Untitled-songfic, after Self-destruct

Disclaimers: the Gundam Wing characters don't belong to me but a lotta rich people and companies. I'd love to own them but hey, we can't have everything. Anyhow, suing would be pointless since I've already set my money that I have into paying for air fare, hotel costs, and the like for traveling out to the Anime Expo in Anaheim. Oh yeah, the song used is the property of Backstreet Boys.

The room was all too quiet. Much too quiet. It's not that he wasn't used to the silence… but… inside he felt as silent as the room about him. There was nothing more to say, nothing more to feel. `Why?' the word rested on his lips as he stared sullenly out the window.

"Lunch is on the table," a voice called in. That voice, the most caring of them all - seemingly so innocent. But in truth he too was hiding himself behind a mask - they all were… or had, depending on who you were talking about.

`Oh God no… don't think about… just don't think about it…' Breathing deeply, he put on a smile and walked out to join his host as they went to lunch. The blonde Arab mentioned things about the estate as they walked but the other boy barely listened.

Duo laughed softly, brushing the comment off as easily as he could, "Oh don't worry about a thing, Quatre. What could be wrong?" The blonde frowned in reply but made no other comments. `I can't tell you… I promised. We promised. We…' his thoughts trailed off as he thought back. `Why did you?'

All through lunch the two boys would exchange talk, both acting as if everything was normal. But how could it be? It had been a week since all of the pilots split their own ways after that failed and completely messed up mission. They all needed time to recover. Wufei really must have because the Chinese boy hadn't even shown up for that important mission. `Too bad,' Quatre thought, `we could have used him.'

Drifting off into memories, Duo could see the images in his mind again. "I repeat, I will surrender but I will not hand over the Gundams!" The strange scientist was still on screen as Duo watched with a confused expression on his face. `Then what does this guy want?' The next thing he knew he was seeing the hatch on Wing open and Heero jump out, a device held in his hand as he stared into the distance. Only seconds later he hit the button. "NOOOO!!" Duo screamed, watching as Wing self-destructed and the frail body went flying. "HEERO! How could you?! How could you do this?!" Tears threatened yet he didn't cry, had never cried again since childhood on colony L2.

"I… I need to think a while," Duo murmured, retreating to the room Quatre offered him when they came to the young boy's desert estate. Emptiness, sorrow, longing… it still remained in his heart as he sat on the bed. There were no photographs to look at… nothing to truly bring back the feel of the other's hair or skin. "Why…"

Duo finally gave into sleep as he watched the starry night sky, imagining how beautiful it would have been to go stargazing… with *him* . There was no chance of seeing him again, Heero was dead. There was no way he survived that… "Heero…" he whispered before sleep claimed him.

More nights passed, all more emptier than the one before… each one filling more and more with pain and loneliness. `What right have I even to live? I don't… I've killed so many, I know that pain of losing someone. How could I be doing this? There's no more missions right now… and even if there were I'd mess them up. I'm useless… they don't need me. But I did need him.' Duo angrily punched his pillow to vent, it was better than nothing. He felt so lost, it had already been two weeks since that mission… since the day Heero went flying with the debris of Wing…

Their relationship had been new, both having accepted one another's friendship silently. But then things started going faster and faster as they were repeatedly bumping into each other and sharing missions. They'd end up rooming together wherever they went, it was the simplest way, and Duo found his interest in the Japanese pilot was intensifying. One night they had just finished dinner when neither of them moved or spoke. The cheerful mask that hung over Duo's face was lifted off as he watched Heero sitting still as stone. "Heero…" he'd started. The other boy glanced casually at him, hiding some emotions threatening to flow to his eyes. Duo smiled sadly and shook his head, "Never mind… I don't wish to bother you." Later that night Duo stumbled into the bedroom to find Heero sitting on the windowsill and staring at the door, waiting for him.

The American stood still and watched as Heero stood up and moved to his own bed. "Wait, Heero…" he started. When the boy turned, Duo realized what he'd done and decided he couldn't back out. "What… do you think of me?" The Japanese boy looked startled and it brought a small smile to the American's lips. "Heero…" he moved forward, feeling all conscious thought slip away as he moved to the other boy. They were inches apart and Heero still hadn't moved, the only sign that he was feeling different was the quickening of his breath. There were no more words as their lips met suddenly, sealing a pact of their feelings.

