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chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page



links are in the  times new roman  font 

















philosophy


an


exploration


of


meaning



within



meaning



now


don't

break


those


bounds !
















extraordinary !


heraclitus


and


branes !
















god


making


an


object


out


of


what


is


not


an


object

is

a

problem



at


best


it's

a

potential
















bad neural prunings


who


takes


it


worse


female


or

male ?
















russia


flawed


monster


beautiful


woman


autistic


nightmare !



the


aridity


of


the


steppes
















you


have


stopped


short

you


may


understand


it


or


you


mightn't
















todays


writers


crippled


malnourished


brains


blahhh!!!
















there's

no


balm


like


a


possum


brain !
















when


we


look


back


how


shattering


life


is !
















coming


in


so


late


to


normal


i'll


never


be


normal


i'll


never


fit !
















socialism


a


incredibly


cruel


pain


in


the


arse


system


where


a

few


men


rule


and


everyone

else


suffers



the


curtailment


of


opportunity


and


the


abandonment


of


hope


by


youth
















there's


no-


one


to


have


a


conversation


with



i


already


have


everything
















i


wouldn't


mind


a


sensible


conversation


with


some-one


occasionally



crave



it


even


but


it's


just


not


possible



writing


to


myself


is


the


only


way


it


occurs
















we


prefer


insanity


to


sense


that's


why


it


occurs


insanity



yet


it's


the


failure


of


sense


within



insanity


that


leads


to


the


breaking


of


boundaries



and


the


seepage


of


infinity


into


insanity
















when


some-one


leaves


even


for


a

little


while


it's

a


death




death


is


all


around


us
















an


exercise


in


something


the


egoic


british


upper


class


twit




restraint ?
















you


can


correct


everyone


else


or


let


them


make


the


mistakes


and


reap


a


reward


yourself
















the


us


army


and


airforce


need


an


iatrogen


research


unit


yes


vaccines


anti -


nerve


gas


agents


and


other


modern


benefits
















the


world's


biggest


industry


is


women


changing


how


they


appear


to


men


paid


for


by


men



of


course


; o )
















humans


must


always


have


lived


quite


violent


lives


because


we


are


designed


to


lose


so


much


blood
















charles


bukowski


was


he


holy ?


no


was


he


a


saint ?


no

was


he


autistic


YES !
















when


i

have


finished


writing


it


looks


like


there


is


nothing


more


to


come



or


ever


come


again




but


it


comes




again !
















if


quantum


space


is


real


then


it


has


some


answers



or


maybe


it


has


none


because


there


are


none



i'm


not


even


sure


there


was


a

question !
















charles


bukowski


was


a

true


christ


he


gave


his


life


to


illustrate


it's


fundamentals


for


you


and


me



that


is


he


lived


it


harder


than


he


need


have


for


little


joy



idiot
















you


may


have


lost touch


with


quantum


space


it


happens


it


has


happened


to

me


it


is


always


there


when


you


return


to


it
















the


question


is


wether


the


commercial


side


of


writing


is


such

a


different


area


of


expression


is


that

wether


you


are


better


to

just


write


for


yourself
















to


the


people


who


like


kitsch



it



doesn't



look


like


kitsch !
















medicine is


good


for


operations



it


is


NOT


good


for


diet
















i


never


understood


kitsch


as


some


sort


of


intellectual


limitation



but


i


think


it


is
















when


you


look


at


the

hormonal


changes


a


woman


goes


through


wanting


sex


you


realise


they


are


not


rational


beings
















writing


trying


to


make


an


empty


waste


of


time


real
















bit


of


a


fucking


waste


of


time



the


psalms
















humans


have


such


a


narrow


window


of


aliveness


to


new


ideas



by


about


14


its


all


over
















everything has a down side
















who


knows


i


don't


know


do


you


know ?
















americans


just


think


you


are


a

sucker


if


you


give


your


time

free


for


anything
















estradiol


is


a


stem


cell

therapy
















you


might


like


to


think

you


have


done


something


in


your


life


but


we


have


done


nothing
















the


silence


of


the


night



 swallows


 everything
















is


anything


original ?


holbein - erasmus's hands  ca. 1523


escher  1948
















i


don't


think


i'm


in


the


business


of


trying


to


beat


sanity


into


anyone


tho


they


seem


to


do


nothing


except


beat


insanity


into


me
















i


used


to


think


somethings


mattered


but now


i


don't


think


they


do
















it's


hard


to


accept


we


die


but


we


do
















peace


is


something


that


occurs


in between


wars
















what you have to realise about religions like zen is they have thousands of years of sucking people in


when you look at it it's a really smooth 2000 year old advert, they know what they are doing
















it's


safer


in


boundaries


but


life


and


infinity


leaks


in


and


needs


to


be


aired


or


it


gets


toxic
















there's


a huge


amount of


damage


that occurs


with


the


involvement


in




zen


and


most


likely


you (richard and charlotte)

will

never



see


it


but


you


are


walking


wounded
















there's


what


people


say


and


there's


the


way


they


behave


: o )
















the


feral


kitten


walking


up


the


path


“ you


don't


have


any


question


about


who


you


are ”
















well


i'm


certainly


not


a

child


prodigy !



