Stupid LARP Tricks for Playing Malkavians

1. Thinking.

One way of thinking like a Malk. is to separate yourself from your mind. This sounds like a lot of mystic mumbo-jumbo, but you do it all the time in role-playing, just usually not consciously. All you have to do is back off and think: "Hmmm...how would I think if I had a thought disorder?"

It's not as hard as it sounds. Simply discard some thoughts and change others. Emotions are a second step, once you've got the first part figured out. Here's an example thought pattern that might occur at a LARP:

"I think Tom Tremere is plotting with Tanya Toreador against George Gangrel's bid for the Princedom. (deep thinking). But how? I think Tom has ghouled one of the street gang leaders in George's command structure. Should I warn George? (indecision) Wait! (flash of insight) Perhaps it would be possible to blackmail Tom with this revelation. I could threaten to tell George (sneaky feeling) unless I was given certain concessions, maybe a large boon! (excitement... apprehension) Tom's a tough egg, though. He'll be hard to deal with. (determination) I can do it, though. This is one game I can't afford to lose."

That's sane. Now, after a "discard" filter:

"I think Tom Tremere is plotting with Tanya Toreador against the Princedom. (deep thinking) I think Tom has a street in George's command structure. Should I wait? (indecision, flash of insight) Perhaps it would be possible to revelation. I could threaten George (sneaky feeling) unless I was given a large, tough egg! (excitement...apprehension) It'll be hard to deal with. (determination) I can afford to lose."

That's weird. After an "alteration" filter:

"I think Tom Tremere is a plot. Tanya Toreador is against the Prince's dumb street. (deep thinking) Should I guess his weight? (indecision, flash of insight) Perhaps it would be relevatory to threaten George with an egg! (sneaky feeling.) Unless, I was given a large boon. A boon! (excitement...apprehension) It'll be hard to deal with. (determination) I can afford Toulouse ."

That's crazy. After an "emotion alteration" filter:

"I think Tom Tremere is a plot. Tanya Toreador is against the Prince's dumb street. (amusement) Should I guess his weight? (hysteria, sobbing grief) Perhaps it would be relevatory to threaten George with an egg! (hopefulness) Unless I was given a large boon. A boon! (anger...excitement) It'll be hard to deal with. (disgust) I can afford Toulouse ."

That's insane.

Yes, indeed. Rationality broken down into bizarre madness, while-you-wait. It's called the Malkavian Filter amongst our crew. You'll be surprised how little you need to use it.

2. Derangements.

OK, let's be honest. Let's be right up front about it. The Derangements, as described in the Masquerade book, in the rulebook, everywhere in WW literature, are LAME. L. A. M. E. Lame-a-rooski. Lame-a-rama. If they were more lame, they would bve catatonic. Is there any conceivable way they could be more lame? Lame....lame....lame lame lame lame lame.

Get an abnormal psychology book. I recommend "The Psychiatric Glossary". It's put out by the association of American psychiatrists (not the organization's real name), and it's a veritable treasure trove of Malkavian ideas.

Have a clan sit-down with your local ST and run Derangements past them. Right now, we have Dissociative Schizophrenics, Hebephrenic Schizophrenics, Schizoid Thought Disorder Victims, Atypical Continual Psychogenic Amnesiacs, and many many more. And we love it. We love the fact that while everyone else is walking around with these LAME Derangements on their character sheets, derangements which apparently impair them in _NO WAY WHATSOEVER_, that we are totally incapable of functioning normally. Our character sheets are pocketed with pride because we know, we KNOW that the Derangements we have are cool. They are way cool. They are horrible, awful, terrible things. We put our character's minds through the wringer, but that's the sort of clan the Malkavians are.

3. Appropriateness...or the lack thereof.

Try to present, at all times, an air of "different"ness. This differs from the Gangrel's "outsider" air in that your "different"ness can be expressed in a very social way.

I'll give you an example. Something happened at a recent LARP event. It was designed to disgust the human side of the Kindred and excite the bestial side of the Kindred present. People reacted to it in different ways. (It was essentially a way for us to estimate the Humanity of our characters, since there is no real trait for it.) But generally, the reactions ranged from very blase, to shocked, to excited, et cetera.

There was one exception. Our local Hebephrenic Schizophrenic looked at the scene...and started giggling. She started giggling, laughing hysterically. And let me tell you: there were people there who were _shocked_. She's gasping for breath. Tears are running down her face. She is laughing uncontrollably. She claws at her eyes. Later, she stops. She answers no questions about the event. She claims not to remember it. There is a character who will stick in people's minds. There is a story that people will tell around the Rumor Mill (tm) for months.

React inappropriately. Say inappropriate things (more below). Do inappropriate things. Assign inappropriate importance to events. You can't possibly know any better.

4. Pranks.

OK, this is where me and WW differ, yet again. You should not start out saying "Tonight, I want to prank somebody."

Pranks are, to me, attempts to communicate something that the recipient cannot possibly understand. There is a point at which language fails (and Malks reach that point very quickly, as seen above). And at that point, if there is an urgent message (importance assigned inappropriately, of course) that they must get across, then they must resort to non-language methods. These methods are, of course, interpreted as pranks.

Now. That's _my_ opinion. However, some actually start out to prank someone, swayed by the "reputation" of the Malks printed in WW stuff. That, I can't understand.

5. Rants

Stream-of-consciousness thought is harder than you think to pull off. Don't try it without practice. Sit at your computer or whatever and type words that seem to link themselves together in your head. Don't worry if it makes too much sense. Don't worry if they put themselves together in sentences. That's normal. You are not a Malkavian. You are sane.

Now, try doing the same with the "Filter" on. After a time, you'll find it's a lot easier than you originally thought it would be.

Now, you're ready to rant. Malkavian rants are distinguishable from Brujah rants simply because Malkavians need not have a point. And the Brujah talk about freedom. Hah! You don't even have to have any discernable meaning, although if you do, it's twice as fun, as you watch people struggle to figure out what you mean.