From then on the two had grown closer but not shown it. When Relena had shown up at the school they were attending, they'd gotten a little more than annoyed but couldn't do anything about it. Mostly they just avoided her and that had worked. It was kind of strange to realize she was following them, or more specifically, Heero.

"I want you here," Duo whispered into his pillow. Mid-afternoon sun was creeping through the windows but he ignored the warmth, it was nothing compared to the touch of Heero's hands as he caressed his face. "Heero…"

The night sky was filled with stars as the two boys walked along an old, unused path. "This should be fun… there's no one out tonight!" his violet-blue eyes sparked mischievously at his partner who just snorted in response.

Eventually they found themselves laying in one another's arms as they watched for shooting stars in the beautiful night sky. "The stars… they look like tears." Duo let his eyes roam across the sky and agreed silently. Heero continued, "I wonder if this war will end and if those tears will dissolve. We're their last hope, Duo."

The American leaned against the other boy and murmured, "What happens when we lose someone? I… don't know if I can handle it. What if I lose you?" There was no reply. There never could be, until it happened.

Sweat trickled down the back of his neck as Duo shot up in his bed. `Why does this happen?! Every time… more nightmares…' He couldn't deal with it anymore, his heart and soul and mind agreed now - Heero wasn't coming back. That was his last hope, last chance… he was gone now. There was nothing left for the American pilot. Duo stumbled around the room as he rummaged through his things to find the object he was looking for.

The sun wasn't even rising yet, he had time. Dull eyes stared out the window for a few moments as he remembered Quatre talking to him about continuing the mission, to live on for what Heero had been fighting for. What was he really fighting for? Who really knew? The blonde had said there wasn't much they could have done at that point in time. Duo knew that was a lie, had he been more attentive he would have realized that Heero would do something like that.

He stared down at the metal object that glinted in his hand. `I'm sorry, Quatre, you're a good friend. But I can't… can't live this way…' He moved into the bathroom connected to his room and shut the door and locked it, not wanting any chance of being disturbed. When he stared into the mirror he noted the rings about his eyes, the pallor of his face. He looked like the living dead, he thought miserably.

`Maybe that's what I am…' he mused. That would change soon, if he could help it. He kneeled on the floor so that his shaking joints didn't give out on him. The sharp blade rested against his arm for a moment and he just stared at it as he applied pressure and the blade brought forth a tiny fountain of blood. It stung, but he ignored it - imagining what Heero had felt when he'd went flying. `I've already sinned. It doesn't matter anymore, just another sin… who is there to even care?'

The blade suddenly was pulled along, cutting his skin to halfway down his forearm. The blood had increased, staining the beautiful white-tiled floor. Duo took a shaky breath and moved the knife down the other arm. `I just can't deal with it, Heero… please…. Wait for me this time.' Blackness nipped at his vision, the blood was pouring from a major vein in his arms.

"Duo!" a frantic voice sounded through the door, banging following the voice. "DUO! Let me in! Duo!" Quatre was panicking after waking up and feeling empty and frightened. Upon entering Duo's bedroom and finding him nowhere in sight intensified the feeling until he started ramming against the door and trying to break the wood.

He stared numbly out the front window of the large truck. His arms stung painfully, enabling him to drive. Beside him sat the blonde as he drove down the roads to a place that he would not reveal. Behind their truck came another, that one carrying a covered Sandrock. "Duo," Quatre started, his voice soft. "Will you be able to fight?"

A strange mixture of emotions passed through the blonde's face but he couldn't express his opinions vocally. "I… have this strange feeling about coming here…" Duo said nothing in response, still staring unseeing out of the cab. "You still have a job to do. The way we pay for what we've done is by suffering with the knowledge of those we've hurt or killed. We can't change ourselves, this is what we must do… we're the colonies hope. We're their last hope, Duo."

"What…? Duo, what's wrong?" The other boy sat stone cold, reminding him of another pilot. `Duo… what's going on? You're not just suffering because of all the battles. What's the reason?' They were coming closer to their destination, a stopped circus as they practiced for their next performance. `Please help him, Trowa.'

