THE REAL WORLD OF DARKNESS 

(Actually Richard E. Dansky of WWGS wrote this some time ago)

Six supernatural beings - Vince the vampire, Wally the werewolf, Melissa the mage, Charlene the changeling, and Dave the wraith, plus Rasputin - have come together to share a house for six months. We're here to chronicle their trials and tribulations, their arguments and friendships, their triumphs and tragedies.

Here are some scenes from this week's episode:

Charlene: Well, since we're all going to be living together I think we need to set up some rules.

Vince: Rules, schmules. Now Charlie, you're going to deliver this message to the Malkavian primogen for me, while Dave, you're gonna spy on the Tremere, and I'll invite the coterie over here so they can hang in the basement, and...

Wally: Wait a minute, this is not going to be your little hangout, Wyrm-boy!

Vince: Oh, want privacy so you can hump the furniture into submission?

Wally: This is intolerable! I shall not accept such condescension from a scum-sucking creature of the Wyrm, whose very existence threatens the Litany, offends Gaia, drags the world down towards ultimate corruption, and plays that sucky Bauchaus song 24 hours a day! And you, who sit here tolerating his presence, are just as bad, just as foul, just as tainted! [starts frothing at corner of mouth]

Vince: Hey, I may be a Wyrm-creature *and* dead, but I still get laid more than you do.

Wally: Bite me.

[Vince tries, brief scuffle ensues]

Charlene: Might I add at this point that I would really appreciate it if people would stop calling me "Puck?"

Melissa: Hold still, rabbit ears. I need to adjust the tv reception.

[Melissa tries to grab Charlene. Charlene waggles her fingers and ten thousand Hostess Sno-Balls materialize in the living room. Melissa gets huffy and stomps off to her room, only to run up a huge long distance bill bitching to her boyfriend back on Doissetep.]

Wally: And for another thing, every time I put some raw meat in the fridge, you suck all the juice out of it. [pummels Vince through floorboards]

Vince (from below, faintly): It was on my shelf...

Wally: So, now that's taken care of, just wanted to let you guys know to be careful walking around in the backyard. I, uhh, Melissa was in the bathroom for like a really long time, and, uhh...

Melissa: [from offstage] Ge-ROSS!

Dave: You should see how it looks from over here.

Charlene: You know, I think this discussion is counterproductive. Now I was hoping to set up a chore rotation wheel, done in bright, sprightly colors...

Dave: Make it grey, otherwise I won't notice it.

Wally: Fascist.

Vince: [still from below] Sire? Mommy?

NEXT WEEK: Rasputin, the missing housemate, arrives, and everyone tries to figure out what he is. Melissa takes Wally for a walk in the park, where he savages three joggers and claims they were fomori. Dave's Shadow takes over and makes all the beer go skunky; Wally blames Vince, who responds by locking his door and playing that sucky Bauchaus song a lot.

If you wish to add to the chronicle, mail me with the text. If I laugh as much as I did when I first saw this, I'll add it.