May 28, 2004 (Fri) 10:00AM

Called to make appointment for the consultation with the reproductive endocrinologist (Dr. Beth). Got the voice mail and left a message.

June 4, 2004 (Fri) 9:29AM

Got voice mail again. This time there was static and then disconnected. Called back and left message.

June 11, 2004 (Fri) 10:10AM

Got voice mail again. I hung up. Didn't leave a message. Started crying......how come nobody is calling me back. Without this IVF I can't have any children. What am I going to do?????

June 16, 2004 (Wed)3:00pm

Got voice mail yet again. Left message. Now I don't know what to do. I Then called the office of the Doctor that had given me the referral to the specialists. (Dr.Jane) The nurse there (Irene) was very helpful. I explained to her what had happened. She then told me she was going to do what she could for me. Irene called me back within a few minutes and told me they were so sorry that my calls have not been returned and that she made the appointment for my consultation. My appointment is for July 6, 2004. The office of the Infertility Clinic called a few minutes after Irene and apologized to me and explained that she will be mailing out a packet to me to fill out before my appointment. I must also get a copy of all my medical records.

June ? , 2004,

Got packet from reproductive endocrinologist. Bob and I must fill in our histories and what is the likely cause of my infertility.

June 18, 2004 (Fri)

Started calling around to get my medical consent forms to have my medical released to me.

June 21, 2004 (Mon) - July 2, 2004 (Fri)

Going around everywhere picking up all my medical records. Oh no ! My records from my ectopic in 1995 (9years ago). Have been destroyed. After @ 8 years doctors have the right to destroy your medical records. I need them! I was told by the receptionist to try the hospital that they may keep them a little longer. In my opinion, instead of destroying them they should contact the patient(s) to ask if they would like to have their medical records. After all those are OUR medical records.

July 6, 2004 (Tues)

Consultation with (Dr.Beth) reproductive endocrinologist in Portland, Maine. While sitting in the waiting area waiting for my name to be called into the DR. office, I noticed several pregnant women filling up the waiting area. For infertile women its often difficult to cope with being around pregnant woman or your children. My eyes started to fill up with water. Bob then told me, we can look at this as a positive thing. Chances are all these women were just like you at one time and this treatment worked for them and now here they are pregnant. When we met with the infertility specialist. She is very friendly and explained a lot to us. Some information we already knew since we have been doing research on IVF since the obgyn back in Nov. 2003 had said IVF is our only hope. She gave us a 60% chance of the in vitro working for us. And a 10% chance of a possible ectopic, however, highly unlikely. While waiting for my insurance to become active and for the two of us to save up some more money. We all decided it would be in our best interested to hold of for a little while.

July 7, 2004 (Wed) - Sept 17, 2004 (Fri)

While waiting to start with the IVF. I had my share of my ups and downs. Some days I'm fine other days I cry, cry, cry. Waiting for new insurance to go through.

Sept. 17, 2004, (Fri)

Had my physical today. (PA.Joanne) I was told I'm a little over weight and need to exercise and change my diet. Was also told to quit smoking, which I had planned to do anyway before starting with IVF. Don't want to take any chances. She scheduled some lab work to be done for next week. She also called The infertility specialist to set up my next appointment. Also had my tetnis shot today too.

Sept. 24, 2004 (Fri)

Couldn't eat or drink anything except for water for 12 hours. Get to the lab, so they can take some blood and they always have a hard time with me. So she went in through my hand. She needed two tubes, and kept going and going and going. Until, oh no, I feel light headed, feel faint. They gave me some juice and crackers and I felt better.

Sept. 30, 2004 (Thurs)

My doctors office called my next appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist (Dr.Beth)is for Oct. 29th, 2004. Wow, I'm excited.

Oct. 4, 2004 (Mon)

Got my tests results back from the lab. I have high cholesterol. Off to the side it said consider medication. I can't go on any medications I'm going for IVF and will be pregnant soon. Better change my diet again. Will talk with my doctor at my next appointment.

Oct. 8, 2004 (Fri)

The reproductive endocrinologist clinic called me at work. Said they would like my lab work done before my appointment on Oct.29,2004. It must be done on day 3 of my cycle. I told her that I would need to have it done tomorrow than, since I started yesterday. So she faxed my lab work to the lab. When I got home from the lab, I called to pre-register for my lab work to be done tomorrow. The Lab at the hospital closes at 11am.

Oct. 9, 2004 (Sat)

Being a Manager of a QSR my job is very demanding. I work as a crew member serving guests, cleaning, stocking and such as well as playing the role as "Manager" doing paperwork, making sure the restaurant is being run properly. There are only so many hours in one day. Well, being short-handed doesn't help matters any. To top it all off my Assistant Manager is on vacation. Some of my crew members are not up to par today they are moving like turtles. I'm worried I can't miss the lab tests. I must get them done. My boss asked me what was wrong. I told him that I had an appointment that I couldn't miss, and I was upset because I didn't want to leave my crew struggling while I was gone. Or get in trouble if I left them. I won't be gone very long. My boss told me not to worry about them and go. Left work to pick Bob up to go with me. Then off to the lab we go. Oh, my they need how many tubes?????? 10-14 tubes of blood ! A lot of tests need to be done. Well, guess what they had a hard time finding a place to put the needle to get blood. Got poked in both arms, including the back of my hand again. Due to the fact that today is Saturday some of my tests had to wait and Monday is a holiday. Since I have Wednesday off from work I asked if Wednesday would be ok. Bob is getting all his lab work done on Wednesday. I get back to work about 1 - 1 ? hours later and WOW, everyone was working hard the place looked clean and my boss was in the kitchen doing food prep !!! Whew, I was so worried.

