Part Four: Breaking

Warnings: EW has not and will not happen for this story, MAJOR Relena bashing, some language, MAJOR angst. Shonen-ai hints.

New notes!!: I have chosen a background song now! If you have an "Evita" CD [CD 2] put it on track 14: You Must Love Me. BEAUTIFUL song… it's so moving.

Duo rinsed the soapy suds from his silky-soft hair before applying the conditioner. He paused for a bit and thought over all the times during missions in the past in which he tried to get closer to the stoic, Japanese pilot. He had repeatedly tried to show more interest in the boy other than friendship… but that hadn't been working. Seemed he couldn't get a reaction of acknowledgement. "Still can't," Duo pointed out aloud.

He sadly half-smiled as he went about finishing washing. "I… still just wish… to let him know. At least before I go…" his smile completely vanished and Duo turned off the water. He wrung out his wet hair then stepped from the shower and began to towel off.

The towel fell to the floor and he reached out to grab his clothes to slip on. He hung up the wet towel and took another, dry, towel and wrapped it turban-style about his head before walking out. From the kitchen he could smell breakfast starting. Smiling a bit, Duo made his way there. "Oi! Quatre, smells good. Perhaps you should be cooking instead of me!" The blonde looked up from the stove and waved Duo in, smiling kindly.

"Interesting head gear," Wufei finally commented from across the table. Duo stuck his tongue out and patted his towel-turban gently. Quatre shook his head and brought three plates to the table.

The blonde shrugged and moved his fork around his plate. "He left early this morning… I'm really not sure where to. He's been gone since." Duo nodded a bit sadly but didn't comment again.

After breakfast was done, Quatre promised to do the dishes while Wufei and Duo went into the living room to talk. They began to talk about the missions they had done in the past during war and how long ago it seemed even though only five months had passed. The front door was heard opening and the boys got up to see what was going on. Heero walked in, expressionless as per usual. He sat down at one end of the couch and looked at Wufei and Duo who were standing there and blinking at him. "What?"

Duo rubbed the back of his neck and gave a short laugh, "Eh… nothing…" He sat back down and Wufei followed his example. Their conversation started up again and occasionally Heero would join in. Finally Quatre finished with dishes and came out to talk too.

"Test results come in today." The statement pretty much froze the others. It'd been two days since the last trip to the hospital and neither day had Duo been seeming as fit and energetic as during the war. The American smiled lightly and stretched his arms above his head before bringing them down so that his hands could undo the towel about his head. "Hey, it won't be so bad, guys," he tried to reassure them. "Sally will just call and let us know what's up." He shrugged and stood up with his towel in hand as he walked off.

Moments later he returned with a brush and comb in hand. He leaned over a bit so that his hair was a curtain about him as he brushed through it. Something was gripping in his chest painfully and he felt like cracking and curling up to just sob out all the frustration. Fighting it back. Duo continued to brush his hair and was thankful for nothing being directed to him as conversation wearily started up.

He began to split his hair into three parts and then twined them together for a braid. Tying the end, Duo again stood and went to the bathroom to drop off his hair stuff. Taking a stuttering breath, he slipped into the study and brought his laptop out with him into the living room. "Gotta check mail," he said absently as he turned the power on.

Breezing through the names, Duo frowned and opened the e-mail that had caught his eyes. Sighing, he shook his head. "Oi, Heero, she's still looking." He made a face and then grinned. Heero glared at him and didn't say anything.

Duo flushed and went back to checking his mail. Muttering, "Hey… she was being a pain in the ass… let It go…" Wufei chuckled softly at the response.

As he looked through, Duo carefully controlled his breathing and opened the mail from Sally. She said nothing besides to call her as soon as possible. He bit the inside of his cheek and casually shut down the laptop and stood. "Be back in a few," he called over his shoulder.

In the study he set the laptop down and sank into the chair at his desk. Moving the vid-phone forward so that he was looking inn it, Duo put shaky fingers to dial the number. Soon Sally's face appeared on screen, tight and drawn. "Ohayo. I thought it would be you. Sorry for not explaining in the message what's happening."

He waved it off with a simple gesture but she could see it was half-hearted. "Not at all, I got the chance to talk to you now and ask questions if I have any."

