Samurai Pizza Cats OPERATION BONZAI Author: G.A. Wildcat All right, everyone, this is where it all begins to heat up. The Rad-Cats, the Samurai Pizza Cats, and yes, even Curtis himself, will have to face the deadliest situation since what has been termed "The Doomsday Comet". And when it all ends, they will all realize that they aren't as invulnerable as they had once believed. For not only will they have to contend with Quarter and his gang....Curtis will also have to face his inner turmoil, like you've seen before, and overcome it if he is to prove victorious. This story is the first in a set that will lead up to the final explosive showdown. (Old lines, but then again, I couldn't think of any new ones.) And if you liked the first 6 fanfics (and I'm surprised if you do), you'll enjoy the next 6. -------------------------------------------------------------------- (The story opens inside a small underground theater, with Seymour, Jerry, and Quarter watching the screen, MST3K style. From left to right: Jerry, Seymour, and Quarter. We are currently seeing a series of clips involving the Pizza Cats and the Rad-Cats. [I'm not sure if you'll notice, but I did most of this from memory.) (First off, we see a set of clips from the original TV series. We see a scene from near the end of "Samurai Charm School", which features Polly and the Supreme Catatonic annilhating the Long-Tall Sally robot.) Speedy: (prelude to Cat's Eye Slash sequence) Listen up, you bag of bolts, you're going to join the trash heap! When are you guys going to learn, YOU CAN'T MESS WITH THE PIZZA CATS?! (In the middle of Speedy's Cat's Eye Slash sequence, Polly interrupts him) Polly: (snaps) MOVE OVER! (Speedy, confused, backs out of the way. The Catatonic powers up for it's special sequence, and as it spins it's sword in a clockwise direction, the energy takes the shape of a giant heart.) Polly: (shouts) SAY SAYONARA, SISTER!!! (The Catatonic swings the sword, and the energy bolt blasts Sally into oblivion.) Quarter: (shakes his head) Good thing the Catatonic was destroyed when Speedy destroyed the comet; otherwise, the Bouldermobile mission would've been an even WORSE disaster! I STILL can't believe the New York Pizza Cats took it apart that quickly! Jerry: Which goes to show that no one should ever underestimate a cat. (The image switches to a scene from "Double Trouble for Princess Vi". Violet has just gotten done screaming at the Pizza Cats) Speedy: (to Vi) Okay! Cool it, kid! (preps the Ginzu sword, and draws it) Get ready for the battle of your life, Big Bert! Speedy Cerviche has arrive-d! (Big Bert's clothing automatically changes into samurai armor that is a match for Speedy's. Bert raises his sword slightly in answer to Speedy's comment) Speedy: Want to hear my Clint Eastwood? Make my day! (here's the windup...)...OKAY, YOU READY TO ROCK AND ROLL?! (and the pitch!) Big Bert: HI-YAAAH! (does likewise) (However, Speedy wins this matchup, as his own Slash sends debris flying across the screen) Quarter: (dives under the seat reflexively, then comes back up) That attack just JOLTS me no matter HOW many times I see it! Jerry: When you've seen it enough times like us, you eventually get used to it. Seymour: (frowns) Thanks a lot, Jerry. (Cut to the fight between the Pizza Cats and the Rude Noise from "Destructo Robots at Popular Prices". The Pizza Cats had just caused the box-and-can robot to fall apart. The Rude Noise leap into the air) Crow-Magnon: By the power of darkness.... Rojo: In the blink of an eye....(I THINK that's what he said. I'm not sure) Ronnie: The Rude Noise will join.... Cannonball: As one for the fight! (I just LOVE those lines!) (At first, the performance resembles an atomic isotope...) All: HELLOOOOOO! (.....then they transform into a bird formed out of dark smoke.) Seymour: Now THAT was one trick I liked. They didn't really have a chance at winning, though.... Quarter: (nods) That reminds me. We never got around to paying Crow-Magnon for that job he and the others pulled when we had the Soundwave Shocker. Seymour: (shakes his head) Don't worry about them. They're just instrumentalists! What could they possibly do? (Everyone pauses as, on the screen, Speedy destroys the smogbird and sends the Rude Noise SMACK into the ground with the exception of Crow-Magnon, who lands safely) CM: (painfully; between breaths) You....you....you..... Speedy: (to Guido) This guy's a broken record! Can I hit him? Just a little? CM: (recovers) So, you think you've won, do you? Well, we're not picking up the trash. YOU can do it! (rises into the air) Have fun, Pizza Cats.... (The Rude Noise depart) RN: WE'LL BE BAAAAACK! Speedy: (tauntingly) Anytime, Smokey! (Screen change to the top of Mt. Coochie, where Bad Bird and Crablo are preparing to attack) BB: