A Diabolorist's Guide To The Vintage Bloods

    Or, What You Should Be Prepared To Put Up With If You Indulge

Yes, everyone sings the praises of drinking Kindred vitae- the power, the nourishment, the chance of possibly lowering oneself a generation... until you get this Brujah under yer fangs that tastes like last year's sweat socks rolled up in tin foil ...and remember that in more than one sense, it *sucks* to be you.

  So for those of virgin palate, or delicate constitution, we present our Diabolorist's Guide to the Vintage...

Assamite: Falafel. Burnt Falafel, that sat in the pan too long.

Ba'ali: Mashed potatoes with Tabasco sauce.

Brujah: Hard, chunky beer pretzels.

Caitiff: That scuzz that forms on your tongue in a really heavy-smelling gas station.

Cappadocians: Mayonnaise on white bread.

Daughters of Cacophony: Peach Melba.

Gangrel: BBQ'd mystery meat on a burger roll.

Giovanni: A really nice veal dinner with pasta.

Harbingers of Skulls: Dirt.

Kiasyd: Amaretto mixed with... tomato juice.

Lasombra: A ham and American cheese sandwich on cheap, floppy wheat bread. 

Malkavian: Really greasy pizza with extra everything on it.

Nosferatu: Gourmet junk food, like soft pretzels and fancy potato chips, or that orange cheese popcorn everyone denies liking.

Ravnos: 2-day-old supermarket salad, after the lettuce has started to get a bit slimy.

Samedi: Phyllo pastry without any filling.

Setites: Like chicken.

Toreador: Plain UTZ potato chips.

Tremere: Cardboardy diet cereal.

Tzimisce: Sour cream that's gone a little too sour...

Ventrue: One of those too-rich desserts where you orgasm on the first bite, and get sick on the next.

"Just remember, boys and girls: Sometimes bite makes smite."