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Untitled, Unfinished Alanna
Red hair flew across a female face to obscure the view from violet eyes. The knight brushed hair from her eyes and looked again at the view from horseback. She was so unsure of herself, not knowing what to do and just so very confused.
Of course all that started with an argument only a few days before. Thinking of it brought bitter thoughts to her mind. 'Damn, I can't do or think of anything now without remembering his words.' And his words had cut deep, the shouting was sure to have been heard by the entire Bazhir tribe but she didn't even want to think of it.
"Where we headin' again?" Coram asked, bringing the lady-knight from her trance of the past.
Alanna blinked and turned to her traveling companion, scowling, "You know very well so quit asking me."
"If ye keep goin' into that thought-trance I'll be askin' ye all the time," was the response.
She grumbled, "You don't have to, you know."
Coram shook his head and urged his horse forward again, "And ye know very well that I must. I can't have ye takin' blame for things past. Ye carry too much of the past with, lass."
There was no response and the old soldier sighed. The black cat riding within the golden mare's saddle perked his ears to his mistress; He's trying to help. He's right too, you carry things over too much.
"Shut up, Faithful," Alanna muttered to her pet.
I will not! You need to listen, you brought that on yourself, not deciding and all… The black cat quickly ducked a hand heading at his face.
The Lioness was shaking with fury by now and was gritting her teeth as she replied, "Then why don't you go to Corus and tell Jonathan you're on his side?"
Coram looked over at her, "What are ye mumbling about?"
"Nothing…" Alanna growled, "Keep going, this cat's being a pain…"
~ ^ ~
Two travel-worn horses rode up to the front gate of a large residence in Port Caynn. A brunet haired man with brown eyes peeked out the door and yelped in surprise. Quickly he unbarred the gates and hurried them in, "Come in now, `fore someone recognizes you!"
Alanna let a wane smile adorn her face, happy again to see a friendly face. Once inside and the two had unsaddled, she greeted her long-time friend. "How have you been doing Marek?"
"Ah, well it's been only okay. `Tis a good thing you're here, perhaps you'll cheer his majesty? He's been sulkin' around and just making life miserable!"
Smiling, the red haired knight replied, "Let's hope I can do something…"
Faithful licked his paw, commenting: Seems you're happier already. And aren't you always saying you're not interested in George?
Only giving a warning glare, Alanna and Coram followed Marek into the house. Greeting them was a redheaded woman. "Well, well… my cousin's goin' be happy to see you, youngling! And you've brought company? Who be this?"
"Rispah, meet Coram Smythesson. This is Rispah, George's cousin."
Marek had left by that time and Faithful had returned to his usual position on Alanna's shoulder. The cat put his nose close to his mistress's ear. Seems he likes coming here better now… and sure enough, Coram had bowed to Rispah and was talking to her in a way Alanna and never seen him act. Amused, she realized that George's cousin was the same… The cat chuckled by her ear, Seems there's no age that flirting isn't popular. Alanna had to keep from laughing at her cat's comment.
A slamming door was heard from upstairs as a male voice shouted, "Where's the charts I asked for with my breakfast?"
The female thief ended her flirting and called up in reply, "Oh cousin, you have some guests! I do believe they're nobles, if I'm one to judge!" Rispah gave Alanna a wink as the young knight placed Faithful on the ground.
Unsure of what to think, Alanna's cheerful feeling flew away with the wind. What was to happen if George turned her away as Jon had? Her fears added up so quickly and she was startled as she found herself being swung about and placed on her feet again. "And here I was thinkin' you'd forgotten me!" Violet eyes turned up to look into twinkling hazel ones. With naught a warning Alanna burst into tears, burying her head in George's shirt.
Coram blinked as Rispah just smiled and pulled him along, whispering something to him. When the two had left George raised his eyebrows at the small cat on the ground, "Out."
Faithful shrugged as best he could as he strode away, She won't talk…
Once the cat made his exit, George turned back, "Now what's this? What and why won't you tell me?"