I think it's time we teach them about extra toppings! HI-YO PEPPERONIS AWAY!!! (All the miniature Crablos latch on to Polly and Guido) Guido: (irritable) This guy gives me an itch! BB: I guess you could say I really bug ya, kitty! Guido: It didn't fit my lips! Polly, you okay? Polly: (strained) Yes, but do you have a plan? Guido: Yes. Think stinky thoughts! (screams) STALE KITTY LITTER!!! (the whole screen turns green) Quarter: (winces) Yecch. So THAT was how they defeated Crablo! Now that we've seen some of the clips of the Pizza Cats in action like you promised, I'll show one of my own encounters with the Rad-Cats. (The view on the screen changes to what appears to be the inside of a factory. A date appears across the bottom of the screen: May 28, 1993. The camera zooms in and we get a close-up of all the events) Quarter: (voiceover) This was before Curtis appeared on the scene; HE came along a year later. At the time, we were mass-producing atomic basketballs to help the Phoenix Suns defeat the Bulls in the NBA Finals. Each time---or at least, some of the time--- the ball would fall towards the basket, the atoms inside the ball would push in a certain direction to keep the basket from going in; and the reverse would be true for Phoenix. We perfectly intended for the Suns to win in 6 games. Blackout: (yells) Hey, Quarter! We've got about 80 of these basketballs ready to be shipped to Chicago and Phoenix! Quarter: Nice work. Flashdog? Caner? (Flashdog runs over, followed by Caner, who is walking as fast as he can) Caner: (irritable, as usual) You called, boss? Quarter: Caner, you assist Flashdog in arranging the basketballs at the arena. Flashdog, you carry them to the truck. (They are just about to walk away when a laser blast punches through a crate that the basketballs are in, causing a series of small atomic implosions) Flasher: (from behind a conveyor belt) Well, look who's here! (We see the 4 Rad-Cats, who look considerably younger [and shorter], equipment ready. Almost immediately, Teasy begins belting out orders) Teasy: (yowls) Daniel, you flame those conveyors! Chico, Runner, you go after Quarter! I'LL destroy those basketballs! (Daniel immediately leaps into action. Both his flamethrowers flick themselves on and set fire to the large machinery. Quarter spots Chico and Runner going after him and makes his exit, with the two cats hot on his heels. The rest of the A.L.D. spot Quarter leaving and follow him. In the meantime, Teasy gets ready to hurl his Toaster Bomb Baseball [Yes, that's the name for it]) Teasy: ONE FOR THE ROAD!! (He flings the baseball at what's left of the atomic basketballs, detonating each and every last one of them. Right after he does this, the screen clears) Quarter: (voiceover) I also managed to preserve a clip of a scene from 1994. This was back not long after that renegade human, Curtis, got transformed somehow into a cat. Jerry: (voiceover; puzzled) You mean he used to be a human? Must have been some trick to turn into a cat! (A small line of data appears in the corner of the screen: April 22, 1994) Quarter: (voiceover) Right. I'm not sure, but I think it was a result of nuclear mutation. This was his first REAL combat experience, and which he proved himself to be capable of anything. The Super-Cats and Curtis had gotten inside after an extremely valuable jukebox. Curtis got afraid of one of my other minion's robotic snakes and dashed away. We took advantage and captured the other Super-Cats while he was gone. (pauses) It turns out that THIS was how he got back in. (Quarter is looking out a second-floor window out onto the main floor of his headquarters, watching a large group of cats and dogs pounding away at a large slab of marble. Curtis comes up behind him, not recognizable. Curtis has on a black jacket over his usual attire, a black headband, and blue dye over the visible portions of his fur) Quarter: (not facing him) Who are you? Curtis: (making his voice a bit cracked) I am SnickerSnap, Intergalactic Rusher. I wish to join the Animal Legion of Doom. Quarter: (faces him) As it turns out, we have room for an extra member. All that's required is that you follow all the rules and commit at least one crime each week. (pauses) Stay here, Double S. (Quarter walks into a nearby storage room, then walks back out, wheeling a juke box behind him) Quarter: Snap, plug this in downstairs and play some opera music. (grins) No, wait....even better. THREATEN them with this music. It will inspire them to work harder. (Curtis drags the Juke Box down the stairs and plugs it in) Curtis: (yells at the animals, who are still pounding away at the marble) YOU HAD BETTER WORK HARDER, OR SOME ITALIAN OPERA MUSIC WILL DESTROY YOUR EARDRUMS! (bursts out laughing) (Aldonza and a black-and-white wolf