Sally averted her eyes. "You probably will have many questions…" she commented regretfully. She looked back up and sighed. "It's unfair of me to leave you in the dark like this. I'm sorry. Three to four weeks, Duo. I don't even think that long if you keep up as you have been. I… had to tell you the truth." Duo turned, his profile showing on screen. He swallowed as his mask dropped. "Duo-kun…?" she called softly.

Duo took a breath, the air hitching in his throat. "Gomen, Sally… thank you." He managed a weak smile and opened his mouth to speak. Not able to control it, tears suddenly tracked down his face and his breath hitched painfully. "Gomen nasai…" he whispered again, gripping his head with one hand as he looked away.

He couldn't allow himself to cry… he just couldn't. If he did, what were the others going to do? They'd not be able to hang on. Then again, he wouldn't be able to rely the information he had just been given… He knew he couldn't. Finally calming, Duo wiped away his tears and straightened himself up. He stood and walked towards the front door. He paused by the living room entrance and pasted on a brilliant smile. "I'm going to take a walk, see you guys later, okay?"

Quatre came into the hallway at looked at the other boy. Something was off… but he wasn't quite sure what. "Could we go with you?" Duo shook his head to signal he wanted to be alone. "At least someone?" Quatre pleaded.

"I'm going," Heero stated, coming out from behind Quatre and walking to Duo to slip his own shoes. "Come on." Duo blinked and followed in confusion. The blonde sweatdropped as they left, that was… interesting.

"Where are we going?" Heero asked as he was dragged along down the streets towards the tall business and warehouse buildings of L2.

Duo kept on, shrugging a bit. "One of my favorite places to be…" The American had barely talked after they left the house. Heero had noted that the smile was continually falling though for what reason he did not know. "Let's just keep on going so you can see."

Heero stayed silent and continued to follow. There was something off, now, about the longhaired boy. The others had noticed too, he was sure of that. He was confused when Duo walked up the steps of a tall building and motioned for him to hurry up. Following, Heero wondered where and why they were going. Once Heero caught up, Duo dragged him into an elevator and hit the button for the top floor. "Duo, what are you doing?"

"You mean, we don't you?" He smiled and didn't answer the question. Heero made a bit of a face at that but allowed himself to be dragged into whatever this was. A ding signaled their arrival as the doors slid open. Duo walked out and walked down the hall to the left and opened a door marked `roof'. Heero blinked and wonder what in the world he wanted to do.

The door was opened and Duo glanced back to check that Heero was following. Shrugging, the longhaired boy turned and went up the stairs. Eventually Heero followed too. Heero made it to open air again and found Duo resting his elbows on a railing running about the roof. The boy's loose strands of hair waved about like banners as a mild breeze passed through.

Duo sighed contently as he looked across the colony from the top of the building. "Not exactly beautiful, but still stunning… ne, Hee-chan?" They were on the roof of the tallest building in the colony and looking out over the run-down buildings. Indeed it wasn't the most beautiful sight but it was stunning nevertheless. "Ne, Hee-chan? Heero…?"

The Japanese boy turned his head to look at Duo with a questioning glance. "Nanda?" He paused for a second before asking another question. "Why did you want to come up here?"

A small smile graced Duo's lips as he looked over the railing again. "No one seems to come here. I needed to get out of the house a bit… I hoped you'd like it here. It's a place where we can actually be alone, Hee-chan." His tone was wistful and Heero felt wary. He glanced sidelong at Duo and found the American watching him with half-lidded eyes.

"Hai, of course," Duo replied huskily as he too moved to face Heero. He seemed to ponder something for a bit before moving closer to Heero and bringing his arms up to circle about Heero's shoulders lightly. Heero's eyes widened in surprise as he studied Duo's expression. "You said you wanted to know my other wish."

"You still do, ne?" Heero nodded carefully. "Hee-chan, arigatou for being here." Silence spread for a long time and very suddenly Duo pressed in against Heero's lips. The kiss was gentle but there was some meaning behind it. Heero was completely startled and broke the kiss off early as he pushed himself and Duo back a few steps. The American had turned to be facing sideways and his hair was covering his bowed face.

Duo lifted his head up quickly and Heero gasped painfully when he saw a few tears flying in the breeze. "Of course I'm joking!" Duo shouted before running towards the steps and down back into the building.