Alanna sniffed and asked, "When could you tell what he says?"
"Faithful chooses when he wants someone to hear. Now here, blow your nose lass." He handed her a handkerchief and Alanna obeyed. "What happened and why are you crying? Something happen in the desert?"
The lady knight wiped her eyes, muttering, "Yes. But not anything with the Bazhir. They respect me!"
Caught unawares, the King of Thieves widened his eyes, "You got in a fight with Jonathan?"
She responded with a clenched reply of, "I don't wish to talk about it!"
"He…" George started. Continuing softly, he said, "hinted that he'd `pop the question'…" Alanna just turned her head away. Sighing, the tall thief brought an arm around her shoulder and began to lead her from the room, "Fine, lass, maybe you won't tell me now but we'll talk. Come, let me show you around and you can tell me all about the Bazhir…"
~ ^ ~
Within the next few days, Alanna went with Rispah to shop in the markets. She picked out some new dresses and feminine undergarments, the cruel words that Jon had shouted had cut deep and she felt that somehow she might be able to start healing the still open wounds.
A week or so into their stay, Alanna began to get dizzy spells along with a queasy feeling. She didn't say anything to anyone, not even Faithful, but as she began to loose her breakfast each morning her fears began to grow. Thinking of no other idea, Alanna finally wrote to Eleni Cooper and had it sent to Corus.
The others had begun to wonder what was going on as Alanna became more drawn away, seemingly nervous. Coram had guessed she was still upset over the fight, but Faithful began to have different ideas.
One night the cat sighed and told his mistress, You brought those things he said on all by yourself. He wouldn't have said that if-
Alanna had shouted in reply, "Stop it! Maybe it was partly my fault but it was also his!"
Then why sulk and mope about it? The cat had retorted, beginning to get exasperated.
"I'm not `sulking' or `moping'. However I'm worried…" she trailed off and her voice lowered, "about something else…"
Inwardly the cat had frowned in reply, worrying about his mistress.
~ ^ ~
"Alanna! Letter for you!" George called one afternoon. As quickly as shaky legs could carry her, Alanna ran down the stairs and took the letter from the thief's grasp. "When did you write to mother?"
"Hmm?" she asked, hands shaking, "Um about four days or so ago…" George frowned, noting her trembling form. He was just about to comment when she turned and walked into the study, "I need to read this privately… I'll be out in a few minutes…" confusion was plain across the King of Thieves' face but he did not reply.
Sitting down, Alanna broke the seal and began to read:
Lady Knight, Alanna,
In response to your, may I say `strange', letter there's a few answers. You mentioned that you had symptoms of nausea and dizziness. Also you commented on different eating patterns and some strange mood swings. There are only a few reasons this could be happening.
First, this may just be some queer cold or sickness. However this I doubt. Second, this may be close to your monthly cycle, but you did say it wasn't… this leaves only one choice which seems odd to me and might scare you out of your mind.
The Third reason is simply this: you're with child.
The letter was dropped from numb fingers as Alanna's eyes were wide with fear, this is what she was worrying about. "No…" she whispered, "I just… I just can't!"
You're probably saying by now that this is impossible. Well it should be if the necklace I gave you was worn at all times. But what you are describing sounds like the very familiar symptoms of what we call `morning sickness'. If you're unsure about this there's one thing that I can think of that you can do to find out if this is right. How long has it been since your last cycle? If over a month it is a very good chance that you are pregnant.
I guess I'm sorry to get you worried over this, but it is good you talked to me. If you figure out what is going on, please let me know immediately. I'll help you with whatever it is.
Sincerely,
Eleni Cooper
Alanna stared down at the letter, tears beginning to run off her cheeks and onto the paper. 'Oh
mother goddess… it has been over a month and a half…' the knight buried her head in her hands, 'Please… no… don't let this be happening! Why me? Why me?'
A knock on the study door brought her back to the present, "Lass?" it was Coram's voice.
"What is it?" Alanna asked, masking her emotion from her voice.
"Is everything alright?"
