WHY DID HE OR SHE HAVE TO TELL US?
Some parents feel they would have been happier not knowing. They start to
recall the time before they knew as problem-free; forgetting the inexplicable and disturbing
distance they often felt from their child during that time.
"Our
first response was to tell him we loved him and that
nothing had changed. But in fact everything had changed.
Suddenly he was a stranger."
Sometimes we try to deny what is happening. Sometimes we reject what we are hearing
("It's just a phase; you'll get over it"). Sometimes we shut down ("If you choose that
lifestyle, I don't want to hear about it"). Sometimes we do not register the impact of what
we are being told ("That's nice dear, and what do you want for dinner?"). These are all
natural reactions.
However, if you did not know about your child's sexuality, you would never really know your
child. A large part of his or her life would be kept secret from you and you would never really
know the whole person.
It is important to accept and understand your child's sexuality because homosexuality is not
a phase. While people may experiment for some time with their sexuality, someone who has reached
the point of telling a parent that he or she is gay or lesbian is not usually a person who is
going through a phase. Generally, he or she has given long and hard thought to understanding and
acknowledging his or her sexual orientation.
So if you are wondering, "Is she sure?", the answer is almost always certainly
yes. Telling a parent that you think you are gay or lesbian involves overcoming too many negative stereotypes and taking too much risk for anyone to take that step lightly or prematurely.
The fact that your son or daughter told you is a sign of his or her love and need for your
support and understanding. It took a lot of courage. It shows a very strong desire for an open,
honest relationship with you; a relationship in which you can love your child for who he or she
is rather than for who you want him or her to be.
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