Oct. 12, 2004 (Tues)

Wow, what a long week my assistant went on vacation on (Sun) Oct. 3, 2004 - (Tues) Oct.12, 2004 So much was happening put in long hours at work 110 hrs. to be exact. Sometimes its hard to play the role as crew member and manager. Especially when we are running short-handed. The paper work gets put on hold until later in the day when things slow down then before I know it its dark when I get home, I eat then go to bed. Then this week trying to get everything ready for my consultation. Getting all my medical records, lab tests done trying to do more research and work long hours at work. I am now taking the next 4 days off from work to try to play catch up and relax a little.

Oct 13, 2004 (Wed)

Back to the lab in the morning to finish up my blood work. Just one tube for me today. Bob had blood work done and was given a cup in a bag to bring his specimen sample back in later before 1pm.

Oct. 15, 2004 (Fri)

Pap test today and while I was there I was given the Flu shot. "Thought we were short on supplies this year and I'm not at high risk" The nurse explained to me that since I am going through IVF to be pregnant that it would be best for me to get the shot now. That makes since I don't want to take any chances.

Oct. ?, 2004

Got my tests results of my pap in the mail today. It said "NORMAL" and a smiley face next to it. (Decma) the nurse there is so sweet.

Oct. 29, 2004 (Fri)

Another long drive to Portland to meet with the infertility specialist. We talked a little about some of the tests results. We asked a few questions... to which she asked us if we were ever given a packet that explained IVF and its procedures. We were never given anything. So, at this appointment we were given the IVF packet that included a cycle calendar, info on IVF, questions to find out if your insurance will cover any or all of the costs, a paper to sign to have online communication with my doctor, and our consent forms. In most cases you would sign the consent forms there with the doctor. We had some concerns with some of the questions. Such as rather or not to do the cryo? We were than told we could take them home, have a notary witness and sign them as well. Now I must go to the lab. There was a sign on the door said she would be back at 1pm it is now 1:15pm. Oh finally here she is 1:20 or 1:25pm. The hallway was filled with patients waiting to get in. We get in there was only 6 chairs and 9 patients. This women was working alone. Woking the desk as well as taking blood. No wonder she was rude and in a hurry. However that can be dangerous? Did everything get sanitized?

Nov. 1 , 2004 (Mon)

Left work for a few minutes and went to a book store up the street from my work where the notary is. The sign on the door said closed. Ok, we will try again tomorrow.

Nov. 2, 2004 (Tues)

Left work for a little while to go back to the book store. The woman there said the man that does the Notaries is out of town on vacation. Ok, lets try the library. Yes, she was there. We signed and notarized the consent forms. Faxed them to the infertility doctor. Then put copy in envelope to mail original out to the doctor as well.

Nov. 3 , 2004 (Wed)

Should get a visit from Flo any day now.

Nov. 4, 2004 (Thurs)

Spotting today.....I'm excited. LOL...funny before I always got upset every month at this time. It always means no pregnancy this time.

Nov. 5, 2004 (Friday)

Well, today my car had a doctor appointment. It's only 2 years old. Sat there for 3 ? hours only to leave my car there to be worked on. Got home and cried, cried and cried. Can we still go for IVF this month. Looks like its covered with my insurance. I can still use my other credit card. Ok. figured out what we have left after the unexpected car ordeal. Now, I must call the RN to tell her that my Monthly Period has started. HaHaHaHa....hey everyone my period started today ! HeeHee. Got voicemail, left message. At. 4pm I started to worry. Oh no, she hasn't called back yet ....what do I do. I think the office closes at 5pm. Cry, cry, cry some more. The garage called its time to pick up my car. Now I'm in a panic again. What if my nurse calls while I'm picking up my car??? Hurry, Hurry, Hurry. Get home she still didn't call. Guess I will have to wait until next months cycle? At 6pm the phone rings...Its my nurse!!!! I explain that yes I did start today full flow. She explained the dates of when to expect to take the meds. Basically everything that is on my cycle calendar. I asked her where I go to pick up the prescription. My nurse told me which ever one I want too. She will be faxing my prescription to the pharmacy for me to pick up on Saturday. If they tell me they don't have it, for me to tell them to check the fax machine for it. The other medications come from a pharmacy company that mails it. They will be calling me sometime next week to arrange a delivery. At 7pm the phone rings again, I answer it, it is the pharmacy company that ships my supplies to me. Gave her my insurance info, credit card info and address. She said she would call me back on Monday with the cost of the items with my co-payment and the items not covered. We arranged a date for my meds to arrive. Its all happening so fast now!!!

Nov. 6, 2004 (Sat)

Went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription today and I went to the wrong one. I didn't tell my nurse that there is two pharmacies in town with the same company name. Oooopppsss. That's ok...she was on top of things and faxed it out to both pharmacies in town. Guess what my prescription is ? Birth Control pills. How weird is that?? Trying to get pregnant and they put you on birth control pills. The reason being is so that they can be in control of you and your body. It calms everything down and can help with mood swings as well.

