Not-So-Stupid LARP Tricks For Playing Malkavian


WHAT I TELL YOU THREE TIMES IS TRUE
WHAT I TELL YOU THREE TIMES IS TRUE
WHAT I TELL YOU THREE TIMES IS TRUE



"Some things we plan. We sit and we invent and we plot and we cook up. Others are works of inspiration. Of poetry."
-- Nick Cave

The absolute, Number One, completely and utterly most important thing to remember when playing a Malkavian is The Derangement. It should always be in your mind. It should be as detailed and as realistic as possible: you should know it inside and out. When something happens, you should be able to instantly translate it "through the filter", and react "through the filter" back to the outside world.

Once you've got this down, you'll quickly find that LARPs start to shift and change.... You're not as involved in things.... People shy away from you.... Plots start to pass you by.... When you achieve things, you don't really seem to understand them.... When you get victimized, you don't really seem affected by it.... The simplest tasks drift away and become completely impossible for you to do.... But you accomplish incredibly bizarre and complicated things without even trying.... Everything is different.

This is as it should be. This is part of the fun. The mentally ill have a stigma attached to them in real life, and in the LARP, it's no different. In fact, it's worse, since people "know" (guffaw) that there is in fact something "going on back there", they stay away from it as much as possible. Supernatural insanity is both better and worse than natural insanity. And contradictions are a part of both sides, so you better get used to them.

This guide will tell you several strategies that you can use once you have the Derangement firmly in your playing style. If you don't have it down yet, these will backfire and backfire horribly. Sane people cannot do these things: they will get burned if they try.

But once you have it started.... It's hard to stop.

The Rules And How To Change Them For Fun And Profit Or Pain And Loss


"I came home today, and both our cars were gone, and there were all these little pink flamingos arranged in star patterns all over the lawn. And when I walked inside, it looked like a tornado had. Hit. And then suddenly I realized I was in the wrong house."
-- Laurie Anderson, "Language Is A Virus"

Everyone lives by rules. Yes, even you. Especially you. Malkavians live by stringent rules and regulations, not imposed by an impersonal clan hierarchy (probably) or a vicious sense of ambition or drive (usually), but by their own force of will. "Why," you say, "that seems a bit odd. To be turned loose in this new and terrible form, with absolute freedom to do anything I please, and then suddenly decide to chain myself down with constraints far more devastating than anyone else I see?" Yes. It is a bit odd. It is, in fact, completely insane.

The difference is that whereas the rules of the rest of the world are based on what the rest of the world laughingly terms "rationality", the rules of the Malkavian make no such claim and disdain any such artificial trappings. Hence, to the outside observer, the Malkavians seem to change their rules from day to day, night to night, even minute to minute, whereas the Malkavians themselves know that they are simply following a schedule, or completing a task and moving on, or maybe even proceeding to a new stage of enlightenment...

(BIG SECRET #73: Like quantum mechanics, the rules of the Malkavians only exist when someone is looking at them, and they only change when the same observer looks for the same thing twice. It's all a big hoax designed to keep observers from figuring out the real plan.)

"Ho, ho!" I hear you say. "So I can act however I please?" Hell, no. You can only act how your madness will let you act. But the madness is you. So not only can you act however you please, you can't avoid it. I must have been wrong earlier. No I wasn't!

Here's the bottom line: when that first little teeny-tiny drop of Malkavian blood hit your lips, it sidled on up to your brain, screamed "I'm a-calling you out!" and beat the shit out of it, and made it work differently. You can't stop your brain from acting the way it does (hell, you couldn't even do it when you were sane), and so in that sense, you are constrained. Your madness controls you. You can react to it in several ways (see The Hierarchy, below), but you're never getting out.

But to the sane, you're already out. You've escaped their world and live in your own. And here's the joke: the one you come to is just as restrictive as the one you left! The best pranks are the ones you play on yourself, after all. So remember: when you want to "change the rules", go ahead! The ones you can change.

