Lionna's Corner of Anime Fanfiction | home
Five: Lost Soldier
~~~
Title: Lost Soldier
Mini-series: 5th story of `Arguments of The Soul and Mind' series
Status: Complete and unedited. Companion to my other stories of the `mini-series'.
By: Shinigami Goddess (Lionna)
Warnings: shonen-ai/ mild yoai Y'know me: angst, emotional, etc. Always torturing the characters. Some language.
Started: June 23, 2000 Completed: June 23, 2000 (typed up June 24th)
~~~
I felt my body strain within the safety harness as Wing Zero was knocked madly about in the atmosphere. Though our gundams are powerful, we don't always have a chance of making it through Earth's atmosphere without some covering. I couldn't see straight or concentrate. I could only think of Zechs as he blew up himself and Libra. If I couldn't finish his job now, too many innocents would be lost.
I hate this cold feeling of emptiness that has entered me since the colonies declared their peace. The war… is over. I've survived. Maybe I won't survive, though. There's still this last piece of Libra to get rid of and the atmosphere to fight. Suddenly I hear your voice through a personal channel. You're urging me to finish this and by your tone I know you're asking me to come back.
I hate that I can't resist you. I'll have to come back now. Finally I can focus and I can aim. For a long while all I can see is the endless expanses of the results of the explosion. Shrapnel is burning up around me as I force Wing Zero into bird mode. As I pass the smoke screen of the explosion I can see everything coming into focus. I barely hear your voice shouting success.
Everything is hitting me all at once. Trieze is dead, Libra's gone, Zechs is dead, the colonies declared peace, the war's over, I've survived.
The war is over.
Nothing's really sinking in. I just can't believe it. The war's over? I must have spoken aloud for I hear your laughter - real, honest laughter - and your affirmative. The war's over. Again you assure me it is.
It just can't be possible. No more missions? No more training…? Those who controlled my life are dead. I… honestly don't know what to do now. Vaguely I can hear Relena contacting me and showering me with praise. What for? I don't think I know anymore. We're all taken on board the main ship of Earth's forces. Ex-forces. When I get off I see you floating toward me in the zero gravity. Your smile is genuine for a change and for some reason unknown to me, I wish I could return that smile. But I don't have the right.
I can see you reaching for me but that's when everyone breaks into the hangar. Noin and Sally are congratulating everyone and I can see Lady Une standing off to the side. She seems different but that shouldn't matter to me. Of course I see Relena heading my way, huge smile on her face. I never should have had that conversation with her before I left. She's grabbed me into an embrace telling me all sorts of nonsense that I couldn't care less about.
Am I mistaking things or did I actually see you falter? If anything, the smile is fake now and you're heading away from me. I have to get Relena off me but she's worse than glue and continues to stick to me. Closing my eyes, I calm myself down enough to ask her to move away. She's deaf to the warning in my tone, even though she moves to hold my arm. That hold I can break. She gasps as I move away but I ignore it.
The rest of you are gathered in a foursome talking things over. Wufei's a mess. I've never seen him like this before. He's not one to cry but I still see the wetness on his cheeks and eyelashes. Who has he to cry over? You're still wearing that damnable, fake grin. Quatre looks so weak and pale, leaning against Trowa. I'm surprised to find him bleeding from his side. I see you notice too for soon you're calling Sally over to check on him.
As Sally leads Quatre and Trowa away I watch you. Relena's back again but I note that she hasn't clamped onto my arm yet. You turn and smile wistfully at me and I, for the first time, see an inner sadness.
You always startle me like that; maybe that's why I claim to hate you. I feel suddenly cold again as I realize that everything will be changing. How do I deal with that? I always thought that things going on around me didn't really affect me. Now I realize I'm wrong once again. What do I do now that my life will not longer be planned? I'm not used to being able to control my life. I'm not sure if I can adjust.
I don't know if I can handle this.
~~~~~~~~~~
Owari
~~~~~~~~~~