Heero stood there in mid-motion, foot prepared to walk and a hand out-stretched to reach for Duo. His face was a mix of pain and bewilderment. /What was that?!/ his mind asked. /Duo… what were you trying to say… I… Duo…/ He managed to get his feet to move and finally he was rushing down the steps and to the elevators. He could see that an elevator was down a few floors and heading down, probably Duo.

He stood there and watched the floor light up one by one, going down and down… Heero rushed back up the stairs and leaned over the railing to look above the front entrance. Sure enough, the trademark braid was flinging out behind Duo as he ran down the streets. Cursing himself, Heero slipped to the ground. Duo wasn't in the mood to be caught; he wouldn't be caught. Not even by someone who used to be titled as the Perfect Soldier.

"They must be back," Quatre commented as he went to answer the door, Wufei following just behind. "Hey guys --…. Trowa!" He exclaimed, leaping up to wrap his arms about the taller boy's neck. Wufei snickered and Trowa just glared at him as he wound his free arm about the smaller boy.

"Sorry for being so late," he finally said, pulling back from the embrace. "There were many different complications."

Quatre smiled up at him brilliantly. "That doesn't matter! You're here now and that's the most important thing! Come on, I'll show you around."

"You're obviously sharing a room with Quatre," Wufei said as he followed behind the two and both glared back at him. The Chinese boy looked at them with a blank, innocent expression. "What, it's the truth, isn't it?" Quatre sighed and continued on.

They retired to the living room with Quatre bringing in a tray with tea. They began catching up and the conversation turned grave as Trowa was filled in with all that was happening with Duo. The front door knob rattled a bit and Quatre stood up, repeating his earlier statement with a smile. "They must be back."

Suddenly they heard the front door swing open wildly and hit the wall. The sound of stumbling footsteps were heard again. All three boys hurried to move and find out what was going on. Duo stumbled past in a hurry, chest heaving and tears staining his cheeks. He didn't even spare them a glance as he ran to his room clumsily and shut the door. The click of a lock followed.

Quatre rushed after, something tearing inside. "Duo! Duo! Daijoubu?! DUO!" He pounded on the door hard. /No… not again! Duo stop closing people out!/ "Duo! What happened? Daijoubu?!" He slowing stopped pounding, hands aching. He slid down to his knees and rested his forehead against the wooden door. What had happened?

Trowa rested a comforting hand on Quatre's shoulder and pulled him up to lean against him. Wufei turned away and returned to the living room, pondering the events. "Where's Heero, then?"

Wufei looked back over his shoulder and answered Trowa, "They went out for a walk. Who knows where Heero is now?" Trowa guided Quatre into the living room so that he could finish catching up with everything, he was still a bit lost.

The vid-phone rang and Wufei rose to get it. Opening it up on the coffee table, Sally's face came into view. "You have the results?" Quatre questioned worriedly.

Sally looked the three boys over and was surprised to see Trowa. "Hello Trowa, it's good that you could make it now." She turned her attention back to Quatre, she didn't seem at all surprised he didn't know yet. "I gave them to Duo this morning. I doubted he'd tell you. I just had to give him a bit different information, though. It was a bit shorter than we thought."

"Three weeks. Not longer. Be on the lookout, please. For the first time I actually saw him break down this morning. He's holding too much in," she looked sad. "That's… all. Ja ne."

Wufei was bent over, face hidden by his hands. Quatre just buried himself against Trowa and sobbed freely. "Three weeks…" he gasped in barely a whisper. "Oh gods Trowa…" The tall boy encircled Quatre tightly in a warm embrace as a few tears trekked down his own face.

Aika came by at lunch but the mood was so heavy that she decided to hand out the meals near her apartment instead. She asked what the news was and was distressed to hear. She murmured her apologies and left the house for the boys to be alone.

Wufei was sitting with a book open in his lap but the page hadn't been turned in at least ten minutes. His eyes weren't even trailing over the pages. Quatre stood in the kitchen, half-heartedly making a meal for themselves. Trowa was in their shared room, unpacking. It was silent since Duo's sobs had long since been muffled and trailed off.

