Geh
TREMERE: Awright, Haqim! I have HAD it with you! You're gonna die!
HAQIM: Says you. Phbbbt!
TREMERE:
Oh, yeah? Thaumaturgy 10, Lure of Flames! I blow up
HAQIM: Celerity 10. I dodge. I'm now standing in the middle of the ocean.
TREMERE:
Thaumaturgy 10,
HAQIM: Obfuscate 10. What ocean?
TREMERE: Thaumaturgy 10, Movement of the Mind. I hit the remaining ocean with the moon.
LASOMBRA: Tag in! Obtenebration 9. What moon?
TREMERE: Auspex 10. ~THAT~ moon.
LASOMBRA: Tag out!
HAQIM: Oh crap. Umm....Quietus 10.
TREMERE: Here comes the big ball of rock, baby!
[HAQIM is squished]
BRUJAH: Didn't Haqim just activate Quietus 10?
NOSFERATU: And it was a surprisingly quiet squishing. Stupid discipline.
TREMERE: Lasombra....
LASOMBRA: Tag, um, Tzimisce!
TZIMISCE: Vicissitude 10. Try that moon trick now, spellboy.
TREMERE: Tag Ventrue!
VENTRUE: Dominate 10. Who's your daddy?
TZIMISCE: You're my daddy.
LASOMBRA: Tag in! Potence 10. Feel the pain!
VENTRUE: Fortitude 10! What pain?
LASOMBRA: Obtenebration 10! I hope you like small, dark, places.
VENTRUE: F*ck.
[VENTRUE vanishes]
LASOMBRA: I have ~ALWAYS~ wanted to do that.
TZIMISCE: Vicissitude 10. Lasombra, you're now a small ball of cheese.
SMALL BALL OF CHEESE: Why?
TZIMISCE: Ventrue still calls the shots. Read Dominate 10.
SMALL BALL OF CHEESE: Damn, he's right.
TZIMISCE: Animalism 10. Horde of cheese-eating mice.
SMALL BALL OF CHEESE: Obtenebration 10. I am a shadow of a small ball of cheese.
TZIMISCE: Tag Tremere!
TREMERE: Thaumaturgy 10, Lure of Flames. Shadow of fondue, you mean.
[SMALL BALL OF CHEESE goes fwoosh]
NOSFERATU: Animalism 10. They're MY horde of mice.
TZIMISCE: Animalism 10. Mine.
NOSFERATU: Mine!
TZIMISCE: Gimme!
BRUJAH: Celerity 10 AND Potence 10. I crush Tzimisce and Nosferatu while they're still arguing about the mice.
NOSFERATU: Urk. [dies]
TZIMISCE: Urk. [reforms] Love that Vicissitude 10.
BRUJAH: Oh dearie.
TZIMISCE: Now the mice are MINE!
[MASKED AVENGER #1 appears from nowhere]
MASKED AVENGER #1: All of you shall die for consorting with our enemies! Or, in some cases, actually being our enemies.
ENNOIA: Who the heck are ~YOU~?
MASKED AVENGER #1: Oh, sorry. I'm early.
[MASKED AVENGER #1 vanishes]
TZIMISCE: Not even the first Masked Avenger, whoever he was, can stop me!
ARIKEL: Auspex 10. What ~CAN~ stop someone with Vicissitude 10? Oh, diablerie.
TREMERE: Thaumaturgy something or other. I weaken Arikel a generation.
ARIKEL: You just made that up!
TREMERE: Trust me, you'll like it.
BRUJAH: Potence 10. I expend a barrage of fisticuffs upon Tzimisce.
TZIMISCE: Vicissitdue 10. I can ignore them.
ENNOIA: Animalism 10. My mice.
TZIMISCE: Mine!
TREMERE: Quick, Arikel! Diablerize Tzimisce while he's distracted!
AUGUSTUS: Necromancy 10, Bone Path! The dead have risen- and they're voting Republican!
TREMERE: Don't you guys ~EVER~ stop worrying about temporal power?
AUGUSTUS: Ummm......no.
MALKAV: Dementation 10! Everyone goes absolutely crazy![there is a pause]
[the pause lengthens]
BRUJAH: You feel any different Ennoia?
ENNOIA: Nope. You?
BRUJAH: Nope. Tremere?
TREMERE: Nope.
AUGUSTUS: Me neither.
BRUJAH: Nobody asked you.
MALKAV: Well, ~THAT~ was a non-starter.
TZIMISCE: Well, I {gurgle}.....
ARIKEL: (dropping diablerized corpse of Tzimisce) ~I~ sure feel different!
ENNOIA: Well, that settles it. My mice.
ARIKEL: I now have Animalism 10. Mine!
MALKAV: CATFIGHT!
BRUJAH: Mousefight, actually.
