The Final Feather

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"The Final Feather"

By Shinigami Goddess (Lionna)

Ninmu ryoukai May 2, 2000 and Ninmu kanryou May 4, 2000

Disclaimers: I do not own the characters of Gundam Wing though I surely wish I did. I'd like to note, however, that the plot line and the poem that's used throughout this piece are mine so please do not take either without letting me know. Arigatou.

Turn back the tides,

Rewind the clocks,

Take me back to that day.

Staring at the words scrawled out before him, the boy with shining eyes was tempted to crumple the paper. `I'm so regretful, ne? Why should Shinigami be regretful?' A soft, bitter laugh split the air and he tightened a fist.

The wings do embrace

From the sky fell a shooting star, a fallen angel with broken wings. Pure wings of white snapped like twigs under pounding feet. The wings were being restored, each battle giving more strength. As the wings grew the barriers fell, revealing emotions deeply hidden.

Heartbreak so easy

When you fall for an angel

Touch burning like flames,

A sweet taste of hell

The bathroom door closed shut with a soft click and the boy slid to the floor. His breath was still a little rugged from all the emotions playing around him. The other's lips were still on his face, the sensations burning him like fire. `What is it I deserve?' he wondered as he started the water for a shower. `His… touch… so… so… intoxicating! I feel drunk and know I need to get away… but… I keep coming back… so taunting… my own little piece of heaven in this hell of a life.'

Eyes tearing you apart,

Searching for scars,

And reopening wounds

The morning found two forms curled up next to each other after a long night of cuddling, their only comfort after facing the many killing battles. "Why do you fight?"

Violet-blue eyes turned up to trace the outlines of the other's face in the morning sunlight. "…For all the kids… who can't fight. For all those who need the peace that may lie ahead… for everyone living on the streets and see death every day…" He had to stop before he said more. Beside him, his partner lay silent and ever so slightly tightened his grip about the other boy. "Ne, Heero, what do you fight for?"

For a long while there was no answer. Finally in a low voice Heero responded, "For the innocents, so they don't need to know war. For a little girl and her dog, both killed for no reason. For those lost and searching. That's what I fight for."

"Ano… I'm fighting… for you too… koibito." The last word was whispered in case the name wasn't suitable to the other.

There was a catch in Heero's throat and he couldn't reply aloud. `Hai… so do I, Duo. Koi.'

Tears come to stain

Blood mixed in dirt

Corpses never gone

Souls always lost

The battlefield was covered with everything from huge pieces of Mobile Dolls and buildings to things such as strollers and public benches. A city battle field. The innocent's plain. `Damn them for bringing these people into this!' The pilot wanted to scream, but held his jaw tight. His visuals were off, not wanting anyone to see his mask so out of place. Slowly he opened the hatch and slid down the dark leg of the Gundam. If… there were any survivors he would bring them help. He had to. `I'm to blame too… but those… bastards! K'so!'

He searched for hours and hours, turning over every piece of junk and debris he found. But all were dead, every last one of them. The other pilots were just finishing up their battles along the outskirts of the once great city. He alone had been left to fight that battleground so that there was less likely a chance of the civilians getting involved. `And I got every one of them killed.' The thought came bitter and he felt the bile rise in his throat.

It wasn't until the sound of a large Mobile Suit approaching broke the silence that the longhaired pilot finally fell to his knees. `I can't hide. I run, I hide… but never lie…' His hand brushed against something slightly soft and he turned his head to see an un-stuffed teddy bear lying on the ground. Not far off was an outstretched, pale, young arm. Blood was running off the childish fingertips but even the red river was soon to be ended. Tears welled up and overflowed.

`I killed them… I killed them all! Everyone… Solo… Father Maxwell… Sister Helen… Lionna… Kristy… Felicity… Sonja… Amy… Jake… Sage…' The names ran through his head, he knew all the names by heart. And now… now there were so many more. Thousands, very possibly. `Masaka… I killed them all…!' [1]

And the angel stands by

They found him when everyone arrived to the smoking remains of the city. The four pilots stayed in their Gundams for a long while, too shocked to do anything else. Everything was demolished. Barely inches of buildings remained. Each cockpit opened at the same time and the four solemn boys descended to the ground to begin searching.