turn to face him, dropping their hammers) Aldonza, and wolf: That threat was lame, newcomer! Curtis: (glares at the two) Aldonza Karate, Zapana Zquor, DON'T YOU BE TALKING IN UNISON, EITHER! Aldonza and Zapana: (in unison) Okay, okay, we won't. (Out of anger, Curtis reaches for the Jukebox and taps the power button. Almost immediately, loud disco music pulses from the Jukebox's speaker. Quarter and the other members rush to the window, shocked) Curtis: (shouts at Quarter) GOTCHA! (Curtis starts spinning, and the blue dye disappears. All that remains are a pair of yellow gloves with lightning-charged claws, which he puts in his jacket. Curtis stops spinning, his fur turning jet black) Curtis: (yells) NINE LIVES POWER EMERGENCE!! (A black haze surrounds his body, tripling and re-tripling his strength) (Abruptly, all the irons that were on the Super-Cats' legs disappear, and everyone drops their hammers) Zapana: Time to rock and roll! (Cursing in Japanese under her breath, Zapana leaps into the air, spins, and hammers the marble block, splitting it into a dozen pieces [Just as a reminder, you might see her in a future fanfic outside of Covert Operations]) (The other members of the A.L.D. look on, shocked. Quarter, next to Flashdog, realizes something) Quarter: (snaps) Red Alert! Snickersnap is actually that mangy calico cat! (All the members of the A.L.D. line up in formation, including a brown tabby cat with a silver spiked crown on his head) Curtis: (shouts) I AM CURTIS WILDCAT, THE CHAMPION OF THE SUPER-CATS! THIS IS MY PLANET, AND NOTHING WILL KEEP ME FROM PROTECTING IT! (He looks at his teammates, the song "It's Alright" from the Pet Shop Boys playing in the background) Curtis: All together now.... All Super-Cats: SUPER-CATS RULE! SUPER-CATS, ATTACK! (As one, everyone charges forward, bulldozing the A.L.D. and sending them flying. Several Super-Cats grab the Juke Box, while another 2 set the building on fire) Quarter: (voiceover) It was a month before I got over that defeat. (Everyone vacates the theater, complete with the "backwards through the 7 doors" routine.) (Later, all the A.L.D. members, plus Jerry and the Big Cheese, are having a secret meeting in a small storage room) Jerry: (to Quarter) We've tried all the plans that you said were in your offensive playbook. What IS our last-chance mission going to be? Quarter: (snarls) It's time to turn to Operation Bonzai. Seymour: (confused) Operation Bonzai? What's that? Quarter: (tenses) We start construction on a nuclear missile. Seymour: (upset) You're not going to fire it, are you? I want there to be something for me to rule! Caner: (fur fluffs up) If things go the way we expect them to, we won't need to fire it at all. All that's needed is to use it to blackmail the Princess and the Emperor into giving up their rule. Jerry: (points his walking stick at Caner) And what happens if Curtis and the Pizza Cats attack? Quarter: (flips through another book) I've taken precautions to ensure our victory this time. The first step in our plan is to build a nuclear silo, and that means getting ourselves a power core to charge the device. (turns to Jerry and Seymour) When we had our headquarters in the United States, getting a power core for the silo would be easy as making a cake. However, Curtis totally destroyed our own headquarters in his search for someone, so we're flat out of most other resources. Got any suggestions? Flashdog: I believe I have an idea of where to locate a suitable power core. Seymour: Really? Where? Flashdog: (smiles) The Pizza Cats' pizza parlor. The power core that supplies power to the computers, the machinery, the launch cannon, and most of their electricity. Quarter: (looks at him with an odd look) You've already swiped them twice. They might be on to your commando tactics by now. Flasher: No, they're not. While you guys were trying to steal the Shogun weaponry, I snuck inside the parlor while Polly and Aldonza were talking to each other. I hid for a while, and after they both left, I got myself the honor of shutting down their alarm systems. Quarter: (nods) You might not want to go at it alone, though. Bring someone with you to bring success. Flashdog: (gets up, as does Flasher) I'll go with him. You go on ahead and set that trap for the Rad-Cats. (Quarter looks on as Flasher and Flashdog walk out the door) Quarter: (turns back to Seymour) While we're waiting, we might as well get some dinner. Who's for take-out? I'll drop by Jamm's Juvenille Junkies and see if they have any pre-cooked hot dogs, then go out and have some fun with the Melikas. Seymour: (stares at him angrily, then calms down) Next time, don't insult me like that. (Time passes, and night falls over Little Tokyo. Scene focuses on the pizza parlor a full hour before dawn. Flasher