For instance, take our local hebephrenic schizophrenic. One of her most profoundly disturbing changes was the shift in subject matter for her delusions. Hebephrenic schizophrenia is characterized by not-well-organized delusions, childlike affect (such as uncontrollable giggling and emotional immaturity), and the normal schizophrenic stuff (hallucinations, delusions, etc.) At first, her delusions were about herself. "I'm the new Female Pope on the latest tarot deck." she said once. Then, without warning, one evening, she changed over to talking about the end of the world. "It's coming last Wednesday," she said. "Pain's a weekly thing." Notice that she still could not stop the giggling or emotional immaturity. Those are rules she can't change. She can, however, change things like the way she dresses, the way she speaks, the way she interacts with people, what she cares about, her goals, her future plans, her memories, etc. at will. This is a great deal of power that she would not have were she some other kind of vampire. But the rules that she can change are different from the rules that another Malkavian can change. For instance, someone obsessed with cleanliness could not stop wearing ultra-clean clothes any time they wanted. In fact, they'll never be able to stop, unless their Derangement changes (see below for that.)

Know the rules other people live by. Know them well. Know them in the same way terrorists know about cars: so that you know where to put the bomb.

The last thing to know about changing the rules is that when the rules change, the winning condition also changes. If you set a Machiavellian, subtle, powerful plot into motion that will inevitably bring you towards one of your future goals, watch smugly as every other Kindred in town scrambles to figure out what's going on, smile kindly when a vast movement against your plan arises (it will: it is very rare that anyone even thinks of allying with a Malkavian or letting their plans come to fruition, no matter how "normal" the Malkavian or innocuous their plans), and then, at the very last minute, completely throw the plan away and go in a totally different direction.... Then you're starting to get the hang of it. Yes, you'll be starting over. Yes, changing the rules hurt you. But it only hurt you according to the old rules. By the new rules, you're just fine.

The eventual result will be a city full of people continually second-guessing each other and third-guessing you, and then you can just pick up anything you want at any time, because nobody will be able to tell what's really going on. See 'Conspiracy', below.

All Conspiracy Theories Are True: Especially False Ones!


"When I heard of this (expletive deleted) bugging and forced entry, I said to myself, 'Is this a joke?' ... But it wasn't funny. It wasn't funny at all."
-- Richard Nixon

How to conspire when you're insane? Well, here's some of the attributes of "sane" conspiracies:

  1. Secrecy. Sane conspiracies try to keep out of sight.
  2. Elitism. Sane conspiracies divide the world into two sorts of people: those in the conspiracy, and those outside it.
  3. Cohesiveness. Sane conspiracies have a single goal or set of goals that they work together to achieve.
  4. Layers. Sane conspiracies often obfuscate themselves and their goals by setting up blinds and double-blinds to confound people investigating their activities.

Now, Here is Yet Another Advantage To Being Malkavian: you can do any of those things you like (as long as it isn't proscribed by your derangement), and you have access to yet another level of twisted versions of the above that nobody else can pull off.

  1. Secrecy. Announce your plans. The secret ones. Out loud. To everyone. Make sure everyone is absolutely clear on what you're going to be doing and on exactly how secret the plan is. Encourage people to spread news of the conspiracy around. This will get people very upset as they try to find out "what they're really up to" and be completely unable to find anything. Sometimes they won't even believe that you're doing what you say you're doing, and will be really, really surprised when they find out you are.

Alternatively, keep your plans a secret from everyone, even yourself. Do seemingly random things, and you'd be surprised how quickly it will all come together in a massive plot. If it doesn't, oh well, looks like a Malkavian did some pointless random things, I'll notify the media.

  1. Elitism. Bring everyone into the conspiracy that you can. Sometimes you can bring people into the conspiracy without telling them (see secrecy.) Often times, if you Change The Rules halfway through the conspiracy, you can then withdraw from the conspiracy you created and start working against it. (If you can find out about it. Secrecy, remember.)

