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Background:

The Donnie and Marie Show aired for a number of years on ABC (?). It was a variety show with lots of music, very much like The Sonny and Cher Show. Their catch phrase was him singing "She's a little bit country." indicating Marie and her singing "He's a little bit rock and roll." indicating Donnie. I don't know if it was 30 or 60 minutes and I don't know for how many years it aired.

The progam featuring C-3PO, R2-D2 and Chewbacca aired either in late 1977 or early 1978. Redd Foxx was in Sanford and Son, also on ABC. Kris Kristoferson had just been in the remake of A Star is Born with Barbara Streisand. Paul Lynne, did the voice of Templeton the rat in Charolette's Web. Years later, he was a regular on The Hollywood Squares.

I don't remember if the segment lasted the length of the entire program. In fact, I really don't remember how it ended. I have five of the musical numbers on tape. There were certainly more. The Kristoferson song almost reminds me of something from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Update:

• In the Fall of 1996, my wife and I watched Woodstock on PBS. The song performed by Sly and the Family Stone is the same song that Kristoferson sings. I believe that the title is I Wanna Take You Higher.
• The last song, sung by the Stormtroopers is Get Ready. I don't know the performer, but it is being used in a few Burger King commercials.

A few things worth noting:

• The R2 that appeared was one of the radio controlled units with the third leg extended all the time.
• The Imperial rank that Paul Lynne wore was actually a set of water-color paints stapled to his coat. I had a similar paint set in elementary school. The paint is in a white plastic tray and the colors are molded in alternating trapazoid shapes. It looked close to the rank that the Imperials used. My hat off to the person in the prop department who thought of using it. It was a good idea.
• The voice of Darth Vader and the Announcer is the same man who is the voice of Tony the Tiger and, I believe, he also sang "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" from the Dr. Seuss cartoon The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.

After transcribing this, I'm certain that it makes the The Holiday Special look like Shakespeare. This is just so bad! The applause and laugh-track even sound forced. (No pun intended.)

Currently:

• Donnie Osmond made a musical comeback around 1994 with a new album that had a decent song called "Soldier of Love."
• Marie Osmond currently has a line of collectable dolls that are sold on the QVC shopping network.
• It's odd to see this resurface now but it did in Starlog #224 pp. 41-45. It was the cover article on Rebel Assault II. Hal Barwood. talks about using the ROTJ era stormtrooper costumes in the live action scenes. He said,

  "Those outfits are hard to move around in, and they clatter like someone buckled Tupperware all over you and made you run down the hall. I recently saw footage of a Donny & Marie show with dancing stormtroopers. I was in awe."

• I would love to see this again.

Update:

No pictures, until now. Star Wars Insider Issue #32 featured an article on Star Wars appearences on television. Here's the picture. I apologize for the quality. It's from a video capture and was blown up to fit almost half of the the page.

Notice the female "Stormtrooper-ette" to the left.

The Cast (in order of appearence):




• Luke         Donnie Osmond
  Leia         Marie Osmond
  C-3PO        Anthony Daniels
  R2-D2        Radio Controlled, not Kenny Baker
  Obi-Ben      Redd Foxx
  Han          Kris Kristoferson
  Chewie       Peter Mayhew
  Imperial     Paul Lynne
  Vader        unknown

(Theme plays.  Star Wars incidental music is used in various places.)

Announcer:
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away . . . there was an evil force at 
work to destroy the values by which decent people live.  Values like patriotism, 
cleanliness, thrift and good dental hygiene.  Did the evil force win the battle?  
That's for us to know and you to find out.

(Enter Donnie and Marie Osmond dressed as Luke and Leia.  Donnie begins the 
first musical number.)

Donnie:
Princess Leia, our goose is cooked, 
unless we lift off of this star.

Marie:
Luke, I know you're right, 
we've got to take flight, 
before they find out where we are.

Both:
Darth will be searching up and down,
'Til he finds our hiding place.
Before very long,
They'll know we're gone.
Got to be lost in space.

Right up to the stars, we are flying, we are falling.  
And I can see the clouds rolling by.
Right up to the stars, we are sailing, we are soaring.  
Only thing we can do is try 
to take the first available flight out of sight.

Donnie:
We are riders to the stars.

Marie:
We are riders to the stars.

Both:
We are riders to the stars. (31.3 KB)

(End of the first musical number.)

Donnie:
Oh, Look!

(Enter the droids.)

Marie:
Oh!  Oh, you made it.

(R2 beeps to 3PO)

C-3PO (to Artoo):
Certainly not.  That would never work!

(Laughter)

Marie:
Oh, if only Obi-Ben Okeefenokee were here!

Donnie:
Yeah, he'd tell us what to do.

(Redd Foxx as Obi-Ben appears in a composite shot.)

Redd:
I'll tell you what to do.  Why don't you look over there?  It's 
your chance to escape.

(He indicates an upright rocket on the stage.  Kristoferson is leaning up 
against it, dressed as Han Solo.)