and Flashdog are standing at the front door) Flashdog: (whispers) Did you check and see if they're asleep? Flasher: (same) Out like rocks. The last one fell asleep at 9:30. Flashdog: (same) I hope you're not planning to just walk right in. Any noise you make might alert the Cats. Flasher: (shakes his head and whispers back) I don't think so. Watch. (Flashdog watches as Flasher raises a finger and shoots a small heat beam, tracing a circle on part of the door. Flasher stops the beam, and then takes the glass and sets it on the ground) Flasher: (grins; quietly) Bingo. (Flashdog and Flasher squeeze through and head through the kitchen) Flashdog: (whispers) So, where is this power core, anyway? Flasher: (same) Right underneath the kitchen. I saw it when I disabled the alarms. It's really quite a nifty device; best of all, it only weighs 1 pound. Flashdog: (raises an eyebrow) Really? (The two stop at a small space between one of the ovens and the stairway to the living area. Flasher walks, it seems, RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL. Flashdog follows him through the wall and down a hidden stairway, and soon enough, they find themselves in a hidden hallway, at the end of which is the computer core. Several power lights are blinking above it.) Flashdog: I can handle it. By the way, after we do this, we might as well look for those booklets; I've kinda forgotten how to build a nuke ever since Curtis wrecked our U.S. headquarters. (Flashdog raises a claw and zaps a small bolt of electricity into the core, jarring it loose from the wall. Flasher grabs it before it can land on the floor. The power lights above where the core used to be blink out of existence.) (Flashdog and Flasher then take the opportunity to leave the parlor, taking care to replace the glass they cut and welding it back, look for the booklets, and take them back to the A.L.D.'s hideout. The second they reach the place, however, we get an instant zoom in on the inside of the Palace. Something converges inside of a snoozing Curtis; and suddenly, it jars him awake) Curtis: (snaps himself out of his bed) Oh, great. Now, what was THAT about? And right in the middle of a good dream! I thought I would have a good night's sleep that would last for about 3 nights! (Not quite knowing why, he rushes to the door and attempts to open it. It won't open) Curtis: (snarls) I WISH I had told Carlos not to install those automatic locks! (unsheathes his sword and cuts himself an exit) (Curtis rushes out into the hall. On his way over to the main room, he meets a prowling Ambush Cat) Curtis: (hisses) Ambush Cat, what are you doing here? Don't you usually do your night prowling elsewhere? Ambush Cat: (shrugs) This seemed the logical place. Your boss asked me to keep an eye on you ever since that night you started screaming, which was about a week and a half ago. Curtis: (embarassed) Yeah, well, I was upset. I'm not totally sure what woke me up just a minute ago. Ambush Cat: (looks out a window) Could be the fact that the sun is starting to rise. Curtis: (nods) That, too. Anyway, I need to talk to you for a few minutes. I need to annoy Empress Frieda. Ambush Cat: (raises an eyebrow) Again? Curtis: (nods again) She's not too happy that I spoiled Princess Vi's 20th B-Bash just a few days ago. Just start talking to me and make like that woman who lives in Freedonia. Ambush Cat: (grins) Freedonia. Right. (With that, the Empress walks into view. She sees Curtis and Ambush Cat; Curtis with a deck of cards in his hand, and Ambush Cat talking to him) Ambush Cat: As the envoy of Big Al Dente, I welcome you with open arms. Curtis: Is that so? How late do you stay open? Ambush Cat: Huh? Curtis: Enough of small talk. (holds out the cards) Pick a card. Ambush Cat: (takes a card) What'll I do with a card? Curtis: Keep it. I've got 51 more. Frieda: (walks up to them) Get out of the way, you two. Curtis: (steps out of the way) C'mon, Ambush Cat, step out of the way. Why don't you move, huh? If you don't move, they'll put an office building where you're standing! Frieda: (visually annoyed) Get OUT of the way. Curtis: Fine. I'm outta here. (shouts out a door) His car! HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR! (Several trumpets blow, courtesy of several Super-Cats) Cat #1: HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR! (Several more trumpets blow) Cat #2: HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR! (One more trumpet blows) Cat #3: HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR! (Within seconds, a red-haired cat drives up to the Palace's front gate in a small motorcycle. The trumpets blow a few more times, and Curtis walks out of the Palace. A sidecar is attached to the cycle. Big Al Dente comes out to see Curtis off) Curtis: (climbs