Another Anthem For Women Wronged

By Ashante Infantry, Toronto Star

November 1999

Destiny’s Child joins hit parade of man-chiding music

Not since the early ‘80s, when Gwen Guthrie sand “You got to have a J-O-B if you wanna be with me”, have men been so soundly dismissed in music.

This yea, a couple of Southern gal groups held firm on the airwaves with danceable anthems about what women want.

For seven weeks, Atlanta trio TLC held the top spot on Billboard’s R&B chat with “No Scrubs”, a rejection of no-car-driving, no-job-having, living-at-home-with-their-mamas, lowlife losers.

Then, Houston-based quartet Destiny’s Child leaped in with the funky “Bills, Bills, Bills,” about men who start out as knights in shining armour but wind up buying you gifts with your own money. The single’s nine weeks stay at No. 1 is poised to be the longest running for R & B of the year.

“It’s not a man-hating song,” says Destiny’s Child designated rapper LaTavia of the tune the girls co-wrote with producer Kevin “She’kspere” Briggs, who also masterminded “No Scrubs.”

“In fact, we know probably more women do it than me. We wrote about it because I myself have been through something similar and I have a lot of older friends who are going though the exact same thing.”

But when it comes to real-life love and relationships, there’s much more to the bottom line, say the members of Destiny’s Child, who perform at Roy Thomson Hall tomorrow night.

The glam teens--Latavia, Beyonce, LeToya and Kelly--burst on the scene in 1997 with their hit single “No, No, No” from their self-titled debut album. Their lush harmonies earned comparison to EnVogue and the Supremes.

But, it’s their sophomore effort, The Writing’s On The Wall, with the smash “Bills,” that has catapulted them into stardom by selling two million albums worldwide.

Ironically, this success has brought “Bills” to life.

“Some people assume that since we’re Destiny’s Child, we have all of this money and then they try to take advantage of that sometimes,” explains Beyonce during a cellphone interview from the group’s tour bus. “I’ve been to a restaurant with some friends, and the guys were looking at me like they expected me to pay.”

Despite their tender age of 18, the girls, who’ve been friends since elementary school, are pretty grounded when it comes to relationship with the opposite sex.

Beyonce and Kelly, who share lead vocals, are both single.

“If God brings somebody, then that’s great, but I’m not looking for anybody or asking my friends to hook me up with anybody,” says Beyonce. “The main thing is a relationship with God. And then goals. They don’t necessarily have to be a wonderful job or anything right now--because I’m young and most of the people I’m attracted to are in college--as long as they’re working to become something.”

Spirituality and ambition also top Kelly’s wish list, but she has several other requirements. “He also has to be responsible and respect his mother. And I want a guy that’s very handsome; and I like a tall, tall guy, although there are some very cute short guys,” she adds with a giggle.

She broke up with her last boyfriend six months ago.

It’s been pretty hard for me. The last relationship I was in I know the person for six years and the seventh year we decided to go out; but the switch from best friends to boyfriend and girlfriend didn’t work out.”

Kelly noticed a few regional differences among the men she meets.

“New York guys are more aggressive and L.A. guys are more laid back. I think they kind of wait for you to do everything.”

Well, they’d better not wait for her to pick up the cheque, especially on the first date.

“I’m an old-fashioned girl, I think he should pay,” she says unapologetically.”

Ensconced in  serious relationships, LaTavia and LeToya don’t have those worries.

But it’s tough to maintain the bond while you’re on the road, says LaTavia who’s been dating a singer with a well-known male group for 2 1/2 years.

“The main problem is always communication, but since we have the same job he understands a lot of what I’m dealing with,” she says.

“The experts will say you need to communicate, but what they don’t say is that (men and women are) completely different and that we might want the same things but don’t know how to tell each other.”

LeToya says her boyfriend of one year is “just a normal guy” who works in the music industry.

“I used to go on the road with him and at first he was like my big brother and then one day we were playing this (video) game and I just started blushing and I didn’t know why I was blushing and it was because I liked him, but I didn’t know it.”

“I’m kind of old fashioned, I really don’t approach guys, but if I like a guy and I’m trying to get his attention--let’s say I’m in a restaurant--I might get up and go use the restroom a couple more times than I’m supposed to.”

Taking Care of Business

by Karen R. Good, VIBE magazine

Coko was in the early stages of recording her debut solo album, Hot Coko (RCA), when singing/songwriting team Trina & Tamara presented her with a song that would become her second single, “Trifiling,” featuring Eve. Here was a song about a man; he was fine, “sexy, tempting, caught my attention,” Coko sings. “Knew he had me in a daze...”

As it goes, everything was beautiful with the brother--until he opened his mouth. “The same old line tat I had already heard/Disappointed me right away.” His game? Trifilin’.

At that same time, Coko had yet to hear TLC’s “No Scrubs” or Destiny’s Child “Bills, Bills, bills,” two of 1999’s hottest R&B anthems that are being labeled decidedly anti-male. But Beyonce Knowles of Destiny’s Child doesn’t call her group feminists and says they don’t hate me, although women in R&B have been sounding off lately. As it goes in the heat of battle (particularly the one of the sexes), talk turns to shaky finances and bad weaves. But if you listen closely, you’ll find most times there’s no battle to be had. “Everybody thinks ‘Trifiling’ is male-bashing song, but it isn’t,” Coko says in her own defense. Wack game is just that; finances have precious little to do with it. “Ballers,” she clarifies, “can be trifiling too.”

Beyonce says her group received the same bristled response to “Bills Bills Bills” (from their album The Writing’s on the Wall, Columbia, 1999). She maintains that “Scrubs” and “Bills” are two very different songs (they are); the shads of gray come when folks only listen to the choruses and not the verses. “All we’re asking is for him to pay back the bills he’s run up!” Beyonce says.

With “Bills”, Destiny’s Child are sending out a message for women to be independent, not codependent, Beyonce says. Don’t lose yourself taking care of the men, they warn, just help them out. The sentiment in these songs is age-old; what’s changing is the language, which is getting very pointed. “Women are getting men in check and I think we are being very fair,” Beyonce says. “If a guy does all the song says, then he deserves to be called trifiling.”

“Guys have been calling us outta our names for year, calling women bitches and gold diggers,” Beyonce continues. “But when women doe it and the guys get offended, it’s a problem.” She suggests everyone “stop having a guilty conscience and enjoy the music. A lot of the time the song is about specific people, anyway.”