IS MY CHILD DIFFERENT NOW?
We think we know and understand our children from the day of their birth. We
are convinced that we know what's going on inside their heads.
So when a child comes home with as major a revelation as, "I'm gay or I'm lesbian" -
and we hadn't a clue or we knew but denied it - the reaction is shock and disorientation. Shock
that our child is not as we'd expected and disorientation that we didn't know.
From the moment a child is born, you have a dream, a vision of what this child will be,
should be, can be. It is a dream that is born of your own history, of what you wanted for
yourself growing up and, especially, of the culture around you. Despite the fact that a
significant portion of the population is gay, Canadian society still prepares us only with
heterosexual dreams for our children.
The shock and disorientation you feel is a natural part of a type of grieving process. You
have lost something, your dream for this child. You have also lost the illusion that you can
read your child's mind.
Of course, when you stop to think about it, this is true for all children, straight or gay.
They are always surprising us. They don't marry who we might pick for them, they don't take the
job we would have chosen, and they don't live where we'd like them to live. In our society,
though, we are better prepared to deal with those circumstances than with our child's
non-traditional sexual orientation.
Keep reminding yourself that your child has not changed. Your child is the same as he or she
was before you learned this about him or her. They are your dreams, your
expectations and your visions that may have to change if you're to really know and
understand your child.
| Previous | Next |
|
[Before Coming Out to your Parents]
[Be Yourself]
[Our Daughters and Sons]
[About Our Children] |
|
Where would you like to go?
A new window will open
[ PFLAG Canada ] [ PFLAG USA ] [ GLBNBA ] [ Building Bridges ]
Make sure you
for easy come back...
We hope to see you again...
Last updated: 01/13/2001
© 1998-2001
PFLAG, North Bay, Ontario, Canada, parent, parents, mother, mothers,
mom, mommy, father, fathers, dad, daddy, gay, gays, lesbian, lesbians, bi, bisexuals,
transgender, transgenders, transgendered, transexual, transexuals, cross-dresser, crossdresser,
cross-dressers, crossdressers, infant, child, children, student, students, teacher, teachers,
school, schools, high school, high schools, violence, bully, bullying, harassment, sex, sexual,
sexual harassment, suicide, teen suicide, youth suicide, depression, tolerance, acceptance,
coming out, self-acceptance, son, sons, daughter, daughters, grand-parent, grand-parents, aunt,
aunts, uncle, uncles, cousin, cousins, friend, friends, understanding, homophobia, homophobes,
family, families, northern, northern Ontario, canadore, nipissing, nipissing university,
university, college, group, support group, rainbow, flag, stonewall, red, orange, yellow,
green, blue, purple, rainbow flag, mission, links, resource, resources, contact, glbnba, gfnba,
area, Take Pride, Take Pride!, community, equal, same, equality, rights, respect, freedom,
individual, dignity, safety, natural, choice, tolerate, accept, protection, bashing,
discrimination, society, affirm, prejudice, unequal, gender, lifestyle, adults, adult,
lifestyle, ignorance, color, colour, brother, brothers, sister, sisters, celebration, pride,
parade, people, person, persons, better, humankind, world, harmony, unity, newsletter,
OUTspoken, outspoken, vianet, tripod, AIDS, ACNBA, AIDS Committee of North Bay and Area, gay
fathers, gays lesbians and bisexuals of North Bay and area