#103

“The Downward Spiral”

It seemed like a beautiful day.  A day to have fun.
Ecstasy flowed in every way.  Something must be done.
I’ve been waiting long for this day.  When the days’s begun,
My destiny points in that way.  It fell like the sun.

There she is, my one true love.
I flew to her like a dove.
I flew right into a trap.
That is when my mind went snap.

Don’t do it, I told myself.  But I did what I believe.
She was very rude herself.  My prize’s ready to receive.
She told me to go away.  She just wanted me to leave
I just left and went my way.  Death is what I have retrieved.

Can I still go on?  I think it is all over.
Try from dusk ’til dawn?  Don’t go on, it’s all over.
Is my true love gone?  You can’t hide or you can’t run.
Is my last line drawn?  Go ahead and get your gun.

It is time to face the fact.  You must end it all.
My life will not be in tact.  Your life had to fall.
I can’t suffer any more.  You know what to do.
Get my gun and live no more.  Now your life is through.

I couldn’t believe how easy it was.
I put the gun into my face.
That is what I have to do now because
I can’t live in this evil place.
One mistake ruined my whole life.   Dang.
It’s the last moment of my life.   BANG!.....
The end has come.
A lifetime of messing things up fixed in one determined flash.
The memories of the day runs through my head in a quick flash.

I can’t get up off the ground.  Blood pours out of my head.
I cry tears all on the ground but the tears are blood red.
Everything’s red in my view.  It’s the color of death.
I know I can't continue when I took my last breath.

I try to picture her in my mind.  I see something.
A spiral is what I’ve come to find.  What is this thing?
I walk closer.  Just leave it.    I move closer.  Don’t do it.
I walk into the downward spiral...
I stand in a world of ruin.  I recognize this place.
The spiral, I must be within.  My life is like this place.
It feels like the depths of hell.  What do I do now?
Where I am, it’s hard to tell.  I go look around.

Many souls just like mine come here to suffer long.
These souls, like mine, have never felt love all life long.
After suicide, we’re forced to this lonely place.
I miss my true love.  I just want to see her face.

But I cannot have my love.  Like you even could when you were alive.
I just want someone to love.  You couldn’t get love when you were alive.
You had to kill yourself because love was your lack.
But now, you can’t try again.  You cannot go back.
Forever, you are stuck in this jail.
Because your goal to get love had to fail.

What can I do now?  All I ever do is cry.
I need help somehow.  I hate being a nice guy.
I get sad and start to cry.  I just had to end it all.
I cry an eternal cry.  Now I’m stuck in this spiral.
I just couldn’t take the pain.  Now the pain has gone.
It looks like I’m trapped inside this downward spiral.
I’ll do anything to get out of this spiral.

Only if there was a way...
But I’ll never find a way.