i'm


an


adult


idiot
















i


think


often


prodigies


are


not


genuinely


creative


intelligences


somewhat


derivative
















spirituality


is


a

fiction


there


is


no


journey


there


is


no


“ we ”
















reason


only


takes


you


so


far


and


in


the


wrong


direction


if


it's


wrong
















there


are


all


sorts


of


different


perspectives


that


are


true


but


they


are


not
















there's


no


audience


but


myself
















it's


taken


me


a

long


while


to


be


healed


of


zen




longer


of


christianity




even


poetry


i


guess



which


can


only


be


remedied


by


writing


your


own
















john


of


the


cross


is


a

poisonous

fart


like


dogen



authentic



but


leaving

a


toxic


wake


across


the


centuries


bit


like


atomic


fallout


actually
















saint john of the cross  pt3  of 50


good reading , the visual side is a bit  “hairspray”


well

perfection  got him him a miserable death, staph apparently


to be honest what he says is a load of crap ! its not crap per se but the whole attitude is poisonous, that fake subservience to others




my reply to their deletion of the above comment


well done ! now would have john of the cross deleted that comment ? no ! hypocrite !
















human


behavior


is


an

open


feedback


loop


of


reproduction
















before


you

have


a


total


disaster


you


generally


get


a


few


warnings
















the pope's  gay


as well as being schizophrenic


man he's got good dress sense, check out that photo


its really funny, you can see totally how gay he is in that photo


i have no sympathy for the catholic church, you just have to look at the way they treated giordano  bruno


the tongue piercing muzzle at the end is a particularly brutal touch


ratzinger's old job was head of what used to be the inquisition
















who


was


the


moon


i


ask ?


shattered


in

icicles


and


breathing


cobwebs


it


grows


old
















men


have


macro


focus


women


have


micro
















people


who


are


famous


too


young


get


impaired


in


some


way



distracted ?



too


much


viral


contact ?
















there's


something


between


the


ears


i'm


not


sure


it's


grey


matter
















reading


somethings


is


like


a

puzzle



you


write


a


poem


or


homily


to


solve


it
















it


is


necessary


to


touch


as



well


as



see
















unceasing


madness


the


world !
















why


is

there


meaninglessness


rather



than



meaning ?



endless


twitism
















“ just


keep


the


paycheck


coming


buddy


and


no-body


will


be


hurt ! ”



it's


amazing


what


you


remember


over


the


years
















i


think


toni


packer


made

a


few

mistakes


she


missed


out


on


something


actually



me



maybe


she


didn't



its


amazing


what


the

fear


of


losing


what


we


have


does


to


us


it's


not


wrong
















quantum


space


can


be


as


full


of


illusions


as


reality




the


iron


rod


of


discernment


never


softens


no


matter


where


you


are
















who


wants



to


change


the


world


its


all


doomed


that


ruin


enables


the


beauty
















one


generation


follows


the


next


a


new


misguiding
















when


you


get


to


the


end


of


the


road


and


there's


no -


one


there


it's


sorta


surprising


but


how


could


there


be


anyone


there ?




you


have


been


shedding


them


all


the


way


in
















how


can


you


write




with


another


person


in


the


room ?
















a


sparrow


is


smarter


than


any


human


when

it


comes


to


flying
















where


there


is


a


crowd


you


should


be


suspicious
















it's


a


bit


distressing


to


have

a


semi -


unique


name


in


a


small

country


to


find


that


the


world


is


full


of


them !
















there


is


something


beautiful


about


men


giving


their


lives


to


women
















a


relationship


where


the


quality


time


is


spent


arguing
















the


healthy


look


at


the


unhealthy


and


think


i


am


supreme
















the


catholic


church


destroyed  itself with vatican II
















the


information


that


comes


out


of


the


media


on

health


varies


from


polarly


opposite


wrong


to


plain


stupid

to


mildly


right


and


generally


it's


the


first


two
















why


men


even


go


near


women


is


beyond


me


it's


like


a

mouse


walking


in


front


of

a


cat


a

a


being


specialised


for



your


predation
















too many


other


lives


on


the


net



don't


get


involved !
















everything


autistic


is


always


coming


together

and


breaking


apart


you


need


to


manage


the

breaking


apart


so


it


occurs


in


a


fruitful


manner
















there's


a


lot


of


power


in


memory
















people


by


and


large


are


ratbags


and


to

kill


yourself


for


them


is


not


good
















everyone


thinks


i


am


M A D

















what


is


god


is


there


any


more


ultimate


reality


than


this


world ?
















communism


was


born


in


the


failures


of


rabbinical


belief


and


russian


orthodox


christianity



what


an


unholy


child !
















buddhism


derives


its


reality


from


the


historical


figure


of


buddha



if


buddha


is


a


fiction


then


so


is


buddhism
















i


am


not


going


to


argue


with


the


unwashed



there


is


any


amount


of


them



and


some


are


killers
















there's


two


levels


of


influence


one


where


they


sing


your


praises


because


what


you

write


is


not


overpowering


enough


to


be


competition


and


two


when


they


plagarize


and


steal


everything


you


have


silently
















double


dosing


the


disinfectant


in


the


washing



only


to


discover


a


bit


of


turd


in


the


washing


afterwards



can


i


say



contradiction ?
