into the sidecar) To the other side of town. If you run out of unleaded, get premium. If you run out of premium, get super. Now, step on it! (The cat drives the motorcycle away, leaving the sidecar behind, and Curtis in it. For a few seconds, Curtis stays in there with an idiotic grin on his face, then climbs out of the sidecar and rejoins Big Al) Curtis: Well, it certainly feels good to be back again! (Back at the pizza parlor a few hours later, we zoom through the pizza parlor and into Fran's bedroom. The Cats' manager is still asleep. Unbeknownst to her, the electricity to her alarm clock has faded away due to Flasher and Flashdog's theft. Outside the window on the roof of the building next door, Aldonza is trying to see in.) Aldonza: (straining to see) Well, it won't do me any good if I'm standing way over here. (Aldonza flies to the open window and spies Francine, still asleep.) Aldonza: (suspicious) Something's happened. (checks her wristwatch) 10:09am?! Man, if any people showed up, they'd probably tear this place down! I'd better get her up! (thinks) (Aldonza squeezes through and lands inside the room) Aldonza: (taps Francine lightly) Fran....it's been long overdue.... Francine: (talking in her sleep) I've already returned the overdue books, mother.... Aldonza: (taps her again) No, Fran, it's time to get up. It's past 10. Francine: (rolls over and grabs the covers over her head) The pastry shop can wait until before my dentist appointment.... Aldonza: (frusturated, she taps her a bit harder) Wake up, Francine Manx. Francine: (mumbles) No more scrambled eggs, thank you... Aldonza: (growls) (Aldonza flies out the window momentarily, then returns with a megaphone) Aldonza: (barks through the megaphone) WAKE UP, FRANCINE!!! (The EXTREMELY loud noise jolts Francine out of her sleep. After panicking and looking every which way, she begins to calm down) Francine: (recovers, and straightens her nightgown) You didn't have to be THAT loud! Aldonza: (raises an eyebrow) Just what kind of dream were you having, anyway? Francine: I dreamed I was a kitten and that my mother and father sent me out on a list of errands. The only nice thing about it is that at the end of the list was a large bag of money. Aldonza: (seriously) So, THAT'S what inspired you to sleep past 10:00 in the morning? Francine: (shocked) 10:00?! Something's wrong with the alarm! Aldonza: (eyes first the clock, then the plug) I think the power's gone out. Francine: (calms down a little) Did you see the others? Did you try to wake them up? Aldonza: (shrugs) I had simply thought that you had decided to let them have a day off, so I didn't bother to wake them up. When I looked in the window and saw YOU asleep, I knew something had to be wrong. Francine: (does the same) Well, it could be worse. (A loud scream echoes throughout the parlor; followed by the door shattering from the force of a Guido Anchovy flying through the air and landing against a wall) Aldonza: (looks at Fran, then at Guido) It's worse. (Polly's voice overrides Aldonza's second word) Polly: (pokes her head from the bathroom and screeches) GUIDO!! DON'T YOU EVER WALK IN ON ME LIKE THAT AGAIN! EVER!!! (quiets down a bit) Next time, please knock! (slams the door again) Guido: (yells) Hey, I'm sorry! I didn't know anyone was in there! (extracts himself from the wall) (The water starts running in the bathroom [better go catch it =^_^=]) Aldonza: (quietly) So much for those modifications. (A noise like glass shattering is heard from downstairs, and in the next minute, Curtis's familiar form materializes in the hallway) Curtis: (grins) Guys having fun? Or was it another case of "First Come, First Served"? (A somewhat groggy Speedy joins him) Speedy: What's going on, here? Guido: (shakes his head) Wouldn't you like to know....I decided to go wash my face, but I didn't know Polly was in there. So, as a result.... Francine: (waves her hand) Say no more. Something's wrong, here. Curtis: (interrupts) Guido, I think I can resolve this little encounter. Care to even up the odds a little? Guido: (hesitant) Yeah... Curtis: Time for a lesson in "Water-works". (clears his throat) All the water lines in this building are connected. Therefore, if I turn the hot water on at the sink, there will be no more hot water for Polly's shower. Observe! (Curtis knocks on the bathroom door) Polly's voice: (a bit testy; over the noise of the water) YES? Curtis: (loudly) It's me. The Empress is kinda ticked at me, so I was wondering if I could wash my face in here. Polly: Yeah, I had heard you filled the Princess's white party balloons with White-out. (silent for a moment) Okay, but only use the cold water. (Curtis grabs a washcloth, opens the door, and walks inside. Speedy, Guido, Francine, and Aldonza all stare at each other for a few moments; and a few moments after that, Curtis walks out, still wiping his face) Curtis: (quietly) 5...4...3...2..1.... (Everyone covers their ears at that moment, just in time to avoid getting their eardrums destroyed by a glass-shattering wail) ***AAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!