Duo lay on his stomach, face buried in his pillow. He had been curled up but once the violent sobbing had stopped he had managed to lay a bit flatter. He hugged the pillow closer, trying to stop his tears. He ached so much from crying. There was no way he could go face his friends now… or maybe never. He didn't know what to do. Another fit of tears started and he buried his head away from the world.

He wasn't even sure what was upsetting him any longer. There was just too much happening to figure that out. /That was so stupid. What's Heero supposed to think now?/ He'd just wanted to finally be out in the open and explain… he'd done it by actions. That probably wasn't the best approach with Heero since he was still learning to use his emotions. He could have just blown his chance.

Was Trowa here, now? He didn't' even know. He'd thought he'd seen a third person standing in the living room but then again he'd been mostly blinded by tears. He'd heard Quatre screaming at him through the door, trying to figure out what was going on. He hadn't really cared at the time, too worked up himself to worry about how the others were feeling.

/I'm dying./ That statement finally registered in his brain and his breath calmed suddenly. He shut his eyes and turned on his back. /Dying./ Somehow he found in comical and he began to giggle insanely. Soon it was all-out laughter and tears were streaming down his face. /Dying!/ he though with more laughter.

Oh gods… why was he laughing? His chest started to hurt and the smile gave way even when he continued to laugh maniacally. And then he was back to sobbing again, curled tightly unto himself as he shook with tears.

Wufei gripped his book tightly and gritted his teeth as he heard the insane laughter covering the despair. Quatre leaned against the wall and tilted his head back to let the tears fall back to trace along his ears. Trowa downcast his eyes and sat on the edge of the bed, holding his bag in a lax grip.

The sobbing once again echoed from the walls. Wufei pushed his book from his lap, letting it fall to the floor. He squeezed his eyes shut but moisture still gathered and began to trail down his cheeks.

Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre shared a very late lunch - or was it early dinner? - at 3:30 that afternoon. They sat silently around the table with only the sounds of their silverware hitting the plate to fill the void.

Quatre didn't look to him. "I don't know. I think it's a build up of things. But what was it that made him crack?"

They all exchanged glances and nodded. "I've noticed it since being here that he, Duo… feels for him." Wufei finally stated.

Quatre let out a short, bitter laugh. "More than feels, Wufei. Definitely more than that." The other two looked at him in the beginning of surprise. "He's desperate, Duo… during the war after you guys got out of the Lunar Base he hadn't a clue what was going on. When we met later on he'd almost seemed changed. A lot more bitter and serious. After Heero self-destructed, too, he was really worried about him… I was with him for a while at that point." He looked at his hands. "I found out a lot. He may not be apparent but…"

The other two shrugged. "Duo knows that Heero probably has no clue so it shouldn't be that. There had to be something that happened to get him to snap like this!" Quatre looked desperate and then his face fell. "I don't know what to do, you guys. He's got three weeks. He deserves the happiness but… Heero…"

Wufei cut him off. "Heero feels something too. Maybe not as intense as Duo's feelings but at least nearly so. Haven't you noticed? You've been here longer than I have." Quatre hesitantly nodded. "If so, he's going to lose it once Duo… passes on. If they don't at least get a chance he'll always live with a million and one `what if…?' questions. If they have a chance even for this short time, it narrows those questions down. He shouldn't have any regrets then." He trailed off and averted his eyes.

The other shrugged off the helping hand and looked back. "Nothing, just remembering…" The Arab bit his lip but didn't say anything.

Quatre shrugged sadly. "I don't know what to do. I really want to talk to Duo but he's so upset… I'm not sure Heero will listen either. It would seem too new for him to understand." He sighed. "Let's keep thinking…" off-handedly he added, "we don't have much time." The other two nodded and they finally got to eating.

Duo sat up in bed, resting his chin on his knees. He'd fallen asleep earlier after repeatedly hiccuping. He was now sure that Trowa was here, he'd heard his other friend's voice. He wanted to go welcome him but felt too weak to do so. He hadn't heard Heero at all yet. He frowned. Would he not come back? /Baka./ his mind scolded bitterly.

He turned his face so that his cheek now rested against his knees. Absently he wondered what was going to happen now. What was he supposed to do? He still couldn't force himself to face his friends… he just didn't know what to do. Wanting to start crying again, he held back and let out a shaky sigh.

