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Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays

I Thought Gay or Lesbian People Act Certain Ways. If I Don't Fit a Stereotype,
AM I STILL GAY OR LESBIAN?

THE SHORT ANSWER: Ignore the stereotypes. Some people fit them, some don't. Be yourself.

Gay and lesbian people, like straight people, act all kinds of ways. Stereotypes arise out of ignorance and prejudice. Sometimes a stereotype about a group doesn't fit anyone in that group. Sometimes it fits a few people, sometimes more but a stereotype never fits everyone in any group.

For example, you might hear that gay men are "effeminate". Well, for just a few examples that show how ridiculous and untrue that statement is - what about Mark Tewkesbury or Greg Louganis, the Olympic gold medallist diver. These men are gay - along with many other famous athletes.

You'll probably hear about transvestites and transsexuals. Transvestites by definition are heterosexual males who like to dress like members of the opposite sex for purposes of sexual arousal. Transsexuals are people who have the lifelong experience of being the opposite gender to their genetic gender. This is corrected through surgery. Being gay doesn't make you a transvestite or a transsexual and being a transvestite or transsexual doesn't make you gay.

The gay, lesbian and bisexual "community" is a diverse group made up of people from all walks of life with all types of beliefs and attitudes and ways of being. Some people fit the stereotype of the effeminate male or "butchy" woman, most don't. Some gay men accentuate their masculine characteristics because it is the "maleness" of other men they find attractive and it is masculine men they wish to attract.

Some lesbians accentuate their femininity through wearing makeup and feminine clothes because this is what they are most comfortable with. Others consciously reject what they see as socially accepted ideas of what it is to be "a woman" and dress in what is comfortable and easy to manage. Some gay men and lesbians will wear clothes that clearly identify them as gay or lesbian (at least to other gay men and lesbians), others blend in with everyone else. Remember - you don't need to prove anything to anybody. Just be yourself. It takes time to know what works for you.

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