Reno coaxed the girl to walk with them. She cried most of the way, but it had subsided to muffled hiccups and sniffles like those of a little girl. I looked back once; her face might have been pretty had it not been red and runny, her hair a knotted mess, her once sleek red dress now wrinkled and blood stained. I didn't look back again.
How the hell can she live in this place
I don't know, Reno. Just don't let her fall
Elena was at my side. "Are you alright, sir?"
"Yeah. Is your hand okay?"
"What?"
"Your hand," I pointed out. "You cut your hand."
She glanced down. "It's fine," she said. "I just scratched it against a window sill."
Come on, stop moaning
We rounded a corner. "Get it checked," I told her. "It might get infected."
"It's just a scratch," she repeated, and hesitated. Then: "Sir, I'm sorry about losing it back there. It--"
"It's perfectly human," I reassured her. "I almost lost it, too. But you pulled together. Overall, I'd say you did pretty well."
Her silence was thanks enough. For the night, it would have to be enough.
Outside, a maelstrom of lights greeted us with dazzling intensity. There weren't many people around at this hour, but three people with guns dragging a girl behind them attract notice. In no time a small crowd had gathered to stare at the sight. None of them appeared armed, so I didn't pay them much heed. We went on down the road that led into the heart of Wall Market, and I had plenty of time to wonder about what I'd say to whomever took care of the girl and to endure Reno's accusing silence. I had robbed him of his revenge, wouldn't have I acted the same way
But I wasn't like Reno. I couldn't mire myself in the Slums like he could. I couldn't submit to the madness.
I was in Wall Market. The decrepit and haphazardly laid buildings surrounding me, their unsteady foundations, their patched roofs. The smell of booze and urine packed tightly in the air. The oscillation of reality phasing back and forth through insanity. They threatened at every moment.
But I wasn't going to fall victim to any of it, because I was doing the right thing. I could
How can anyone take care of you. Stop crying
Elena murmured something. The facade wilted away at the sound of the girl's tears in an orderly manner, moving from building to building and onward into the night. Sober truth took its place. I heard a neon sign sizzle above me.
I couldn't get away from the goddamn lights.
This story was inspired in part by William Faulkner's The Sound and the Fury
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