Nov. 7, 2004 (Sun)

Took my first birth control pill (Solia)this morning. So now I'm taking Birth control, prenatal vitamins and calcium supplement. Oh ya, and no coffee just decaf. No caffeine and no energy for me. I can usually drink two pots of coffee by myself on any given day. It will all be worth it in the end.

Nov. 8, 2004 (Mon)

The pharmacy company that will be shipping my supplies called me to verify everything being shipped out and I was given an estimated costs that will be billed to my credit card. All but one was covered through my insurance company.

Nov. 9, 2004 (Tues)

Back to Portland today, this time for Genetic Counseling. Went well, however we don't know anything more than we did going in there.

Nov. 10, 2004 (Wed)

Got home from work just in time today ! My meds were to be here Thursday, they arrived today. WOW!!!! I'm becoming a pharmacy. Most of the meds are to be kept refrigerated. Here's what I got: Instruction CD, booklets, Follistim AQ 600IU, Follistim pen, Zithromax tab 250mg ud, Prog. in oil 50mg/1ml 10ml ud, ovidrel 250mcg/0.5ml prefilled syringe, leuprolide 1mg/.2ml eon, repronex 75iu, and all the needles, syringes, alcohol pads and I think that is it. WOW !!! I feel a little overwhelmed right now. The big needle scares me. It is 1.5 inches long. I have always been afraid of needles. Lots of reading and watching videos to do. I start the Lupron on the 21st. so I better start learning. Bob will be giving me the shots, however I must learn how as well...just in case. Also, got an appointment date for my follicle ultrasound. I will fill you all in on my treatments as they occur each day. I read there are mood swings too. Like I'm not already an emotional roller coaster.

Nov. 11, 2004 (Thurs)- Veterans Day

One year ago today we lost our baby due to an ectopic pregnancy that we were lead to believe was a normal pregnancy after we countlessly told them I had a previous ectopic in 1995. ---------------------------pause-------------------------------------------------- I'll write more later. Need to regroup at the moment.

I'm back. Thursday was a difficult day to get through. Likely, I managed to get out of work early at 2pm. Last year at this time I lost my baby. This year I am learning how to give myself injections and taking inventory of all my medications. We also took some pictures which I will put on here.

Nov. 12, 2004 (Fri)

The referral department (Cindy) at my primary care physician's office called today. Apparently there is a problem with my insurance going through to RSC. I now need to call the insurance company to find out what the problem is. It appears that the insurance company has no record of my PCP. How can this be?? Anyway, after a couple hours of calling the insurance company twice and my PCP office a couple times as well. We managed to straighten this mess up. Cindy now can send my referral through to RSC. Insurance company said I didn't have a PCP.

Nov. 15, 2004 (Mon)

Got my first email from my doctor's office today ! Now I may email with questions or concerns about my medications.

Nov. 17, 2004 (Wed)

Today we went to Portland again. This time for a regular ultrasound and a sonohysterogram. Which is an ultrasound scan that is done after fluid is injected through a tube into the uterus. This test allows your provider to look for problems with the lining of the uterus, such as fibroids. In my case they found a polyp near the lower wall of the entrance to my uterus. We may need to hold off on the IVF for up to a week. DR.Beth wasn't able to remove it today. So therefore, she is trying to get me squeezed in to a Doctor's office here in town. The same woman that referred me to Dr. Beth in the first place. The removal of the polyp is an out patient procedure. However, I am still nervous. They will also have to test to see if it is cancerous or not. Most causes they are not cancerous.

Nov. 18, 2004 (Thurs)

Wow, my phone has been ringing off the hook. Everyone is working together to get me into surgery ASAP. After several phone calls back in forth to three doctor's offices I now have an appointment for surgery on Tuesday. However, I have a pre surgery appointment on Monday morning to sign paper work and such. Waiting for RN to call me as to when to start my Lupron shots and if I should take one more week of Birth Control Pills.

Nov. 19, 2004 (Friday)

Well, today my RN (Laura Jean)called me to confirm my appointment for outpatient surgery for Tuesday and for me to get a refill on birth control pills. I will need to take birth control pills for additional week and hold off on Lupron until the 28th. I was taking my bcp in the morning she said she would like me to take it in the evening (just in case she should need me to double up). I also asked her about caffeine ! I can have a little, but not to over do it. If for some reason we run into complications or need a dnc at the time of surgery I will need to wait to start my lupron until next month. Please pray with me that all goes well and I start Lupron next week.

Nov. 20, 2004 (Saturday)

Today I went to the pharmacy to get the refill on my birth control pills. They said I would have to come back tomorrow to try to get it. Based on the fact I just picked the first one up on the 5th. I only have one week left to this pack of birth control. I already threw away the sugar pills, she doesn't want me to take fake ones anyway....only the real birth control form. I also went to the store and got a 5 subject notebook the kind with the little pockets inside. I had several small notebooks going. It was hard to keep everything organized and all in one place. I like everything organized and in its place. Now all my ivf stuff is all together neatly and organized.

Nov. 21, 2004 (Sunday)

Went to the pharmacy again today. This time I was able to get my prescription of birth control filled. Did some more studying of my IVF handbook. After dinner I'm thinking of watching the injection video again. Even though Bob will be giving me the shot every night. I must know what to do in the event that he isn't here and need to do it all on my own.