Alternatively, you can put nobody in the conspiracy at all. Skip right to the end and start working against it before anyone even comes up with the idea. That way, when they do, you'll be ready. (And they will. Throw a monkey wrench in a particular direction, and everyone in town will step all over each other building a machine in front of it.)

  1. Cohesiveness. Change the Rules on the conspiracy. Change the goals. Change the personnel. Change the way it operates. Change its strategy.

Alternately, you can make no pretense at cohesiveness from the beginning...just start off going in 12 different directions. That way, no matter where you end up, it's where you wanted to be...or maybe it's where you least wanted to be.

  1. Layers. The perfect Malkavian "layering" strategy is to Conceal Information By Leaving It In Plain Sight. Then construct your "false conspiracies" underneath the truth. That way, when they see through to your "real plan", it's a fake, and the thing they "saw through" is now invisible.

Another good strategy is Concealing Information By Leaving It Mislabeled In Plain Sight. Construct a massive public conspiracy to accomplish a goal...then have it accomplish a totally different goal.

Finally, remember that Malkavians can Generate Information (see below.) Do that enough, and you won't need any "layers."

As a Malkavian in our game once said: "If your plan requires secrecy, you haven't thought it through." And of course, if you say this often enough, you will be able to execute all kinds of secret plans without anyone ever thinking that you might possibly be the one behind it. Fear and Ignorance. Love and Knowledge.

The Well-Dressed Malkavian And His Status In The Community


"If you act like a dumbshit, they'll treat you like an equal."
--The Book of the SubGenius

Yes, as you trot merrily along the highways and byways of your own deluded reality, you may find that people stare at you quite a bit, and talk about you even more. Look around...scary people with scary thoughts. They're always thinking about reputation and rumors and stuff like that. And so whereas you may simply believe, they must analyze, cogitate and ponder your activities. It's a compulsion. They're completely insane. Which means that you may soon be sitting on a large pile of Status that you don't even know exists.

Resist The Temptation To Use This Status When You Really Need It. If you do, you're playing right into their hands (not that you can't play your way right back out again, eventually.) When everyone is expecting you to use Status...don't. Only use it when it will end up being completely useless. Bid it against another Malkavian, for instance, or against someone with far more Status than you (if they bid Status back, just smile and shake your head and say 'That's real interesting that you're Well-Known/Famous/Feared. Wanna explain why I should care, or should we just move on?')

Burn Off Status As Quickly As Possible. When you get it, it means that people are listening to you. You immediately need to train them in the error of their ways. Lose all pretense of lucidity for a while until the Status goes away (you'll be pleasantly surprised at how long they will continue to listen to you.)

Make Other People Doubt Their Status By Ignoring It. Pretty simple and self-explanatory. If you don't treat them any different than the Caitiff down the block, pretty soon you'll have them thinking that they are the Caitiff down the block.

Turn Bullshit Into Gold


"Reality is what you can get away with."
-- Robert Anton Wilson

Warning: Only For The Truly, Truly Deranged. I mean it this time. This strategy will work for those with severe and heavy Derangements.... Those that seem normal had better have some deep-seated and nasty delusions if they want to try this kind of stuff, or else they soon will.

To understand this strategy, you have to understand why all the other vampires are deluded into thinking that information is important. They believe that information is power. They believe that information gives them an edge, in the same way that nation-states believe that intelligence agencies give them a military edge. If you know what someone is up to, you understand the world around you better, and can react to that world in a way that will achieve you your goals. If you don't know what's going on, you have no idea how to reach your goals, and flounder in a sea of ignorance.

But Malkavians know, all together now, that this idea is COMPLETELY WRONG from BEGINNING TO END. Knowing what other people are doing doesn't help the Malkavian understand his world at all -- because the Malkavian doesn't live in the real world. This is why the Malkavians disdain the secrets of the Tremere: because they are by and large useless and irrelevant to the "real" issues. Change reality? Malkavians are more concerned with changing their socks every few days... AND FOR THEM IT'S THE SAME THING. Information is dull, because it refers to the "real world", which, while amusing for a while, eventually begins to grate on your nerves.

