This site best viewed at a resolution of  800 X 600  using MS Internet Explorer (download now)

Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

I THINK I MIGHT BE GAY
But What If I Don't Know For Sure

THE SHORT ANSWER: You'll know when you know. It could take a while and there's no need to rush.

Some gay people say that from the time they were very young - even just five or six - they "felt different". They didn't share the opposite gender grade-school crushes which their friends talked about, they had crushes on friends of their own sex - and no one seemed to be talking about that.

Often, they say, it took a while to put a name to their feelings - to begin to think of themselves as gay, lesbian or bisexual - but when they started thinking in those words, it made sense - it fit with the feelings they'd had growing up.

Many other people, though, don't begin to figure out their sexual orientation until they are teenagers or even adults, because in the past there has been very little out there which positively reflected being gay, lesbian or bisexual.

At some point, almost everyone gets a "crush" on someone, like a great teacher or a friend's older sister or brother. You want to be around them all the time and be just like them. Your admire how they carry themselves and interact with other people or the way they look. Almost everybody's "best friend" is of the same sex. This doesn't mean you are gay, lesbian or bisexual as other feelings are involved than just these.

Sexual orientation is about the emotions inside, not about the actions done. One or two sexual experiences with someone of the same sex may not mean you're gay, either - just as one or two sexual experiences with someone of the opposite sex may not mean you're straight. Many gay people have some sexual experiences with the opposite gender. There is a lot of social pressure to date and even to be sexual with the opposite sex. It is often viewed as a "natural part of growing up". Many straight people have had some sexual experience with their own gender, often out of curiosity.

It's important to know too, even if they have never been sexually active, people can still know if they are gay or straight. Your feelings and your emotional physical attractions will help tell you who you are.

Our sexuality develops over time. Don't worry if you aren't sure. The teen years are a time of figuring out what works for you and crushes and experimentation are often part of that. Over time, you'll find that you're drawn mostly to men or to women - or to both - and you'll know then. You don't have to figure it out today.

If you think you're gay, lesbian or bisexual, don't be afraid of it and don't hide your feelings from yourself. All that does is keep you from figuring out your sexual identity - from figuring yourself out. However, you might want to keep this to yourself until you're sure and comfortable with who you are. This is not suggest being gay, lesbian or bisexual is something to be ashamed of and to hide (it isn't) but our society doesn't really understand homosexuality and, right now, you probably don't need the hassle of dealing with any negative stuff that telling might bring.

Previous	Next
[Before Coming Out to your Parents] [Be Yourself] [Our Daughters and Sons] [About Our Children] [Definitions Used]

Where would you like to go?
A new window will open

[ PFLAG Canada ] [ PFLAG USA ] [ NRPride ]