Nov. 22, 2004 (Monday)

Today I had to leave work for an hour to go to the doctor to sign a consent form for my surgery tomorrow and for her to do a quick pelvic exam on my. While there I also thanked the nurse and the doctor for helping me the way that they did. The doctor had given me the referral to see DR.Beth and the nurse (Irene)helped me get my very first appointment. She got the ball rolling for me. I would love to so much put all their names here in my diary. I wonder if legally if I could. I have only said good things about all of them. If anyone should know please let me know. Maybe, I could also call their office or write them a letter about my website. Ask for permission to use their names? I can't eat or drink anything tonight.

Nov. 23, 2004 (Tues)

It's 5am right now. I can't have a coffee or a bowl of cereal and I am hungry. I can't wear make-up, which I have never been out of the house without. I'm not wearing anything fancy either. I throw on some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I wasn't sure how much if any pain I would be in, so figured loose fitting clothes would be best. My appointment for my surgery is at 5:30am. The hospital is right around the corner from me. Actually both hospital's are. Ok. I gotta leave for the hospital now and get prepped for surgery at 7:30am. I'll write again when I get home. I got back home around 10:30am all went well with the surgery. The doctor removed the polyp and didn't have to do a DNC. So that means I will be starting the Lupron on Sunday. I have a follow up appointment with the doctor that did the surgery on next Tuesday. Took it easy the rest of the day. Did research online, took a nap ate dinner and shortly later went to bed.

Nov. 24, 2004 (Wed)

This morning. I don't feel like I even had surgery. Went to work. There is a lot of running around involved in my work place. Even though I am manager I run around and do just as much (and more ) as my crew. Well, as the day went on my stomach started feeling a little crampy and the spotting continued.

Nov. 25, 2004 (Thurs.)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!! Back to work for awhile today. Wow! We were busy today.... Being busy helped the day go by fast though. Did I mention I work at a local Dunkin Donuts? Our guests weren't just coming in for coffee they were getting sandwiches and such as well. Of coarse there are many reasons why one would come eat at our place on Thanksgiving. We closed at noon since we ran out of donuts. Got home from work Bob was checking on the turkey. I got out of my work clothes and cleaned up then started to get the rest of the dinner ready. Oh the turkey looks so good ! Mom and Dad will be here around 4pm. Dinner was good. However, after dinner Bob had to leave us to go up to the hospital to check on his father. His dad fell last night and hurt his eye and today he is in worse pain as well as vomiting. Bob and his dad didn't get home from the hospital until midnight. His father is doing better now.

Nov. 26,2004 (Fri)

Today Victoria, my step-daughter came down to visit and do some Christmas shopping. We went to the Mall and out to eat, had fun and laughed a lot. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. Thanks for making me laugh Vicki ! As for the rest of me. I'm still spotting and I'm a little crampy. Crampy feeling you get when Aunt Flo is going to arrive in a few days.

Nov. 27, 2004 (Sat)

Woke up this morning feeling really crampy. Went to the bathroom still spotting. I have some errands to run today and I was going to decorate the house while Bob puts the lights outside. Last year was our first Christmas in this house. I wasn't in the mood to do any decorating and the Christmas spirit wasn't there. This year I want to decorate and I am in the spirit of things. I have faith that this IVF will work for us. Tonight I took the last pill out of this pack.

Nov. 28, 2004 (Sun)

Went to work today. Still a little crampy and spotting. At one point today it was more than just spotting. It was as if Aunt Flo had arrived. Then back to spotting. I got home from work around 4pm. When I got home Bob had the tree up for us! "smile" All I need to do is decorate it and the rest of the house. He wants us to put a tree in the den as well. Then around 5pm or so..... I was on the phone with my friend/Asst.manager from work, when Bob walked by me with my meds in his hands. Guess the doctor is ready for me?_____________pause_________________I'm back that wasn't to bad. Bob gave me the shot while I turned my head. I felt a pinch like a sting going in. Bob said. " there, that wasn't too bad was it? I said. Why, are you done already?" Looked down and sure enough he was done. He laughed and said. "I've been done for some time now. LOL. Oh, ya forgot to tell you the medication I took tonight was Lupron it is an injection that goes in the abdomen. Also started a fresh pack of Solia, birth control pills....Saturday night will be my last night of the pill.

Nov. 29th, 2004 (Mon)

My nurse (Laura Jean)called to see how I was doing today. We talked about Aunt Flo arriving soon. My last pill will be Saturday and my suppression check is next week. Talked about the Lupron shot and how it wasn't that bad. I was scared for nothing. The needle isn't that big. However the one that goes in the butt is ! We will talk about that at a later date when the time comes.

Nov. 30th, 2004 (Tues)

What a day. Left work for an hour to go to my doctor appointment for the follow-up after my surgery last week. All went well. She showed me a picture of the polyp she removed. Shortly after I got back to work, one of my employees called out. Almost didn't have anyone to work it. When that happens I have to work it. "A Slave on Salary". Trying to cut back on my hours as much as I can to avoid all those long hours I do put in. My health comes first now! And when I get pregnant even more so, my baby will come first !!!Got home around 3:30pm went to Bob's parents house to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Then we came home took my shot. Oooooppps this time it jumped me. Then a little while later I went to bed. Been so tired.

