A Degree of Love

Notes: First time writing about Noin... actually just first time having her be a big part in a fic. Let's just say that after a conversation with someone I realized something about Noin... something that she and I closely shared so I decided to try doing something. I don't find it too OOC, but whatever.

I'll follow him anywhere. I've stood up for him always. I have loved him for ages. More than a friend... oh so much more...

But he doesn't care for me that way. I'm a friend to him, a close friend but a friend nonetheless. He didn't let me in for so long. The glimpses he gave... such a tease without realizing it. His beauty - outward and inward - cannot be compared to anyone else.

I remember how hard it was to befriend him. So hard to gain his attention. I can understand those younger soldiers that looked up to him with such great awe. He always had that effect... Stunning and majestic. Unique in more than one way. There was no one like him - no one that is. To claim his love would be incredible. I've fantasized what it would be like to hold him in my arms. To kiss his lips, to be allowed to trail my hand through his long locks of hair.

We want what we can't have. He said that once, it had been meant as a joke at the time but I know he was serious. How true that is... how very true. If only you knew...

But he does know. He knows how I feel, I've told him on a number of occasions, hoping for a change in his gentle response. I stopped telling him, but I did not hide my feelings. What was the point to hiding something that everyone knew? Obsessed I once heard a cadet murmur... Sadly it's true. My obsession, my love. He's my lifeline, my focus for living.

I cannot recall the time when I did not listen to his directions, did not do as he requested. All that I've done has revolved around him and his wishes. To leave OZ, to protect his sister, to ally with the Gundams... all for him. Always for him.

I believe people have called it blind faith... that I go along with my eyes blinded by love. But isn't that the ultimate love? To be willing to do anything and sacrifice anything for the one you love? That is how I feel for him. It's what made it so hard when we were fighting against White Fang... Zechs...

No, I never did have much of the right to call him by his name that went with his heritage. Once I was jealous that I didn't have the right to use it... but I soon learned to understand that he moved on because he wanted to. Zechs was who he had become. He wasn't Mirialdo. That man had died with the rest of his family and lay in peace with hands clean of blood. He wasn't the tortured man that I knew personally.

I love him, no matter what his doings of the past. I've made him understand that. I will follow him even if I get killed in the process. He is so important to me... a year of silence, of his “disappearance” explained as “death” was hard. But I knew he'd lived. I knew he was not gone - departed to meet with Treize.

When he appeared again he had calmed... I saw a new side to him and I loved him all the more. I'm proud of him for moving on with his life. There are few who know of real relationship with the late Treize Kushrenada. I knew only because I was a close friend, probably the closest that Zechs ever had besides Treize. So... I was warmed by the knowledge that he survived and moved on... living without the one he loved.

I wonder if he loved to his fullest. I wonder because of what I feel for him. What are his regrets? If he loved Treize as I love him, then why did he leave? I wonder at the degrees of love... There are so many levels. So hard to distinguish.

It's not just that. It's more than lust or obsession. I truly feel something for him... It's more than blind faith. It's not some fictional “destined” love... no soul mates. But I'm all right. I'm okay loving him this much and knowing that he cares for me enough to let me in.

He finally let me in. I see a bit more of the man known as Zechs Merquise. He's turned peaceful and quiet and I am more than content to sit beside him, reading silently, or to match off in a game of chess... Whatever he wants to do, wherever he wants to go, I'll follow him and obey him.


	Lionna's Corner of Anime Fanfiction \| home Gundam Wing fanfics A Degree of Love Title: A Degree of Love By: Lionna Mouri (Shinigami Goddess) Content: obsession, bit of angst, Noin's POV, mention/implication of yaoi Pairing: 9+6? Well, it's Noin's thoughts of Zechs. Notes: First time writing about Noin... actually just first time having her be a big part in a fic. Let's just say that after a conversation with someone I realized something about Noin... something that she and I closely shared so I decided to try doing something. I don't find it too OOC, but whatever. Disclaimer: Regular disclaimers apply. =P June 18, 2001 ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ My déjà vu you're my obsession My déjà vu it's always you My déjà vu you're my obsession… ~ “My Déjà vu” ~ Ace of Base ~ The Bridge ~ ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ I'll follow him anywhere. I've stood up for him always. I have loved him for ages. More than a friend... oh so much more... But he doesn't care for me that way. I'm a friend to him, a close friend but a friend nonetheless. He didn't let me in for so long. The glimpses he gave... such a tease without realizing it. His beauty - outward and inward - cannot be compared to anyone else. Beautiful, but untouchable. I remember how hard it was to befriend him. So hard to gain his attention. I can understand those younger soldiers that looked up to him with such great awe. He always had that effect... Stunning and majestic. Unique in more than one way. There was no one like him - no one that is. To claim his love would be incredible. I've fantasized what it would be like to hold him in my arms. To kiss his lips, to be allowed to trail my hand through his long locks of hair. We want what we can't have. He said that once, it had been meant as a joke at the time but I know he was serious. How true that is... how very true. If only you knew... But he does know. He knows how I feel, I've told him on a number of occasions, hoping for a change in his gentle response. I stopped telling him, but I did not hide my feelings. What was the point to hiding something that everyone knew? Obsessed I once heard a cadet murmur... Sadly it's true. My obsession, my love. He's my lifeline, my focus for living. I cannot recall the time when I did not listen to his directions, did not do as he requested. All that I've done has revolved around him and his wishes. To leave OZ, to protect his sister, to ally with the Gundams... all for him. Always for him. I believe people have called it blind faith... that I go along with my eyes blinded by love. But isn't that the ultimate love? To be willing to do anything and sacrifice anything for the one you love? That is how I feel for him. It's what made it so hard when we were fighting against White Fang... Zechs... No, I never did have much of the right to call him by his name that went with his heritage. Once I was jealous that I didn't have the right to use it... but I soon learned to understand that he moved on because he wanted to. Zechs was who he had become. He wasn't Mirialdo. That man had died with the rest of his family and lay in peace with hands clean of blood. He wasn't the tortured man that I knew personally. I love him, no matter what his doings of the past. I've made him understand that. I will follow him even if I get killed in the process. He is so important to me... a year of silence, of his “disappearance” explained as “death” was hard. But I knew he'd lived. I knew he was not gone - departed to meet with Treize. When he appeared again he had calmed... I saw a new side to him and I loved him all the more. I'm proud of him for moving on with his life. There are few who know of real relationship with the late Treize Kushrenada. I knew only because I was a close friend, probably the closest that Zechs ever had besides Treize. So... I was warmed by the knowledge that he survived and moved on... living without the one he loved. I wonder if he loved to his fullest. I wonder because of what I feel for him. What are his regrets? If he loved Treize as I love him, then why did he leave? I wonder at the degrees of love... There are so many levels. So hard to distinguish. Obsession. It's not just that. It's more than lust or obsession. I truly feel something for him... It's more than blind faith. It's not some fictional “destined” love... no soul mates. But I'm all right. I'm okay loving him this much and knowing that he cares for me enough to let me in. He finally let me in. I see a bit more of the man known as Zechs Merquise. He's turned peaceful and quiet and I am more than content to sit beside him, reading silently, or to match off in a game of chess... Whatever he wants to do, wherever he wants to go, I'll follow him and obey him. Always. ~ * ~ * ~ Owari ~ * ~ * ~