After finding Duo sitting on the floor of the bathroom Quatre had quickly wrapped the boy's arms in towels and rushed to get a doctor. His arms were bandaged, but would not heal for quite some time. Quatre had been searching for the circus Trowa was with for a while now and when Duo had tried to pull that stunt… well it jogged his mind that it was time to find the other Gundam pilot. They'd waited a week until Quatre announced his plans. Of course the servants were upset but Quatre relented in having two of the Manguanacs to come along and drive Sandrock. `You must live, Duo. I'll make sure of that.' Glancing over at Duo he shuddered inwardly at the stone cold eyes that were seeing nothing.

`Where am I…?' his vision was blurred and he felt sore all over. Sunlight was falling into the room and he wondered absently where exactly he was. Upon raising himself up on his elbows he heard the TV on to the right of him. He narrowed his dark eyes to try and focus on the figure. At first a strange hallucination of a blonde female was there but that image soon cleared to someone with long, brown hair. `Wait… Duo…?' A sudden groan escaped his lips as he tried to sit up and the figure sitting whirled around, startled. `No, not…' he stopped his thoughts. The female had short, wild red-brown hair.

She smiled at him gently and set aside the knitting she had been doing. "You're finally awake, I'll go get Trowa." The woman stood and walked to the doorway, sticking her head into the narrow hallway. "Trowa! Your friend's up!"

Within minutes a tall boy with long, spiky bangs that shot off straight over his face came into the room. "Thank you, Catherine," he said in his usual soft voice. The woman took the hint and took her knitting as she left the room and closed the door. "So you're awake." This time his statement was directed to the other boy sorely sitting in bed.

Blinking slightly, Trowa's face took on a slightly startled look and a smile quirked on his lips as a bit of laughter came to his throat. On the bed, Heero smirked ever so slightly at hearing the laugh. Suddenly a realization hit him and in his heart he felt panic… and maybe even the littlest bit of guilt. `Oh no… I never… oh, Duo…'

"What?" Trowa returned to the usual seriousness and looked over at Heero whose face was suddenly looking almost desperate. Shaking his head to clear the strange image, he responded, "I'm not sure. Quatre and the other boy left the battle, none of us could stay. As for where either of them went I'm not sure."

`Since he entered my life.' The other voice was at a loss for words, luckily. Calmly Trowa watched the hardened face of the boy sitting on the bed. Inside, he knew, Heero was fighting over some thought… yet he could only guess to what it was.

Later that afternoon, Catherine returned to the room to find two silent boys. She sighed, smiling slightly, as she set a tray of food down. "Go on and eat, you two." Trowa turned slightly from the window to watch her go and Heero caught the narrowing of eyebrows on the other's features.

Trowa didn't reply at first, moving to take some food over to Heero. "I'm her partner in some of the acts we do for the circus. Catherine Bloom. She's quite stubborn and worries too much."

Silently Heero began to eat, his eyes seeing nothing as he thought back to nights when he didn't feel so empty. `Yeah, stubborn. And such a worry-wart.' A small snort passed through his lips. After a fairly easy mission he had accidentally been cut and the longhaired boy had hovered over him worriedly with bandage in hand. Not to mention their second meeting when Duo had practically screamed at him for jumping and not opening his parachute until too late. `And he never let up…'

Something in the change of Trowa's voice caught Heero's attention and he eyed the tall boy from the corner of his eye. He wouldn't press the issue but he had the strangest feeling that there was something there…

"If you can contact this… Quatre, then do so," Heero clarified. Slowly he received a nod in response and he could have sworn the edges of Trowa's lips started to twist upward.

Ignoring the odd response, Heero set aside his dishes and lay back to think. `What is this I'm feeling? I never felt…' His body, besides from being sore, felt cold. His skin felt like a cage holding him in. For the first time in ages, he felt alone. Sure, he'd felt alone before… but not for years. Not since before his training with Dr. J. Before coming to earth he just plain didn't feel anything at all. He was content to float in a void of unfeeling where none of his senses had to work. Then everything was shattered, washing up onto shore and having some strange blonde hovering over him with a worry on her sweet features.