~ Hard to believe it is: Dec. 1, 2004 (Wed) already ~

Didn't feel to well at work today. At one point today one of my employees told me what to do. She told me to go take a break and sit down. She said my face was a beat red. I knew I wasn't feeling to well. The Solia birth control pills can make you feel a little bloated. The prenatal vitamins make me constipated. I have been spotting ever since the surgery. And now today my stomach feels like there is a visit from Aunt Flo quickly approaching. The Lupron puts you through a cycle similar to menopause. I don't want to sound like I am complaining, since it will all be worth it in the end. And Bob and I did say we will do whatever it takes to have a baby. The shot tonight I felt the little sting as the medication was going into me. I'm going to bed now and watch a little tv before I go to sleep. I have been so tired lately too.

Dec. 3, 2004 (Friday)

This morning I sent an email to my nurse since she wanted my follicle study / lab work for the 7th, which would be nine days of being on the lupron. However, my appointment ended up being on the 6th. Got a reply back from my nurse for me to reschedule the appointment as soon as I could and in the future to call her for a quicker response. After I got her email I called to reschedule the appointment and now it is for the 7th which is what my nurse had originally wanted. Went shopping again today. Trying to get all my Christmas shopping done before the 18th. Since we could be going for the transfer anytime between the 18th-26th ? I'm excited and nervous. I'm so scared that we are going to mess up on the meds or something will go wrong. All we can do at this point is do the best we can, have patience and pray everyday that this will work for us. Well, gotta go finish decorating the livingroom.

Dec. 4, 2004 (Saturday)

Today is the last day of the Birth Control Pill.

Dec. 7, 2004 (Tuesday)

Left work for a little while this morning to go to the Lab and ultrasound for the follicle study. I have 28 follicles (eggs) ! Now, this doesn't mean that they will all grow. However, It was exciting to hear how many eggs I have. Everything is all about timing and numbers. We start the injections of Repronex and Follistim AQ on Friday. My right ovary is 21.2 x 18.1 x 18.6

Dec. 8, 2004 (Wednesday)

Aunt flo has arrived and I feel crampy

Dec. 9, 2004 (Thursday) Aunt flo still here and I still feel crampy

Dec. 10, 2004 (Friday)

Aunt flo still here. Had a headache all day and can't take anything for it. Guess I can take baby aspirin, but that won't help. Anyhow went on with the day anyway. Almost all done with the Christmas shopping. Usually I am done by now, but we had a late start this year. Called my nurse to verify the dosage of the meds for tonight. I didn't know 1cc and 1 unit were the same. Everyday is a learning experience. Isn't that the truth?

WE DID IT ! Tonight was the big night. Lupron was dropped down to 5 units. Which was 10 units, just in case I didn't tell you that previously. Then we mixed the diluent with the powder for the repronex injection. While we let the repronex sit, we moved on to the follistim pen. Got the cartridge in the pen put on the needle and took that shot. Now its time for the repronex shot ! Wow, It seemed to take forever for all the repronex to get in me with that injection! I felt a sting for a little while. I survived ! One of the side effects is mood swings. "You mean I will be more moody than I already am ?" Hahaahaa sorry honey.....have patience with me. Heck who knows maybe I will be giggling and happy. I'll let you all know.

Dec. 12, 2004 (Sun)

The Follistim Cartridge only holds enough meds for 2.5 days of the medicated dose. So guess what? Tonight I had a total of four shots.

DEC. 13, 2004 (Mon.)

Tonight we wanted to try the injection in a different location. Due to the fact that my belly has several bruises from all the needles, we both agreed on my left thigh. Which was my idea, but not one of my better judgements. First we did the Lupron on the left side of belly Then Ouch that hurt ! I didn't like that at all. That was the Follistim that went in my thigh. Could it have been because I was sitting? Then came the Repronex in the right side of belly. I was standing there thinking of the hurt I had felt in th thigh and how I could feel the repronex going in than all of a sudden my ears began to ring a little. (someone must be thinking of me?) My chest felt heavy and tight. Both of my legs felt numb. My eye sight was fuzzy than. I'm gone (I had fainted for about 10-15 seconds or so) Scared Bob half to death. He told me I fell onto the bed. My eyes were wide open and I was looking straight ahead. When I came to I felt sick, but didn't vomit. Felt dizzy so I lied down for a couple minutes. Bob took my vitals, my blood pressure was running low. My oral temperature was as well. Called nurses office, desk said the offices were closed. Many nights she does work late, could have left voicemail. I won't bother her tonight. I'm ok now anyway. we will call again tomorrow. Ate dinner (very little), relaxed, felt fine and went to bed.

Dec. 14,2004 (Tues)

Called my nurse to tell her what happened last night. She explained sometimes it happens. It's ok to take injections close together, that's actually how they like for patients to do them. We can also do it with me laying down. So that's what we did tonight. Got all three injections with me laying down on the bed. Everything went well. Went to work today. Felt ok. At one point I felt something in my belly. Growing Pains ? Or is it "all in my head" my imagination. Called my nurse to tell her what happened last night.

Dec. 15, 2004 (Wed)

Today's Follicle Study showed approximately 20 Follicles (eggs). Six have grown in size. Dimensions in (mm)

1. 10.8 x 11.4 Avg. 11.1

2. 10.6x 9.7 Avg. 10.15

3. 8.8 x 11.2 Avg. 10.0

4. 9.4 x 10.8 Avg. 10.1

5. 12.3 x 10.5 Avg. 11.4

6. 13.2 x 11.5 Avg. 12.34

Endometrial Stripe 7.6mm My RT. Ovary is now 32.6 x 32.3 x 26.0

Tonights shots went well. However, we had to do four injections again tonight. Had to refill Follistim Pen.