This is where the amazing Malkavian power of INFORMATION GENERATION comes in. See, other vampires are secretive and generally lie, obfuscate and prevaricate in order to keep information secret. In other words, the real world checks in through their eyes and ears, but doesn't check out. The Malkavians realize that you don't need input to get perfectly reasonable (or unreasonable) output. Garbage in, garbage out, sure, but nothing in, garbage out? That's insane.

Of course it is.

Information generation as a strategy is very simple. Rather than going out and searching for things you need to know, you first invent the question, and then you answer it, both of them through your Derangement. Simple enough, right? Yes, it's very simple - to start. STOPPING IS ANOTHER MATTER ENTIRELY. You'll find that no matter how bizarre, irrational or completely nonsensical your "answer", that it will have just as much truth in it as anyone else's. If someone investigates your answer, they will get just as far as they would investigating the true answer, because nobody tells anyone anything. Malkavians take advantage of the information-scarce environment of the Camarilla in order to spread their own brand of information (Brand X, of course.) In other words, the message here is, "Just because it's rare doesn't make it valuable."

Pretty soon, people will believe everything you say. Even the false things. Especially the false things.

Psychological Warfare As Avante-Garde Art or Only The Terrorist Has The Ability To Truly Surprise These Days


"Mojique holds a package in his quivering hands Mojique sends the package to the American man. Softly, he glides along the streets and alleys. Up comes the wind that makes them run for cover... The wind in my heart The wind in my heart The dust in my head The dust in my head."
--David Byrne, "Listening Wind"

It's gonna happen sometime. You'll be happily (or depressively) sowing chaos and insanity, and you'll step on someone's toes and they, because they are dull, predictable and stodgy and therefore have no choice, they will take revenge on you. You will get screwed. It happens to everyone, sane or insane. Fortunately for you, Malkavians actually have choices about how they can respond, for the most part. Whereas everyone else must plod along the same endless cycle of violence, back-stabbing, betrayal, subtlety and bloody-minded stupidity, the Malkavian gets to pick which part of the cycle they like, and put that trademark "spin" on it. (Call it "spin." Don't call it "twisted.") They'll keep throwing bricks and hitting you in the head, and you'll keep thinking that means they love you.... (Extra credit for recognizing the "Krazy Kat" reference!)

Here are several "revenge" strategies:

  1. The Cordelia Stratagem. Do nothing. Cast yourself in the role of the victim. Let people do whatever they want to you. Take it uncomplainingly. Try to live with it. Get depressive, if applicable. Make sure everyone sees that you're not responding at all. Pretty soon, you'll be invulnerable: people will say "What's the point?"
  2. Emperor Norton's Gambit. Ignore the ill effects of your opponent's activities. Deny that things have ever been any other way. Pretend you have always been screwed in precisely that way. For instance, in our ongoing game, a Malkavian had a great deal of Church influence...someone acted to turn his "congregation" from a bunch of ravening SubGenius flunkies into stodgy, boring government officials. So he then went out, acquired Bureaucracy and Finance influences and pretended the Church thing was just a passing fad. Really, really, really frustrating for the other guy...
  3. The John Foster Dulles Ploy. This is MASSIVE RETALIATION. Make complicated attempts to blow up their haven, tear apart their car, kill their dog, smash their influences, drag their Status screaming down into the mud and slay them horribly. Do this regardless of the size of trespass they did to you. The chief problem with this one is that it's expensive in terms of effort, and therefore can't be used on everyone.
  4. The von Sacher-Masoch Contingency. Reward those who attack you. Give them money. Give them Influence. Give them boons. Do them favors, and ask nothing in return. WARNING: Really sick, really twisted, if you do this one, be prepared to have your target be broken after a few weeks. They won't know what side they're on.
  5. The Mirror Game. Do to them exactly what they did to you, or as near as possible as you can get to it. Use the same pawns, use the same contacts, use the same Influences, use the same verbal phrases and see if you don't achieve the same result. This one is very difficult to pull off, but the look on their face (and that visceral gut feeling of symmetry) is worth it.
  6. The Broken Mirror Plot. This one is a little easier than the mirror game.... You essentially try and fail to do to them what they did to you. Instead, you end up doing something similar, but different enough that it can be distinguished. This often happens when you try to do the mirror game, but your Derangement interferes.
  7. The alt.non.sequitur Memorandum. Simply put, this means that you do something inexplicable to the target that has absolutely nothing to do with the thing they did to you or anything else in the real world. The proper response to this should be "Huh?"

