#103 ext.

“The Downward Spiral” extended version

It seemed like a beautiful day.
A day to have fun.
Ecstasy flowed in every way.
Something must be done.
I’ve been waiting long for this day.
When the days’s begun,
My destiny points in that way.
It fell like the sun.

There she is, my one true love.
I flew to her like a dove.
I flew right into a trap.
That is when my mind went snap.

Don’t do it, I told myself
But I did what I believe.
She was very rude herself.
My prize’s ready to receive.
She told me to go away.
She just wanted me to leave
I just left and went my way.
Death is what I have retrieved.

Can I still go on?
I think it is all over.
Try from dusk ’til dawn?
Don’t go on, it’s all over.
Is my true love gone?
You can’t hide or you can’t run.
Is my last line drawn?
Go ahead and get your gun.

It is time to face the fact.  You must end it all.
My life cannot stay in tact.  Your life had to fall.
I can’t suffer any more.  You know what to do.
Get my gun and live no more.  Now your life is through.
You cannot back out of this.  I keep my promises.
You will not live after this.  I always risk chances.

I couldn’t believe how easy it was.
I put the gun into my face.
That is what I have to do now because
I can’t live in this evil place.
One mistake ruined my whole life.   Dang.
It’s the last moment of my life.   BANG!.....
The end has come.
A lifetime of messing things up fixed in one determined flash.
The memories of the day runs through my head in a quick flash.
What have I done?

I can’t get up off the ground.  Blood pours out of my head.
I cry tears all on the ground but the tears are blood red.
Everything’s red in my view.  It’s the color of death.
I know I can't continue when I took my last breath.
My life is done.

I try to picture her in my mind.  I see something.
A spiral is what I’ve come to find.  What is this thing?
I walk closer.  Just leave it.    I move closer.  Don’t do it.
I walk into the downward spiral...

I stood in a world of ruin.  I recognize this place.
The spiral, I must be within.  My life is like this place.
It’s a place of hell and misery.  Just like my life always had to be.

Everything’s red in this world.  Many souls live here.
But how can I leave this world?  This place is my worst fear.
But we didn’t do a thing to sin.  We just lost something we couldn’t win.
I look in front of me.  There’s tons of souls in front of my face.
I look right behind me.  Even more souls come into this place.
It feels like the depths of hell.  What do I do now?
Where I am, it’s hard to tell.  I go look around.

Many souls just like mine come here to suffer long.
These souls, like mine, have never felt love all life long.
Just because we couldn’t get love, we had to die.
After suicide, we’re forced to this lonely place.
But we miss living in life; that is not a lie.
I miss my true love.  I just want to see her face.

But I could not have her love.  Like you even could when you were alive.
I just need someone to love.  You couldn’t get love when you were alive.
You had to kill yourself because love was your lack.
But now, you can’t try again.  You cannot go back.
Forever, you are stuck in this spiral.  Admit it.
Because your goal to get love had to fail.  Accept it.

I was up above it.  I was doing good back up above.
Now I am down in it.  Now I’m in this spiral without love.
There might have been a way to avoid it.
Now I realize I can’t escape it.

What can I do now?  All this pain, I don’t know why.
I need help somehow.  I hate being a nice guy.
I get sad and start to cry.  I just had to end it all.
I cry an eternal cry.  Now I’m stuck in this spiral.
I just couldn’t take the pain.  Now the pain has gone.
That is why I lost my gain.  But my life is gone.
I want to live.  I want to love.
But it’s a long hard road out of this spiral.
I want to be in life above.
But I can’t get out of this spiral.

It looks like I’m trapped inside this downward spiral.
I’ll do anything to get out of this sad hell.
I just need to find a way.  There is not a way at all.
Only if there was a way.  Out of the downward spiral.

Only if there was a way...
But I’ll never find a way.


Back to POEMS contents.