If you're in trouble he will save the day He's brave and he's fearless come what may Without him the mission would go astray He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer Without him life would be much grimmer He's handsome, trim, and no-one slimmer He will never need a zimmer He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer More reliable than a garden strimmer He's never been mistaken for Yul Brynner He's not bald, and his head doesn't glimmer Master of the wit and the repartee His command of space directives is uncanny How come he's such a genius? Don't ask me! Ask Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer He's also a fantastic swimmer And if you play your cards right Then he just might come round for dinner He's Arnold, Arnold, Arnold Rimmer No rhymes left now apart from quimmer We hope they fade us out before we get to schlimmer Fade out you stupid plimmer