Murphy's Law ('If anything can go wrong, it will') was born at Edwards Air Force Base – in 1949 at North Base. It was named after Capt. Edward A. Murphy, an engineer working on an Air Force Project. Reference: 'The Desert Wings', March 3, 1978, by the AFFTC History OfficeBasic Principles of Murphy's Law: 1.Nothing is as easy as it looks. 2.Everything takes longer than you think. 3.Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. 4.If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then. 5.If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. 6.If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. 7.Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. 8.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 9.Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. 10.Mother nature is a Bitch. 11.It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. 12.Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. 13.Every solution breeds new problems. "A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't." --- Murphy's Law of Sex --- It was Murphy who first observed that if anything can possibly go wrong, it will go wrong. Deceptive in its simplicity, this profound insight marked a turning point in our understanding of why things happen the way they do. Indelibly etching itself into the human psyche, this revelation ensured that never again would we look at the world in quite the same way. Murphy went on to expand on his theory and formulate the now famous laws that bear his name. Truly one of the great thinkers of our time, Murphy somehow managed to unravel the very fabric of the cosmos itself and lay bare the relentless perversity with which it is woven. "If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.", he said. It was a defining moment in history and Murphy's accomplishments provided the foundation for a host of others who would follow in his giant footsteps. There will only ever be one Murphy but his successors have, nonetheless, made significant contributions to his work. 1.If anything can go wrong, it will. 2.If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then. 3.If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway. 4.If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop. 5.Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. 6.If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 7.Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. 8.Mother nature is a bitch. Murphy's Law of Copiers The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance. Murphy's Law of the Open Road When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that: 1.the two cars are going in opposite directions, and 2.they will always meet at the bridge. Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics Things get worse under pressure. The Murphy Philosophy Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse. Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws Everything goes wrong all at once. Murphy's Constant Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value Murphy's Law of Research Enough research will tend to support your theory. Addition to Murphy's Laws In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong. More Laws Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem. Nothing is as easy as it looks. Everything takes longer than you think. If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first. Every solution breeds new problems. The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance. Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter. The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. More Laws of Selective Gravitation: A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage. A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it. A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath (and will not be discovered until it has dried). A dropped power tool will always land on the concrete instead of the soft ground (if outdoors) or the carpet (if indoors) - unless it is running, in which case it will fall on something it can damage (like your foot). If a dish is dropped while removing it from the cupboard, it will hit the sink, breaking the dish and chipping or denting the sink in the process. A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place (a diamond ring down the drain, for example) - or into the garbage disposal while it is running. If you use a pole saw to saw a limb while standing on an aluminum ladder borrowed from your neighbor, the limb will fall in such a way as to bend the ladder before it knocks you to the ground. If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield. More Laws of Selective Gravitation The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it. You will always find something in the last place you look. No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper. The other line always moves faster. In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought. If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up. If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly. Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it. Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work. In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules. A Smith & Wesson beats four aces. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. No good deed goes unpunished. Where patience fails, force prevails. Bahaman's Law on Computer Software: For any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version of that software appears in the market. Erma Bombeck Law Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet. Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck: The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you, the worse you know when this will happen, and vice-versa. Relativistic correction of Murphy's law: Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference. Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute): Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway. Murphy's Laws of Airline Travel: The distance to your departure gate is directly proportional to the weight of your carry on luggage and inversely proportional to the time remaining before your flight. If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it. If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face. When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested. Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will. Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back. If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions. He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger. - Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again. Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone. The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress. No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string. getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example) The fish are always biting....yesterday! You will never leave a parking space without someone in an adjacent space leaving at the same time. The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind. Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten. The clothes washer/dryer will only eat one of each pair of socks. When you see light at the end of the tunnel, the tunnel will cave in. The light at the end of the tunnel is a train Being dead right, won't make you any less dead. and....Having the right of way, won't make you any less dead. Whatever you want, you can't have, what you can have, you don't want. Whatever you want to do, is Not possible, what ever is possible for you to do, you don't want to do it. Traffic is inversely proportional to how late you are, or are going to be. The complexity and frustration factor is inversely proportional to how much time you have left to finish, and how important it is. Crespins law of observation: The probability of being observed is in direct proportion to the stupidity of ones actions A knowledge of Murphy's Law is no help in any situation. If you apply Murphy's Law, it will no longer be applicable. If you say something, and stake your reputation on it, you will lose your reputation. Where patience fails - Force prevails. Murphy's Law Current Revision: Any thing that can go wrong, HAS Already Gone Wrong! You just haven't been notified. The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" but "That's funny..." The letter box is always on the other side of the road. If many things can go wrong, they will all go wrong at the same time. Waxman's Law: Everything tastes more or less like chicken. Skarstad's Observation: You will never find any more loose change than you have already lost. If authority was mass, stupidity would be gravity. If anything was worth doing, it would've already been done. Corollary: Nothing is worth doing. You can do anything except light a paper match on a marshmallow under water Ants will always infest the nearest food cupboard. Long's Law: Those who know the least will always know it the loudest. McFalls' Maxim No degree of acceptance can ever change the facts. Translation: You may come to terms with being screwed, but nevertheless you're still screwed. Hunter's Corollary to Murphy's Law: Things always go from bad to worse. Hunter's Observation on Beauty: Beauty is only skin deep, fashion even shallower. Hunter's Observation on Experts: An expert is someone with an opinion and a word processor. Hunter's Observation on Sugarcoating: All pornography is air-brushed or computer-enhanced. Hunter's Observation on hypocrites: A person without values or standards can never be a hypocrite. Hunter's Observation on Education and Oz: We can give you a diploma, but we can't give you a brain. Don't get into a pissing contest with a skunk. The Law of Stupid Tricks: Just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD. Garbage abhors a vacuum. It will grow to fill available space. Corollary: The more space you have, the more junk you'll have. Paper is always strongest at the perforation. Things are never as good as they are bad. Chaos always wins, because it's better organized. The Wingwalker's Rule: Don't let go of something until you have a hold of something else. When you wear new shoes for the first time, everyone will step on them. If Murphy's law is correct, everything East of the San Andreas Fault will slide into the Atlantic. If Murphy's Law can go wrong it will. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come... If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence that you ever tried. It takes forever to learn the rules and once you've learned them they change again. The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds.... The pessimist fears this is true. Murphy was an optimist Well, there are a lot of people who think he was an optimist, aren't there? Or in other words: someone else always seems to get the credit for your work. The harder you work the more people there will be to claim credit except when it backfires. You get all the credit for the dumb move. Murphy was an extreme optimist! Don't worry about Murphy's Law, you know it's gonna happen anyway, so just get on with it and get it over with! MURPHY's LAWS "If anything can go wrong, it will." "All warranties expire upon payment of invoice." "A $10,000 safety device will protect a 10 cent fuse from blowing." "Anything that can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time." "Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought." "Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center." "Bad weather reports are more often right than the good ones." "Enough research will tend to support your theory." "A fast and efficient time-sharing system isn't." "All major bugs in a software project will turn up five minutes before it is due." "Before you find your handsome prince, you got to kiss a lot of frogs." "A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't." "Do you know Presidents talk to the country the way men talk to women? They say, Trust me, go all the way with me, and everything will be all right. And what happens? Nine months later, you're in trouble!" *************************************************** Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules. There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over. Murphy was an optimist. No good deed goes unpunished. All warranties expire upon payment of invoice. There is always one more bug. Leakproof seals-will. Self starters-will not. A Smith and Wesson beats four aces. Interchangeable parts-won't. Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate. If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it. Nature is a mother. A short cut is the longest distance between two points. 90% of everything is crud. If you're feeling good, don't worry . . .you'll get over it. You will always find something in the last place you look. The chance of a piece of bread falling with the butter side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper. No one's life, liberty, or prosperity are safe while the legislature is in session. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate. The other line always moves faster. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening. In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it. It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought. A bird in hand is safer than one overhead. If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up. A $300.00 picture tube will protect a $0.10 fuse by blowing first. Everything East of the San Andreas Fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean. If it jams---force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway. Nature always sides with the hidden flaw. The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train. Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center. Celibacy is not hereditary. The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will always work perfectly. Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone. Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit. Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. Everybody should believe in something --- I believe I'll have another drink. If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on. Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it. If more than on person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault. Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference. Corollary to Murphy's Law: When things just can't possibly get any worse, they will. Murphy's Constant: Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value. Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory. Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure. Murphy's Combat Laws: 1. Peace is our Profession, mass murder is just a hobby. 2. Killing for peace is like whoring for virginity. 3. Remember...your weapon was made by the lowest bidder Murphy's Laws of Combat Operations: You are not superman Keep it simple, stupid Automatic weapons - aren't Recoilless weapons - aren't Suppressive fire - won't Incoming fire has the right of way If the enemy is in range, so are you Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire When in doubt, empty your magazine The easy way is always mined Never draw fire, it annoys those around you If it's stupid and it works, it ain't stupid Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous Teamwork is essential, it gives them somebody else to shoot at Anything you do can get you shot, including doing nothing No combat ready unit ever passed inspection No inspection ready unit ever passed combat Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush No battle plan survives contact with the enemy Your weapon was made by the lowest bidder The enemy diversion you are ignoring will turn out to be the main attack When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out If you're short on everything but the enemy, you're in a combat zone The enemy invariably attacks on only two occasions: when you're ready, and when you're not.
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