Looking at the letter, Alanna muttered bitterly, "Hell no…" but louder she responded, "Yes, it's fine…"
A few minutes later the door opened and a male figure walked into the room, Alanna was staring straight ahead, unblinking, with the letter folded and hidden in her shirt. "Lass, you were lying to Coram." There was no response and George squatted beside the chair to look up at Alanna, "You're too quiet and have been in here far too long for everything to be `just fine'."
"Is it true," Alanna began, voice dry, "that Jonathan is with that princess of the Copper Isles?"
George blinked in surprise, "Where did you find that out?"
"That's easy to find out. But is it true?" Her voice was flat and her face still had not changed.
"Lass, you're worryin' me!" Softly he added, "It's true."
Only one word passed Alanna's lips, "Bastard…" Even more startled, George looked up to find that her face had contorted into pain and that tears were streaming down her face. "The damn stupid bastard!" Her hands gripped the arms of the chair tightly as sobs brokenly forced themselves from her throat.
George quickly stood up and brought her to him, holding her tightly, "Quiet now… it's okay… shh…"
Her voice muffled by fabric she replied, "It's not okay, nothing's okay now… nothing is!"
"There's more fish in the sea than him…" he felt her shake her head against his chest. He murmured softly, "Will you tell me now what happened?"
"I can't…" her voice high, "I… I…" she broke off, brushing away tears and stepping away, "I just can't…"
Pain filled his face as he looked at the younger woman. She looked all too young at the moment, and so lost. "What was mother writing to you about?" he finally asked, hoping to get away from the previous subject.
Her snapped reply shocked him, "Nothing! Don't worry about it!" she quickly retreated from the room and ran up the stairs.
The King of Thieves stood in the doorway and watched the closing door. Next to him Coram and Rispah had joined. "What happened in the desert? Do you know?" George finally asked.
Coram looked a little weary, "I don't know if I should…"
"Something's wrong and she won't talk about it. I only wish I knew what originally happened, then maybe I could find out what's going on now."
"I'm sorry," the old soldier sighed, "I only know they fought, not much of what was said… the shouts heard weren't clear though the whole village knew of the argument."
George winced, "Sounds bad."
A small black figure joined them, Oh yes, it was bad. She's still upset about it and knows some of it's her fault but hates to think that way. Faithful walked into the study, She's worrying me… there's something else bothering her that has nothing- or at least not that I can tell- that has to do with the argument. However I'm not saying Jonathan has nothing to do with it…
"That's an informed cat," Rispah commented, walking in with the men as they followed the small furry form.
"What else ye know?" Coram asked.
Shrugging slightly, Faithful blinked violet eyes with the beginning of warning. I know what was said and what she's thought since. I heard the conversation after she read the note… turning to George, he asked, She was crying again… over the letter? After he was replied with a nod, the cat seemed to frown in thought, I don't understand… she might be upset because of that Josiane girl of the Copper Isles… but…
"You've got another feeling," George finished, "Me too… something's very wrong but she won't let us know what's going on." They all sat in thought for a few moments. "I should talk to mother, since that's who Alanna talked to."
"But will she let you know what happened?" Rispah asked, "You know she won't usually tell what's happening without permission."
George placed his chin in his hands, "it's the only hope we have right now of helping."
~ ^ ~
After slamming the door and locking it shut, Alanna threw herself onto the bed. She hid her sobs within a feathered pillow as the words written in the letter danced across her vision. 'No… NO! I won't believe it! It just can't be! I… I always wore it!'
That's when she sat up with a jolt, the pillow falling onto the floor. Her face was drained of color as she brought a hand to her lips, "Oh great mother goddess…" Her hand dropped to feel the necklace hanging about her neck. She ran a fingertip over the smooth surface of the Goddess's gift and then touched the charm that Eleni had given her. "Oh… no…" Suddenly a vision of a night in the Bloody Hawk tribe swept across her vision and she remembered what had happened…
Not able to stand it she shut her eyes tight, to no avail… it still played in her mind… the events… the careless events. Those events, which had gotten her as she was now. "No!" she cried, burying her face into her hands, "Oh goddess, no! Damn you Jonathan! Why? Why did we? No… no…" Not long after Alanna's strength gave way and she fell into a dream-filled sleep. The dreams filled of haunting events and arguments in the desert… dreams filled with foreboding.
