of course

26 june 1996

of course
i just figured it out
it's not if she loved me
she did
in whatever way she did
it's why was she
so very cruel?
why all the anger?
why all the denial?
why would someone
who cared so much
say in so many words
to fuck off

it still hurts
to think of it
i burned her letter
but the words are
etched into my heart
it's the abandonment
the rejection
the betrayal
and the feeling that
she feels i betrayed her

i guess she thought
when i confessed
my love for her
and told her
she didn't need
to tell me how she felt
that i already knew
how she felt
so months later
when i told her
i couldn't bear
to be near her
and wondered how
she felt about me
i guess she felt
betrayed
angry
hurt

this is just conjecture
on my part
just trying to explain
the unexplicable