*** Curtis: (shakes his head and drops the washcloth down the laundry chute) Isn't technology great nowadays? Francine: (interrupts) I don't know how to break this to you, but there's something wrong. Just about ALL of us overslept--- Guido: I got up at 9:15. Aldonza: (frowns) You sure? I checked at 9:10 and you didn't show any signs of waking up. Guido: (checks Aldonza's watch) Your watch is about 10 minutes off. Aldonza: (resetting her watch) Oh. Speedy: I got up just now. Voice: I got up 4 hours ago. (GB walks down the hall and joins them, as well) Francine: Anyway, when I got up earlier, my alarm clock was off. I checked the plug and everything. Everything was still plugged in. Curtis: (thinks for a moment, aloud) If everyone here overslept....GB lives right across the street and got up fine....the alarm clock is not working....(angrily)....Here we go again. Everyone: (in unison) What's going on?? Curtis: (turns his head away) I'll tell you later. Right now, I've got an appointment with Frieda. (goes into Guido's room and shouts out the window) HIS EXCELLENCY'S CAR!! (Everyone looks at each other, confused) (A few minutes later, the red-haired cat reappears in the motorcycle. The sidecar is once again next to it. Cut to outside. Curtis climbs into the sidecar) Curtis: I have an appointment to insult Empress Frieda, and I don't want to keep her waiting. Step on it! (Once again, the cat guns the motorcycle and races slowly down the road, leaving Curtis behind in the sidecar staring at him) Curtis: (to himself) This is the fifth trip I've made today, and I haven't been anywhere yet. (At that moment, snow flurries begin to float down from the clouds above. After a moment, the flurries begin to fall faster, increasing in intensity.) (Cut to the Palace, 2 hours later. A few inches of snow have already piled up on the roof. Big Al Dente is pacing back and forth in the hallway outside Curtis's quarters, with the Royal Family, Carlos Cosmos, and several security guards looking on) Al: (frusturated) Now, where in the world is that cat? I asked for him an hour ago. Carlos: I think he said something about lunch at the pizza parlor. Vi: (clenching a fist) If I hadn't have wanted to get him exiled so much, I'd wring his neck. Fred: Fred! La-la-la-bambamba! Carlos: (snickers) That's a new one on me. Guard: (listening to something, faintly) Sir, Curtis has just walked through the front doors. Voice: And is talking to you right now. (Everyone turns around; and, as expected, Curtis is staring at them, looking upset. Al starts the conversation, not giving Curtis a chance to say anything.) Al: Took you long enough, Curtis. One of the guards made his round of the Palace's supply center and found out that a bunch of the pellet rods have been stolen. Guard #2: I STILL think it sounds harmless. Curtis: (thinks for a moment, then snarls) You THINK it sounds harmless? Sounds to me like it's step one to slapping together a nuclear device! Guard #2: Sounds to me like you've played "Command & Conquer" before. Curtis: (growls) Sounds to me like you need a face lift. Al, I'm going down to the Melikas' place and get Teasy and the others on the job. Freida: You better be careful, Curtis. Don't forget to shut the door on the way out. Curtis: (glares at her) You sound a lot like someone I know. I'm outta here, and don't try to stop me, either. (quietly) I have a score to settle! (jumps to lightspeed) (Vi and Frieda look at Big Al) Frieda: What does he mean, "I have a score to settle"? Al: (shakes his head) I have absolutely no idea. Carlos: (quietly) He holds a grudge against Quarter and his group for something they did to him a few months back. Guard #1: Do you happen to know what it is, Cosmos? Carlos: No. I'm not sure what it is, but I DO know that it's tearing into his very sanity. Vi: (thinks for a moment) Do you think maybe it had something to do with the shattered ornaments at the pizza parlor? Carlos: (trying to stay calm) We're talking about something that happened a few months ago, not 5 days ago. (perks his ears up) I tried telling him the day before that Guido Anchovy would not enjoy a banana cream pie in the face, but he would have none of it. He was INTENT on spoiling it for them. Guard #3: (raises an eyebrow) In other words, he doesn't really care much for Christmas? Carlos: (nods) And he dismantled a house that overdid it on the lights, too. He keeps saying that all the music and the festivities bother him. He doesn't mind the other times of the year, but this part of December really annoys him. Anyway, considering the fact that Quarter and his goons are coming down to the final straw...