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Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

I FEEL SO ALONE. WHO CAN I TALK TO?

THE SHORT ANSWER: If you feel alone, you don't need to be. There are people out there who can help.

Unless their parents have been constructively open with them about sex, most teenagers can feel guilty and ashamed of any sexual feelings and experiences, straight or gay. Some adults have a hard time with their own sexual feelings and with discussing sexuality in an open way - so it's not surprising that teenagers do too.

On top of that, it's sometimes not easy to admit that you are gay or lesbian. The prejudice that exists in our society can make you want to hide the way you feel, even from yourself - and that can make you feel isolated and all alone.

The best thing you can do is find someone to talk to that you can trust.

"My school is liberal and it was still tough coming out. Come out where you feel safe."

Maybe that's someone you already know - a friend, parent, brother or sister - or a friend's parent, older brother or sister. Maybe it's an adult to whom you confided in the past, whom you know you can trust again.

Right now, until you're comfortable and happy with yourself, be cautious talking with anyone who you think might judge you or anyone who might be anti-gay or lesbian. You could possibly check out people's reactions by bringing up the subject of homosexuality in general. Ask questions like: "I saw a TV show about being gay. Do you know any gay people?" or "Some kids in school were making fun of a kid they think is gay. Don't you think that's wrong?" or "I heard about a kid who is gay and whose parents threw her [or him] out of the house. Why would they do that?" When you ask questions like this, however, you have to realize that people's reactions aren't personal comments about you. They don't know the real intent of your questions and people can often be much more supportive when it is about a friend or family member, than when they are just giving an opinion in general. They might have negative comments about gay people in this situation but respond very differently about you being gay or lesbian.

If you don't know anyone with whom you're comfortable talking, who will be supportive and understanding, start by calling one of the following hotline numbers or organizations. You can talk to a teenager or adult. You don't have to give your name and they won't try to talk you into or out of anything. They are there to listen, offer suggestions and supply information - and it's all confidential.

If you don't feel ready to talk with someone on the phone, you can get a gay or lesbian pen pal, participate in one of the computer bulletin boards/chat rooms, or check out some of the hundreds of websites dedicated to gay/lesbian/bisexual/queer/transgendered and youth issues on the Internet. These sites also offer discussion groups and chat rooms. Be cautious - not all of them are sexual but some are, and being gay, lesbian or straight is about much more than sex.

If you don't want to talk to someone face-to-face, computer bulletin boards can help you find a local group or person to call. Remember to use good judgment when making any contacts.

Whatever you choose, talking really helps - and you'll learn you're really not alone.

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