Virtually friends

So what the hell is the point in the internet? Could it be that it can find you the answer to any question in seconds? From “What was the name of the captain in Moby Dick?” to “How do I resusitate drowning gecko?” . Could it be that in the space of ten minutes it can boost the nipple count in your household from that of a sleeping labradoor to a figure approaching that of a mega-lo-maniacical estrogen pumped udder nymph? Or maybe it’s the fact that you can get a live feedback camera link to a field of cows in America, and spend hours waiting for them to emerge from behind the bushes (just like being at the zoo, but without the fresh air) only to find the black and white spotted beauties you dreamed of were actually off brown..

For me, the internet is a means of finding, or being found, by amazing people, who never would have touched your life otherwise. People whose path you would have never have crossed, or whose thought you would never have shared, someone who would have been taken to the next world without ever having heard your name, or cracked a wry smile at your muse.

There is this overtly popular myth that the internet is a golden temple in the grey valley of geekdom, where little social rejectile parker clad pimplets tap into the milk of a million Star Trek log entries, and drool through their retainers. Sure, that stuffs there if you want it, hell, who wouldn’t want a tribble screensaver? But the internet has become more than that, and even if it wasn’t, what’s so bad about getting a Trekkie out of their house? Even if it is down some underground optical fibre.

The internet has become an anonomous amplifier of the ‘me’. Where you can yell on about how great you are to people who dont care, or even know you. You dont get dirty looks or feel a fool, the worst you can be is flamed, and even then there’s always the ‘block sender’ bunker to run to at Hotmail, so contacts can be just as quickly lost as found. Americans are long used to ‘me-isms’ , thinking nothing of venting their innermost thoughts and personal diaries on-line, after all, thats what you get yelled down the coridoors of a thousand high schools. But for the English, the internet brings a whole new concept. Actually having to reveal a little about yourself to strangers- shock- having a monologue with potentially nobody but your fingertips- horror- and maybe, just maybe letting someone into your mind, when they could stand next to you at the fax machine every morning and barely know your name. You may even decide you actually like that shortarsed goth after all.

I find it strange how some of my seemingly casual friendships have strengthened through email, maybe its the way you can put yourself in someones mind at any given point throughout the day, the more you think about them the closer you must feel, or perhaps it’s because you have time to correlate your thoughts into the perfect line, the repost you would kill to deliver in public, the one that appears standing on the tube when your half way home from work, or the thing you’d daren’t say to someones face. You can tell your friend how much you love them or respect them, without cringing or blushing, and when you next meet, it’s as if it was never said, but somehow, you both seem closer, calmer and more secure in your bond.

Of course the most extreme and amazing thing is when you share such intimate thoughts and personal nuances you may harbour with complete strangers, the safety in the knowledge that you dont know them and can escape at any time, means you can be brutally candid with both them and yourself, you can find a soulmate so much more quickly than if you had actually met them, and spent so long trawling through the small talk, before that time when your’e both drunk and you tell them what you’re so afraid of.

You can take the active or the passive stance when it comes to finding virtual friends. Be the hunter of the hunted. In either scenario, you need to be honest with yourself from the start, and have an idea of the sort of person you want to meet. You are here now, you have already probably decided whether you think I am either a ‘pretentious tosser’ or someone, who just may be, worth knowing. If it’s the latter, all you have to do is fire an email at me..and BAM! We’re strangers no more. If it’s the former, then I probably wouldnt give a shit about you either, so we need never meet.
The best way to find people, is not in chat rooms, these are predominantly filled with fast typing, slow thinking hicks who like to boast about the size of their egg whisks, and how, given half the chance, they could make the world’s tastiest omlette.

The best way is to visit the guestbook of a website on something you are interested in, something that would attract people like yourself. You can read other peoples comments, and pluck out the interesting ones from the ‘cool site man- keep rocking, Zeebort’ ones. You may even be able to work out where they are from by looking at their email address, or even better, visit their website, and burrow in their thoughts for a while. A bit of courage, a click, some taps, and before long, you’re in contact.

But for all this, there are of course the people you meet by pure chance, who on the street you would have sailed straight on past, but in reality, turn out to be the brightest star in the ocean.

I met such a person in November 1998, she was the hunter. She had a need. She found my email address in the fan registry section of the biggest Tori Amos Website on the net, and fired me, and a dozen other Londoners, a mesage.

I was sat at my desk in a big glass doughnut, bored out of my mind and unfulfilled. Suddenly, out of nowhere, “You’ve got Mail”, and a message from ‘WorldCamelot’ was there, the message read something like this:

Received from ‘Worldcamelot@hotmail.com: Date: 27th November 1998 Subject: An American in London Dear John, I got your name from the Dent’s registry, and thought I’d send you an email. I am an American student coming to study English in Drama in England for a semester next year, and wondered if you had any tips for a woman travelling alone in London. I figured Toriphiles are the best people to ask, I would be grateful for any advice you may have. Heather de Land

____________________

I replied to the effect of:

Heather, Good to hear from you, London is really cool, so much to take in , if your on high it can be the most exciting city on earth, if your on a low, its the lonliest place on the planet. Oh, and the tube gives you black snots. Tangarines. John.

_________________________________

And what do you know...she wrote back...

Some people spend a lifetime searching in the flesh for their perfect match, others just click.