The Hot Potato


"Shotgun wedding, son Don't forget to kiss the bride. Midnight Fahrenheit Meet you on the other side."
--Timbuk3, "Shotgun Wedding"

White Wolf literature often portrays Malkavians as trying to drive other people insane. This is a bald-faced lie. Malkavians do not spread insanity for exactly, precisely the same reason as the Tremere do not teach Thaumaturgy to anyone who walks through the door.

That said, there are several situations in which driving someone insane is a legitimate thing to do:

  1. If you owe them a life boon, this will pay it off. (Okay, so nobody else will believe it's paid off, but hey! You know exactly how much value it has...)
  2. If your Derangement points them out. For instance, if you believe you are living in Victorian England, and you meet someone named "Sherlock", well, curtains up, everyone. It's show time!
  3. If they are very close to the edge anyway. Most Tremere are here (they change reality all the time and therefore have a rather tenuous grip on it), and a lot of Toreador are, too. (Catalepsy? Obsession?) In this case, you're helping them come to grips with what they've already got, instead of giving them something new.
  4. The complete opposite also is valid: the devastatingly sane should also be hit. For the challenge, mostly.

I Don' Wanna Work, I Jus' Want To Bang On De Drum All Day or How Come We Can't Ignore Station, Too?


"Who am I? Where am I? Why do I feel this way? Who am I? Where am I? Why do I feel this way?"
-- Jesus Jones, "Who? Where? Why?"

The short answer is: you can.

Of course, if you do, you better be ready to be labeled as just another dull and predictable Anarch, unless you have some pretty good resources backing you up. And we all know what the most important resource of the Malkavian is, right? If you pull it off right, they will have no recourse to punish you but to strip you of your Status.

Read that last sentence again. Read it out loud without laughing. I dare you. I double-doggy dare you.

Treat those with Station with utter contempt. Their activities are as interesting to you as Girl Scouts selling cookies door-to-door, and just as annoying. ("Are they made from real Girl Scouts?") If they bother you, tell them off. If they persist in bothering you, or resort to physical or Discipline coercion, roll your eyes and humor them. Poor dears are clearly madder than hatters, and if going along with their deranged little charade will shut them up, so be it. Everyone hates being humored by the insane.

Try to play along, but fail miserably. Mix up people's Station. Ask the Sheriff for his badge. Make it perfectly clear that this whole "Prince" concept is beyond your comprehension. Important: Do this while claiming total ignorance. You will poke more holes in the power structure with just a few "dumb questions" than a team of 5th Generation Brujah with an unlimited supply of automatic weapons could do in a year.

This single question will stop them in their tracks, and they will open and close their mouths in the most entertainingly fish-like fashion. This is an example of one of those very subtle pranks (see below), that will take over their brains very quickly as they proceed along "the rounds". Am I really happy doing this? Or, it might just lie dormant for decades in the back of their mind, until one afternoon, they'll wake up in their havens, unable to sleep, and that wildly manic voice will be shrieking in their ear: "Wow! So this makes you happy?" They're done -- Tick. Tick. Tick.

Make up your own Stations, and give them to other people and yourself. Abide by the rules you set. Make sure everyone understands the rules and do everything in your power to make sure they abide by the rules too (you can even resort to sane strategies!) That way, when you pull the rug out from under them, they'll be twice as confused.