"There's nothing," a voice rasped, coming from a barely recognizable figure bent and sobbing by a pile of debris and corpses. "They're all dead."

A crazed, bitter laughter suddenly bubbled through his lips and tears fell freely, smearing the bloodstains on his features. "I killed them! I killed them all! The whole damn population!" His voice failed and the eyes were so hollow and empty he seemed dead himself. "So I am Shinigami… I am… I am…" he muttered it over and over.

The others stood back in horror for a while, suddenly scared of their fellow pilot. The long braid was dirtied from other people's blood and grime. None was his. Oh no, he left the battle without a scratch from the actual battle while leaving a whole city flattened. Tears were pouring down his face as he continued his incoherent mutterings. It was finally a sharp crack and the pain stinging his cheek that got the boy to shut up. `I'm so tired…' he thought to himself, but didn't speak aloud.

"It's. Not. Your. Fault." The monotone hit each word with precision, hitting the phrase into his mind. "We should have know. I should have seen their plan. It's not one person's blame." Suddenly the cobalt blue eyes lay to rest on the outstretched arm reaching for the teddy bear.

"I've been lost all my life."

A grim smile crept onto the braided boy's face. "Aa. Children died. Innocents. Dead before they even know how to write. Dead before they know how to love." No emotion was left. "I killed them." His voice was serious but was beginning to grow a little weaker. "I'm so tired," he voiced softly, sounding so lost. "I don't want to kill anymore… I want to go back… I'll be good… Solo won't die… I won't let Father Maxwell die this time… or Lionna or Kristy… or any of the little kids. We'll be alive… innocent…" he trailed off, blackness overcoming him. "I want to go back."

Carried by the wind

`He wants to go `back'. But back where? In time, perhaps… to save the past? That's impossible. If we could change the past that little girl never would have been killed. We live with what we get.' Even to him it sounded cruel and cold. There was no denying it, however. Duo had collapsed on the smoking battlefield after muttering under his breath accusations aimed only at himself. Heero had managed to fit the other boy into Wing Zero's cockpit with changing into bird mode and carrying Deathscythe back to the current safe house.

At the present, the Japanese pilot was sitting in front of his laptop but doing absolutely nothing but stare and keep his thoughts to himself. The irrational part of his mind was more than furious at Duo, blaming him for all the devastation. Three thousand, eight hundred, ninety-five lives… taken by one meaningless battle. `When he finds out…' Heero didn't even want to think about it. The shock of seeing Duo just kneeling there and looking almost more dead than the corpses had been scary. The boy usually so full of life had suddenly burnt all his energy leaving the empty shell.

Hearing a bit of movement from the bed, Heero turned around to find his partner staring up at the ceiling. The wide eyes seemed to be tracing every hairline crack though in reality he must have been thinking and deciphering what was real and what was not. After all, throughout the whole time he was unconscious he had been plagued by nightmares, tossing and turning in his sleep. "Duo, daijoubu ka?"

Empty eyes tore their gaze from the ceiling and fell upon Heero, brief un-recognition passing through before the facts registered. Forced from dry lips and throat, the response came, "Daijoubu."

Heero stood up and moved to the bed, detecting the silent plea that Duo himself may not have known he was asking for. "What… can I do to help?" Heero finally whispered, not used to the situation.

Once again in his arms

Embrace tightening and hot

Eyes melting revealing

Solemn eyes, crystal clear and violet-blue, gazed up at the Japanese boy standing over him. The tears slowly overflowed, causing the eyes to close with long lashes trying to slow the tears coming. "Sumimasen… what… what I did… hidoi…" More tears fell and Duo curled up and turned on his side. "Hidoi… that's me, ne Heero? That's me…"

"Iie!" The word struck more force onto the sobbing boy than a punch would have. Startled, Duo opened his eyes to find Heero laying down beside him; the cobalt blue eyes staring into his face. "Iie…" he repeated, more quietly this time. "It couldn't be stopped. Itsuka… we will pay for our doings. Demo, Duo, we must fight now and pay later. It is our fate."