What is the point in the internet?
	So what the hell is the point in the internet? Could it be that it can find you the answer to any question in seconds? From “What was the name of the captain in Moby Dick?” to “How do I resusitate drowning gecko?” . Could it be that in the space of ten minutes it can boost the nipple count in your household from that of a sleeping labradoor to a figure approaching that of a mega-lo-maniacical estrogen pumped udder nymph? Or maybe it’s the fact that you can get a live feedback camera link to a field of cows in America, and spend hours waiting for them to emerge from behind the bushes (just like being at the zoo, but without the fresh air) only to find the black and white spotted beauties you dreamed of were actually off brown.. For me, the internet is a means of finding, or being found, by amazing people, who never would have touched your life otherwise. People whose path you would have never have crossed, or whose thought you would never have shared, someone who would have been taken to the next world without ever having heard your name, or cracked a wry smile at your muse. There is this overtly popular myth that the internet is a golden temple in the grey valley of geekdom, where little social rejectile parker clad pimplets tap into the milk of a million Star Trek log entries, and drool through their retainers. Sure, that stuffs there if you want it, hell, who wouldn’t want a tribble screensaver? But the internet has become more than that, and even if it wasn’t, what’s so bad about getting a Trekkie out of their house? Even if it is down some underground optical fibre. The internet has become an anonomous amplifier of the ‘me’. Where you can yell on about how great you are to people who dont care, or even know you. You dont get dirty looks or feel a fool, the worst you can be is flamed, and even then there’s always the ‘block sender’ bunker to run to at Hotmail, so contacts can be just as quickly lost as found. Americans are long used to ‘me-isms’ , thinking nothing of venting their innermost thoughts and personal diaries on-line, after all, thats what you get yelled down the coridoors of a thousand high schools. But for the English, the internet brings a whole new concept. Actually having to reveal a little about yourself to strangers- shock- having a monologue with potentially nobody but your fingertips- horror- and maybe, just maybe letting someone into your mind, when they could stand next to you at the fax machine every morning and barely know your name. You may even decide you actually like that shortarsed goth after all. I find it strange how some of my seemingly casual friendships have strengthened through email, maybe its the way you can put yourself in someones mind at any given point throughout the day, the more you think about them the closer you must feel, or perhaps it’s because you have time to correlate your thoughts into the perfect line, the repost you would kill to deliver in public, the one that appears standing on the tube when your half way home from work, or the thing you’d daren’t say to someones face. You can tell your friend how much you love them or respect them, without cringing or blushing, and when you next meet, it’s as if it was never said, but somehow, you both seem closer, calmer and more secure in your bond. Of course the most extreme and amazing thing is when you share such intimate thoughts and personal nuances you may harbour with complete strangers, the safety in the knowledge that you dont know them and can escape at any time, means you can be brutally candid with both them and yourself, you can find a soulmate so much more quickly than if you had actually met them, and spent so long trawling through the small talk, before that time when your’e both drunk and you tell them what you’re so afraid of. You can take the active or the passive stance when it comes to finding virtual friends. Be the hunter of the hunted. In either scenario, you need to be honest with yourself from the start, and have an idea of the sort of person you want to meet. You are here now, you have already probably decided whether you think I am either a ‘pretentious tosser’ or someone, who just may be, worth knowing. If it’s the latter, all you have to do is fire an email at me..and BAM! We’re strangers no more. If it’s the former, then I probably wouldnt give a shit about you either, so we need never meet. The best way to find people, is not in chat rooms, these are predominantly filled with fast typing, slow thinking hicks who like to boast about the size of their egg whisks, and how, given half the chance, they could make the world’s tastiest omlette. The best way is to visit the guestbook of a website on something you are interested in, something that would attract people like yourself. You can read other peoples comments, and pluck out the interesting ones from the ‘cool site man- keep rocking, Zeebort’ ones. You may even be able to work out where they are from by looking at their email address, or even better, visit their website, and burrow in their thoughts for a while. A bit of courage, a click, some taps, and before long, you’re in contact. But for all this, there are of course the people you meet by pure chance, who on the street you would have sailed straight on past, but in reality, turn out to be the brightest star in the ocean. I met such a person in November 1998, she was the hunter. She had a need. She found my email address in the fan registry section of the biggest Tori Amos Website on the net, and fired me, and a dozen other Londoners, a mesage. I was sat at my desk in a big glass doughnut, bored out of my mind and unfulfilled. Suddenly, out of nowhere, “You’ve got Mail”, and a message from ‘WorldCamelot’ was there, the message read something like this: `Received from ‘Worldcamelot@hotmail.com: Date: 27th November 1998 Subject: An American in London Dear John, I got your name from the Dent’s registry, and thought I’d send you an email. I am an American student coming to study English in Drama in England for a semester next year, and wondered if you had any tips for a woman travelling alone in London. I figured Toriphiles are the best people to ask, I would be grateful for any advice you may have. Heather de Land` ____________________ I replied to the effect of: `Heather, Good to hear from you, London is really cool, so much to take in , if your on high it can be the most exciting city on earth, if your on a low, its the lonliest place on the planet. Oh, and the tube gives you black snots. Tangarines. John.` _________________________________ And what do you know...she wrote back... Some people spend a lifetime searching in the flesh for their perfect match, others just click.

Main Menu Leave Graffiti Heather's website