Dec 16, 2004 (Thursday)

Ultrasound and lab again today. I look forward to the ultrasounds, but not the lab. They always have a hard time with me and have to go in through my hand. That hurts ! My ovary is at 39.6 x 31.7 x 41.1 now. Still have 6 follicles that have grown in size. See below for the follicle size numbers.

Dec. 17, 2004 (Friday)

Today has been one week of the Stims. Had ultrasound and lab today. My RT. Ovary is at 38.6 x 42.0 x 38.8 about 20+ follicles with 12 that have grown in size. See below for follicle size numbers. Nurse called tonight gave me a little heads up that it looks like Tuesday may be the day for retrieval. She also told me that someone from RSC will call me tomorrow and they will be the ones to tell me when to take my "trigger shot" the Ovidrel which helps line the uterus.

Dec. 18, 2004 (Saturday)

Today I had ultrasound and lab. At the ultrasound we found 17 follicles that have grown 10mm or bigger ! My ovary is now at 42.3 x 40.2 x 43.2 Wow! No wonder I feel a little bloated and feel the constant urge to empty my bladder. I feel so full. Sometimes I think I feel growing pains. Haha It doesn't hurt, just feels fluttery or light throbbing. Not sure how to explain it. See below for the sizes of the follicles. Got home from the lab and ultrasound and stayed home waiting for the phone call about my results. It was getting late nobody has called yet. Bob suggested maybe I should call them. Got voicemail that offices were all closed. On the weekends someone is there to check messages until 2pm. Oh no its 3:30pm. Tried calling my nurse....I didn't have a way to call her other than voicemail. This isn't an emergency. But, what if I take my stims today and tomorrow and I get over stimulated ! That is what scares me. I heard of this one woman that got over stimulated and had to have her ovary drained. Can an ovary pop and explode from over stimulating? Cry Cry Cry I cried from 1pm - until phone call at 5 or 5:30pm when my phone rang. Caller ID unknown. I answered it. Oh what a relief the call I have been waiting for. I told her how scared I was and how I thought someone forgot about me. She comforted me and said they would never do that. What had happend is they didn't get my results until late. Everything is looking good and my Estradiol is at 1040. First time I was given my Estradiol level. Not sure what the number means but I'm excited about it. She said everything is looking good keep doing what we have been doing and tomorrow she just needs lab work. She too gave me heads up for Tuesday retrieval. See below for measurements of growth.

Dec. 19, 2004 (Sunday)

Today all I had was lab wotk. I got to the lab at the hospital at 7am. Oh no, it's closed. Had to think fast. It's a hospital and they always have to take someone's blood. There must be someone available. I walked over to the emergency room explained my situation. She told me not to worry that they have someone available for those in my situation. YEA ! She walked me back to the lab and someone was there in the back room waiting to take someone's blood. Went home wrapped some gifts, clean and organize house. We will most likely be leaving any day now. Got the phone call tonight at around 5pm....she said that tonight at 10pm will be the "Trigger shot" ovidrel and the retrieval for Tuesday at 10am. I must be there for 9am. We will be leaving here Monday afternoon. Wow, I didn't feel that shot. Oh ya, tonight was just the one shot. No Lupron, no Repronex, no Follistim. Yea!

Dec. 20, 2004 (Monday)

I'll fill you in later. Gotta finish packing and such. Looks like transfer will be on Christmas Eve ! Ran a few last minute errands. Stopped by work for a few minutes. My employees have been wonderful to me lately too. They have been offering me support and hugs. They have been very understanding. LOL. I thought they would make me moody and all. Just the opposite. Thanks a lot crew ! Went back to the house to pack all the light items into the car. Bob got all the heavier stuff. The ride down to Lexington, Mass. Seemed to take forever. It was snowing and the speed limit was dropped down to 45 mph. Then we were behind a plow. Then there was an accident up ahead. Traffic was then at 25 - 30 mph on the interstate. We arrived at the Sheraton around 8pm unloaded the car. Then took a drive to find a place to eat. Drove around awhile before we headed in the direction of food. We should have looked this stuff up online before we left home and had it all mapped out. Oh well. Tonight is NPO. Nothing night. No shots, no make up, no food, no drinks - including water, no jewlery and no odors. Hahaaha without deoderant I hope I don't smell like Body Odor.

Dec. 21, 2004 (Tuesday)

Got up at 7am took a shower with "just water". Didn't take me long to get ready this morning. All I had to do really is get dressed. Bob and I sat for awhile and talked and cracked a few jokes then off we went to the Reproductive Science Center just across the street. Once I was checked in the nurse got me prepped for the procedure. Signed some paper work and got in the johnnie. Then came a terrible tasting drink, which is what they give to patients that suffer from heartburn before they have the anesthsia. Then came the iv with an antibiotic and some other fluid. Empty the bladder completely. Then into the procedure room. Went in walking, came out sleeping. When I got in the room they put me on a small bed with stirrups. These stirrups your legs go into not your feet. Different than a annual pap type. They clean and scrape your vaginal area, which hurt a little. There was big huge round lights on the ceiling. (I think atleast five of them). Then nighty, night. That is all I remember of that part of it . I do know I was only in there for about 15 minutes or so though. Then shortly after I woke up in the recovery room. Ah, a drink at last. I am so thirsty. I was hooked up to a heart monitor and still hooked to the iv. Had a little discomfort, like mild cramping. Similiar to menstrual cramps. She said I may have some light bleeding. So far I haven't had any bleeding. I had to empty my bladder again. Then get dressed and head back to the Motel. Now I can finally eat. I was so hungry I felt dizzy and a little queezy. Bob did his thing and was told he was normal. His swimmers anyway. They got a "Bakers Dozen", 13 eggs from me. Now we wait for the phone call to see how many are now embies and what time the transfer will be and how many we want to put back. (To be put into the uterus). Still looks like transfer will be Christmas Eve ! Bob has been great ! I have been laying around reading magazines and talking on the phone. While he has been bringing me drinks and getting me more pillows. I was so tired. That and the fact that I can't "over do it". Going in town now to get dinner.

