MANAGEMENT LESSONS

Beam Me UP

MANAGEMENT LESSONS

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Lesson Number One
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A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day.
A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and
do nothing all day long?"

The crow answered, "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson Number One:
TO BE SITTING AND DOING NOTHING, YOU MUST BE SITTING
VERY, VERY HIGH UP.

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Lesson Number Two
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A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?"
replied the bull.
"They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch. Finally after two weeks, there he was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey
out of the tree.

Management Lesson Number Two:
BULLSHIT MIGHT GET YOU TO THE TOP, BUT IT WON'T KEEP
YOU THERE.

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Lesson Number Three
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When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The
brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body's
responses and functions."

The feet said, " We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get
him to where he wants to go."

The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and
earn all the money.

And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until
finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the
asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, locked itself up
and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the
hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic
and the brain fevered.

Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the
motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss
just sat and passed out the shit!

Management Lesson Number Three:
YOU DON'T NEED BRAIN TO BE A BOSS - ANY ASSHOLE WILL
DO.

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Lesson Number Four
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A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, the bird
froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there,
a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there
in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung
was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon
began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him!

Management Lesson Number Four:
1) Not everyone who drops shit on you is your ENEMY.
2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your FRIEND.
3) And when you're in deep shit, KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!