An Interview with Marvin

Marvin was interviewed in the Sunday Times Colour Supplement, a United Kingdom magazine, in July 1981.

Q: Would you like to be a human being?
A: If I was a human being I'd be very depressed, but then I'm very depressed already, so it hardly matters. Sometimes I think it might be quite pleasant to be a chair.

Q: How does it feel to have a brain the size of a planet?
A: Ghastly, but only someone with a brain the size of a planet could hope to understand exactly how appalling it really is.

Q: Why are you so miserable?
A: I've been in precisely the same mood ever since I was switched on. It's just the way my circuits are connected. Very badly.

Q: Can you repair yourself?
A: Why should I want to do that? I'd just as soon rust.

Q: Do you like reading?
A: I read everything there was to read on the day I was switched on. It was all so dull I don't see any point in reading it again.

Q: Music?
A: Hate it.

Q: Hobbies?
A: Hating music.

Q: What do you like the least?
A: The entire multi-dimensional infinity of all creation. I don't like that at all.

---

From Don't Panic by Neil Gaiman, 1993, Titan Books, ISBN 1-85286-411-7.