Tonight was the night of my first Progestrone shot in the butt. The needle is huge ! Bob had a hard time getting it in. Took him several minutes. He was afraid he would hurt me. I told him just to go for it and don't worry. He finally did it. I didn't feel it ! Maybe because we numbed the area with ice first. Some woman use a heating pad after. Then just a few minutes later the alarm system went off at the motel tonight. We put our shoes and jacket on and went outside, looked around there were a few people outside as well. The others were in the sitting area next to the front desk. Where we went to keep warm from the outdoors. Many of us were in our night clothes. One couple was there in their bare feet. What had happend was one of the main water pipes had broken in one of the rooms. That room was four or five rooms down from our room on the first floor. Everyone was then allowed back to their rooms. When we got to our room we put all our belongings on one of the beds and shortly after the front desk called our room to tell us he was going to move us to another room. The water then was about five minutes away from our room. We gathered all of our belongings. While I was bagging up the last of our items. Bob went to the front desk to find out what room they were putting us in. Good they are putting us upstairs so they can clean up down here tonight. We had to carry all our stuff upstairs. Lots to carry, two suitcases, make-up bag, laptop bag, cooler, two tote bags with odds ends with magazines, meds and stuff, munchies, bag with our coffee maker. Yes, we bring our own coffee maker with Dunkin Donut coffee. The coffee makers in motels are too small. I love coffee, however I am know told that on day of transfer and days following to avoid caffine. I've cut back alot compared to how much I was drinking. 2-3 pots a day before IVF cycle now down to 2-3 cups a day.

Got our stuff upstairs to our new room. It was hard carrying those bags up the staire. Bob carried the heavy items. This was the day of retrieval, I should be taking it easy not going up and down stairs. We got settled into our room I had just taken my shoes off when "you guessed it" the alarm went off again. Bob went to see what was going on, while I put my shoes and jacket back on and grabbed my purse. He came back and told me everything was ok and under control now. Now I have reached the point where if the was an event of a real emergency, like a fire I'm not going to run for cover. Going to try to go to sleep now.

Dec. 22, 2004 (Wed)

Didn't sleep well last night. Tossed and turned most of the night. Today is raining and windy. Sent Bob in town to get us a Mc'Donalds breakfast. Stayed in our room most of the day, with a do not disturb sign on the door. I stayed in bed most of the day reading magazines, taking naps and playng on my laptop. Took a shower and went in town to get some food for snacks and something for dinner. Played scrabble on the computer with Bob and kicked his butt.

Dec. 23, 2004 (Thurs.)

Got up early this morning. Took a shower first thing, brewed some coffee and woke Bob up, since I was bored and lonely. Shortly after we went for breakfast and then took a little drive to go sight seeing and just get out of the room for awhile. Was getting a little impatient waiting for the nurse to call from RSC to tell us how many embies took and what time my transfer would be for. It was almost 5pm, so I called them. The office closes at 5pm. Got voicemail. Within 5 minutes or less. A nurse called told me my appointment is for 8:20 am for transfer and I have 10 embies that are growing. I'm so excited !I'm nervous too. Went to bed a little early, so I would be rested for the big day. When once I had just gotten into a deep sleep. The alarm system went off yet again. I obviously woke up. Asked Bob in a tired voice " what's going on?". This time I was angry ad upset. Granted this was out of the control of the motels hands. Sometimes things just happen. But, this is really annoying and I am tired.

Dec. 24, 2004 (Fri.) CHRISTMAS EVE !!!

Got up early and showered, had some cereal and juice for breakfast. I can't have coffee today or the following days to come. Bob lugged all the luggage to the car so I wouldn't have to carry anything. Checked out and went to RSC for our transfer. Sitting in the waiting room, the nurse made me drink atleast 4 cups of water. Must have full bladder for easier transfer. When we got to the room for the proceedure they dimmed the lights, had music playing in the background (we shut it off, it was stressful music) there was another cd, however it was that of waterfalls which I do enjoy listening too. However, with a full bladder that might not be a good idea. The embrologist said we had two good looking embryos to insert. I mentioned to him that I had wanted to go three. He checked them all out and said to both of us that it would be in our best interest to only go with the two best looking embryos. Or there would be a very high chance at all three making it. And multiple births may cause complications for mother and children born pre mature or worse (death) I told the doctor. " Yes, two will be ok then, you know best" He than proceeded to say that our chances of success is up to 68%. WOW ! 68 % We felt so excited. My legs went into knee stirrups. Did a vaginal cervics scrapping as done during a pap. Ultasound was done with the belly probe. It was a little uncomfortable, due to the fact I had a full bladder. Than came our embryos. Two good looking ones were put up on a big screen for us to easily see. The doctor said look how beautiful they look. The woman doing the ultasound part of it, then asked us if we wanted a picture. Before we had the chance to answer she had the picture right there in black and white in my face for me to see. While watching the embryos go into my uterus through a small catheter, I totally forgot about my full bladder for the time being. It was a thrill to experience that. (That was "our" day of sex). LOL. We have learned a lot over the past month or so. Plus the average woman doesn't get a picture of their embryo's on day 3 either. For all the pain one goes through with infertility. Having a picture of your embryo like that gives you that extra boost of hope and faith. Let's pray that they make it. Or at least one. But, I'm praying for both.

