Hardest Thing: To Say Goodbye

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"Hardest Thing: To Say Goodbye"

By Sailor ClearMoon/ Princess Lionna

Author's ramblings: short song fic to 98 degree's "The Hardest Thing". And just so you know, it's a Seiya-Usagi fic. Oh yeah, I changed only one word in the song (it's comes up a few times) you'll know it when you see it and should understand why it's changed.

Disclaimers: aren't these obvious?

Two figures stood apart from each other, hair blowing the breeze as their eyes met.

"We both know that I shouldn't be here

And baby it's killing me, it's killing you

Both of us tryin' to be strong"

Finally the girl whispered, "Should we even be doing this? Is it worth it…?" her companion stared into her eyes,

"It's worth it to me… but is it to you? If not, you can go… besides, you need to be going back, ne?"

"I've got somewhere else to be

Someone else who loves me

Trusts me fast asleep"

The blonde hugged herself and let her eyes close as she thought, knowing she loved the man before her yet she wasn't supposed to. I can't betray him… if I do… her thoughts trailed off and she felt her eyes mist.

"Odango…?" Seiya asked her as his face faltered.

"I've made up my mind

There is no turning back

He's been good to me

And he deserves better than that."

He stared back at her with his hand outstretched, waiting for her answer.

Usagi opened her clear sky-blue eyes to look longingly at the man before her. Can I ever fully love Mamoru again? I've experienced this love now, and Seiya's been the one who has gotten me this far…

She cleared her throat, "Seiya, I don't know… I just…."

"Shh, it's okay… you need to go back to him, then." Tears filled Usagi's eyes and she sobbed softly.

"It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you"

Again she stared at him, imagining what it would be like if she just stared him straight in the eyes and said that she didn't love him. He'd see right through me… he always has… Usagi studied his already broken features. He really thinks I don't love him….

"It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion when you start to cry"

But I just can't do it! I just can't stay a stone after I lie to him… I can't say that I don't love him! Why? Why does it have to be this way? Usagi sighed and bit her lip.

"Odango, maybe I should go…" Seiya started to turn to look away from her, "you should go too, he's waiting."

"I can't let you see what you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free

We're not meant to be

It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away pretending I don't love you"

"Seiya- matte!" Usagi bit her cheek as she spoke the words, I can't lie to him… I can't just walk away from him… it just won't work.

"Hai?" he asked, his voice slightly shaky.

"For tonight…" she started before taking a deep breath, "for tonight we'll be together, this is the only time… would you…?" Usagi couldn't finish as her eyes filled with tears.

Seiya suddenly turned around, surprised to hear her answer, "For only tonight?"

The girl sniffed and wiped back at the tears, "Let us be together, just this once? It's our only chance… onegai?"

"Odango," he whispered and reached out his arms as she ran to him and buried her face in his arms. "You don't know how long I've waited…"

"I want to stay like this, forever… in your arms," Usagi whispered.

"I know that we'll meet again

Fate has a place and time"

As the two figures embraced in the moonlight the minutes crept by, painfully quick the dawn was approaching. Tears in his eyes, Seiya whispered, "You know that no matter what I'll always love you."

"As I will you," replied Usagi in the same hushed voice.

"I've got to be cruel to be kind

All my love I'll be sending

And you will never know

'Cause there can be no happy ending"

She looked up at him and slowly his lips came closer to hers.

"It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you"

When their kiss broke, Usagi buried herself deeper into his hold, "I… I don't wanna go back!" she cried.

Seiya stroked her hair, doing his best to hide tears, "Usa-chan, you know you can't not go back. You must… you need to…" Usagi sobbed into his shirt.

"It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion when you starts to cry

I can't let you see what you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free"

"Why must I? What am I going back to?!" she asked, still with her head buried in his chest.

"Look at me," Seiya commanded, holding her out a little and lifting her chin. "You are going back because you have the best friends you could ever wish for. They'll need you there."

"We're not meant to be"

"Odango… I hate to say it… but…" Seiya looked to the faint light of the raising sun, "Our time is up. We're not meant to be."

Usagi turned slowly to see the sun-break and slowly dried her tears, I must stop crying… if I act like this is okay- will this make it easier? She could only hope…

"It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away pretending I don't love you"

The blond faced Seiya for a moment, her features schooled to no emotion, "I guess this is it."

"Yeah… we ought to be getting to the docks…. Taiki and Yaten will be waiting…"

"Hai…" Usagi whispered.

"Maybe another time, another day

As much as I want to, I can't stay"

At the docks gathered a number of young people as they went to wish their friends off. Usagi stood next to Mamoru, ridged and weary. As the time came for her to bid farewell she took a moment to look at Seiya. It was he who spoke first, "Maybe we'll return someday… and enjoy our time better…" no one except Usagi knew what he truly meant. She pondered what she would say as she had many choices…

"I've made up my mind

There is no turning back"

"Hai… maybe…" she paused before continuing again, "Sayonara, my friends…"

"He's been good to me

And he deserves better than that"

Seiya couldn't answer anything else for fear of crying. Rei seemed to feel the tension and looked at Usagi in wonder, pondering what had happened.

"It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

To look you in the eye and tell you I don't love you"

The black-haired boy locked eye contact with Usagi, searching for the love that she had shown him not too long ago. But her eyes were different, they seemed masked almost… and no longer could he see the true love. No hate was there, yet there was no love.

"It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to lie

To show no emotion when you start to cry"

Usagi noted the faintness of tears in Seiya's eyes and silently told him sorry for lying, I do love you Seiya… but I can't change it now…

"I can't let you see what you mean to me

When my hands are tied

And my heart's not free"

There was a brief pause and small conversations started up and Usagi took that time to whisper softly to Seiya, "Gomen, that I cannot let you know how I feel… demo… it's just that… Mamoru-san…"

He hushed her for a moment, wanting to prolong the words that would pass her lips next.

"We're not meant to be"

"You are I are not meant to be," Usagi wiped at her tears, "demo… demo… Mamoru-san and I… we already have the future we know of…."

"I know," Seiya leaned forward and kissed Usagi's forehead before pulling back. As the three boys transformed into the Starlights, Fighter looked back one last time at her true love.

"It's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

To turn around and walk away pretending I don't love you"

I'll be strong too, Odango, Fighter thought, And maybe someday this will pay off and we can be together again.

Seiya… you know I love you, ne? I hope you do… It hurts so much to pretend…. Usagi's thoughts trailed off as three shooting stars were seen across the sky. "Ja ne…"

Mamoru rested a hand on her shoulder yet she didn't soften under his touch, causing him to wonder….

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