Useful Office Phrases

Beam Me UP

1) Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2) I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

3) Ahhh.... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.

4) Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

5) It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.

6) I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7) I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

8) Who me? I just wander from room to room.

9) No, my powers can only be used for good.

10) I am NOT being rude. You are simply insignificant.

11) I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

12) I like you. You remind me of when I was young and naive.

13) What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

14) Your idea sounds reasonable.... Must be time to up my medication.

15) How about never? Will that work for you?

16) I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

17) You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

And the most useful office phrase of all:
18) I don't work here. I'm a consultant.