Issuinoyume

Everything had always been a legend to me. A myth that was nothing more than to promote those of the past and retell their prosperous lives in the future. Just a story that was supposed to bring hope. A tale about over-glamorized martyrs.

My companions label me as being quiet; and usually serious and calm when I do speak. I doubt they realize all that swirls in my mind. I don't think any of them can understand at all. We really don't know one another very well, we're not the family we'd like to think we are. Each of us are different, and though we can fit together nicely as friends, we don't come close enough for the bond of brother-hood.

Then again, perhaps it is me that is misreading all of this. Often times I'm the odd-one-out and staying off to the side. I've always heard that the light is supposed to gather people, somehow that doesn't work so well for me. I don't gather people close to myself, even though I hold the Armor of Halo. I am not full of sagacity as my virtue states. Luckily I do not hold Rowen's virtue of "Life" for I would never live up to that expectation.

I left the house this morning, wanting to be alone for some time - possibly to meditate. I walked down forest paths until I was buried in the greens and browns of nature. I embraced the smells with open arms and gratefully accepted the sounds of mother earth and her creations other than humans.

Stepping softly on the padded ground, I came across a tiny trickle of a stream where a few animals were drinking. I sat off to the side to watch, silently gazing at the elegant, simple movements, and wondering how I might become like that.

Some time later, I moved on and continued to immerse myself in the world away from humanity. I lost myself in the colors that blurred as I began racing through the undergrowth for reasons unknown even to myself. I just ran, as if past guilt and horrors would melt away in the blur that was going out before me. I kept thinking over and over how the battles I had fought with the others as a Ronin Warrior was over now. There should not be anything else for us to fight - we would be free to be `normal'. It was supposed to be a freedom, to me it seemed only a cage.

I stumbled many times but kept going, refusing to stop. Somewhere along the line tears began to leak out, spraying off my cheeks and into my hair. Blinded with exhaustion, tears, and scrambled emotions, I tripped over a hill that rose up before me and fell to the ground. I didn't bother getting up; I just lay there crying softly and tearing at the soil with my fingers.

A light drizzle of rain began, which slowly turned into a downpour, soaking my clothes to my skin. Soon I could not tell what was rain and what were tears on my face. All I knew was that I was wet and cold… and oh-so-confused. My eyes closed tightly while my body shook - from tears or cold? I wouldn't know. My blond hair plastered against my face, mixing with mud and grass that had become trapped in the strands.

I could hear the rain hitting against the ground, in the puddles, and on the leaves of plants… Each one created each own little explosion, bursting apart and dying a quick death. I wondered if that was what I actually wanted. Was it death I was reaching for? I didn't know anymore. I was so confused and helpless to everything - I had no idea what to do.

Who is to know how long I lay there? I cannot recall if I fell asleep, fainted, or was conscious the whole time. What I remember next is wishing a voice to call my name, begging me to get up and go inside from the cold and rain. I smiled to myself a bit, loving how my imagination could give me the hope that I was loved fully for all that I was and am - that someone cared enough for me to try and save my life.

After a time it became apparent that I was not dreaming. My vision blurred, I cracked my eyes open to take in the muddy mess of hair and grass before me. I felt the drops of rain fall onto the side of my face, spiraling into my ear and across my neck. My vision shook and ever so slowly my numb body realized that someone's hands were jerking me to my senses.

The voice turned frantic and I found that a bit funny. I smirked, prepared to close my eyes again. Someone so worried? But why…? I am the odd one, the one not fitting.

I could not turn away from that voice. My fuzzy senses could not even detect who it was. I was curious. Slowly I forced my eyes open some more, yet I could still only see the ground and my hair before me. I hated the fact that I had to move.

With my whole body protesting, I made my muscles obey and raise myself off the ground just enough to turn over onto my back. Worried eyes fell on me, a wet lock of blue hair sticking to the face.

I worked on keeping my vision focused. That was rather hard considering the still-pouring rain that now hit me face-on. `Rowen,' my mind called. My lips refused to form the letters and my vocal cords refused to work. It somehow didn't matter to me at all… I didn't know why. I felt completely neutral as I lay there. He seemed to think I was hurt - why would he? - so I provided a small smile to him.

After doing so, I closed my eyes and tilted my head up a bit with the smile still in place. The rain… so wet and relieving. Was I crying anymore? I wondered if he had noticed…

"Sage, we need to go back." My lips must have formed the question `why', for he answered, "You need to get warmed up. You're soaked to the bone and have been out here for nearly five hours! What were you thinking?" His frustration was starting to show, voice becoming a bit louder near the end.

Author's notes: Is this the end? I'm not even sure. I may try and continue on with it but I want to make it fit. Is he dead? Alive? What's Rowen doing there? What time is it? ::sweatdrop:: Actually, they're all questions I'm asking myself - part of the reason why I think I need a continuation. I know this is short, but I've got such a huge case of writer's block that it makes me sick (quite literally). So, when I do have some brief ideas I'm typing `em up.

A... continuation of this (or rest of this story) is being written. Just had a friend read the main idea and she said to continue so I'll plow on ahead.


