Steely Dan quote of the week: "Five names that I can hardly stand to hear; Including yours and mine and one more chimp who isn't here"
*   *   *

Dogman: Mr. Heston, Thank you for joining us.
Heston: It is my pleasure, friend, anything to help and spread the “truth.”
D: And what would the “truth” be?  Are you here to talk about God, or perhaps speak out against gun control?
H: No, no…much more than that.  I’m here you warn you about your food.
D:  Kibbles and Bits?
H: Maybe not your food, I mean people food.
D:  Wheaties?
H: No, not wheaties…Soylent Green.
D:  Uh, what the hell is…”So-land Sheen?”  Is it related to Charlie?  Or Martin?  I really like that show, the West Wing…
H:  (cutting Dogman off) No, Soylent Green, you haven’t heard of it?  It is the new food that everyone loves; it’s all the rage.  The distributors have to use riot control and bulldozers to contain the crowds in waiting for it.
D: It sounds Chinese – what type of food is it?
H: (under his breath) I’m sure some of it is.
D:  What was that?
H: Nothing.
D: So what about this “Toilet Green”
H: Soylent, thank you very much.  (Heston stands up and strikes a dramatic pose).  Soylent Green is People!  Soylent Green is People!  It’s made from people!
D: (Dogman grabs Heston’s shoulders, shaking him) Get a hold on yourself man!
H: (Heston shrugs Dogman off) Get your stinking paws off me you Damn Dirty Ape!!!
D: I’m uh, not an ape…I’m a dog.
H:  Sorry, I can get carried away.  Don’t touch me again though or I will have to whip your Canine ass to 1000 BC – make you deal with the Pharaoh!
D: Okeeeee-uh…anything else?
H: To those of you detaining people in order to turn them into food:  I order you to let my people go!! 
D: Yes folks, you heard it here first.  Tom Green is good people – so hang with him if you get a chance.
H: Soylent Green Damnit!!  And Tom Green is NOT good people!  He’s Canadian!
D:  Yeah, ok.  Anything you want to add as a final note?
H: Join the NRA and protect your god given right of gun ownership.  Protect yourself and your family!  Don’t become anther senseless nutritional fact.
D: Thank you…I think.
(Heston gets in his chariot and rides off)

###