"Itsuka…" Duo echoed, voice filled with emotion. Warm, comforting arms snaked about him and he realized with a start that Heero was holding him close. "H-Heero…"

Silencing him with a tight squeeze, the other boy answered the unfinished question. "Don't. Let me… hold you. Duo… su… suki da…" Duo's eyes slightly widened in surprise, this new statement giving him more cause to mourn.

`Oh Heero… itooshii… what do I do? Ai shiteiru… demo… I don't know what I'm doing anymore… I killed them all… everyone… I'll kill you too… I know it…' He wept again, this time against Heero's shoulder.

Beautiful, piercing eyes softened slowly and the Japanese pilot closed his eyes as he held Duo while he cried. The tears seemed to want to put up a good battle and didn't show signs of stopping. `Hush now. You must be strong for those still alive. Duo…'

We find ourselves here

Staring at the emptiness of space

Words fail and actions devastate

The battle was over. Ninmu kanryou. It was time to say goodbye.

Floating in the weightless, never ending expanses of space were the five Gundams. They had gathered together, somehow away from the media and public, to talk a few things over… and to say goodbye. The dark wings of Deathscythe blended in with the backdrop of stars and blackness; it was fitting. Wing Zero stood to the right, contrasting with the bright white colors.

"It's finally over!" The blonde's voice was filled with relief and happiness which spread to his face. On his visual screens he could see the other pilots nodding. Trowa with a slight quirk of a smile on his lips, Wufei nodding in determination and acceptance; Heero with his muttered `hai' and Duo… the boy seemed to have a faraway look in his eyes. "Oi! Duo!" Quatre called.

Coming to his senses, Duo turned his attention back to his visual screens, "Hai, Quatre-san?"

He smiled softly and replied, "You know you don't have to address me so, we're all comrades. Aren't you relieved the battle is over?"

A slight twitch of the facial muscles, barely distinguishable, occurred across Duo's face. "Hai. The bloodshed is done and the sinners shall pay for what they've done." His reply had sharp glances in response. Looking past all the faces appearing before him, Duo stared out into space. "The colonies and the Earth are united. Bloodshed can stop for now." The rest of the words failed to come to him, he wasn't prepared to finish his statement.

His hand moved to the controls of Deathscythe and he started moving the Gundam away. "Stay away," he growled in a low voice before taking off. Once he had made some distance, Duo clenched a fist and slammed it down. He refused to look back, not wanting to give in to weakness. `Sayonara, zutto, my friends.'

Within moments all the other pilots could see was a huge explosion, bits of Deathscythe floating around the never-ending stars. Quatre stared with a stricken look, hands clutching at his chest where the pain lay. "Duo…! Iya! Duo!"

"Masaka…! Kisama!" Wufei tightened his fists and sneered at the debris, "Baka!"

Trowa's emotionless face gave way as horror swept across him and he couldn't contain it. "Kami-sama…" `No…'

The last pilot sat frozen, stiff in the now unyielding chair of Gundam Wing Zero. `BAKA!' his mind screamed. `DUO NO BAKA! You idiot! Shimata! K'so!' The curses ran through his head as inside everything fell apart. `Masaka… Duo… why? Why did you?'

In this life we all pay

Yet in the end, we'll find a way

After a few more minutes of shock, the visuals on each of the remaining Gundams came to life. On screen was a dark room, shaded with the shadows of night. A figure slowly turned, lighting the room by turning on the lights. Duo stared out, a small smile on his face… but not cheerful; serious, deadly serious. His eyes shone with determination but revealed pain he could never let go. Presently he began to speak. "Minna… gomen nasai… I never told you all of my past. I've never let you know that I haven't forgotten that day when so many were killed. My tears ran dry long ago for I cannot cry for every life I've taken. The final battle has ended and we should be happy, ne? Then why am I out of place and feeling sick?" He gave a sad smile before continuing. "I love you all as friends. And… Heero… you know I love you more. I can't live this life though, I'm sorry. I never was taken out `honorably' in battle and the only thing I can think to do now is self-destruct… destroy this machine that killed so many. I ask of you- no, beg- of you to destroy your suits too. Don't die with them, though. You are the hope of the future. You all have something to go back to. Make up for our mistakes, onegai. Kudasai. For our souls… for all the families who lost someone. You're all so much stronger than me and I know you can do this. Onegai. Heero, suki da zutto, don't forget that. Sayonara, minna. May we meet one day again far from now." The image blinked out and left four stunned and saddening pilots.

