WHY AM I UNCOMFORTABLE
WITH HIS OR HER SEXUALITY?
The ambivalence you may feel is a product of our culture. Homophobia is too
pervasive in our society to be banished easily from our consciousness. As long as homophobia
exists in our society, any homosexual and any parent of a gay, lesbian or bisexual child has
some very real and legitimate fears and concerns.
Many parents confront another source of guilt. Parents who believe they have put sexual
prejudice behind them, even those who have gay friends, are sometimes stunned to recognize that
they are uncomfortable when it is their child who is gay. These parents not only have to
grapple with deep-rooted fears of homosexuality but also have the added burden of thinking they
shouldn't feel the way they do.
For many in this homophobic society, even the term 'sexual orientation' can be confusing.
When hearing the term, many people immediately think of the 'sex act' and not the true meaning
of the term. It helps to change that phrase in your mind to 'affectional orientation' or 'gender
affectional orientation'. This is not about sex alone. This is about the gender of the person
your child has the ability to find romantically attractive or fall in love with - and to what
degree. Romantic attraction or love is so much more than just sex. Love and attraction have
spiritual and intellectual aspects as well as common interests. There are so many intangibles
as to why a person is romantically attracted to another person. It is very seldom just sexual.
Being gay isn't just about your child's sex life - it is about his or her feelings.
It also helps to concentrate on real concerns. What does your child need most from you now?
Try not to focus on the guilt. It's baseless and it accomplishes nothing for yourself or for
your child.
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