Topic: Misc.
I bumped into an old friend on Friday last week, someone I knew before I started playing poker. I shall call him ‘the consultant’. Like most of my pre-poker friends, I’ve not kept in touch with him properly, so we had a lot of catching up to do. I was surprised to learn that he’d got engaged. He’s always had a pathological need to chase women so it was a shock. In this regard he’s the opposite of me. I’ve never been one of those men who’s in love with the thrill of the chase. I hate small talk. I'm far too lazy for it.
As I’m not getting any younger, I took the opportunity to learn about how he’d got together with his fiancé when we all went out for a meal. Listening to her side of the story was illuminating. Actually, it was hilarious. Everything she said a man should do was the total opposite of what he’d done.
"We went out twice. After the second date, he dumped me because I wouldn’t sleep with him."
This was a slight shock. The old consultant wouldn’t have waited until day two. He had clearly mellowed a bit.
"Then I thought that we’d got on rather well. So I texted him back."
Hmm.
"And he texted me back at work, telling me what he had wanted to do to me".
I asked whether this was a good idea.
"Not usually, no. But [grinning]…. Anyway, we got back together and soon after that he cheated on me with my worst enemy – a girl I can’t stand. She’s now stalking us. I know he thinks that he’s treating me mean to keep me keen, but that doesn’t work. Really".
And so on, and so on, with her explaining at every twist and turn that this was how not to treat a woman. It was touching that she really believed what she was saying. It really didn’t occur to her that her estimate of his worth as a partner was enhanced by the fact that she had evidence that he was desirable to other women and that this made her more competitive.
I’d love to be able to learn from him, but it’s just not in me. Those of you who fear that I may one day reproduce can draw comfort from the fact that I don’t have what it takes to behave the way the consultant does. In the few relationships I’ve had, I've stayed considerate and faithful. After a few weeks or months, they can’t take it any more and it’s over. Without evidence that I’m desirable to other women, their estimate of my worth falls to the point where it’s not worth bothering any more.
It's my fault of course. I don't care enough.
