Torn

There's nothing in my mind
yet I think about so many things.
My heart feels empty
although there are so many feelings inside me.
So many things I want and so many I don't want.
I'm full of energy yet tired.
I feel alone unless there are so many people around me.
I wanna talk to someone and be silent.
I feel like running and lieing quiet.
Being tender then break someone's heart.
I want to create and destroy.
Wanna be goddess and devil,
cause war and peace,
love and hate.
I wanna be seen yet ignored.
I wish to be cruel then mercifull.
Respected, loved and feared as well as respect, love and fear.
I desire life yet hate it and wish for death unless I fear it.
Weep like a child but be dignified like an adult.
Crying for loneliness and asking for someone to be with.
Wanna scream but can't.
Wanna be in darkness but dream of light.
Love the night and wish for day to come.
Feel strong yet broken.
Feel nothing and everything with unbelievable intensity.
Wanna be myself but someone else, unique but like everyone else.
Ba a good girl and a bad boy.
Wanna leave and stay.
Be clever and intellignet yet stupid and ignorant.
Want everything and do nothing.
Wanna provocate and satisfy.
Sleep but staying awake.
I desire eternal life and immediate death.

02-08-00