What I have learned

My first memory of being female is very vivid, even now. I was 5 years old, on a beautiful summer day. I lived in the country and they were baling hay in the fields. I had on a little purple sundress and remember wondering if I was pretty. Don't know where it came from, but that first memory of walking the road of femininity began right there.

It hasn't been easy, but it has had it's moments, this thing called womanhood. I've learned the hard way how valuable love is. How truly important expressing it is, and how to recognize the difference between real love and dependence.

I've learned that being "pretty" or considered "pretty" isn't even close to being everything, and if you allow that to be your focus, the hills you encounter will be a heck of alot harder to climb. Who you are is in your heart, your compassion, your ability to sympathize, empathize whenever possible, but most of all to forgive. Never forget to forgive YOURSELF first!

As I've traveled along in my life, I've had many adventures, surprises, disappointments and triumphs. As they said in the movie Steel Magnolia's "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Well, I can truly say I am living proof of that idiom.

I currently work with developmentally disabled adults. I have learned more about diversity, tolerance, unconditional love, acceptance, and compassion, from these people. There are those who cannot do so many things that we take for granted (how would you feel if you couldn't scratch your nose right now?) to those who look forward to each outing like I am their personal angel. Each one of them adds substance and happiness to my days.

The most wonderful things that have happened to me are my own children. Three great boys. All smart, focused and traveling a better road than I chose to trod. I am so very proud of each one of them for all that they are and all that I know they will be.

The most difficult thing for me (so far) has been the loss of my first, true love. He passed away in March of 2001. Although we hadn't been together for a long time, it hurt as much as if we had never been apart. This year, we lost a sweet girl who had stolen my heart and with each loss I realize how precious our moments are...all the better to take action NOW if you are reading this and in a bad situation! We don't get many do overs in this life!!!! Thank you Julie H. for all of your wisdom along the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many years ago I thought the worst thing ever was being abused. I was the victim of physical abuse, and because of the circumstances, I felt, (get this) that I deserved it! My how we can rationalize things in life. I've grown so much since then, and my self-esteem has risen tremendously. Even if you aren't much of a reader, there is a very good book that will help you reclaim your self esteem. "Maximum Self Esteem" by Jerry Minchinton. It's amazing how we allow others to influence our moods, our attitudes and most importantly our self image.

You would be amazed at what you can accomplish in your life once you let go of all that pain! I don't think I've been called for great things in my life, however, if I can stop you from living one more day in a no-win situation, then I can be at peace, knowing that one less woman lives in fear of the dawn.

Why, I wouldn't have this wonderful opportunity to sit and type these pages had I kept on living that lie. Please stay, and visit my "Are you a victim" page to ask yourself some honest questions about your life.

I was made different from everyone else, so I could live MY life, not someone else's IDEA of my life. Some of the most important lessons for me have been...

True friends are ones that will LOVE you regardless of what you do right or wrong, and will forgive you (even if it takes longer than you feel is necessary).

No one can replace me, but life will go on after I'm gone (in other words don't take yourself too seriously, but never feel that your presence is less important than anyone else's is).

Refuse to give away your own power. Use it wisely as you influence others. Keep in mind that when you leave this earth, you leave it alone, regardless of how many other people die at the same instant you do. Whatever you believe about the afterlife is yours and yours alone. Do not let anyone influence you to believe something that isn't true to your heart.

Do not stay in a dead end relationship out of obligation or boredom. You are only being deceitful to yourself and hurting the other party, they deserve (as do you) to be loved completely. If it doesn't feel natural, create a sense of peace in your heart and soul, it will never change on it's own.

True love will hold the following ingredients: Patience, Kindness, No Jealousy or Envy, No Record of Wrongs Kept, No Slander or Intentional Causing of Pain. You will only wish the best and brightest for the people you truly love.

Gossip will tear holes in your soul, and lies will kill it. Your soul is real no matter what you believe. Close your eyes, and your soul is where you are when you go inside of yourself away from others, connect with it often. Remember that and you will no longer be afraid to be in your own skin. It will also remind you that no matter what anyone else looks like, their souls are the same "color" as yours.