Reality Is A Harsh Mistress But She Sure Is A Good Lay or The Art, Science And Pleasure Of The Cognitive Prank


"Wrap her up in a package of lies. Send her off to a coconut island. I am not worried. I am not overly concerned."
-- Counting Crows, "Anna Begins"

They think Malkavians "know something." They think that with this madness comes some cosmic wisdom. They think that this wisdom is how the Malkavians survive and prosper.

AND THEY CALL US CRAZY?

There IS NO "mad insight." There IS NO "madness network". There IS NO "knowledge of things man was not meant to know." There IS NO "cosmic wisdom", there IS NO "gift of Malkav", and there IS NO "grand Malkavian scheme."

SUCKERS! YOU BOUGHT INTO THAT CRAP?

Welcome to the biggest and best prank ever played. One so wide-reaching that it even FOOLS THE MALKAVIANS.

Consider this: You're crazy. And because you're crazy, you don't have the tools to survive in this vicious world of atavistic, evil predators. Let's be honest folks, the Malkavians should be dead and gone by now, if all they were was nuts. You have no means of even perceiving the real world, much less reacting to it in a way that will allow you to survive in these horrible deadly games that everyone else plays. So what do you do? You convince them that there's some vast cosmic force on your side, and convince them that this is what makes you crazy.

IT'S EASY. Every vampire wants to believe the Malkavians "truly see reality", in the faint, desperate, futile hope that one day when they go insane (oh, they will, sooner or much, much, much later), that they'll get something in return. WHAT A BUNCH OF RUBES. You see now why they'll believe anything you tell them? This is obviously a load of bull, but they've bought it for thousands and thousands of years, and they're going to continue to buy it until Gehenna comes and won't that be a surprise for Caine when he pops out and sees that the Malkavians are STILL AROUND. Since when do loonies "know things"? Do world leaders consult with occupants of your local laughing academies? NO. Since when does the Camarilla believe this hooey?

Since the Malkavians adopted this terrifyingly simple little strategy that you've probably already been doing without thinking:

  1. Be inexplicable. I don't mean acting in accordance with your Derangement, though often that will seem inexplicable to those around you. Remember, those activities actually have a reason behind them, a reason that you understand. No, I'm talking about consciously deciding even "through the filter" to do something strange and pointless.
  2. Be vague. If you walk up to someone and say "It's coming. It's all coming. Soon. Very soon", it's a safe bet that A) It is, and B) They'll look at you differently when it does. Check out the astrology column in your local newspaper for examples of sufficiently vague predictions that will probably come true sometime.
  3. Change sides. See Changing the Rules. Be an Anarch. Be a staunch Camarilla supporter. Be in the Sabbat (not so hard, you've got Dominate, right?) Be nowhere. Be everywhere. More importantly, change the sides that other people are on. Get a coterie or person to despise you horribly and spend their time pondering ways to destroy you, then change to their side. They will shoot themselves in the foot while they continue to work against you.

Pretty soon, you'll have everyone convinced that you not only "really know" how the world works, but that you also "really know" how they work. Idiots.

Oh, Yeah, There Are A Couple Of Other Clans Besides Malkavian, Huh?

Brujah on Malkavians:

The Brujah think the Malkavians are their allies, but not very good ones. They see the Malkavians as fighters against authority at the most basic level, but as too incoherent and confused to truly be effective.

The Brujah are right.....but of course, they're not looking at the big picture.

In The Big Picture, incoherence and confusion is the only possible strategy that will keep you sane and independent. All the logical evidence points to giving in to the authority of the eldest vampire around, be it the Prince, the Camarilla, the Sabbat, or your clan leader. There are lots and lots of stories about people who defy the elders and who come to sticky ends, but none of people who defy the elders and come out ahead. (The elders suppress these stories, say the Brujah. The Malkavians say 'who cares?') Therefore, the only possible way to remain independent is to go crazy, where they can't get you. Remember the ending of " Brazil ". That is a happy ending.

