if i thought it would help

summer 1995

if i thought it would help
i would take the photo
of you and me
and throw darts at it
until the picture
disintegrated

if i thought it would help
i would burn
all my photos of you
and scatter the ashes
to the four winds

if i thought it would help
i would write you a letter
and let you know
exactly how your shitty letter
made me feel
and what a coward
i think you are
for not allowing yourself
to love me

if i thought it would help
i would write you a letter
i'd promise to be
a good little girl
do whatever you say
if only you would let me be
a part of your life again

if i thought it would help
i would do any of these things
but that won't help me heal

i do not hate you
only the circumstance
of falling in love
with someone who will not
love me in return
doing all these things
would only make me
hate myself more
not doing these things
shows the love i have
for myself