Not long after she followed him to the marina as he was about to set off the torpedoes. He could have even successfully killed her and be done of the disturbance and gone back to the void when again more shattering came. It was one of the strangest occurrences he had observed as the boy with a long braid shot off a gun aimed at him. Heero had been shocked and startled at the time to be caught off guard and he tried to grab for his gun and get rid of the two people who had shattered his simple, non-feeling shell. But not a chance. That girl, Relena, had stood in front of him to protect him as she bandaged his arm. And that odd boy, he'd just stand there with a funny look on his face with his gun limp in hand.

Shaking his head to clear the memories, Heero realized he'd never be rid of either of them. But damn! They'd made him feel again, had broken the walls circling him. Ever since that night he'd ended up saving Relena's life things had seemed to change so much. Slowly he began getting less and less annoyed at the longhaired boy who called himself `Duo'… and oddly enough, friendship blossomed and somewhere along the way he'd started watching the pilot longer. He'd keep memories of the boy looking so peaceful in his sleep; watched him eating his meals so quickly it sometimes made Heero lose his appetite. And then… one night after dinner he couldn't move and neither had Duo. The boy had started to say something but the two split up. That night had been a surprise,

The American had stood there for a while, looking uncomfortable when he voiced, "Wait, Heero…" Heero had paused, turning back to watch with a steady gaze but wild heart. "What… do you think of me?" The Japanese boy couldn't respond, his voice caught in his throat after being caught off guard. Duo moved forward slowly, a small smile on his face. "Heero…" And then everything cracked, the remaining walls brutally blasted away as their lips met.

Slowly the American sat up and blinked blurry eyes. He'd had more dreams… recollections of the latest battle as Wing destructed and threw its pilot away like some piece of trash. "Why in the world are we heading towards a circus?" he mumbled, partially confused. In the distance tiny, colorful tents could be seen.

Giving a weak smile and looking a little embarrassed, Quatre responded with a brief question, "You remember me telling you about Trowa working in a circus…?" A slight nod in response and he continued, "Well I tracked him here. I… thought… well… um…" he began to stutter and a small quirk of a smile appeared on Duo's lips.

"Ah… I see…" he waggled a finger in Quatre's direction. "You got a crush on him, ne?" Seeing the blushing face of his companion, Duo's lips twitched into one of the few real smiles he could give lately. It was a sad smile, but a smile none-the-less.

"Well… um… I- I…" the blonde gave up. "Fine, you win. Yes I do." He chanced a look at Duo and realized the boy was staring at him with a faraway look in his eyes, not really looking at him at all. `What did I say…?' He was puzzled, a small, sad smile adorned Duo's features and hidden in his eyes were pain. "D-Duo…? Are you okay?"

`What is it, my friend? You… seemed to understand… oh my-!' Quatre suddenly took a quick intake of breath as a thought came to him. Feeling his eyes widen, he did his best to calm himself. `Why didn't I ever think of it? Of course! That was it all along!'

Stumbling to find the right words, Quatre stuttered, "Duo… I… think I… understand… was there…?" He couldn't finish at first and slowly took a gulp of air before whispering softly, "Was there… anything between you and Heero?"

The silence hit him in full force and he chanced a look at Duo. The smile had disappeared, a simple thin-lined mouth in its place. His eyes were focusing in the distance, emotions battling within. "I'm sorry," Quatre murmured, "I… shouldn't have said. I… understand now."

`Maybe you do, Quatre. But not enough… you don't know… so much of it. You have someone to go to - many people. You still have family. You still have a home. I'm different. It's not all the same.' The circus was up ahead and Duo winced, he didn't like to think what would happen when he saw Trowa and Quatre together. He knew the two of them had worked many times together from all the chattering Quatre had done about him before. `What if I can't handle it?'

Laying on the grass and staring up at the fading stars, Duo considered the past week. Things had gone so fast after that night when he'd kissed Heero. He'd been startled when Heero responded. They'd exchanged no more words that night, both going to bed with many thoughts on their mind. The next day Duo kept trying to bring it up but Heero somehow managed to avoid the subject. Yet… somehow they kept brushing past one another and Heero was most definitely not concentrating on his laptop. It finally ended in warm embraces and kisses. Duo didn't resist, relishing the feel of being held tight after so long.