	Lionna's Corner of Anime Fanfiction \| home Issuinoyume (Empty Dream) By: Lionna Mouri (Eien no Starlight) [lionna@execpc.com] Rating: PG Warnings: A bit… angst-y… semi-dark. It's a rather `depressing' POV for Sage October 18, 2000 / November 17, 2000 Everything had always been a legend to me. A myth that was nothing more than to promote those of the past and retell their prosperous lives in the future. Just a story that was supposed to bring hope. A tale about over-glamorized martyrs. Turns out it wasn't just some myth or fake legend. It was always true. My companions label me as being quiet; and usually serious and calm when I do speak. I doubt they realize all that swirls in my mind. I don't think any of them can understand at all. We really don't know one another very well, we're not the family we'd like to think we are. Each of us are different, and though we can fit together nicely as friends, we don't come close enough for the bond of brother-hood. Then again, perhaps it is me that is misreading all of this. Often times I'm the odd-one-out and staying off to the side. I've always heard that the light is supposed to gather people, somehow that doesn't work so well for me. I don't gather people close to myself, even though I hold the Armor of Halo. I am not full of sagacity as my virtue states. Luckily I do not hold Rowen's virtue of "Life" for I would never live up to that expectation. I left the house this morning, wanting to be alone for some time - possibly to meditate. I walked down forest paths until I was buried in the greens and browns of nature. I embraced the smells with open arms and gratefully accepted the sounds of mother earth and her creations other than humans. Stepping softly on the padded ground, I came across a tiny trickle of a stream where a few animals were drinking. I sat off to the side to watch, silently gazing at the elegant, simple movements, and wondering how I might become like that. Some time later, I moved on and continued to immerse myself in the world away from humanity. I lost myself in the colors that blurred as I began racing through the undergrowth for reasons unknown even to myself. I just ran, as if past guilt and horrors would melt away in the blur that was going out before me. I kept thinking over and over how the battles I had fought with the others as a Ronin Warrior was over now. There should not be anything else for us to fight - we would be free to be `normal'. It was supposed to be a freedom, to me it seemed only a cage. I stumbled many times but kept going, refusing to stop. Somewhere along the line tears began to leak out, spraying off my cheeks and into my hair. Blinded with exhaustion, tears, and scrambled emotions, I tripped over a hill that rose up before me and fell to the ground. I didn't bother getting up; I just lay there crying softly and tearing at the soil with my fingers. A light drizzle of rain began, which slowly turned into a downpour, soaking my clothes to my skin. Soon I could not tell what was rain and what were tears on my face. All I knew was that I was wet and cold… and oh-so-confused. My eyes closed tightly while my body shook - from tears or cold? I wouldn't know. My blond hair plastered against my face, mixing with mud and grass that had become trapped in the strands. I could hear the rain hitting against the ground, in the puddles, and on the leaves of plants… Each one created each own little explosion, bursting apart and dying a quick death. I wondered if that was what I actually wanted. Was it death I was reaching for? I didn't know anymore. I was so confused and helpless to everything - I had no idea what to do. Who is to know how long I lay there? I cannot recall if I fell asleep, fainted, or was conscious the whole time. What I remember next is wishing a voice to call my name, begging me to get up and go inside from the cold and rain. I smiled to myself a bit, loving how my imagination could give me the hope that I was loved fully for all that I was and am - that someone cared enough for me to try and save my life. After a time it became apparent that I was not dreaming. My vision blurred, I cracked my eyes open to take in the muddy mess of hair and grass before me. I felt the drops of rain fall onto the side of my face, spiraling into my ear and across my neck. My vision shook and ever so slowly my numb body realized that someone's hands were jerking me to my senses. "Sage…? Sage! Hey, buddy… come on, now. Get up! Sage?" The voice turned frantic and I found that a bit funny. I smirked, prepared to close my eyes again. Someone so worried? But why…? I am the odd one, the one not fitting. "Please! Sage!" I could not turn away from that voice. My fuzzy senses could not even detect who it was. I was curious. Slowly I forced my eyes open some more, yet I could still only see the ground and my hair before me. I hated the fact that I had to move. With my whole body protesting, I made my muscles obey and raise myself off the ground just enough to turn over onto my back. Worried eyes fell on me, a wet lock of blue hair sticking to the face. Rowen. "Sage…?" He sounded hesitant. I worked on keeping my vision focused. That was rather hard considering the still-pouring rain that now hit me face-on. `Rowen,' my mind called. My lips refused to form the letters and my vocal cords refused to work. It somehow didn't matter to me at all… I didn't know why. I felt completely neutral as I lay there. He seemed to think I was hurt - why would he? - so I provided a small smile to him. After doing so, I closed my eyes and tilted my head up a bit with the smile still in place. The rain… so wet and relieving. Was I crying anymore? I wondered if he had noticed… "Sage, we need to go back." My lips must have formed the question `why', for he answered, "You need to get warmed up. You're soaked to the bone and have been out here for nearly five hours! What were you thinking?" His frustration was starting to show, voice becoming a bit louder near the end. `Sleep… so peaceful…' `No feelings…' `No guilt…' `… no… emotions…' `………no……love………' The voice was so foggy. "…-age?!… Wait! Sa--…." There was nothing. *** * *** Author's notes: Is this the end? I'm not even sure. I may try and continue on with it but I want to make it fit. Is he dead? Alive? What's Rowen doing there? What time is it? ::sweatdrop:: Actually, they're all questions I'm asking myself - part of the reason why I think I need a continuation. I know this is short, but I've got such a huge case of writer's block that it makes me sick (quite literally). So, when I do have some brief ideas I'm typing `em up. A... continuation of this (or rest of this story) is being written. Just had a friend read the main idea and she said to continue so I'll plow on ahead.