	Pam's Enchanted Garden \| home What I have learned Well, where do I begin... My first memory of being female is very vivid, even now. I was 5 years old, on a beautiful summer day. I lived in the country and they were baling hay in the fields. I had on a little purple sundress and remember wondering if I was pretty. Don't know where it came from, but that first memory of walking the road of femininity began right there. It hasn't been easy, but it has had it's moments, this thing called womanhood. I've learned the hard way how valuable love is. How truly important expressing it is, and how to recognize the difference between real love and dependence. I've learned that being "pretty" or considered "pretty" isn't even close to being everything, and if you allow that to be your focus, the hills you encounter will be a heck of alot harder to climb. Who you are is in your heart, your compassion, your ability to sympathize, empathize whenever possible, but most of all to forgive. Never forget to forgive YOURSELF first! As I've traveled along in my life, I've had many adventures, surprises, disappointments and triumphs. As they said in the movie Steel Magnolia's "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Well, I can truly say I am living proof of that idiom. I currently work with developmentally disabled adults. I have learned more about diversity, tolerance, unconditional love, acceptance, and compassion, from these people. There are those who cannot do so many things that we take for granted (how would you feel if you couldn't scratch your nose right now?) to those who look forward to each outing like I am their personal angel. Each one of them adds substance and happiness to my days. The most wonderful things that have happened to me are my own children. Three great boys. All smart, focused and traveling a better road than I chose to trod. I am so very proud of each one of them for all that they are and all that I know they will be. The most difficult thing for me (so far) has been the loss of my first, true love. He passed away in March of 2001. Although we hadn't been together for a long time, it hurt as much as if we had never been apart. This year, we lost a sweet girl who had stolen my heart and with each loss I realize how precious our moments are...all the better to take action NOW if you are reading this and in a bad situation! We don't get many do overs in this life!!!! Thank you Julie H. for all of your wisdom along the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Click on a heart for dedications to the ones we've lost...too soon Steve Rehmer - I love you still... Lynn Plummer... a sweet, lovely young woman Clint Hurd, my counsin Cheryl's son Many years ago I thought the worst thing ever was being abused. I was the victim of physical abuse, and because of the circumstances, I felt, (get this) that I deserved it! My how we can rationalize things in life. I've grown so much since then, and my self-esteem has risen tremendously. Even if you aren't much of a reader, there is a very good book that will help you reclaim your self esteem. "Maximum Self Esteem" by Jerry Minchinton. It's amazing how we allow others to influence our moods, our attitudes and most importantly our self image. If you , sitting there at this computer, are a victim, I beg you, STOP rationalizing, it won't go away. CALL THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) You would be amazed at what you can accomplish in your life once you let go of all that pain! I don't think I've been called for great things in my life, however, if I can stop you from living one more day in a no-win situation, then I can be at peace, knowing that one less woman lives in fear of the dawn. Why, I wouldn't have this wonderful opportunity to sit and type these pages had I kept on living that lie. Please stay, and visit my "Are you a victim" page to ask yourself some honest questions about your life. Below are some of the valuable lessons I've learned along the way... Lessons These are the things I've learned from my experiences: I was made different from everyone else, so I could live MY life, not someone else's IDEA of my life. Some of the most important lessons for me have been... Trust your heart, your mind can find all kinds of reasons to doubt, but your heart tells the truth. NEVER lie to yourself and you will find it hard to lie to others. Be kind, yet firm about what you believe. Follow YOUR dreams, not someone else's dreams for you. Love greatly and well, remembering that NO other person can ever belong to you, not even your children. True friends are ones that will LOVE you regardless of what you do right or wrong, and will forgive you (even if it takes longer than you feel is necessary). No one can replace me, but life will go on after I'm gone (in other words don't take yourself too seriously, but never feel that your presence is less important than anyone else's is). Refuse to give away your own power. Use it wisely as you influence others. Keep in mind that when you leave this earth, you leave it alone, regardless of how many other people die at the same instant you do. Whatever you believe about the afterlife is yours and yours alone. Do not let anyone influence you to believe something that isn't true to your heart. God knows your heart, and will speak to it alone, without human voice, Listen carefully. Do not stay in a dead end relationship out of obligation or boredom. You are only being deceitful to yourself and hurting the other party, they deserve (as do you) to be loved completely. If it doesn't feel natural, create a sense of peace in your heart and soul, it will never change on it's own. True love will hold the following ingredients: Patience, Kindness, No Jealousy or Envy, No Record of Wrongs Kept, No Slander or Intentional Causing of Pain. You will only wish the best and brightest for the people you truly love. Gossip will tear holes in your soul, and lies will kill it. Your soul is real no matter what you believe. Close your eyes, and your soul is where you are when you go inside of yourself away from others, connect with it often. Remember that and you will no longer be afraid to be in your own skin. It will also remind you that no matter what anyone else looks like, their souls are the same "color" as yours. Til we meet in a happier place... Pam Disclaimer