The next day was a little easier, brief kisses coming easily except still Heero wouldn't speak aloud. It was beginning to disturb Duo. And finally the American was able to get the subject out in the open. Heero couldn't escape it any longer and stated, "It's different… from anything I've ever felt." He looked about to continue but never did. Just when Duo was going to turn and leave the Japanese pilot alone, a question rose to the air. "What about you, what do you feel?"

Quietly, not looking at the boy, he whispered, "I… feel wanted again. I l-love… you, Heero. Even if you may not…" with that said he escaped from the house, not waiting for a reaction.

That brought him up onto the hill and staring at the stars all night until dawn was about to come. Heero still hadn't shown. Softly chuckling, Duo scolded himself, "It was something new to him. That's all. He really isn't interested." Though a smile was on his face, his heart was breaking inside.

"I never said that," a voice told him softly. Duo sat up sharply, whipping his head around to see Heero getting up from his kneeling position a few feet away and coming close.

Presently the Japanese pilot reached Duo's side and sat next to him, reaching a hand out to trace the contours of Duo's face. "I never said I wasn't interested." The breath caught in the longhaired boy's throat as he waited for Heero to continue. After a long pause, his voice returned, "Duo, I'm not… used to this. I don't know what's happening."

Heero studied him skeptically and commented, "I'm not sure about that. From what you said before…" he waved his hand to signify what he'd heard Duo speaking to the sky. Before the other could reply, he continued on. "I can't tell for sure yet… but I'm almost, almost positive that… what I feel is…" he swallowed and carefully whispered, "love."

Duo's arms came up and wrapped around the other pilot, "Thank you. I really can wait, you know…" He held Heero tighter, breathing in the scent of the boy's shampoo. Soon arms were wrapping about him and Duo knew that eventually, someday, things would work out. "I love you, Heero… it took me a long time to figure it out… you get your time too…"

Morning sunlight was pouring into the room, forcing the eyes of one tousled-hair pilot open. Slowly, so as not to jar his injuries, Heero sat up and peered around the room he had grown to know over the past few days. Within minutes Trowa would enter with a tray full of food that Catherine had made fore breakfast. It was routine, even with him being awake for only three days prior to that morning. Of course he had technically been in that room for a little more than a month. `What will Duo be thinking? Where is he? He must suspect… but shouldn't he know?'

The door opened and, as expected, Trowa came bearing a tray laden with food. No words were spoken, neither being the usual talkative type. In fact since the first day they'd barely spoken more than a few sentences to one another.

Something seemed different about that day, however. There was an odd atmosphere to the room as if predicting the changes coming. Heero gave into a frown, setting down the remainder of his breakfast. Trowa looked up from his thoughts, raising an eyebrow slightly in question. Heero responded with a blank look cast his way, his fingers twitching unconsciously.

"Trowa!" Catherine called. Soon the woman appeared in the room wearing a short halter-top and short, jean shorts. "Trowa, there's a meeting, we need you right now. Oh, good morning," she greeted Heero.

The tall boy stood up, glancing briefly at Heero before moving out of the room. When the two left, Heero turned his face to the window that stared off to the surrounding countryside. `I'm empty without you Duo. Why aren't you here…? What happened?'

Trowa listened with a careful ear to the plans. His face was emotionless as he heard they would be performing at an Oz base in two weeks. They'd be leaving by the end of the week. Once the mention of needing some new acts came up, Trowa spoke, "I'll have something planned. Something they'll never forget."

It was a bright day, warm too yet the warm fingers of the sun didn't touch him. He still felt cold and numb. His heart felt… empty… it was a strange feeling, one he hadn't had for a long time. A soft sigh finally won it's way to Trowa's mouth and he let it escape. `I should never have brought up Quatre…'

His heart was beating wildly as he did his best to focus on driving to the outskirts of the camp. There was a gathering of people by one of the trailers and he strained his blue eyes to see if a certain tall boy was standing there. Unfortunately he couldn't spot he was looking for so finally gave up on just parking the large truck. Behind him, Abdul was carefully following with his precious burden of Sandrock on the trailer part of the truck.

"Um… yeah…" Quatre shook his head to clear the thoughts pouring into his mind. `I'll see him soon enough… it's been quite a while…' A smile came to his lips and he parked the truck, Abdul doing the same behind him.

