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Two: Love Bound With Indigo
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Title: Love Bound With Indigo companion story to: Hatred Dashed With Confusion
Mini-series: 2nd story of `Arguments of The Soul and Mind' series
Status: Completed. Companion to my first story of the `mini-series'.
By: Shinigami Goddess (Lionna)
Warnings: shonen-ai/ mild yoai Y'know me: angst, emotional, etc. Always torturing the characters. Some language.
Started: June 21, 2000 Completed: June 21, 2000
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I bet you were wondering if I heard those three words. Three nasty little words `I hate you'. Oh, you're real kind. What do I expect of you, though? Screaming at me to toughen up and wipe the `stupid-ass grin' off my face and quit the laughter. I understand that you're mad at my light jokes of this war and death. That's how I deal with it, lay off, buddy.
I think I know some of your past even without you verbally telling me. I've heard you've been raised an assassin since age two. That right? I do feel awful for you about that and wonder how that life was compared to mine. Neither of us had parents or have them so I guess there's one thing the same there. You didn't go to an orphanage, though. I know you didn't have friends. That's all too obvious. That means you never held your best friend as he took his last breath saying your new name. Didn't feel that friend's blood wash over your hands to remind you that you were the cause of the death.
You think you're the only one with a tough life? Look at all of us, o' Perfect One. Damnit! Look at us all! Trowa… his past so clouded but I've heard him talking to Quatre of his past. He's even spoken to me once. He's gone through some similar things of mine… I feel bad for the guy. Luckily he has someone like the blonde Arab to help him through. Lucky is right. Wufei, man that must have been a shock. He's told me before he never got to tell his wife he loved her. And she died. So young… so early… it destroyed him, as anyone could tell.
Look at Quatre, mother died giving birth to him. The only one in his family not test-tube born. He's gone crazy before, I know you know of that. Hell, you're the one who fought him. Yet you still focus on self-pity, don't you? Bastard. Can't care for someone else… can't calm your stone face for even a moment. What did you go through…? I'm so desperate to know. I really do not want to shut you out and hate you, thinking that you're full of self-pity. So are you? If you are, sorry but you ain't getting anything from me.
But when you shouted at me… I felt something underlying. You were telling me that you couldn't care as most people do, weren't you? You were explaining things to me. You were telling me to get away, weren't you? Damn, you're lucky I have learned to read you. I think I understand a few things. So you cannot feel much, can you? What happened, I wonder? Something to ponder on a rainy day I guess.
For now I have to brush off the hurt you caused by saying you hated me. All I try to do is offer my help… you turn me away again and again, what's the point of that? I'm here. Why shut me out?
Well that's just part of you. Mr. Stone and perfect being. You hold up against everything. I hate that. Oh yes, there's lots that I hate about you too. You hate my smile, my glowing eyes, my laughter, and my jokes. Well I hate your perfect body that's dangerous but so beautiful; I hate your stare that's intense on my back, I hate your deep, sexy voice, I hate how you make me feel. I hate how you step on my feelings and deny your own. I hate it. I hate not being in control. You're making me struggle to keep up my mask of jester cheer. Soon I'll need to borrow Trowa's clown mask; it'll work better than mine.
Trowa says you can be hurt but I hardly believe that. You've avoided death so many times and I've seen what you can endure. Hell, I was there when you jumped off the fricking 50-story building! Baka. That's etched in my memory, you falling and me scared more than half to death of that elegant neck of yours breaking.
Yeah, you heard me. I've said elegant and beautiful and sexy… all adjectives directed at you and you alone. K'so, you're so blind to see what you're doing to me. I hate it all. Quatre says I'm in love. Little blonde, angel-winged devil can be so annoying.
I hate him when he's right. I guess I'm hating him a lot lately.
I mentioned before that Trowa said that you can be hurt and then continued to say that I didn't believe that. Sorry for lying, I'm not supposed to lie. I know you can be hurt. I see it every time that I catch you staring into Relena's cornflower, innocent eyes. I see something flicker within you and I know it's pain. There's more emotional pain, I know, because I always run into a wall when I stare into your eyes and they do not lead into your soul as some quote says they should. I saw you once struggling to hide a broken arm after one of our missions so you can be physically hurt. You just hate to admit it.
There's another thing I hate, your pride. It's almost as bad as Wufei's. You're like each of us in some way, did you know that? You're just too stubborn to see. You refuse our offering of friendship. You shouldn't. Why can't you see that? Why can't you stop lying to yourself and others? But that's what I should expect… that's what I should expect from the Perfect One. The unfeeling one. No… that's not right. You're not unfeeling. You do `hate' me, after all. You make me smile with that comment because that is a lie. You don't hate me as much as you say you do.
You lie, Heero, you do. Oh, a note back to you, I did hear you. I just choose not to acknowledge that lie of emotion.
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Owari
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