Marie:
Ow,  look over there!  It's our chance to escape.

Redd:
I knew I hear it somewhere.

(Laughter)

Donnie:
Hey, taxi!

(R2 beeps at 3PO)

C-3PO:
Pardon me sir.  He says that not a taxi, it's a spaceship.  But, that's 
exactly what we need.

(The group moves to the ship.)

C-3PO:
Excuse me sir.

Kris:
What can I do for you?

C-3PO:
Perhaps you two can explain?

(Start of second musical number.  R2's beeps form the melody.)

Both Donnie and Marie:
Show us the way to get out of this world,
For that's where everything is.
Everything is going, I don't want to stay here.
Who wants to stick around and watch the world disappear? (38.9 KB)

Marie (Indicating R2):
His transistors are in trouble and his tubes are weak.

Donnie:
And if we stay our chances for survival are bleak.  So,

Both:
Show us the way to get out of this world,
For that's - where - eve-ry-thing is.

(End of the second musical number.)

Marie:
Can you help us escape?

Kris:
If I can't, I know someone who can.

(He whistles for Chewie.  Chewie appears in the ship and ducks
 down to step out of it.)

(R2 whistles)

(Chewie barks at R2)

C-3PO:
Don't be afraid.

(R2 beeps)

(Start of third musical number.  Female back ground vocals are
 noted in parenthesis.)

Kris:
Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!
He is getting stronger.  (Stronger!)
He's a getting longer too.

Music is a flash in me
(I wanna, I wanna)
I wanna take you higher.  (Higher!)
Let me take you higher.

Push a few buttons at the fire. (fire!)
And take you higher!

Kris joined by Donnie and Marie:
Chew-bacca-bacca-bacca!  (Like Boom-chaka-chaka-chaka!  Help me!)
Chew-bacca-bacca-bacca!
Chewie! (34.5 KB)
Hey!  Hey!  Hey!  Hey!
Bye!

(End of the third musical number.  The group boards the ship and the ramp
 closes up like a draw-bridge.  Obi-Ben appears.)

Redd:
Most things are changing out here in space.  I come from a 
distant planet called Sanford.  My planet has it's own moon, it's 
own stars and it's own galaxy, but this year, Sanford has no son. (25.6 KB)

(The chartacter of Lionel had left the show.)

(Interior of an Imperial fortress.  Stormtroopers march about.  A few other 
extras (female and dressed spacey, I think) also march about.  The rocket is 
shown lifting off.  They may have used stock footage of an Apollo-Saturn V 
liftoff.  Enter Paul Lynne dressed as an Imperial Officer.)

(Start of fourth musical number.)

Paul:
Here my voice,
Where you are,
Hop a plane,
Grab a car,

On a cloud,
On a star,
Come back to me!

Have you gone,
To the moon?
A venuisy lagoon,  (vin-ew-see: something on Venus?)
On a cosmic monsoon?

What's your course?
Where the force - can you be?

Come back to me! (30.2 KB)
Come back to me!
Come back to me!

(End of the fourth musical number.  Enter someone dressed as Vader.)

Paul:
I didn't except a standing ovation, but what's so funny?

Vader:
You, you intergalactic fool.  You'll never get them back that way.

Paul:
I suppose you have a better plan?

Vader:
No, plan at all.  Just a little . . . force.

(Vader gestures and a sound is heard.  He is causing the ship to return.  The 
ship is shown landing on the screen.  If it was Apollo footage,  I hope that 
they didn't run it backwards.)

Paul:
Ah-ha!  You see, they've come back!

Vader:
They had no choice.

(The rocket ramp lowers.  The group files out.)

Kris:
How about it?  Is that a perfect landing?

C-3PO:
That's not what we need.

Marie:
But you landed on the same planet.

Kris:
But the landing part was perfect.

Donnie:
I knew we should have taken a cab!

(Start of fifth musical number.  About a half-dozen stormtroopers appear.)

Stromtroppers (some background voices are female):
We're Darth Vader's raiders 
and we can't believe 
the things that you do.
(something - rhymes with sight)

We never met a troop 
who'd play hide-and-seek 
the way that you do.
You're outta sight! (42.4 KB)

Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum,
Look out people,
'Cause here we come!

We're not really certain what to do with you,
So get ready, get ready!

? ? ? ? when we get through with you,
So get ready, get ready here we come!

Get ready, 'Cause here we come!
Get ready, 'Cause here we come!
(get ready!  get ready!)

Get ready, 'Cause here we come!
Get ready, 'Cause here we come!
Get ready, 'Cause here we come!
Gotcha!

(End of the fifth musical number.  The heros are surrounded.  Enter Vader and 
Paul Lynne.)

Paul:
You thought you'd get away!  Don't you know you'll never escape from the farce?

Vader:
That's the force!

Paul:
Oh, don't bother me with grammar at a time like this! (16.1 KB)

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