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Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

STAGES OF UNDERSTANDING: SHOCK

An initial state of shock can be anticipated if you suspect that your parents have no idea what you're about to share. It may last anywhere from ten minutes to a week - usually it wears off in a few days. Shock is a natural reaction that we all experience (and need for a while) to avoid acute distress and unpleasantness.

Explain that you haven't been able to be completely honest with them and you don't like the distance that has occurred over the years. Affirm your love for them. Say it more than once. Although they may not initially respond positively to your profession of love, it will penetrate in the hours when they are alone and thinking about it. Remind them that you are the same person today that you were yesterday. "You loved me yesterday - before I told; I haven't changed since then. I'm the same person today that I was yesterday."

Occasionally, a parent will experience no shock at all: "I always knew you were different; I considered this as a possibility. It's O.K. I love you. You'll have to help me understand and accept the reality." Sometimes they say, "We've known for a long time because of a letter you left on the table last summer. We've been waiting for you to tell us." In these instances, your task will be considerably easier, as they've already worked through some of the stages on their own.

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