(pauses)...Curtis will be waging his final battle against the A.L.D. very soon. (Everyone looks at Carlos) Carlos: (voice is low)....and those that get in his way won't be living much longer. (Meanwhile, out in the snowstorm, Aldonza is struggling to stay aloft. Trying to keep afloat up near the clouds using only her tail, she serves as a recon scout....and a nifty traffic reporter.) Aldonza: (speaking into a microphone) No traffic as far as the eye can see, Princess. Everyone's indoors. (creates air resistance and manages to keep from being blown away) Vi: (over a small speaker) You SURE? Aldonza: (laughs) Vi, people would have to be galactic idiots to be outside on a day like this! Vi: (giggles) Now, what does that say about YOU? Aldonza: (sighs) Vi, just because I'm flying near a cloud in heavy winds, being doused with snow, and offering traffic commentary...that does NOT make me a galactic idiot! Vi: Sure it does. Be honest with me. What are you REALLY out there for? Aldonza: I intercepted that report regarding the theft of those pellet rods. When I heard about it, I decided to fly up here and do some searching of my own. (A series of gray dots and a few blinking lights from down on the surface attract her attention) Aldonza: (growls) Hold it, Vi. I'll talk to you later. I've got to be as quiet as possible so that no one sees me. (shuts off the radio and microphone) (Aldonza floats up to a point where she can see the site, but can't be seen herself. Pulling out a pair of binoculars, she gets a good grip on them and peers through the lens) Aldonza: (looks down at the gray dots) (And then, suddenly and without warning, it hits her like a sledgehammer) Aldonza: (gasps) <....No! They can't be! And yet....> (adjusts the lenses on her binoculars and looks closer) (Aldonza suddenly races off in the other direction, and doesn't stop until she's midway over the city) Aldonza: (barks into her radio frantically) Curtis, Princess, Big Al, listen up! I've got news for you, and the news isn't good! (About 3 minutes later, the 4 Rad-Cats are racing across a snow-covered field towards the general direction of the silo construction site) Runner: (a small vapor cloud forms as he speaks) I can see why Curtis wanted us to deal with this as soon as possible! Teasy: (yowls) After that rousing report from Aldonza? I'm certainly surprised he's sending US to deal with it instead of going himself! Daniel: (already well-ahead of all 3) I'm just glad you got those new jackets! It's COLD! Voice: HALT!! (On that command, the 4 cats suddenly put on the brakes and stand together) Chico: (snaps, and holds up his needle launcher) Alright, who's---- (The ground suddenly opens up beneath them) Chico: (uncertain) ----there? (The four Rad-Cats suddenly drop into a pit. Being cats, they still manage to land safely) Teasy: (angrily) Perfect timing, gang. Just PERFECT timing. Reminds me of the time Mom almost overcooked our meat patties. Runner: (sarcastically) What reminded you of that? The fact that we're STRANDED down here? (Everyone examines the pit. The floor of the pit is metallic, as are the walls. There are a series of small metallic rungs lining one side) Teasy: Well, we won't be stranded here for long! (begins scaling the rungs) (Teasy nearly reaches the 3-foot warning when something slams into him, causing him to fall 27 feet back down to the ground. THIS time, he doesn't land safely, and it takes a few minutes for him to get back up) Voice: You're NOT going to interfere with us, this time! Chico: (hisses) Back to building nukes, Quarter? Quarter: (peers down into the pit) Sad to say that you ARE correct. First the Mansion was destroyed....(chuckles)....and then, eventually, Little Tokyo. You've left us with our last option, and there's nothing that YOU ugly slobs are going to do about it. Teasy: (yowls) YOU COME DOWN HERE AND SAY THAT, YOU CRIMEAHOLIC! Quarter: (shakes his head) I would, except for the fact that there are infrared lasers blocking your path out of here. (rises up) Now, I must go. Bye bye, fuzzface. (walks away) Daniel: (slides down a wall into a sitting position) Wonderful. Just wonderful. Teasy: (nods) Yeah, my sentiments exactly. C'mon. I'll get out the K-rations while we think of a way out of this miserable mess. (pauses) A pair of shoelaces walk into a bar--- Chico, Daniel, and Runner: (in unison) This is no time for jokes, Teasy. Teasy: (throws up his arms in defense) Okay, okay! (begins digging into his jacket for the rations) (Cut back to the pizza parlor some time later. Francine is hanging a "closed" sign on a latch above the window) Francine: (hangs up the sign) There. Since we have no power, we can't make any pizza, and we can't make any money, either. So, we might as well close the shop. Speedy: (trying to be optimistic) On the plus side, we won't have a large electricity bill. Guido: (looks outside) And it's getting dark out here. What'll we do for light? (Curtis walks in the door and shuts it behind him) Curtis: (waves half-heartedly) Hi, guys. Voice: Aaachoo! (Polly walks through the kitchen door into the serving area, a box of tissues under one arm. She is also wearing a pink sweater and jeans, but she is still shivering slightly) Curtis: (stares at the ground) Sorry, Polly. (looks around) You guys have candles? Polly: (sounding sick) They'rb somewhere around. You willb just hab to loog for them. (walks back into the kitchen and pulls out a newspaper, then begins reading it) Curtis: (inhales deeply, then exhales) I know where they are. (Curtis walks behind the counter and scrounges around under it, then pulls out a small box of 12 candles. He seperates the candles and spreads them around: 7 on the counter, 2 on the tables, and the other 3 in the windows. Raising a claw, he shoots tiny beams of energy that ignite on the wicks of the candles, lighting them and providing a dim glow to the serving area) Curtis: (sighs) There. That's better. Speedy: Are you sure that wasn't bacteria you were inhaling? Curtis: (looks at him) There's no such thing as bacteria-scented candles. And besides, I happen to LIKE raspberry-scented candles. (glances at Polly) What's wrong with her? Speedy: (sarcastically) You found out already? It probably had something to do with the Antarctic shower you gave her this morning, don't you think? Curtis: (nods) Like I said, sorry. GB: We really didn't notice anything until about an hour after she got out. She said that she "trieb cobing with it the bist she could, but the allurges caught ub with her evenjually." Guido: (bored) Nice way of imitating her speech, GB. (A spinning black form flips into the parlor: Ambush Cat. The Black Maine Coon lands on the counter, barely missing the candles, and dives into a chair) Curtis: You know, I'm kinda worried. I told the Rad-Cats to investigate the happenings the minute after I got Aldonza's call, but I haven't heard any word of them since. Speedy: They probably ran into trouble. Curtis: (now it's HIS turn to be sarcastic) Yeah, and Spiderman hates Doctor Doom. I'm going. What are you guys going to do? Francine: I know what they can do. Wait here. (Francine leaves the room momentarily, and returns with the ever-famous box labeled "Monopoly") Francine: You boys can play this while I open up the cans of pre-heated corn. GB: (takes out the iron game piece) As long as it's not creamed corn. (sets the board up on a table) (Uncharacteristically, Ambush Cat strolls over and takes out the cavalryman game piece) Ambush Cat: To quote Speedy, "time to call the cavalry"! (Speedy and Guido take out their own game pieces) Speedy: (to Francine) You like us to play any game with money, don't you? As that why you got this old relic out from your closet? Francine: (huffy) It's NOT an old relic. I've only had it since 1991. Guido: (laughs) I'm surprised all the money is still here. Everyone, meet Francine Manx, the poor little rich girl. Francine: (gasps and yells at him) HEY! (All the males start laughing) Curtis: (looks around after his hysterics die off) Bye guys. I'm going to take a look around and see what I can turn up. (looks around) And don't wait up. Polly: (from the kitchen, wheezes) Ha, ha. (Curtis walks outside, closing the door behind him. Already, there are 5 inches of snow on the ground. The snow has stopped falling, but he knows that more snow is on the way. He signals for his "car", and soon enough, the red-haired cat pulls up once again with the cycle-sidecar duo. The cat gestures towards the sidecar as Francine looks on) Curtis: (shakes his head and grins) I don't think so. You can only fool a Wildcat with that trick twice. This time, YOU get in the sidecar. (The cat nods and climbs off the cycle. He leaps into the sidecar while Curtis vaults onto the cycle's seat) Curtis: Ok. You ready? (There was no doubt that the cat was ready. The sidecar unexpectedly detaches from the cycle, and the cat rides away in it, smiling and waving all the way. Curtis places his head between his arms on the handlebars, staring at him, as Francine starts laughing) Curtis: (sadly) This is the only way to travel. ------------------------------------------------------------- To be continued in #8: Unlikely Allies Someone....or SOMETHING....rescues the Rad-Cats from that pit. Question is, WHO or WHAT decided to do that? And what else do Quarter and Co. have in mind for the Pizza Cats? Tune in next time..... G.A. Wildcat