`I really don't want to be doing this…' Duo thought, eyeing the camp of tents and trailers wearily. He was most definitely not in the mood. Once Quatre found Trowa he would be happily spending all the time he could with the tall pilot and most likely would just leave Duo alone and not keeping such a close eye on him.

Shuddering slightly at the sensation of someone's touch on him again, the American closed his eyes tightly to stop the sting he could feel within his temples. "Just a moment…" he muttered. He could feel Quatre slowly move back and undo his safety belt. Soon the blonde Arab was opening the cab door and stepping out, probably to talk to Abdul and the other man that had accompanied them. Once the door was shut, Duo's eyes came open and he stared ahead.

"Heero… how can I do this…? Why…? Why didn't you think?" His hands clenched tightly and he bit his lip to stop a sob that threatened to tear his throat. "Damnit! Why? You suicidal idiot!" Suddenly a laugh came from his lips, bordering on the edge of hysterical. `And now who's the suicidal idiot? Looks like you rubbed off on me, koi.' His laughs were gone and he realized with horror that tears were dripping down his cheeks.

When Duo still hadn't come out of the cab, Quatre began to panic and quickly opened the passenger side's door. The scene meeting him almost sent him into a state of shock. The long braid was hanging forward, obscuring the features of Duo as he curled into a tight ball with a trembling body. Pain entered Quatre's heart as he stood there for a while. Finally he moved into the cab and closed the door. "Duo…" he murmured, tears threatening his own eyes.

`Strange, I feel that way…' Duo thought bitterly. Slowly, however, the tears were disappearing and his body stopped trembling. After a while, he finally felt a bit more normal.

Pushing him back just enough to study his face, Quatre gave Duo's hand a squeeze of reassurance. "Come on, you have a new friend to meet…" his voice was soft but firm. He refused to let Duo just sit there all day.

Duo let Quatre lead him out of the truck and they jumped to the ground, preparing to move into the camp. The blonde waved to Abdul who came over to watch over Deathscythe while the other man stood guard over Sandrock.

Taking in a deep breath, Duo tugged at his long-sleeves uncomfortably as he followed after Quatre. They came up to where a group of people were splitting up, obviously the meeting being over. Looking around, Quatre finally walked up to the man who seemed to be the head of the circus. "Um… excuse me sir." The man looked down at the two boys with an eyebrow raised in slight interest. "I'm looking for Trowa… Trowa Barton, where can I find him?"

"Friends of Trowa?" a young woman came up to them. She was fairly tall with short, red-brown hair. She seemed to consider her options for a moment and told them, "Come with me, I'll show you where he is." Glad to have cooperation, Quatre followed after the woman with Duo following a little more slowly. "My name's Catherine, Trowa's my partner in some of the acts. I hope you two aren't as quiet as he is…" she smiled a little.

Both Heero and Trowa looked up at the sound of a knock. Catherine peeked her head in the doorway and announced, "Trowa, there's more people here looking for you." The tall boy frowned and exchanged glances with Heero. They'd been wondering if Oz was figuring out where they were hiding…

Looking a little confused, Catherine shook her head. "No, but you'd better just come out and see them. I have some things to do so just call if you need me. I'll be practicing."

Wearily, Trowa moved out into the hall and headed to the entryway, making sure to close the door to Heero's room. Once he made it into the room where the `guests' were waiting, his breath suddenly caught. `That blonde hair...! No way!' A startled look actually appeared on his face as he managed to find his voice, "Quatre?"

The blonde practically jumped, startled out of his deep thoughts. He stood up and turned to face the tall boy. "Trowa!" he exclaimed happily, not noticing that Duo hadn't moved from the position he was in. The American stayed staring blindly at the coffee table and trying his best to ignore everything going on.

A bitter laugh came from Duo's throat and he turned away, remnants of tears coming to his eyes. "Quatre, I'll be imposing. Don't deny that you came here to… see him. I'll be fine."

Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, Quatre stood up straight again and studied the floor. "This is Duo Maxwell," he stated quietly. "He's a fellow Gundam pilot. H-he… has some problems… but… he's right." Sighing, Quatre whispered, "I was originally coming here just to see you…"

Duo'd had enough and he stood up angrily, fists tightened and tears again threatening. His forearms ached with the tightness but he ignored the pain. "A problem is it?! I can handle myself and can't I do what I want with my life?!" he was almost shouting yet he couldn't force his voice as loud as he wanted. "I'm outta here, thanks for everything Quatre, really. But I can't keep this up."

