Vampire Sex Lecture

~Muffled talking and harsh whispers~

VENTRUE: Thank you all for coming. As usual, we have a situation on hand that we need to talk about.

TOREADOR: The defacing of the Art Institute by anonymous rabble? ~Dirty look to Brujah~

TZIM: Caitiff running wild? ~Dirty look to Brujah~

TREMERE: The defacing of the Public Libraries? ~Dirty look to Brujah~

BRUJAH: ~Flashes a charming grin to all of them and puts his feet on the table~

VENTRUE: No. Tonight we are here to discuss....and I do this with heavy reluctances........sex.

~Stunned silence~

MALK: ~Stands starting the “Tush Push” and winks at Gangrel~ Lets talk about SEX bay-bee, let's talk about YOU an' ME....

GANGREL: ~Growls~ Lets not.

RAVNOS: I swear on the blood of my familia, she told me she was 18.

VENTRUE: Malkav. Please be seated. I.... ~Blinks and looks at Ravnos~ um..... Well.... ~shakes his head~ this is a SERIOUS discussion.

LASOMBRA: So what ABOUT sex?

VENTRUE: The problem is too many of you take your unlife as permission for a post-mortem orgy. We have rules. Politics. Standards to follow. We are the next level of evolution people; SEX is no longer PLEASURABLE to us....Therefore.....

TOREADOR: ~Looks to Giovanni, quietly~ you can say THAT again....

GIOVANNI: Well if some people didn't just LAY there like the corpse they are......

BRUJAH: No longer PLEASURABLE? ~Shakes his head~ Trust me.... Yer doing it wrong dude....

MALK: Well..... I guess I can eat all my edible undies. I like the cotton flavored ones the best.

VENTRUE: Look. Our lust is for the BLOOD. Not physical pleasures and desires.

BRUJAH: COME ON..... I mean the blood is good..... But when is the last time a set of double “D” medical packs turned your head?

MALK: Bobbitt it. Cut it off. Recycle it. Make cocktail wieners.

RAVNOS: Speak for yourself gajo. Some of us fall into larger groupings.

MALK: Ohh....hung like a HORSE--

RAVNOS: ~smiles~

MALK: --Fly.

VENTRUE: It's not just the male persuasion of our little group Brujah. Many of the

FEMALES engage in sexual activities at constant rates.

MALK: ~Suddenly serious~ THAT is disgusting! That is....vile. WRONG. I demand justice. Kindly give me the names and current addresses of these women and I will see that they get what I....what THEY deserve....

GANGREL: ~Thumps Malk~ Siddown nutjob. You've got as much chance of getting laid as pickle puss over there. ~Jerks her thumb to Nos~

NOS: ~Indignant~ This coming from the bearded lady.

GANGREL: ~Growls~ Watch it scabby.

NOS: I am no stranger to sex my dear wood dweller.

TZIM: ~Wrinkles her nose~ Sex....no. Soap. Now that is a different story all together.

ASSAMITE: Not that I particularly care, seeing I have BETTER things to do with my time than engage in pointless activities....but does this mean that we shall no longer be capable of having sex?

MALK: It's fallen. And I can't get it UP!

TOREADOR: ~Looks at Giovanni~ Been there. Done that.

GIOVANNI: IT WAS COLD AND I WAS TIRED!!

~Room looks to Gio, who shrinks into his seat and goes quiet~

VENTRUE: ~Sighs ignoring the outbursts~ No Assamite. It simply means that you derive no pleasure from it. You can will the blood.... if you MUST....to keep up appearances and what not....But you have no DESIRE for sex.

BRUJAH: Yeah....especially after finding out that Nos has it.... ~Makes a face~ There's a mental image I didn't want.

MALK: Bumping UGLY...... Monkey sex. The Leprous Labamba of Love. A Spew Screw. Oral--

GANGREL: ~Smacks him~ Shut up! You are making us all sick you weird little freak.

TREMERE: So what is the point of seduction....if you are not going to have sex?

VENTRUE: The seduction is so you may obtain their blood, without them drawing suspicious. THAT is why our bite is so pleasurable to them. It surpasses sex. ~Muffled grumbling~

VENTRUE: Well? Final thoughts? Comments?

BRUJAH: You sure you are not doing this because you can't get laid and are pissed at those of us who can?

GANGREL: Well I can throw out my date book.

NOS: Please do, I'm sure Wild Kingdom would love to find it.

TOREADOR: ~Smirks~ There are exceptions to every rule.

TZIM: ~Shares the smile~ Exactly.

MALK: What about the ol' yank and spank? Is that out? Ya know.... the ol' bap and slap? I mean I was REALLY good at that.

RAVNOS: Rules were meant to be broken.

VENTRUE: Meeting adjourned. And remember. We are not interested in sex. The blood is our sex.

MALK: ~Quietly~ Believe that and you are crazier than I am.

VENTRUE: What did you say?

MALK: Nothing. Just commenting on the weather. ~Smile brightly~