~ ^ ~ September 23, 2000
Once awakening, Alanna felt no need to eat. She felt sick enough. Someone knocked at her door but she replied that she was sick and needed to be alone. She doubted anyone would trust her with that but she had no other choice at the moment.
She paced back and forth across the floor, waiting for some idea - any idea - to come to her and let her know how to act. She bit her lip and unconsciously felt her stomach. `A child… my child and… Jon's…' Her lips pressed together into a thin line. `What do I do? I cannot stay here in this house… I could never admit to what happened.' She blinked back tears at the thought of leaving, however. "I'm sorry…" she whispered to the air.
Looking out the window, she noted that the evening was swift in coming. There was not much of a moon tonight so light would be little and visibility even less. `No one can see you in the cloak of black night.' She stopped her pacing and went about gathering essential items into saddlebags. Where could she go to? She wouldn't want to spend a winter in the cold… but nor would she want to return the Bazhir where they would contact with Jonathan.
A mewing sounded at her door and hesitantly Alanna approached. She opened the door slightly and looked to find Faithful sitting there and looking up at her worriedly. Alanna considered her options for some time before picking the cat up and pulling him into the room. She shut and re-locked the door while holding the cat tightly in her arms.
What do you think you're doing?! The cat protested upon seeing the saddlebags half-filled. Alanna, what is going on here?
"I can't tell you," she replied. She stroked the cat firmly. "Faithful… I'm going away. Tonight. I want to be able to trust you that you will let me at least get a head start by half a day at least! I want to disappear for a while. Please, do you understand?" The cat slowly agreed, unhappy about it. "I want you to do me a favor and stay with George. Take care of him for me, okay? I know no one can keep him out of trouble but if you can keep him out of harm that's good enough…" A sad smile crossed her face as she buried her face in the black fur of her companion.
Alanna…
"I'm sorry, Faithful," Alanna whispered as she put the cat down. Faithful looked at her worriedly and was startled when he found Alanna placing a hand over his head and transferring magic into him. "You care too much about me…" she whispered.
What do you…? No… wait… The black cat curled up into a ball of fluff as he fell unconscious with the help of Alanna's magic.
~ ^ ~
George awoke with an awkward feeling. Dawn was just setting in as he sat up and peered about his room. Nothing was out of place and he heard no unusual noises throughout the house. `Then what is it?' he asked himself. He stood and decided to get dressed. All the while he considered what was nagging in his mind.
He found himself automatically walking to Alanna's room. He stopped just outside and waited for a while. He was going to decide to pass on, knowing Alanna liked to sleep in when she could. But when he heard the scratching and mewing by the door, George frowned and turned the knob. When he looked down he found a frantic Faithful still pawing at the door. Once the door was just barely large enough for the cat to squeeze through, the black streak of fur rushed past and down the steps.
"What…?" George looked into the room and found the bed made and some items missing. There was something set on the bed but he would worry about that later. He jumped down most of the stairs and sprinted towards the stables just after the cat. He skidded to a halt outside the stall that he had lended to Moonlight.
The golden mare was no where to be found.
George's heart sunk as he realized that it was too late. Faithful was mewing up a storm of sadness up pawed at the thief's leg. He sighed and bent to pick up the cat. She put me to sleep! The distressed animal wailed. I wanted to warn someone! She told me to stay and that she had to go! That she wanted to disappear. Where did she go? He continued in cat language then, probably substitute for human crying.
Patting the cat gently on the head, George dragged himself back to the house and up into Alanna's previously occupied room. He went over to the bed and sat down. He stared at the envelope laying there with a simple scrawl on it. Carefully he picked it up and opened to find the letter inside.
To Be continued.......................
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