sometimes


i


wonder



then


i


wonder


again


and


wonder


again
















just

about


everything


we


do


is


full


of


contradictions


all


we


have


to


do


is


look

a


bit


wider


but


we


don't
















teenage


girls


are


wolves


consuming


with


infatuation
















most


religion


or


all


religion


is


in


fact


atheism


they


do


not


see


and


what


they


believe


is


contrary


to


sense


and


sanity !
















i


don't


believe


in


god


i


see


god


i


know


what


god


is




this


is


one


of


the


autistic


gifts
















i


think


the


idea


of


writing


for


others


is


false


or


half


false




you


need


to


be


writing


for


yourself


as


much


as


others



maybe


properly


more


for


your


yourself
















endless


is


a

stage


in


life


you


reach

where


everything


is


just


endless


and


goes


on


and


on

and


you


have


lost


the


unknown




i think


you


end


up


with


a


defined


quantity


unlike


the


indefinite


nature


of

a


life


in


youth
















endless


what


is


the


character


of


your


endless
















i


am


surprised


to


be


me
















if

you


saw


god


you


wouldn't


be


fretting


about


evolution
















“ like a river brains have to be directed or they dissipate ”




 better for a river to find its own banks than be blocked off !
















alaine


de


botton


he


means


well


but


is


not


up


to


par




i


am


afraid


he's


in


the


wrong


paradigm


- breeding -



himself


proust,
nietzsche and me


: o )



are


autistic



that's


the


right


paradigm !
















it's


like


there


is


no


criticism


any


more



the


most


horrendous


misalignments



and


misdirections



are


permitted



to


go


past



without



comment



everything


must


be


sacrificed


to


the


emotional


comfort


zone



of



the


offender



whatever


happened


to


robustness



don't


ask


it


died !
















richard


von


sturmer




zen


ruined


him


as


a


writer




replaced


his


own


observations


with


spiritual


pap!
















unmated


women


have


a

view


of


men


like


this




where


is


my


ox ?
















my


family


tells


me


my


brother


is


doing

a


creative


writing


course



no


mention


of


my


writings !



i


have


always


thought


it


vastly


preferable


to


pretend


to


do


something



than


actually


do


something !
















americans


have


the


apocalypse


syndrome


bred


into


their


blood
















leonardo


da


vinci


endlessly


driven


forward



into


death
















it's


very


hard


to


improve


the


work


of


another
















pain


there


is


no


why


it


occurs
















migraine


spending


half


your


life


feeling


like


warmed


over


shit
















it


hurts


to


work

or


be


under

the


control


of


smaller


minds


than


your


own
















it's helpful to read heraclitus writing 2500 years ago saying everyone is mad


he's one of the really great philosphers


it's interesting to


  consider that plato and aristotle who are regarded as great are in fact second rate
















yeah that's the schizophrenia, dominance of self image over reality


and me


i can see it more clearly now


the difference is i deliberately incorporate reality


that is reality is part of my self image


which is why people freak out about me


they expect self image and touch reality


and


that


hurts


them
















you


can


be


viral


because


you


have


a


virus


but


you


can


also


be


viral


because


your


innate


immune


system


has


woken


up


to


something
















affection


and


violence


go


together




strong


affection


can


be


strongly


violent


when


disrupted
















sex


etc.


what


is


it ?

what's

the


big


deal ?


bukowski


etc


whats


the


point ?


why ?
















doctors


have


very


mediocre


minds !
















male


and


over


50


joint,


prostate


issues


what


else ?


unemployable ?
















it's


just


like


the


holocast


you


wake


up


and


there's


no-one


there
















“ infinity ”


turns


up


guru


josh




there


has


to


be


some


limitation


to


LSD
















everything


unending


unceasing


returning


a circular


train


that


never


stops


except


it



has



stopped
















eileen


you


are


like


me


you


get


so


upset


about


things


no-one


else


gives

a


fig


about




the


grief


of


being


an


individual
















instead


of


working


like


a


mad


dog


why


not



just



do


nothing ?
















at


some


point


you


have


to


stop


looking


back
















when


the


feral


kitten


bounces


away


i


think


look


at


all


that


good


cartilage !
















youth


that

little


illusion


of


certainty
















women


who


are


uninentionally


self


destructive


for


want


of


an


overall


view
















i


am


always


taking


wrong


roads


just


about


every


wrong


road


there


is


and


there's


a


few !
















i


am


not


settling


down


to


old


age


incapacitation


and


dying


i


am


going


to


be


fighting


all


the


way !
















sometimes


i


feel


sorry


for


myself


a


sort



of



pathetic



sad



sack



in

life
















a


vision


of


eileen


metamorphosing


into


my


mother !
















the


net


and


computers


is


very


fractal


you


unpack


something


reconstruct


it


then fold


it


away


again


it's


a


new


paradigm