AUGUSTUS: How droll.
TREMERE: Thaumaturgy 10, Hands of Destruction. I kill the freakin' mice, already.
ARIKEL: Waaahhh!
AUGUSTUS: Zombie mice!
ENNOIA: Bastards.
[MASKED AVENGERS #1, #2, and #3 appear]
MASKED AVENGER #1: Prepare to meet final death at the hands of the Masked Avengers!
MASKED AVENGER #3: Especially you, Tremere!
MASKED AVENGER #2: Especially ~YOU~, Augustus!
MASKED AVENGER #3: Tremere!
MASKED AVENGER #2: Augustus!
ENNOIA: Who ~ARE~ you guys, anyway?
MASKED AVENGER #3: It's a secret. That's why we're wearing masks.
BRUJAH: Speaking of which, why does your mask have three eyeholes?
MASKED AVENGER #3: To be distinctive.
BRUJAH: Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of wearing a mask?
MASKED AVENGER #1: You always were a smartass.
BRUJAH: Potence 10. I punch the first Masked Avenger.
MASKED AVENGER #1: Ow. [dies]
MASKED AVENGER #2: We other Masked Avengers are not so easily thwarted! We shall have our revenge! Especially on you, Augustus!
MASKED AVENGER #3: Tremere!
MASKED AVENGER #2: Augustus!
AUGUSTUS: Can we get rid of these guys?
TREMERE: Sure, you take care of the guy with the three eyeholes in his mask, and I'll take the guy who says he's my archenemy.
MASKED AVENGER #3: I, with the three eyes, am your archenemy, Tremere.
TREMERE: Whatever.
AUGUSTUS: Potence 10. I crush the guy with the three eyes.
MASKED AVENGER #3: Fortitude 10. I soak.
TREMERE: Thaumaturgy 10, Lure of Flames. I obliterate Masked Avenger #2.
MASKED AVENGER #2: Fortitude 10. I soak.
BRUJAH: Like the guest that won't leave, aren't they?
AUGUSTUS: I can handle this. Necromancy 10, Ash Path. I summon the spirits of those who have died tragically.
SPIRITS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED TRAGICALLY: We are here.
AUGUSTUS: Explain your tragedies to the Masked Avengers.
[The SPIRITS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED TRAGICALLY do so]
MASKED AVENGER #3: Oh, the Angst! I cannot ~BEAR~ it!
[MASKED AVENGER #3 commits suicide]
MASKED AVENGER #2: How fascinating. I wish to learn more.
AUGUSTUS: Spirits of those who have died tragically, return to the Shadowlands.
[The SPIRITS OF THOSE WHO HAVE DIED TRAGICALLY do so]
MASKED AVENGER #2: I must follow them to learn more.
[MASKED AVENGER #2 commits suicide]
ARIKEL: Well, ~THAT~ took forever. But now it's done. Now what?
TREMERE: Auspex 10 and Thaumaturgy 10, Lure of Flames. I incinerate Set in that corner he's been hiding.
[SET turns to ashes]
AUGUSTUS: Letting everyone else do the fighting and taking out the winners? I am shocked, SHOCKED.
BRUJAH: Shocked that you didn't think of it first.
AUGUSTUS: and I ~DEEPLY~ deplore that.
[MASKED AVENGER #1 appears]
MASKED AVENGER #1: Prepare to meet final death at the hands of the Masked Avenger!
BRUJAH: You ever have the feeling of deja vu?
MASKED AVENGER #1: Constantly.
ENNOIA: Enough of this. Protean 10. Welcome to the sun, boys!
TREMERE: Hah! Thaumaturgy 10, Invulnerable Weakness!
[MASKED AVENGER #1 goes fwoosh]
[BRUJAH goes fwoosh]
[MALKAV goes fwoosh]
[ARIKEL goes fwoosh]
AUGUSTUS: Hah! You've played perfectly into my master plan! No, wait......
[AUGUSTUS goes fwoosh]
TREMERE:
Thaumaturgy 10,
[ENNOIA goes fwoosh]
TREMERE: Woo hoo, I won!
RAVNOS: Forgot me.
TREMERE: You? Where the heck have you been?
RAVNOS: Keeping a low profile.
TREMERE: And you didn't burn up in the sun?
RAVNOS: Fortitude 10, baby. And I'll thank you not to kill off my mice.
TREMERE: PREPARE TO DIE!
RAVNOS: Not so fast! Chimerstry 10!
TREMERE: Chimerstry 10? You mean....
RAVNOS: Yup. “Reality.” I'll turn us all into a roleplaying game.
TREMERE: You wouldn't!
RAVNOS: I just did
.
TREMERE: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[RAVNOS, TREMERE, and the corpses of the other Antideluvians are replaced by a series of hardback and paperback game supplements]