"Whew!" you say, "now I'm safe. I've gone mad. The elders can't possibly control me now." HAW HAW HAW, THINK AGAIN!

Gangrel on Malkavians:

The Gangrel see themselves as survivors. They are individuals whose own personal strengths, convictions and abilities guarantee their continued existence. Winning a political struggle means nothing to a Gangrel unless something tangible comes of it. Their priorities are, very simply, the things they themselves consider important, not what someone else tells them is important.

This is why the Gangrel are extremely confused and put off by the Malkavians. They see a group that is the antithesis of everything they believe in -- a group that doesn't particularly seem to care about its own survival or continued existence, which has no particular strengths, who exercise no recognizable effort towards any set of priorities, personal or otherwise, and who still have survived and propsered just as long as the Gangrel...maybe longer.

Also there's the fact that the last Lupine they talked to that looked at a Malkavian while using 'Detect Wyld' went blind from the flash...

Nosferatu on Malkavians:

The Nosferatu know enough to fear the Malkavians, but not enough to understand them.

Those who put their stock in information are befuddled by the Malkavians' ability to get along without it, or with incorrect information, and in the rare cases where they have been able to spot it, the sewerkids have developed a massive amount of paranoia regarding Information Generation (see above.) When the Nosferatu begin to consider the possibility of rampant Malkavian misinformation, it puts their efforts to know everything in a new light.

The Nosferatu who put their stock in their isolation from ordinary Kindred society may envy the Malkavians' ability to remain isolated from the dangerous games of prestation, Status and Station while still being able to get along with all the benefits associated with them.

In other words, some Nosferatu think the Malkavians are crazy. Some think they know why. And some even think they know how. But none of them have the whole story, and the ones who are closest to the truth are the ones who don't have the slightest idea...

Toreador on Malkavians:

The Toreador thrive on Status. They therefore are often confused by the Malkavians' ability to get along without it, or their inexplicable ability to garner it without even being aware of it. Often, Toreador see Malkavians as easy targets for Status grabs: they're right, of course, but it's very difficult to get Status for socially tearing apart a Malkavian, as everyone (including the Harpies) knows that the Malkavians just plain don't have the tools to compete. "Like kicking a cripple." is the chief idea.

Of course, mirrors being what they are, that's precisely what the Malkavians think of the Toreador.

Tremere on Malkavians:

The Tremere dislike the Malkavians for two reasons:

First, the Malkavians have the ability to change their reality without the use of Thaumaturgy (which the kooks disdain as being for the weak-minded and the foolish.) What's more, the use of Thaumaturgy does not seem to affect Malkavians as much as it does others (because "real" reality doesn't impinge on them much either.) Imagine that you're a brilliant scientist, and you've labored for years on formulating a tremendously huge, complicated theory and accumulating a mass of evidence that supports the theory, your life's work, everything you've ever worked for. And then just before you publish, some wild-eyed lunatic carrying a "The World Is Hollow And So Are We" sign wanders into your lab, takes one look at your theory, looks at you funny, and says "Duh!" and points out the window at the gigantic mountain next door where your theory has been written in 50 foot tall neon letters for the last 500 years. You're bound to be a little upset.

The second reason the Tremere don't like the Malkavians is because they are so close together. Two identical Disciplines, and the belief that they can change reality? They get real uncomfortable when that idea is brought up...

The Malkavians see the Tremere as interesting toys that should be humored when necessary. "Oh, suuuuure you know what's reeeeeally going on."

The Ventrue on Malkavians:

The Ventrue see the Malkavians as a major security risk, pure and simple. They went to a lot of trouble to put the Camarilla together, but something happened (nobody is sure quite what), and the Malkavians had to be allowed into it. They are the weakest link. Their loyalty is always in question. The Ventrue wouldn't trust a Malkavian even if Blood Bound, Dominated, and Possessed (you never know what that mind is really doing.)

Which is of course precisely how the Malkavians see the Ventrue. The Ventrue are inexplicable to them, total mysteries. They can't be that simple-minded, can they? (They can, of course.)