He stood and walked to his dresser mirror and glared at his reflection. He looked a mess, hair sticking up all over the place and tear tracks still apparent. "Blech. And I took a shower this morning too…" his voice was hoarse he noted with distaste. His stomach urged to get food too but he really was not ready to get talking again with the others.

Moving to the window, he stared out and wished to be back on earth, looking up at the skies and seeing the trees and plants all around. He smiled wistfully and turned back to his room. He just hadn't any idea what to do. There was an empty ache in his chest. The knowledge of his up-coming death was beginning to press in and the acknowledgement of his mistake today with Heero was pounding at him.

His head bowed forward and he dragged his fingers through his bangs. God he felt like shit… He chuckled softly at the thought and settled down on the bed again. He was dying, he was getting weaker… now what could he do? How was he supposed to help everyone through this? How was he supposed to help the kids that came by everyday for their one true meal?

How was he helping at all? What could he actually do? He began to wonder why his friends were even sticking around. This was never where he wanted to be in his life. He'd always wanted to travel after the war and have some fun not being confined anymore. And yet, here he was. Confined to L2 in his house… but with his friends.

A single tear trailed along his nose and he licked it away with a quick flick of his tongue. There was so much he was hiding from his friends, from himself, from Heero. He was nearly frightened that if he did reveal them then everything would fall apart. Hell, he'd already broken that day by slipping up in desperation.

/I just want him to know and understand…/ he thought with a plead. But he couldn't force Heero to understand something he knew nothing of. Duo sighed and rubbed his temples. So what was he going to do now? He owed Trowa a greeting in the very least. He'd just have to keep up with the mask and ignore any questions that referred to his breakdown today.

He just couldn't have them worrying. With determination, Duo stood and straightened his clothes and softly opened his door and slipped down the hall to the bathroom. He washed off his face and re-braided his hair. That done, he placed a large smile on his face but even he could see the haunted eyes.

The smile faded and he averted his gaze, teeth nibbling his lip. /I don't think I can do this…/ was the desperate cry echoing in his heart. And he knew it was the truth too. There just wasn't anything he could do anymore. He was feeling so incredibly weak as it was… it was exhausting him more than anything just to keep up his non-pained face.

Looking back in the mirror he could only see a weak boy who couldn't help himself or his friends. The skin was thin on his cheeks and that morning he had re-confirmed the ability to see his ribs easily on his skin. /It really isn't much longer, is it?/ he thought bitterly. He gripped the sink with white knuckles and stared down, biting his lip tightly.

His head came up in a flash, eyes angry, and stared at the mirror again. Without thinking, he brought a fist up and smashed the glass. It shattered and pieces when flying. He didn't even care. Now, as he looked at his distorted and cracked reflection, he saw the correct image of himself. He laughed bitterly as the tears started again. He heard the rushing footsteps towards his room and then the shouts coming towards the bathroom. He unlocked the door. No use hiding anymore. He just continued to stare at his reflection, grinning like an idiot and chuckling.

Quatre tripped over his chair as he jumped and dashed down the hall towards Duo's room. It was open and already Wufei was hurrying to the bathroom. They were surprised when the door was unlocked. Glancing quickly at each other, they allowed themselves to open the door.

Shattered pieces of glass lay about the floor and the mirror over the sink was cracked, distorting the images grotesquely. Duo was staring at his reflection, chuckling softly and grinning. Quatre felt sick. Why hadn't he been helping his friend earlier? He should have seen this coming…

Trowa moved in, not caring about the glass under his feet. Duo was bleeding from various small cuts all over the top half of his body. The American didn't even look back to his friend, still looking at his reflection and letting the tears leak unnoticed from his eyes.

Very suddenly the American was spun around and he halted everything abruptly in surprise. Then he began to cry, the sound haunting in the small room. He collapsed against Trowa and gripped him tightly, needing something to hold on to. Trowa's eyes flickered with hidden emotions as he let his finger tips trail over the silky hair.

Duo: I don't know what to do anymore, I'm hardly even strong enough to hold up this smile. I don't want the others to worry but I have nothing to help them anymore. Heero doesn't seem to know what to do and I cannot confront him about what happened. I should have let things lay and be as they were. Now everything's beginning to slip away. In "One Week" we're all trying to grab for something that's not within our reach...