This was recently purloined (at great personal risk) from the ether waves, from a couple of Brian-Corrupts the Weaks.

Okay, recently I said I enjoyed a Fianna "for lunch".  True as this may be, it got me thinking as to just how tasty, and how unpalatable, some tribes are.  This is what me and my good buddy "The Chef of Despair" came up with:

Red Talons, Bone Gnawers, & Wendigo:  Too dirty.  Not worth the effort to pick out the bugs.  Red Talon meat CAN be appetizing, but it requires much time to marinate and clean--it can be VERY tough.  Don't even bother with Bone Gnawers, and Wendigo meat is tasteless.  Too many years under the heels of White oppressors tends to reduce the quality of one's hide.

Shadow Lords & Uktena:  Leaves an unpleasant aftertaste.  Can be overcome with side dishes and sauces, but still an all-too-familiar "taste" to the meat.  Makes you feel like you're eating your brother (which can be amusing all at once, but that's another story...)

Get of Fenris:  Decent meat.  They keep themselves in tip-top shape, so the meal is a very hearty, filling repast.  A definite "dinner" meal.  Typical steak and potatoes, or a nice roast with gravy is called for here.

Fianna:  Again, hearty and filling.  An added bonus is that with the amount of alcohol this tribe consumes, marinating and pickling time is significantly reduced.  A lunch meal, to be enjoyed with ale--but stay away from the liver... 

Silent Strider:  Tough, lean meat.  Makes good jerky, but not good for anything else.  Not WHOLLY unappetizing, but there is better meat to be had, and it IS difficult to find these buggers.  Good in a pinch on the road, but get something else when your Pentex buddies come for dinner.

Stargazer:  Light, and easy on the stomach.  Kailindo keeps them in good shape, while their more "cerebral" activities lend a good, light texture to the meat.  A tossed Kailindo and spinach salad can be an excellent appetizer to the main course "Roast Fenris in Red Wine and Mushroom Sauce."

Glass Walker:  See Uktena and Shadow Lord.  But less meat.  Too crunchy, as you must peel off layer upon layer of flak jacket and weaponry to get the meat.  Cybernetics can get caught in your teeth as well.

Children of Gaia:  Ahh, the purity and pristine quality of this tribe is a true meal to be savored.  Like a fine wine, or a good cigar, haul out a side of Child of Gaia when your boss comes to dinner.

Silver Fangs:  The purity of breed does lend itself to a tasty meal, however, the insanity present in their line DOES make for an interesting meal, to say the least...  Avoid any dishes that involves the brains when cooking with this tribe.

And, the funnest tribe of all to cook with...

The Black Furies:  This is a meal for all of you who never listened to your parents when they told you "Never play with your food." >;-)

And now...For something completely different....

This one was stolen, at great personal cost, from my mind...

Brujah:  A robust and flavorful blood, it somehow leaves you lacking at the end, almost as though it were borrowing the taste of another.  It often offers the promise that it cannot fulfill, but is still a kick in the pants.

Gangrel:  Woodsy (of course) and yet elusive.  Hard to get a hold of and really taste.  Course, if you can find a vintage bottle, then by all means, dig in.  The rush can be well worth the effort, though having a tail sprout after finishing the meal can be quite the social faux pas.

Malkavian:  Um, yes.  Anyone actually willing to do this, raise your hand. <BAP> Down, Malkav.  You don't count...Well, if you're willing, this can be the most interesting of the bloods, and will give you a much deserved entry point into the clan.  Mad is as mad does.  Never the same twice (except for a strange recurring taste that is actually several in one...)  Still, this blood can give you the most interesting feelings... Things you've never seen.  Or, it can pierce your skull and bash in your brains like a sardine wrapped around a gold brick....so... Often, this blood is the easiest to get -- just ask.  Many Malkavians are willing to share.  Just beware of what you ask for... 

Nosferatu:  If you can get past the outer layer, the inner taste is actually quite good.  Rich, full-blooded, full of life.  Err, yes.  Well.  The sewer rat's blood is probably the most underrated and most overlooked of the bunch.  But good luck surprising one to take it.  

Toreador:  An overwhelming taste.  Conflicting, pretentious, and overblown.  Laced with a bit of melodrama, this blood can fill you up, but will rarely provide any enjoyment.  Still, everyone else will rave about it, so you may as well try it.  At least choose an artiste.  At least they have a substance to them.

Tremere:  Ewww.  Sort of slimy going down, and worse coming up (with apologies to Bere.)  If you can stomach the stuff, it'll probably give you some sort of Secret Knowledge and Wisdom (™ by the Tremere High Council.)  Course, if you've had one, you've had them all... Overall, the Tremere blood is not particularly flavorful.  Rather bland, really.  It seems stable in taste, but when you get down to it, it wobbles, wiggles and falls down.

Ventrue:  Rich.  Really, really rich.  Syrupy sweet, this blood is highly pretentious.  Always promising things which it rarely delivers.  Still, once you get past the initial sweetness, there is...nothing to it.  Go figure.

Assamite:  Not worth the effort.  Tastes of metal and magic.

Giovanni:  Intensely stale.  The sort of taste you would get from taking a glass of blood, setting it in a tomb for 30-odd years, then using it to wash your money, then sipping it.  Come to think of it, that's what they did.  Hmm.  Still, stale.  Course, this could also be one of those Secret Knowledge and Wisdom (still in the courts over the copyright law) granters.  But, like the Tremmies, they all taste the same.

Ravnos:  You can never get ahold of the taste of this blood.  You think you've got it, and then it slides away.  A light, bouncy taste when you actually do, though.  It's mainly good for the hallucinations.  Last time I had this, I was seeing elephants for a week.  The weird thing was, they all had Dick Clark's face...

Salubri:  Tastes just like chicken.  Err, worm.  Err, Tremere.  But without the slime.  Wonder why?  A definite delicacy, as there are only 7 of these folks in the world.  If you can get to one fast enough, maybe it'll be 6.

Daughters of Cacophony:  A musical blood.  Light and airy.  Although it can give a strange urge to shriek.  Toss some to a 'Torie, and watch them go catatonic listening to the music in their heads.  Then, steal all their paintings and replace them with exact doubles.  Drives 'em nuts.

Of course, as is always, vintage year and care can make a world of difference.  Choose your vitae with care, and it could last you a lifetime.  Er, you know what I mean.