Meerkat Mailer # 9
September 5, 2001
Alien Ant
Farm News:
AAF will be performing September 6 on the MTV Video Music Awards and September
17 on the Tonight Show. They are currently touring Europe and planning a
headlining tour for the fall.
AAF
Top 100 Sites
A certain unnamed site has used
what we here at POTM suspect to be less than honest means to knock us from the
top of the "AAF Top 100 Band sites" list. So please, vote for us
here and put us back on top! Meerkat Love Fo-eva! Vote here:
http://www.topsitelists.com/topsites.cgi?ID=1&user=alienantfarm&area=bestsites
News
in Brief:
INDIA – Hindu nationalists in
India launched a marketing exercise to promote cow urine as a health cure for
ailments ranging from liver disease to obesity and even cancer.
It is being labeled as “the gift of the cow” and aggressively
marketed by the government. The
more expensive “better gift of the male cow” has not hit the shelves
yet.
LONDON
-- Official approval has been given to a woman who wants to have her brother's
child with a form of artificial insemination. "[incest] is no big
deal here in England", said Bridge Centre fertility clinic director Gedis
Grudzinskas, "After all, the Royal Family has used it for hundreds of years
and look at them...oh wait..."
THE GULF COAST -- A significant increase in shark attacks on the Gulf Coast has led many to wonder about their strange behavior. In New Smyrna Beach there have been over 20 attacks this year, which account for nearly half of all that have happened around the world. Scientists have concluded that these are specially trained sharks, Communist sharks to be exact, sent by Castro to undermine democracy...one thigh at a time.
ATHENS
-- Greek monks from the religious community of Mount Athos have begun lifting a
century-old curse that a village on the Aegean island of Limnos should
"never sleep again" that was placed for triggering an Ottoman
massacre. They decided that they needed to lift the curse when they
realized that the crime was so ancient that its exact date eluded their
memory and that because, well, the people were sleeping anyways.
NORWEGIAN
ARCTIC -- A polar bear and apparent health freak stole toothpaste and
vitamin pills after breaking into a tourist camp in the Norwegian Arctic, but
bizarrely left food untouched. Polar bears' teeth are often yellow, unlike
their snow-white fur. The bear, probably aged two, had also popped vitamin-C
pills, presumably to maintain strong bone structure and a fair complexion.
Actual
Quotes
"We are unable to announce the weather. We depend on weather reports
from the airport, which is closed, due to weather. Whether we will be able
to give you a weather report tomorrow will depend on the weather."
-- Arab News report
"Caution:
Cape does not enable user to fly."'
-- Batman Costume warning label
"The Minutemen are not tall in terms of height."
-- Dan Bonner, CBS sportscaster, during a UMass basketball game
"I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions --but I don't always agree
with them."
-- George W. Bush, US President
"That
lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the
one to do it."
-- A congressional candidate in Texas
Actual
English Subtitles used in Hong Kong
I am
darn unsatisfied to be killed in this way.
Fatty, you with your thick face have hurt my instep.
Gun wounds again?
Same old rules: no eyes, no groin.
A normal person wouldn't steal pituitaries.
Darn, I'll burn you into a BBQ chicken.
Take my advice, or I'll spank you a lot.
Who gave you the nerve to get killed here?
This will be of fine service for you, you bag of the scum. I am sure you
will not mind that I remove your toenails and leave them out on the dessert
floor for ants to eat.
Quiet or I'll blow your throat up.
I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
-----------
Peace from the Meerkats
Stolen_Pituitary@potm.net
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