"Let's do it," Quatre whispered, "for Duo. Just like he said…"

Stepping into the clearing, the boy waited with bated breath. Someone was coming here, he knew… somehow he just knew it. `Come on, koi… don't make me wait!'

"Oi!" The braid whirled through the air as the boy ran towards the figure standing a few feet away. "Heero!" He smiled happily and hugged the Japanese pilot fiercely, receiving the same-intensity embrace in return. "Tadaima!"

A slight smile donned on Heero's lips as he replied "Hai…" Carefully he claimed the other boy's lips and held him close. "Demo you made me wait so long."

Cracking a grin, Duo questioned innocently, "Really?"

Glaring in return, the Japanese pilot responded, "Really. Now, koi…"

There came no reply after that, both embracing the feel of holding one another again.

"I-it's ended…" the blonde stuttered between tight jaw muscles. "Everyone will be okay now…" There were still tears on his cheeks as he shut down the communication, knowing that the message had been received. He turned to look over the battle field, remembering a time many years ago when he saw a similar scene. This time, though, there was no longhaired boy sobbing and mourning the loss of the citizens. And this time, more than half the people would live.

"Daijoubu desu ka?" a slightly worried voice asked.

Turning back to face the taller man, Quatre gave a small smile in reassurance. "Hai. Daijoubu. Just reminiscing." He sighed once again and turned to face the scene. Behind him he felt Trowa come to stand as a sturdy wall of protection; he gladly leaned in on the warmth. "Do you… think they're finally okay? I don't know what to think, Trowa. It's all so hard…"

Trowa silenced the blonde by placing his lips to the other man's temple. "Iie, koi, don't worry yourself. They'll always be okay. They're survivors. If Heero could wait this long… if he could stay alone that long, then he'll be okay now."

A little over eleven years had passed since the age of fighting was afoot. This last `mission' was the first in ages… a very important one at that. They had to stop some crazed group that was planning on splitting the power once again. Luckily the four ex-Gundam pilots could still fight, and fight they did. Though their own Gundams had long been destroyed, Heero had managed to take Zechs's Tallgeese II and fought until the very end upon which he self-destructed, destroying the remaining bit of the city and the final Gundam.

Looking up at the fading sky as night approached, Quatre saw the shooting stars dashing after one another in a game. A soft smile adorned his lips and he commented, "Ninmu kanryou. We've done what you've asked, Duo. May you finally find real happiness."

Silently Trowa urged the blonde away and they walked from the scene, arms about one another for comfort over losing another friend. Wufei had disappeared a while back though they knew he was working hard with the Preventors and making good on the promise the four pilots had made.

Up above in the sky two stars shimmered brightly, waving farewell to their friends as they headed on a journey.

Author's Notes: Oi minna! Was this story good? I hope so. Yeah… it is sorta depressing… gomen. I just felt that I wanted some more feelings in here. I know some of the scenes are confusing, if they really don't make sense- just e-mail me. As usual, the address is: senshisis@juno.com (or- seiya_usagi_fan@yahoo.com ) Anyhow… please please please send me feedback! I'll even take flames though I'll just laugh at `em and then give them to Duo to cut up into itsy-bitsy pieces. Ja ne!

[1] The names other than Solo, Father Maxwell, and Sister Helen (actual characters in GW) are from my own story. Er… `course `Sage' is a character from Samurai Troopers (a.k.a. Ronin Warriors). The others are my own characters and I'd rather you note use the name Lionna since she is my character, screen name, etc.