Jan. 1, 2005 (Saturday) HAPPY NEW YEAR

I sure hope this is a happier year ! I pray everyday for our little miracle or miracles. This past week has been a tough one. Yesterday & today were my days off from work so I needed something to keep me busy. I changed my home office around a bit. Don't worry didn't lift anything heavy. Already got that lecture from Bob. Organized my filing cabinets, getting it ready for 2005 bills and stuff. Went into the room that will become the nursery and day-dreamed for a little while. Ok, time to make myself busy and pre-occupied. Just a few more days left before blood pregnancy test. Symptoms right now are exhausted, bloated and my boobs look different. They don't seem sore though. Maybe these symptoms are due to the medications, don't know for sure yet. I also read before that some women develope symptoms just from wanting to be pregnant so badly and get a negative result. I'm thinking positive and praying. However, I must admit I'm afraid of getting a negative result. Talk to ya again in a few days, maybe closer to next week. Based on the test result, not sure when I will write again. Test will be done on Wednesday morning.

Jan.6, 2005 (Thursday)

Yesterday was the blood pregnancy test. The result came back negative. I'm so upset. I really believed it had worked. The symptoms I had must have been the medications or something? I feel so lost, so sad, so angry. Why do those who don't want children have many or neglect them and those of us wanting and trying and wanting to offer all of our love can't! Maybe God has other plans for me or maybe I'm not hear to bear children? I took today off from work. Good thing, I can't stop crying. Woke up in the middle of my sleep crying. I feel like I just lost a loved one. (Actually, I did. Two embryos). There are no support groups here in Bangor, Maine. None anywhere in Maine for infertile couples. WHY? I have met a few woman online like myself from Maine as well. We send emails to one another and try to offer our support to one another. We all live to far from one another and have yet to actually meet. We need support in this stressful journey. I'm sure there are several woman here in Maine going through the same as us.

-----Date ----------12-7-04----------12-15-04----------12-16-04---------- 12-17-04----------12-18-04-----------

----Cycle (off due to polyp removal) --------------7---------------15---------------16------------17 -------18-------

Endo Stripe ----- n/a---------------7.6mm---------------8.1mm----------8.1mm----------8.2mm

Rt Ovary -----21.2 x 18.1 x 18.6-----32.6 x32.3 x 26.0-----39.6 x 31.7 x 41.1-----38.6x42.0x38.8-------42.3 x 40.2 x 43.2

# of Follicles -----28---------- 20 ----------20 ----------20----------20+

Follicles 10mm or more -----0------------ 6 ----------- 6 ----------12----------17

1. n/a 10.8x11.4 (11.1)----------13.4x10.6 (12.0)---------- 15.9x14.5(15.2)----------16.1 x 15.9 (16.0)

2. n/a 10.6x9.7 (10.15)----------13.2x10.1 (11.65)----------10.5x10.5(10.5)----------16.8 x 14.6 (15.7)

3. n/a 8.8x11.2 (10.0)----------10.4x9.6 (10.0)----------12.2x12.6(12.4)----------11.7 x 8.6 (10.1)

4. n/a 9.4x10.8 (10.1)----------14.7x7.1(10.9)----------16.0x15.4 (15.7)----------12.3 x 10.8(11.5)

5. n/a 12.3x10.5(11.4)----------14.4x12.3(13.35)---------- 11.3x9.6(10.5)13.2 x 10.4 (11.8)

6. n/a 13.2x11.5 (12.34)----------14.6x11.3(12.95)----------15.8x12.7(14.3)----------14.9 x 10.7 (12.8)

7. n/a----------------n/a ---------------n/a---------------16.9x14.8(15.9----------) 11.6 x 11.6 (11.6)

8. n/a---------------n/a---------------n/a---------------13.3x16.2(14.8)----------12.7 x 7.6 (10.1)

9. n/a---------------n/a----------------n/a---------------11.3x11.0(11.2)----------11.7 x 10.4 (11.1)

10. n/a---------------n/a-------------n/a-----------13.9x12.6(13.25)----------13.3 x 11.9 (12.6)

11. n/a---------------n/a---------------n/a----------12.1x8.7(10.4)----------16.7 x 13.5 (15.1)

12. n/a ---------------n/a------------n/a------------ 11.2x9.1 (10.2)----------13.2 x 13.8 (13.5)

13. n/a-----------n/a------------n/a-----------n/a------------12.1 x 11.1 (11.6)

14. n/a----------n/a------------n/a-------------n/a-------------17.9 x 17.1 (17.5)

15. n/a------------n/a-----------n/a-------------n/a------------13.2 x 10.4 (11.8)

16. n/a-------------n/a-----------n/a--------------n/a-----------15.2 x 9.9 (12.6)

17. n/a------------n/a--------------n/a-------------n/a--------------17.9 x 15.5 (16.7)