The tall pilot didn't budge. He stared long and hard at Duo, their glares piercing one another. Quatre stood off to the side, watching with worry apparent. All three were too caught up to realize soft footsteps were coming towards them. Trowa's sudden movement of jerking his head up and eyes widening slightly was the only warning any of them had. Duo didn't waver, preparing to get past Trowa while he was distracted. The tall boy still refused to move and asked whoever was standing in the hallway, "What are you doing up? You know fully well…" He trailed off, realizing that blue eyes were resting on Duo's shoulders.

"D-Duo…" the usual monotone was gone, shock and gladness taking over. `Oh my God, Duo…! What happened to you?' He was so pale and thin, looking vulnerable in the long, black clothes.

Duo froze, just completely froze. `It's my imagination… no, it's not real… stop hoping! Damnit, Maxwell! Stop it! But-` A soft `thud' against the floor forced himself to turn and see who was there. "Oh… God…" he stopped breathing for a moment, staring with parted lips. His eyes closed as tears welled up. `Oh dear God… it's him, please… please say it's him…!' When his violet-blue eyes opened again the figure wasn't gone.

Off to the side, Quatre stood with his mouth open and the edges of his mouth turning up slowly into a smile. Trowa stood and studied the reactions, his mind figuring out what was going on. Within he was smiling softly even though his face didn't give.

Tears finally breaking free, Duo's shoulders began to shake as he tilted his head down. His voice was so hoarse but he still spoke, "Oh God, Heero… I… I… thought…" He breathed carefully to make sure he was still alive and that it wasn't some dream.

Heero still hadn't moved, knowing he was already putting too much strain on his wounds. "Duo," he called again, signaling he wanted to be by the other boy. He felt distressed to see the state Duo was in. Somehow he knew it had to deal with him not being around… having self-destructed.

One foot in front of the other, Duo began moving faster to Heero. `Oh Heero… Heero… is it you…?' He stopped in front of the figure and not even a second later arms were wrapped around him and he could feel warm breath on his hair. "It's you… it's you…" he kept repeating it over and over, softly like some sort of mantra.

"What happened to you?" Heero murmured into Duo's hair. He never expected Duo's body to stiffen. Curious, Heero pulled back a little from the embrace to study his face. Duo had averted his gaze, down to the floor. The Japanese pilot looked up, seeing Trowa and Quatre studying them with… interesting expressions. At any other time he might have felt embarrassed but at the moment he was too worried to care. He looked at the blonde, Quatre, questioning with his eyes.

After the walk back to the room where Heero was staying, Duo clung to Heero like a lifeline. It was still a shock to Heero that he hadn't said much. There was something very, very wrong. Trowa sat in a chair left in the room and Quatre stood nearby. Their hands were collapsed, giving strength to Quatre.

"Shh," Heero whispered, closing his eyes and holding Duo close. Trowa and Quatre took their cue and left the room, closing the door behind them. "I'm here… I'm not gone…"

Slowly, Heero answered, "I'll… try, my best. I can't leave so easily, now. I realize that now… I can't lose you." His lips closed around Duo's and the other boy responded quickly. A salty taste entered Heero's mouth and he realized that it was from the tears that were still falling from Duo's face. "Don't cry anymore… I'm not leaving…" With that, he began to kiss away tears. `My Duo… my beautiful Duo.'

"Hai," Duo murmured, burying his head against Heero's shoulder. They stayed in one another's embrace for a long time, convincing themselves that both of them were actually alive.

Author's Notes: Wow! Finally I finished this! It really was only two day's work but the days were spread out. Do you like it? This was my first started fanfic with the Gundam Wing characters however I did finish another GW `fic (much, much shorter). I love the song "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely" by Backstreet Boys (obviously not mine) and just had to use it. Fits, ne? Please send feedback to: shinigami_goddess@netzero.com I really love e-mails so drop a line! I don't care about flames, I'll read `em but then just let Duo-chan cut them up with his scythe. ^_^V See ya minna!